Alex searched through her music a little bit more and wrote down some songs on a piece of paper, but none hit her as Breathe had. She then started scouring the web for monologues but finding a good one was harder than she expected. This is what she was doing when her mom opened the door to her room and sat on the bed next to Alex. "So, what have you got so far?" Ms. Cairney asked. Alex went over what she had for monologue ideas, being virtually nothing, and then proceeded to show her mom the songs that she thought she might want to prepare.

"But I really really want to do Breathe!" Alex pleaded. A worried expression fell across her mother's face.

"Mija, from what I remember about that song it's very difficult, a-and you're a great singer, but I don't know if you'll be able to pull it off-"

"Please Mom I-" Alex searched for words. She wanted to describe how she had felt when singing that song. She'd only listened to it one other time since...

No. She wouldn't let her mind go there. Especially not when she was so excited not too long ago. She had avoided this song, and some others because it took the words right out of her mind, words that she didn't want to say. Alex thought that maybe if she could do this- if she could say those words, sing them for people to hear then maybe she could move on. She wasn't sure why she felt this way, she just did. She just wanted to stop feeling so guilty all the time, so scared.

"Mom, I have to do this. Please. I have the vocal range for it, I know I can pull it off." she paused. "If it makes you feel better I'll prepare a fallback song in case I don't have this one down by time auditions roll around."

Ms. Cairney nodded and stroked her daughter's long hair, but stayed where she was on the bed, a good foot away. "Okay." she finally said. She paused for a second thinking over her words. "But is there anything you want to talk about? This seems like it's about more than just the song." She pulled Alex's chin up and looked into her daughter's eyes.

Of course it was about more than the song. Alex however, didn't really want to explain that to her mom. She trusted her of course, her mom had been there for her through everything even though she was going through it too, but she didn't want to try and explain what was going through her head mostly because she wasn't exactly sure what was going through her head herself.

Alex just shrugged and broke her mother's gaze. "I dunno," she mumbled. Her mom waited for her to say more for a few moments, but Alex remained quiet.

"Okay, well if you ever want to talk, or even just want a hug, all you have to do is ask," she said, smiling warmly at Alex. She had learned to let Alex have her space. As much as it broke her heart to see her child hurting, she knew Alex would come to her when she was ready, and that trying to fix everything usually just made it worse. She had also learned that Alex was not one for hugs or getting too close to people lately. She liked her personal space, and her mom respected that, letting Alex initiate anything that was too intimate.

"Thanks, Mom," Alex said, giving her a weak smile. Her mom returned the smile and patted Alex's leg.

"Alrighty that's enough serious talk for now, why don't we see if we can find you a monologue?"

The two proceeded to scroll through endless plays and female monologues and finally decided on a comedic monologue from a small play that wasn't well known. The monologue, however, was known as "Nervous Nelly," and worked very well with Alex's acting style. Her mom had thrown in that Alex's song was already so "gloomy and serious," so she had covered that part of the acting and she needed to show the fun side of herself. High School Musical was, after all, a "feel good" show as her mom put it, and mostly a comedy.

"Ok now let's see what you can do." Ms. Cairney said as she pulled up a karaoke track of Breathe.

The music started and Alex let it envelop her. She didn't need to look at the words, or the track in front of her, she knew it by heart. She heard her first entrance coming and let notes flow out of her mouth, placing them in the air and letting them fly. She shaped and shifted the words, the melody, it was her own, the music knew her and she knew it. Like a friend she had for all of her life, like currents and waves rushing through and out of her.

Alex had always loved music. She taught herself guitar in fourth grade and almost always had an earbud in with music streaming out of it, she found that it made her that much happier. She enjoyed singing as well, but had never taken lessons from anyone but her mom, who had a phenomenal voice.

Alex came to the most powerful part of the song and felt a fire burning inside her. The notes climbed higher and higher, along with Alex's confidence. Sparks seemed to fly with every word she belted.

"How do I tell them why
I'm coming back home
With my eyes on the horizon"

The track dropped out from underneath Alex's voice. And it was just her. She stood alone. Her voice, weak and timid.

It sounded like Alex's voice could break at any moment. Every sound that left her lips was delicate, fragile. Like a glass window, beautiful and every piece there for a reason, but so very breakable. It was so different from the lion's roar that had just been coming out of her mouth, that loud confident sound. Alex hadn't been that loud since the last production she was in, but there she had been, feeling unstoppable, unbreakable. And then the floor dropped. Alex knew every word of what she was singing. Every note and where to put it, but she again felt like the shy little flower that she normally was.

When the last word came, Alex milked it for all it's worth, singing it as much as saying it. She finished and snapped out of the glorious trance-like state that the music had put her in.

Her mom looked at her, astonished. "Mija, when did you learn to sing like that? I mean, there are some things that we're going to need to work on but that was just- ¡eso fue increíble! You hit every note with- with vibrato and confidence without even breaking a sweat!"

Alex felt pride swelling up in her chest, a feeling that she didn't feel too often. Truth be told she had been singing a lot recently because she enjoyed it and music was one of the things that helped her cope. She just never really sang in front of people. Heck- half the time she barely talked to people, much less sing for them! Alex never really knew how to take compliments so she just laughed awkwardly and said quietly, "Well as Troy Bolten would say, 'My showerhead is very impressed.'' Her mom laughed along with her before saying:

"Well, your mother is also very impressed." Alex didn't have a witty response for that one, so she just beamed. Her mom stood up. "Alright, that's enough for one day do you agree?" Alex nodded, but truth be told she wanted to keep working. "How about you start memorizing your monologue, and then come to me when you have that done, ¿sí?" Ms. Cairney went over a few things in her head. "Let's see we have two weeks before the audition so you should probably be practicing your song every day, and we'll work on it every other day for about twenty to thirty minutes. And don't forget your backup song, even with as well as you did, I still want you to have that one ready," she said pointing a scolding finger at Alex.

"Okay, Mom sounds good." Alex giggled. She couldn't wait for auditions, sure, she was nervous as heck, but she couldn't wait.

~

9/22/16
Dear Ocean,
Quiet
I observe
Not talk
But when I'm up there
The world has its eyes on me
Fear falls
Mountains disappear
This is my moment
I shout
I sing
I dance
This is my light
So let them see
Let thousands of people hear me
Hear me roar
This stage is mine
I own it
Art, colors, music flowing from my fingertips
This is who I am
No matter what anyone says

This is me

***

A/N: Thank you for your continuation in reading, it really means a lot! If you are enjoying the book so far, consider leaving a vote or a comment before you click onto the next chapter!! I love hearing back from my readers and absolutely love suggestions/criticism so if you have any of either of those it would be super helpful and I promise I'm a very friendly open-minded person so I won't get upset about it!!! I will do the opposite actually, I'll be extremely grateful!

Love,
Sunny <3