Dear Diary,

I know, it's been a while since I wrote. Have you been well?

You must be wondering why I'm writing in a new notebook instead of the last one, which is half filled. Well, Mum caught hold of my diary while unpacking, and well, in typical mum fashion, she read it. I wasn't mad about it, because she knows all of it. I just like to write because it helps me fall asleep.

She gave me some unsolicited advice, but now looking back, it wasn't that unsolicited. I kind of agree with what she said. She asked me while having dinner what I wrote in it. I assumed she did not read and respected my privacy, so I told her. I told her that sometimes I can't fall asleep, so I write down my thoughts to calm myself down, and when I had no more thoughts left, I wrote about my day. It became a habit, and I stuck with it. I liked reading back at what I wrote since it is a collection of my memories.

Her frown deepened, and she told me all my writings sound sad. I didn't know how to respond, since I'm not sad all the time, but sure, I had been pretty gloomy about the whole moving thing. She even asked me if I read back my diary entries, and I said yes.

Mum told me that I should only write about my happy days and happy memories, because sadness, once captured in something and visited again and again, hurts us. That time I had stormed off from the dinner table, my dinner unfinished and locked myself up in my room. I didn't talk to her the next day either. But, I realised that my diary was still with her, and I was too prideful to accept it.

She apologised for reading it without permission and returned it to me the next week, and I did too, but I for some reason could not make myself open it and write about my days anymore. Whenever I tried to, I could hear her advice, and it made my mind race with so many thoughts that sometimes my head hurt.

But I realised she was right. Re-reading my entries which gave off negative feelings like jealousy, sadness, anger, and frustration ruined my mood, even if it was happy. I guess she was right.

That is why I started a new notebook because from now on I'm only going to write about my happy memories and the things that give me joy and make me extremely happy.

-현재

Dear Diary,

It's been a month since we moved here. We picked up Dad from the airport today, and our family is finally together. He got me a large plushie from the airport because I was pestering him for it. We had lunch together at a local roadside tteokbokki restaurant because it's his favourite junk food. I've had tteokbokki at home before, but this one was so good, that I ate more than my usual portions.

We're going to look for high schools near our area for me tomorrow. I love mum, but I wish that dad would come with me. He never says no to me. I've started to converse more and more in Korean, but hints of my accent come up from time to time, and from the dramas I've seen, I need to improve them. I don't want to be bullied in school. That's the reason I'm writing in Korean too so that my writing speed and accuracy will also be taken care of.

I am really bored here. I can't do anything, nor go anywhere. I have no one to talk to, and my parents say we might stay here forever. I don't know how I'm gonna live.

-현재

Dear Diary,

I wish to slap myself. Look at me saying that I won't write anything sad and then proceed to do exactly that.

Never mind that, let me tell you something exciting. I made a friend!

Yes, me. I did. We came back from our high school search and I liked one of them. It's a bit far from our house, but I can take a bus there. I was hungry, and we had no junk left at home for me to munch on, so I told mum I was going to a nearby convenience store and pick up some snacks for myself.

Stupid me forgot Google maps did not work here and I couldn't find the store. I was going to return home, but I saw a girl watering some plants sitting outside what I supposed to be her doorstep. They were pretty flowers- it was still spring here, and I was happy about that- and I was tempted to click a picture or two of them. The girl was my age, and I decided to approach her. I did, and I complimented her on her flowers. My accent still sounded weird, and I couldn't help but cringe at it.

She thanked me and asked me if I was new in this neighbourhood. I told her I was, and she asked me why I was looking so anxious. Now, as any normal person would do, I should've told her the truth about being nervous and insecure about my accent, but then, a stupid part of me replied that I was looking for a convenience store and could not find it.

I felt guilty for lying, really. But she offered me help and even helped me find the store. She told me how to make a nice hot meal with ready-to-eat containers and all her favourite snacks. I thanked her in my broken accent, and she grinned at me.

