I'm so tired....
I cant stand this shit anymore
I'm just tired

I'm tired of sitting up and my head gets dizzy

I'm tired of taking a step and feeling like I'm about to collapse

I'm tired of my vision fading in and out

I'm tired of pain

In tired of crying because of how much my joints hurt

I'm tired of my father not believing that I'm disabled

I'm tired of my body falling apart

I'm tired of strangers pushing my wheelchair without asking

I'm tired of old ladies in elevators resting their hands on the handles of my wheelchair

I'm tired of how much I space out

I'm tired of how many things I forget

I'm tired of people asking what happened before asking my name

I'm tired of being treated like a child

I'm tired of cafeteria workers staring as I get my food without help, just like everyone else

I'm tired of the campus shuttle wheelchair entrance not working when my next class is across railroad tracks

I'm tired of my access being limited because no one taught me how to do a wheelie

I'm tired of people staring as I enter a store

I'm tired of the pain as I wrote a program

I'm tired of the pain as I write a text to close friends

I'm tired of the pain as I write this

What I'm most exhausted about are my doctors

I'm tired of my original cardiologist thinking all of this comes from dehydration, when that level of dehydration would ruin my liver

I'm tired of having to call into an office myself, that only takes referrals, because they have ignored my referral

I'm tired of that fact that when I finally see these doctors it will have been 7 months from when I was referred

I'm tired of the fact that I'm lucky with how doctors are treating me

I'm tired of having to ask a cardiologist about joint pain because no one else can help

I'm tired of the office that did certain testing telling me to ask my pcp about the meaning of my results, and then be told that even the department head of cardiology doesnt know

I'm tired of having to look up everything said in the notes available to me, because my doctor didn't even mention generalized hypermobility syndrome, but she diagnosed me with it?!?! -- oh wait she can't actually officially diagnose me wow what a fucking surprise

I'm tired of doctors not knowing what is happening

I'm tired of having an echo and ekg for the hundredth time, but then having no other tests run

I'm tired of having to ask the internet on how to manage my symptoms, because the water and salt aren't helping enough

I'm tired of being undiagnosed

I just want a name to my symptoms

POTS? EDS? Dysautonomia? IBS? Fibromyalgia? Anything?

There doesn't have to he a cure. I just want to have a name.

Is that too much to ask for?