Will's pov
Trigger warnings: mentions of eating disorder, mention of self harm (only a bit), mentions of poor mental health? ...bad decisions?
—
(Day 3)

For the first time in a while, I wanted to get home for a reason beside crawling into bed alone. I had a jump in my step, I had a motivation.

The leaves were starting to drop. It was fall now, completely. No more long, hot days and the smashing pumpkins. Now the ground was littered with golden leaves, the air permanently stained with pumpkin spice, and halloween movies being pushed down throats. Not that I minded. Bundling up on the couch, watching a Halloween movie with a box of candy meant for children, sounded quite relaxing.

The walk home from my lecture building wasn't long. Even though I was aching to get back, to make sure he was still home, still safe, and still alive, I wished the path from my psych building to my apartment stretched. The gold and red and orange of the leaves against the blindingly blue sky was picturesque. Despite the cool draft of air swishing around the sidewalk, the sun beat down and wrapped me in hug. I was comfortable. I felt fresh.

Alas, I wanted to see him more than I wanted to soak in the day. Realistically, I knew Cecil wouldn't leave Nico alone, wouldn't leave the building until I was back, because my worry of leaving him alone right now was real, but. But.
I felt like I couldn't trust anyone but myself. In this situation, anyways. I needed to see with my own two eyes that he was sitting on my bed, or on the couch. He didn't really do much besides sit on the couch or my bed so far, but it has only been three days since he showed up. I let him use my laptop when I'm home, and yesterday I saw him looking at a website talking about safe coping mechanisms while bundled in a blanket. That was probably a good thing. Although I might have to pay for these coping mechanisms, depending on what they are.

I don't think I'd mind spending a few dollars on jigsaw puzzles or intense colouring books. Not if it helped him.
Another problem was that Nico had no ability to access the internet unless I was at home, or unless Cecil would let him use his laptop, but Cecil was still wary.

Nico seemed to want to get better though. I don't know what changed over the past month, especially after his attempt last month, but he did, in his own way, seem to be trying. I wonder if his friend that he made at the hospital had anything to do with it, because he seemed to get better after they started sharing a room.
On his first day with me, while we were eating breakfast, actually brought up the eating thing on his own, with no prompting whatsoever.

He didn't go into detail, but he said that he knew his weight was low, and that he was on a meal plan at the hospital. I didn't tell him, but I knew from Jenny that he had been threatened with the tube.

The fact that he told me on his own was a quick step forwards. Plus, it helped me.
He told, briefly, that he was eating 6 meals a day to gain weight. That night, after we had changed his bandages and he had gone to bed, I researched different 6-meal meal plans for hours, and the next day I went grocery shopping for the best types of food. It was mostly healthy, fatty foods, but also for the times he wasn't feeling up to it, I bought soups and a high carb smoothie mix. It was the healthiest my apartment had ever been, so Cecil couldn't complain.

Nico said he was up to 2,500 calories a day when he... well, no need to sugar coat, when he ran away.

Considering that was what I ate regularly, I didn't think it'd be too much of a problem.

My building came into view as I turned a corner, and suddenly I was at my door. I must have been more anxious to see him than I thought.

I fumbled my keys after drawing them out of my pocket, and shoved the door open.

Cecil was standing at one end of the couch, arms folded and his thumb nail in between his teeth. He was staring down at the couch, or rather, at someone on the couch.

When I shut the door quietly he dropped his arms and looked up at me, pointing at the couch and then pressing a finger to his lips. Ah, Nico was asleep. I couldn't say I was surprised, Nico has been sleeping a lot these past few days.

I dropped my bag beside the kitchen counter and made my way over to Cecil's side. Nico was under the throw blanket from my bed, curled into a ball, snoring softly. He had pulled the blanket up to his chin, as if he was protecting his neck.

The peaceful look on his face was enough to make my heart flip. Which was embarrassing. But whatever.

Cecil tapped my shoulder and pointed his thumb at the kitchen, as if it was far enough away. Cecil sometimes forgets that the apartment is small, and that sound travels easily.
I followed him anyways, and leaned up against the counter as he poured himself water.

"He ate the lunch you made before you left without complaint," he said quietly, looking out towards the couch's back. I sighed. At this rate, Nico would gain weight just fine. It was so relieving that he was trying. It took away a little bit of the guilt I had from keeping him here behind Jenny's back.

"Ok, good," I nodded, looking at the couch as well.

