I want to feel good again.

I want to feel something other than pain and heartbreak. I go through life in a blur but everyone moment hurts more than the next.

No matter how good people think my life is I still feel this way. Empty and cold. No one understands. They assume that they're depressed because they were sad for two fucking seconds.

That's not how it works.

It hurts. I lock myself in my room. Hide in the dark. Avoid people. Sometimes if it gets so bad I don't take showers and my hair gets matted down.

I can't even get up. My body feels heavy. My legs ache. My body hurts. My eyes droop due to no sleep or I sleep too much.

I hate it so much. I can't take it.

Loneliness. Isolation.

Feeling alone and isolated makes everything worse. I could clearly be hurting inside and no one cares to pay me any attention. I hurt and no one cares. They assume I'm doing this for attention.

But when I'm truly alone and there's no one to care. The overwhelming feelings start to feel like I'm drowning. The water feeling my lungs as I choke and try to beg for help but nothing comes out. Eventually I die and then that's when someone notices the pain I went through.

But it's too late to help. They try to make a change for others but that can't bring me back. I have to sit and watch as people try to pick up the pieces of my life and see the real picture of what happened.