Alex sat crying in her bed. She couldn't bring herself to want to stop the hot, salty steams raging down her cheeks.

After a few minutes, Alex balled up all her remaining tears into the back of her throat as she brushed her hands across her face, drying it. She inched herself over to where her phone was sitting on her nightstand. It was 4 A.M.

Four hours of sleep wasn't bad.

Alex knew there was no chance she was going to be sleeping again. She got herself up, her oversized pajamas, which belonged to her mom, tripping her as she clambered out of her small twin-sized bed. She froze mid-step not wanting to wake her mom or the people in the apartment below them. Once she was sure that her mom hadn't awoken, Alex quietly padded out of her bedroom.

***

By 6, Alex had showered and was sitting on the balcony of her apartment in a cute flowing white tank top with navy blue details embroidered upon it. She had on dark blue skinny jeans and her favorite necklace which was a silver dolphin with a heart etched onto the back of it. She clasped the necklace in her hand as she brought her knees up to her chest to rest her head on. She had a small leather-bound notebook and pencil sitting in her lap. She unwound the string that held the little book closed and began writing with a fine- point, black pen.

~

8/15/16
Dear Ocean,
It's Alex. I couldn't sleep again. I keep having nightmares. I'm so tired of this. I hate it.

At least I'll always have the Ocean. Like a constant friend to me, no matter how sad that sounds. I think it's beautiful. Everyone should have a friend like the Ocean. A friend who lets you stay with them and just wraps you up, never letting you go.

Hello Ocean
It's your friend
Writing to you from afar
You let me refuge when I'm at my worst
Let me cry into your waters so my tears blend with those that have come before them
I'm your mermaid-girl
What you have made me
What if I never broke the surface?
Can I stay here forever?
In this state-
Not fish
Not girl
Just something that lives and breathes
Wondering how I can keep going on like this
If I come up for air I'm afraid the sun will burn me
The bright rays will be too much
Down here it's quiet
And I never have to speak
I never have to worry
If I don't get too close
I can see the light up above
The silhouettes of people splashing in the waves
But I cannot join them
For if they saw a mermaid
They would all stare
And ask
The water could no longer hide my tears
But the scariest part
Is that the mermaid is the one who can save them from drowning
But I'm so quick to fail
If one of them starts flailing
Can I rescue them in time?
So I will never see the sky again
I can never soak in the sun
It will only burn me more than I've already been

~

Alex looked up to the sound of the screen door sliding open. "Morning Mamá."

"Buenas días, Mija." Ms. Cairney looked sympathetically at her daughter. "Couldn't sleep again?" Alex shrugged, closing her notebook, and started playing with a leaf. Ms. Cairney sat cross-legged on the floor next to her.

Ms. Cairney was a very pretty woman with an almost flawless complexion of beautiful brown skin. She and Alex shared the same chestnut eyes, however, Alex's skin was a bit lighter than her mother's and her stature was a few inches shorter than Ms. Cairney's 5' 5". Ms. Cairney's shoulder-length straight hair was such a dark brown that it was almost black, and she wore it in a messy bun. Alex's hair on the other hand cascaded all the way down her back, stopping a good few inches below the very bottom of her ribcage, in a striking strawberry blonde color.

"When you'd wake up this time?" Ms. Cairney asked quietly.

"Around four," Alex whispered.

"Oh, Mija."

The two sat in silence for a moment before Ms. Cairney spoke again:

"Worried about a new school or did the nightmares wake you again?" Alex felt like crying, but she didn't. She hated crying. This morning had been a rare time when she let herself. "The nightmares are getting worse Mamá." Ms. Cairney sucked in a sharp breath. She sat thoughtfully for a minute.

"Do you need to start seeing Hannah more often?" Alex shook her head. "Alex," Ms. Cairney warned. "Remember our deal? You don't worry about money, I do. Soy la madre, tu eres la hija." Alex looked down at her lap and fiddled with her fingers.

"I know," she whispered. "But if I can help I'm going to do whatever I can."

"Mija," Ms. Cairney said softly. "I'm so thankful for that, but you are doing everything you can."

No, I'm not.

"I'll tell you what." Ms. Cairney said, patting her daughter's leg. "In a few months you'll be fourteen so you can get a job." Alex's face lit up. "I'm not going to let you spend all your money on supplying for us, but if it would make you feel better, and Hannah thinks it's a good idea, you may use no more than half of what you earn to do so." Alex's face fell. She wanted to do more. "Is that a deal?" Alex looked up into her mom's kind eyes. She nodded. "Perfect. I'll talk to her when I go in for my appointment today." Alex's face lit up once more.