"You know... he doesn't talk much. Or at all. I mean I know he's always been pretty quiet but he's only said 4 words to me in the past three days, and both times have been him saying thank you. He said something in his sleep right before you came in and I was so excited that he was talking to me that I ran to his side like he was a coma patient," Cecil frowned, taking a big gulp of water,
"I felt like a fool when he muttered something about fruit loops. I didn't even want him here, and now I'm hanging off every word, what the hell?"

"Nico has that affect on people," I chuckled, dragging a hand through my hair, "you can't help but want to be there for him."

"Well I think it's stupid. I can't believe I'm turning into you. Fruit loops," Cecil muttered, throwing his free hand into the air.
Giggling at the thought of Cecil getting excited over Nico talking in his sleep, I grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet for myself.

"He'll settle in soon enough, I mean, he talks to me. He probably feels bad that you're spending your free time watching over him," I ate half of the granola bar in a single bite, starving.

"He can't settle in too much-"

"I know. One month."

"One month," Cecil confirmed, eyeing me. He finished his water and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "well now that you're home, I'm gonna go out with Lou."

"Ok," I was already walking out of the kitchen. Cecil trailed out after me to head to his room.

I took up Cecil's post from the end of the couch, watching Nico sleep. It wasn't weird. We were sleeping in the same bed, so I saw him sleep anyways.

We hadn't really talked about boundaries yet, so I refrained from... pretty much everything. I didn't touch him unless he allowed it, and I didn't bring up our relationship. He let me call him neeks again, which seemed to be a step up. During the day we talked about him, about the hospital- but only in passing, and what I've been doing. We didn't talk about the time we spent apart. We sat on opposite ends of the couch. The only time we touched was when I switched out his bandages.
Except at night. We didn't talk about it, didn't mention it when we woke up in the morning, but every night, instead of pulling away and sleeping on the other side of the bed like I expected him to, Nico curled right up to me. If I was on my back, he'd press into my side. If I was facing away from him, he'd wrap around me like a monkey. If I was facing him, he'd turn around and press his back into my chest, grabbing my arm and wrapping it around his middle.
He did not speak when this was happening, and he didn't act strange in the morning. If I tried to shift in anyway, he'd shift with me, and stayed as close as he possibly could.
I expected him to stop after the first night, but he didn't.

It gave me hope. That maybe, beyond giving him shelter and food, he needed me.

I can't imagine how lonely it might have been, sleeping alone in a lumpy hospital bed for 3 months surrounded by strangers. Maybe he needed something familiar.

Nico, rolling on the couch, pulled the blankets even tighter around his body, nose scrunching in his sleep. His eyelashes fluttered against his pale skin, soft as a golden leaf drifting to the ground.

"You look so infatuated it makes me sick," Cecil whispered into my ear, bumping my shoulder with his own.
I felt my face heat up, shoving my roommate away.

"Shut up," I mumbled as he stumbled with an open mouthed grin, teeth winking.

"Just telling it like I see it," he rubbed his shoulder and shrugged on his coat, "make sure you're still taking care of yourself while you take care of your boy."

"I have been," I waved my hand dismissively, eyes eventually wandering back to Nico.

"Eating healthy?"

"I eat with Nico."

"Drinking enough water?"

"I... will drink a couple glasses for myself right now."

"Therapy?" Cecil gave me another smirk, reaching out and ruffling my hair, making it stick up every which way. I frowned and patted it down,

"I texted Jenny this morning, and she sent me three of her associates. I'm going to set up consultations with all of them and see who works best," I shrugged nonchalantly, "she said she's proud that I'm being proactive, especially after the news."

"The news?" Cecil asked, eyebrow raising as he flattened his coat out.
I looked back at the sleeping body on the couch and waved at it.
"Ah. The runaway."

"Yeeeuuup," I dragged softly, guilt making my bones feel like jelly.

"Welp. On that topic, imma split. Take care of him," Cecil smirked, knowing I would do nothing BUT take care of him. I nodded, and waved as he left the apartment.
I locked the door behind him, and checked the clock on the wall. I needed to wake Nico up and get him food.

I quickly poured myself and Nico a glass of water, chugging my own, and padded over to the couch.

Placing the glass on the table, I crouched in front of Nico. I couldn't stop myself from brushing back the bangs that had fallen in front of his eyes.

"Wake up neeks," I whispered, tucking the hair behind his ear.

"Hmm?" He mumbled sleepily, eyebrows furrowing at the touch. I quickly withdrew my hand and poked his shoulder.

"Up ya' get, sleepy," I replied, poking his shoulder once more.
Nico let out a huff of breath before pulling his hand out from under the blanket end rubbing his eyes.

"What time's'it?" He groaned, voice unused. It was still strange to hear him talk. It sounded so different.

