12/17/16
Dear Ocean,
You know those times,
When you're underwater,
All you can see,
Is the blue stretching out around you?

It's peaceful.
And everyone's words are hazy.
Everyone is hazy.
Everything is hazy.

Those are the times I never want to come up for air.
Sometimes I tell myself I won't.
I'll just stay under there.
Never wanting to see the sun again.

But through all the peace and quiet,
My thoughts cut through like an arrow blade.
They cut right through the veil of calm,
And tell me to surface again.

And though I may miss the water,
That clings to me in a hug,
I do not miss the tears that are-
The things that brought me here first.

And now I can see the bright sun above,
I can play with all the people.
It makes me shake with fear to think that-
One of them might drown.

But I'm above the surface now.
I just keep walking forward every day...

So-

Hello Ocean
It's your friend
Writing to you from afar
You let me refuge when I'm at my worst
Let me cry into your waters so my tears blend with those that have come before them
I'm your mermaid-girl
What you have made me
But I'm also what I have made me.
I am what they have made me-
My friends, my family.
What if I never broke the surface?
But I'm going to break the surface.
The bright rays won't be too much
I know I'll get burned.
I know I know,
But I have to stand the hurt.
Down here it's quiet
And I never have to speak
I never have to worry
If I don't get too close
I can see the light up above
But I want to see it face to face.
Not through a veil.

~

Alex ran up to Kata, putting her hands over her eyes. Kata laughed. "Alex, I know that's you."

Kata removed Alex's hands from her eyes and turned to face her- and oh god she was so close. Alex quickly looked down and stepped away from Kata who was still holding her hands.

Alex really liked their hands connected.

Kata dragged Alex over to sit on the stage as they waited for the school day to begin. Alex scooted closer to Kata, telling herself she was just trying to keep warm. The two sat in silence for a while until Alex finally spoke.

"So are you excited for winter break?" she asked. Kata sighed.

"Not really," Kata spoke sadly. "I mean no school is great, but I'm also going to have to spend two weeks away from you."

She's going to miss me?? Alex thought with excitement.

"Plus I won't have any escape from my mother. So that's gonna really suck." Alex frowned. Kata didn't deserve to have the awful home life that she did. She deserved to have the best home life. She deserved to be happy. Alex bit her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry Kata that really sucks," she finally said, voice quiet regretting the fact that she hadn't considered what Kata would be going through over break. Kata shrugged.

"Don't say sorry, you didn't do anything," she said. "Plus everyone's automatic response to 'I'm sorry' is 'it's okay' you know? But it's not okay. It's fucking shitty." Alex felt guilt crawling its way up her throat as she looked at her friend thoughtfully. Alex reached out and wrapped Kata in a big hug, unsure of what else to do. Kata smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Alex," she said softly, holding onto her friend. Alex was about to continue their conversation when she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Carson.

"Can I borrow you for a second?" he asked. Alex shrugged.

"Sure I guess." The two began walking to the cafeteria line where Carson got himself a muffin. "So?" Alex asked impatiently, wanting to get back to Kata. Carson turned to face her, seriousness written all over his face.

"Okay," he started, unwrapping his muffin. "I am a master detective because I have officially figured out that you have a huge crush on Kata." Alex turned bright red all the way up to the tips of her ears and opened her mouth in protest, but Carson cut her off. "Don't try to argue with me," Carson argued pointedly. "All the signs were there. I just had nothing to prove them but now I do." Alex just laughed. What could Carson possibly have to prove she had a crush on Kata? She couldn't even prove it to herself- probably because she was in denial of her crush even though every fiber of her being just wanted to kiss Kata and stay with her forever. She wanted to tell Kata how utterly amazing she was and write love poems for her until her wrists were sore. She wanted to sit on top of that gazebo with Kata and talk to her for days on end because she would never get tired of her company.

"You have proof?" Alex asked, incredulously. Carson nodded mischievously, smirk wide upon his lips.

"I saw you hugging her." Alex froze. "I know you well enough to know that you absolutely hate being close to people, but not only did you tolerate a hug from Kata but you initiated it." Alex opened her mouth in protest to say that she was just trying to comfort Kata, but part of her knew that if it had been Carson going through the same thing or anyone else she would have just talked with them and not shown any sort of physical affection. Physical affection still felt wrong to her.

It had been eight months since Adrian and yet physical affection still felt awful.

Alex's brain still wanted her to keep her barriers up even though all she wanted was to tear them down.

However, Alex didn't get a chance to say anything because the bell rang and a tidal wave of students started rampaging towards their lockers, sweeping Alex up in the current.

During productions, Carson wouldn't stop bugging Alex about Kata and while, at first, she didn't really mind, it was starting to get annoying. Apparently, Zoe who was sitting at the same table with the two actors sensed Alex's discomfort because she snapped at Carson. "Did you ever think that maybe if you're right about Alex's crush that this may be hard for her? So maybe instead of teasing her incessantly, you should offer to be there for her because if she does like Kata then that's going to lead to a lot of confusion for her and a lot of questioning her sexuality which is terrifying." Alex shot Zoe a grateful look which she returned with a smile. Carson looked down with shame.

"Alex I-"

"It's all good," Alex said, cutting Carson off good-naturedly. "Just maybe not so much next time?" Carson nodded.