"You finally scheduled an appointment?" she asked with excitement. Ms. Cairney nodded.

"It's not with Hannah because I thought that would be weird for both of us, but it's in the same complex. I realized you were right. All of this has affected me just like it affected you. I need to get help so that I can stay in a good place. You know, you're awful wise for someone just beginning eighth grade." Alex giggled.

"Thanks, Mamá."Alex and her mom had a good relationship. Alex told her everything, and Ms. Cairney somehow always knew exactly what to say. After all, they had been through all that had aspired in the past months together. Alex trusted her mom more than anyone in the world.

Ms. Cairney stood up, and Alex looked up at her. "How about breakfast?" Alex made a face.

"It's only 6:30."

"So?" Alex cracked a smile.

"Ramen and eggs?" Alex looked at her mom with pleading eyes. Ms. Cairney rolled her eyes but smiled and Alex knew she was going inside to boil the water. Alex smiled to herself in satisfaction. As she was standing up to help her mom with preparing their meal, Alex's phone started buzzing. She picked it up in confusion. No one ever called her except-

She should have known.

Alex smiled a little as she answered the phone.

"Aleeex," the voice on the other end immediately whined. "It's too early. I don't wanna be awake." Alex could practically see her friend pouting through her words.

"Hi to you too Azalea."

"Aleeex, can we facetime?"

"Sure Azzy," Alex laughed. Azalea's video came up, and Alex could clearly see that she had just rolled out of bed. Actually no, she was still in bed. "Shouldn't you be out of bed by now?" Alex asked her friend. Azalea rolled her eyes.

"I don't usually get up as early as you do Lexi." Now it was Alex's turn to roll her eyes. Azalea insisted upon calling her Lexi just to annoy Alex because she knew she hated it. Azalea smirked. "I see you still hate that nickname.

"It's only been a few months Azzy, it's not like anything about me has changed since I moved." Azalea nodded thoughtfully.

"Yeah I know, but we've never been apart for this long. I don't know what could happen in a few months." Alex bit her lip. She missed Azalea, though not as much as she probably should have. They had been friends since second grade and saw each other all the time back when Alex still lived in New York, but when Alex and her mom moved, she couldn't get away fast enough. She felt like that probably made her a terrible friend. Hannah would beg to differ, but that didn't make much of a difference to Alex. She listened to Hannah of course, but sometimes when she would say things Alex just couldn't seem to convince herself of them.

"Yeah," Alex said sadly.

"I wish we were starting this year together."

"Me too." The two girls sat in silence for a moment. It was smothering. Alex was tempted to hang up the phone right then and there, she didn't want to reminisce about the past. However, Azalea got a glint in her eye.

"So now that you live in Texas does that mean you're going to ride a horse to school?" Alex huffed with fake annoyance. "Ooh or maybe a tractor!" The two friends took one look at each other and cracked up. The laughter didn't reach Alex's emotions as she hoped it would have though. Ms. Cairney poked her head out the screen door.

"Oh, hola Azalea!" she said cheerfully.

"Hello, Ms. Cairney!" Azalea replied. The two talked for a moment, making Alex feel awkward. For some reason, her mom loved all her friends and it was honestly kind of weird. Though it was way better than her hating her friends Alex supposed.

"Mija, breakfast is ready." Alex nodded and said goodbye to Azalea.

After Alex ate, she got into the car with her backpack and her mom drove her to school. For being located in such a seemingly small town, Dripping Springs Middle School sure seemed to have a lot of kids. Alex really didn't want to go in there.

"You're going to be okay Mija. You can do this." Alex refused to look at her mom. "Alex." Alex looked up. "You're going to go in there and make friends, ¿sí?"

I will be avoiding people all day. I don't want to talk to anyone.

Ms. Cairney gave Alex a look. "We moved here so we could start over. So that's what we're going to do." Alex tried to smile. Maybe she could do this. Maybe she could make some friends.

"Okay," she said, voice strained.

"Te amo mi hija."

Alex got out of the car and took a deep breath.

She walked inside the building.

***

A/N: Thank you for reading!!! If you are enjoying this story please consider leaving a vote before you click onto the next part!

-Sunny <3 <3 <3