She then said you're welcome in an accent (I think it was Russian, but I'm not so sure), and I swear my face would have been worth dying for. I knew most people preferred to communicate in Korean only, and even if they did in English, their accents were very strong. She then told me her name, Karina, and that she had also moved here a couple of years ago.

I nodded in understanding, and introduced myself to her, feeling a little stupid that I hadn't even told her my name and let her accompany me to the convenience store. I told her my English name, Isabel Moon instead of the Korean one since we were now talking in English.

We laughed and imitated each other's accents while munching on the snacks bought. When I asked her what high school she planned to go to, she told me it was the one I liked.

I made sure to tell dad during dinner that I had decided which school I wished to go to.

-현재

***

JUNGKOOK SLAMMED THE notebook shut. This wasn't what he was supposed to do. He should not. Truthfully, after Haeun had picked up her mother's diaries, Jungkook should have returned them to her. At least texted her about it. He knew he should've.

But that diary was not unknown to Jungkook. He had seen her write in it innumerable times, mostly when she was with him. Jugkook knew there were two of the many diaries she had, and he respected her privacy enough to not peek.

Well, at least when they were together. He felt guilty even opening the book, and still, he went ahead and read it. Sure, it was intriguing to know things from her point of view, but he knew what he was doing was wrong. And still, he couldn't stop after one entry. He read the next one, and the one after it.

And Karina. She was there in her diary entries.

Oh, Karina.

He remembered the words she said when they stopped at her apartment for lunch today. It was today.

Jungkook knew how much Karina meant to Hyunjae. He knew the former. He was friends with Karina too. He personally knew her, and suddenly he felt so sad about the fact that she was no more.

"Appa, look at my drawing!" Little Eun exclaimed as she showed Jungkook the drawing she had been colouring for the past half hour. Jungkook was sitting with her in his living room with a coffee for himself and Hyunjae's diary on his lap.

"Who did you draw, my Eun-ie?" Jungkook smiled at her as she flopped beside him on the couch, placing her drawing on Jungkook's lap.

"This is our family! Eomma, appa and Eun! Do you like it, appa?"

Jungkook smiled at the little girl, the drawing making him hard to breathe. "It's beautiful, baby. How can you draw so nicely?"

"Appa, what are we going to have for dinner?" his daughter asked, absentmindedly as she switched on the TV, "I'm hungry." Jungkook chuckled at his daughter who had the attention timespan of a goldfish.

"Actually baby," Jungkook said, putting on the nicest tone he could muster, "Do you wish to see Taehyung uncle?"

"Yes, appa! Let's go see ajhussi!"

Jungkook quickly whipped out his phone and shot a text.

Jungkook:
I need a favour hyung.
Can you babysit Eun for a while?

Taehyung Hyung:
sure thing, Jungkook.
will you bring her over?
where are you off to?

Jungkook:
Oh nothing serious, hyung.
I was just heading over to a date.

Taehyung Hyung:
liar.
bring her over quick, will you?
i'll cook dinner for her :)

Jungkook:
thank you so much hyung.

And with that, Jungkook was off to the apartment of the woman he used to love.

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author's note:

i could not stop myself from writing this. i was supposed to write for coffee, but...sigh. i love jungkook more.

before you come at me, yes jungkook is going to show some red flags because remember, they got divorced. it's only obvious he gotta have some. i love jungkook regardless.

jungkook and hyunjae are going to be stupid, stupid people, but oh well. it's gonna be a ride :)

Q: do y'all wish to have Bam in the story? i have no problem with either of the situations, but please do tell me!

ALSO: JUNGKOOK DRIVING WITH ONE HAND ON THE STEERING WHEEL IS MY NEW RELIGION. you literally have no clue how many times i've rewatched this [lmfao also matilda playing in the background like mans coming for my life]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqRtleyMzpk

until next time, x [not sure when the next time would be but whatever]