"Quarter after four."

"Ah, yes. Meal number four," Nico sighed, eyes finally cracking open, brown eyes meeting my own.

"You know it," I smiled. I found that Nico responded better to food when I acted as if nothing was off about it. The first day, when I was wary, he became uncomfortable and made a face whenever I brought it up. Which, obviously, makes sense. Energy and all that. When he made jokes I played along, and when I was getting him to eat I acted as natural as I could without forcing it.

I leaned back and stood as Nico sat up himself, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Nico slept a lot, and yet somehow, when night came around, he was still sleeping. I wondered how long it would take for the exhaustion of his major panic attack three days ago to wear off, because I knew that he used to take medication to sleep. Without it, he barely slept a wink.
I wouldn't be able to just buy it, so I would probably have to pull a stealth operation at Jenny's when I went to her house in two days for dinner. Go into Nico's room to get a new sweater and sneak his medication out with me. If they still had it. Hopefully.
If he stopped sleeping again, he'd be more prone to panic attacks like a few nights ago.

"Did I, uh, sleep long?" Nico mumbled, body slumped. He's become more comfortable talking to me since he arrived, but he still seemed nervous.

"Only an hour or so, according to Cecil. He went out with Lou Ellen," I jut my thumb towards the door.

"Hm," he murmured, stretching his arms over his head, "do I gotta eat vegetables this time? Can't I eat fruit loops?"

"Nico," I frowned, taking his outstretched hand and helping him stand up. He let got of my hand just as fast as I took it, propping both hands on his back and leaning back to crack it.
"Thanks to you, we're all out of fruit loops."

Nico straightened quickly, eyes wide. "What."

"You ate them all," I replied slowly.
He frowned, lips pouting and a line forming between his eyebrows, looking quite upset with this development.

"Oh..."

"Don't worry," I chuckled, placing a hand on his shoulder and pushing him softly away from the couch, making sure that my touch was light enough that he could pull away if he wanted. He didn't, though, and let himself be lead away from the couch and towards the kitchen,
"We can always head down to the convenient store and grab a box after dinner, sort of a dessert thing."

Nico kept pouting, but pondered the idea.

"...ok," he conceded, nodding his head.

"But you gotta eat some vegetables," I let go as we entered the kitchen, giving him a pointed look. He shifted under my stare and looked at the small stove.

"Can I, um. Have soup?" He asked eventually, rubbing his bare arm.
I worked my jaw in attempt to stop it from dropping in surprise. Since he arrived, he didn't ask to eat anything, always taking what I gave him, unless it was about fruit loops. I told him, after going shopping, that I bought him soup in case he didn't feel up to solid food. At the time he said nothing but nodded like that made sense.

I knew he had problems with food sometimes. Feeling too anxious to eat, not being able to keep things down. Wanting to control it on some days, or not feeling hungry at all on others. I knew he was on this meal plan for a reason, but after days of him not caring, I just assumed it was a problem that was put behind him.
I was obviously stupid and thought wrong. Nico was trying to heal, not every day would be fun times and full meals.

"Oh, yeah, of course," I opened the cupboard, "chicken noodle or Italian wedding?"

"Did you buy Italian wedding as a jab?" Nico smiled weakly, tugging on the bandages on his neck subconsciously. I smirked at him, and then reached out and lowered his hand. It was becoming a common thing, a habit, to keep him from touching his neck.

"Maybe. But also I just like it," I took the Campbells can out and waved it at him, "yes yes?"

"Yeah, sure," he rolled his eyes and hopped up on the counter. I didn't tell him off, holding down a smile as he started to kick his legs.

I opened the can and poured it into a pot on the stove easily, before pulling two bowls out of the cabinet next to the stove. Nico probably wouldn't be able to eat it all alone, plus, he liked to eat with someone else.

"I think your phone is buzzing," Nico sighed, waving at the mouth of the kitchen where my bag sat, rejected and on the floor.

"Ah!" I turned the heat down on the stove and then made my way to my bag, grabbing my phone from inside.
It was Jenny.

"Shit."

"What?"

"It's Jen," I looked up at Nico, who's face morphed into an 'oh fuck oh god I'm screwed' look.

"Don't tell her I'm here!"

"Well obviously!!" I exclaimed, waving at the soup, "watch the soup, if I don't answer she'll be pissed."

Nico nodded, jumping off the counter and shimmying up beside the stove. I walked into the living room and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I asked, as if I didn't know it was Jenny. I was a shit liar. I hadn't spoken to her out loud since before Nico arrived, only over text. This was bad news.

