Dear Diary,

   Christmas is over. The first I spent alone after our seven years together. I still can't believe it, but as days pass, I know I will have to accept things. It still hurts so much. I can't even say his name. A knife cuts through my skin even when I hear his word. But thinking of him worsens the pain. What happened to our seven years together?

   He didn't tell me he wasn't happy anymore. I didn't feel it. Did he not show it, or did I ignore it? I tried asking him when and why, even how. But he only has one reply, "it's not you, it's me." It just sucks because it seemed like everybody knew, but I was the last to realize. 

   I didn't get any sign. My friends say I trusted him so much, which is why I was so blind. How I wished I was blind for me not to see him happy with his "someone" now. Seeing them together, doing the same things we did before, chokes me to the core. His touch was like arrows painfully piercing my heart when he gazed at her. 

   So I begged God in prayers, "Please grant me just this one wish, a stronger, braver, and willing heart to live again."  

   Give me a stronger heart to make me move on despite the pains and the heartaches. 

   A heart will make me feel my worth as my person and not as somebody else's. 

   A heart that will be patient to witness the time when I can hear or say his name, feeling no pain. 

   Give me a braver heart to make me believe that someday there will be someone.

   A heart that will not tire of waiting for the right time.

   A heart not afraid to love again when a new one comes. 

   Give me a willing heart to make me trust again.

   A heart that will live again after dying,

   And a heart that will be smarter and happier.

 SOMEDAY 

by: Nina

"Right now, I know you can't tell
I'm down, and I'm not doing well
But one day these tears, they will all run dry
I won't have to cry sweet goodbye.

'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day, I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday."

https://youtu.be/8bKu0VbDbGI

   Grant me the gift of acceptance- to accept the reality that it is over. With no explanations, just like that, the man I love already moved on and is now with someone else. I wish that, just like him, I will have my "someone" who will be there for me, to wipe my tears and love me the way I deserve to be loved. As the song says, "someday, someone's gonna be there"-- for me.