"Of course," he said.

The three thespians continued to talk as they searched through scripts, trying to find a play for their next production. As Zoe got up to tell Mr. Benj about a play she thought would work for their department, Carson leaned over to whisper to Alex.

"If you do like you know who I'm always here for you." He paused. "Or even if you don't. I'm just always here." Alex smiled.

"Thanks, and I'm always here for you too."

After class, Zoe and Alex walked to ILA together and to Alex's surprise, Zoe didn't say anything about Kata.

As the two thespians walked in the door to the classroom, Alex was immediately hit with a wall of frigid air. Why Mr. Spears kept his classroom so cold, Alex would never understand, but it was a problem, especially since Alex was an idiot who had forgotten her jacket this morning even though it was December. She was wearing a sweater so she figured she wouldn't need it, but apparently, she was wrong.

Alex went over to her desk which was pushed up against Kata's. Kata immediately hopped up on her desk and started being utterly dramatic.

"Aleeex," Kata whined. Alex laughed.

"Yes?"

"I wanna see you during break," Kata moped. Alex felt her heart melt.

"I wanna see you too." Kata smiled widely.

"Awesome! Then we'll meet in the gazebo!" she exclaimed, smirk evident on her lips.

"Kata-"

"Hush child," Kata scolded, putting a finger to Alex's lips which shut Alex right up as her mind started thinking very unhelpful thoughts like how cute Kata was and how she really wouldn't mind kissing her right now. Not only that, but her heart was racing a million beats per minute. "We shall meet in the gazebo and you shall not argue." Alex simply nodded and removed Kata's finger from her lips so that she wouldn't do something she knew she would later regret. Kata's hands were really soft...

Alex looked away from Kata, blush prominent on her face. She caught the eye of Zoe who quickly looked away and turned back to writing on a piece of paper for their warm-up. Alex heard Kata sit down in her desk. She turned back to face her. Alex shivered a little bit, bringing her hands to her arms to keep herself warm. Seriously, why was Mr. Spears' room so cold?

"Are you cold?" Kata asked. Alex just shrugged, hands still on arms.

"A bit, but I'll be fine." Kata frowned.

"Here, take my jacket," she offered, sliding the wooly material off. She had a hoodie under it. Alex shook her head.

"It's okay Kata, really. I'll be fine," Alex assured her friend, but Kata thrust the jacket into Alex's arms.

"You lent me yours, I'm only returning the favor," Kata insisted. Alex rolled her eyes.

"Kata that a month ago, seriously wear your own jacket-" Alex cut herself off as Kata wrapped the warm cloth around her.

Alex could feel Kata's breath on her cheek, and their cheeks brushed as Kata pulled back from Alex. Kata's cheeks were tinted a pretty pink, though they were nowhere near as colorful as Alex's bright red cheeks which showed like a traffic light. Kata giggled and looked down at her hands, her cheeks only getting more red. Alex could feel her stomach churning at the adorable sight. Kata looked back up at Alex and looked her over, all nervousness overcome.

"You look better in that than I do," Kata remarked, shoving her friend. Alex simply blushed harder- if that was even possible- and wrapped Kata's jacket tightly around her, putting her arms through the sleeves that fell over her hands seeing as the jacket was a few sizes big for Kata and the girls were around the same size.

Alex subconsciously nestled her nose into the collar of the jacket as she zipped it up. It smells like her. She thought, then immediately shoved the thought away. This was her friend! She couldn't be thinking like this!

That thought, however, didn't keep her from noticing all day how Kata's jacket smelled like her almond shampoo which always made her hair smell amazing. Or that hint of leaves that the article of clothing smelled of, just like Kata. Or that bit of something else that Alex could never place. However, Alex knew it smelled of her...friend...and that made the butterflies in her stomach go crazy all day as she snuggled deeper and deeper into the fuzzy material.

As Alex walked out of the school with Kata, she tried to give the jacket back, but Kata just laughed.

"No way," Kata said. "You're biking home and I don't want you to freeze to death you idiot. Just give it back to me after break. Besides," Kata continued, shrugging. "You look cute in it." Alex bit her lip nervously, giggling.

This girl was going to be the death of her.

So as Kata ran off to her mother's car, after both girls promising to find time to meet, Alex stared after her and it wasn't until after Kata was out of sight that Alex finally mounted her bike and started heading back to her apartment. She was in a daze, and that was how she stayed. Alex replayed interactions with Kata over and over in her head all night, never once taking off her jacket for more than a minute and never really fully concentrating on anything.

Alex missed all of the knowing smirks her mom sent her way as she went about her daze. She missed most of the questions Azalea asked her while they were on facetime. The one thing she didn't miss was the conversation she had with Kata at 1 AM.

No, she didn't miss that.

Alex was sure she would be out of her daze by morning, but as she fell asleep she was still in it. She fell asleep with her phone on her chest- Kata's contact open, and a smile on her face.

***

A/N: Yo! The first chapter of part 2 done! Yay! I have lots in store for you this part, it is going to be a lot shorter than part 1 of this book, but part 1 needs to be shortened anyway.

I hope you liked this chapter! If you did, please consider leaving a comment/vote and I hope to see you in the next chapter! Thank you so much for reading!!

-Sunny <3