"Hey, Will, honey," Jenny hummed over the phone, sounding quite exhausted. I wondered if she was taking a break at work, or if she was dealing with the stress and work at the same time.

"Hi, what's up?" I cringed, hating how fake cheery I sounded. To Jenny, I was the ex boyfriend who's ex boyfriend vanished. I was supposed to be upset, not giggling over the said ex boyfriend in the kitchen.

"Just checking in on you sweetie, what are you up to?" She asked. Along with the weekly dinner to check up on me, the calls from my mom every other day, and Cecil watching over me, Jenny still called multiple times a week to check in as well.

"Just making some soup," I said, turning to face the kitchen where Nico was stirring the soup slowly,
"Got back from a lecture like 20 minutes ago, so I'm starved."

"Good, good. How are you feeling?" Her voice asked, fuzzy over the phone.

"I'm great," I replied instantly, and then flinched at the look Nico shot me from the kitchen, "I mean, fine. Trying to take care of. Myself. Yeah. Baths and healthy food and... such. Yeah," I corrected.

"Ok..." Jenny sighed over the line, "Just in case you wanted to hear, there's still no trace of Nico. There was only one person who's called in since the news broadcast it, some driver saying he almost ran Nico over the night he ran away. Said he had, um. Blood on him."

I dragged a hand over my face and met eyes with Nico, who had levelled a glare at me. Daring me to slip up.

"That doesn't sound good," I tried to keep my voice calm, "and the nurse? She's ok?" I asked, more for Nico's sake.
His eyes widened when I asked and leaned forwards over the counter through the open area to stare expectantly.

"She's fine, barely even any bruising. She was mostly just shocked by it, I think. I think she feels more guilty about how she handled the situation than angry," Jenny chuckled dryly. I could basically hear her running a hand through her hair and tugging.

"The nurse is ok, that's good. So she won't press any charges?" I reiterated, making sure Nico heard everything going on. His shoulder and head dropped at once, relieved.

"Of course not, if she did I'd throw a fit," Jenny exclaimed.

"She's not pressing charges 'cause he didn't do anything wrong," I must have sounded crazy, talking the way I was to let Nico know. He had gone back to the soup, but I could see him still listening.

"Of course he did nothing wrong. He just... well. She knew he had both panic attacks and dissociation. His actions were probably a mix of that and intrusive thoughts."

"That's what I was thinking," I nodded, biting my lip.

"I just don't know where he could have gone. I really hope he isn't on the streets somewhere, it's only going to get colder the closer we get to winter," Jenny sighed again, "I just wish he'd contact me."

"I know, Jen. It sucks. I'm sure he's safe somewhere," I looked at the boy in my kitchen, quietly sipping soup from a spoon to taste the temperature, and then jerking back when he burnt his tongue. I instantly laughed, and then tried my absolute hardest to cover it with a cough.

"Are you... with someone right now?" Jenny asked slowly. Like she was hoping it was true. Nico was staring at me with wide eyes, and I was staring back, mouth dropped as I looked for words.

"Um, yeah. Sorry Jen, Eloise is over right now to study, and she just, um, dropped something and made a mess. I should probably help her clean it up," I rushed out, lying horribly.

"Oh, yes, 'course. I'll keep you updated on our boy, ok?" Jenny sounded glad that I was with someone rather than sulking, which was good, because she was probably worried out of her mind about both me and her missing son. The missing son that was in my kitchen, pouring soup into two bowls and spilling it on the counter.

"Yes please," I told her, sounding genuine finally, "I'll text you later Jen, and see you in a few days."

"Take care of yourself sweetie," Jenny called, before I hung up.

"You're a menace, and you're gonna get me caught," Nico shook his head as I walked back into the kitchen, wiping the counter with a paper towel.

"And you're a menace, making a mess of my kitchen with the easiest food to make in existence," I snapped back, glad to see that both bowls were filled equally. I slid one off the table and grabbed two spoons.

"I would say fruit loops is easier, but someone let us run out," Nico reached up to tug on his bandages, and I easily moved his hand down.

"I told you, I'll get some later. I'm not your keeper you know," I blew on a spoonful of broth and sipped it, "by the way, we should take those bandages off and let it breathe for a bit."

"Says the man who just said he wasn't my keeper," Nico rolled his eyes, "you're worse than Jane. Or. Whatever her name was. But yeah, probably."

"Excuse me, I'd be a great nurse."

"I don't doubt you, you're great at hovering."

"Rude."

A/n

What the fuck is this ew lol
I'm trying my best
Kinda a filler chapter sorry

Love y'all

Bye bye

Thea