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It wasn't so soon that I reached my apartment, holding my breath like I was about to get attacked by a terrorist or something.

Though it was me who was acting like one.

Jungkook, being the paranoid he was, stood at the bottom of the stairs to make sure I stepped into the elevator in his sight.

I waved at him when the door was about to close and caught him winking at me.

He...

Did he just wink at me?

I pressed my hands over my mouth, trying to suppress the smile that automatically slipped out.

he's cute, really.

After reaching up to my door, I let out a shaky sigh and gripped the cold metal knob, twisting it in the slightest way possible to avoid any source of sound.

Hopefully, it was open. I took my shoes off and placed them in the rack when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"...Hana."

Holy-

"I'm...so sorry mom, I-It was my fault. I'm sorry for not telling you. I was just so full of rage and I know I shouldn't have acted like that, sorry...sorry..." I kept on muttering, scared to turn around and face her.

"Show me your face."

I gulped hard, a bead of sweat unintentionally slipping down my forehead. I wiped it away, my heart thumping erratically in my chest.

"Mom..."

Before I could do anything, she pulled me against her chest, my head automatically placing itself over her shoulder as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Why Hana? I've told you, don't be so sorry."

"But I am at fault."

"It isn't your fault."

"It is..." I said between broken sobs.

"What wrong did you do, Hana?"

...What did I do wrong?

I actually don't know.

But I feel this guilt, of always being wrong, inconsiderate and selfish.

"You didn't reply? You don't know it, right?" She placed her hand on the back of my head as I slowly pulled away, not looking her eyes.

"Hana, you're eighteen. I know what I used to do in the past was cruel, in fact, I compelled you. Sometimes, what children do upsets their parents so the same could be applied to children. Maybe...we did something that you didn't like. We forced you, shouted at you for the minimum chores. But all of that was for your own good. I do realise that we can't control you forever, that you could feel exhausted and take steps which would take you away from us. I don't want this, Hana."

"You really thought so?" I asked.

You took so much time for it. I'm too broken and tired to believe you anymore.

"We've looked for someone who can help you. If you co-operate with us, these issues can be solved. Please Hana."

Looked for someone?

"Wh-Who did you look for?"

She took a deep breath, holding me by placing both her hands on my shoulders.

"A... psychiatrist."

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As I sat on my bed with my legs crossed, I couldn't help but calculate how did I end up here.

"The psychiatrist will come to our house soon. He'll talk to you, like any person. We just have one condition, we will not allow you to go out for about a month, for your own well being. I don't want anything to happen to you anymore. Just stay in and we'll help you with everything you're struggling with, okay?" My mom had said.

All the things happening for the past two months, all the incidents and tragedies kept circling in my head. Feeling depressed, guilty and helpless. Having no one around me. Looking for a therapist by myself. Everything was going right. I met Jungkook. We became friends. Jia kept me distracted. Doctor Hoseok came to-

Doctor Hoseok.

Oh my God.

How long has it been since I saw him?

He told me he'd come to see me once in every week. To check up on me. Where is he?

Did he...no way!

I quickly scrambled through my things, looking for any proof left of that clinic. I didn't know where he lived. I checked through the drawers, pulling them out and tossing all the material out, on my bed.

The prescription, it should be here.

I looked for it through the pages of my books, the pockets of all my clothes, my desk, literally every place possible.

What if mom cleaned my room someday and found it? What if she threw it away?

Maybe it had his number...how do I contact him?

I don't want to see the psychiatrist. I want to see my therapist. Doctor Hoseok. He will help me, he always has.

Maybe if he met my mother earlier, she would have realised that he's better than any of the psychiatrists. I'm not afraid of him, unlike this psychiatrist my parents are talking about.

I couldn't go out, I couldn't even sneak out anymore. My parents had set three cameras, all working at three different sites of our apartment. Neither could I go out nor could anyone meet me, except that stupid psychiatrist and my parents.

"I need to talk. I need someone. Jungkook, I need you..."

My head was hurting, thinking about all of this. Only if I could meet someone who understood me. And that person was Jungkook. He knew what I thought about. He knew what I felt. He knew me.

Because we both were depressed.

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As I sat in the living room of our house, I couldn't help but feel like this wasn't even my house anymore.

The camera at the corner constantly kept moving, making me feel like someone was staring at me this whole time. I felt suffocated.

"Breathe. Nothing will happen." My dad said, reading a pamphlet of I didn't know what was about. My bare feet felt ice cold against the tiles, something I never felt in this house. I wanted to throw up because of this sudden fear and familiar-yet-unfamiliar space.

My mother walked over and sat beside me, untangling my fingers with her hands, which I couldn't stop digging against my palms.

"Hana, feel free to talk to him. Tell him what you feel, and if you hear something strange, then he can-"

"Do you think I'm insane?"

"Hana!"

I flinched at the coldness of my dad's voice. It was the same as ever. Bold and full of command. It reminded me of the last time he talked softly to me, while I was in the hospital.

"Don't shout at her, dear. She's just scared and angry. After all, kids mostly think that parents always do what they want, not knowing it could be beneficial to them."

I took a deep breathe, swallowing my emotions in the form of tears. The bell rang and my mom quickly ran over to the main door, my eyes scanning at the object on the corner of it, with a red light flipping once in every second.

Another stupid stalker machine.

When the door opened, a man followed close behind my mother. The thumps of his shoes made me scared. I didn't want to see him at all.

But he was here now. Mom entered the room first and my father stood up. I kept sitting, staring at the legs of the coffee table. They shook hands and exchanged some words which were beyond my hearing capacity.

I licked my lips, gathering the courage to look at the man standing around the room. God, he was tall. Much taller than my own father. He had these silvery hair, which were shining even more in the light. He was in a suit, all black, with a briefcase in one hand.

"Welcome, doctor Kim. Meet my daughter, Hana Kim. I already told you much about her." My father flashed that fake smile of his in my direction, expecting me to smile back in return, as I always did.

But this time, I didn't. I kept sitting with my hands in my lap. Slowly looking up at the man, I noticed him offering me a smile, without any word spoken. He had these small dimples at the corner of his lips, much deeper than doctor Hoseok's.

It always comes back to him.

He bowed at my mother and placed his briefcase on the coffee table, taking a seat opposite to me. He looked around the room as if taking in the idea of what I must see, I supposed.

"May I have a glass of water, ma'am?"

This was the first time I heard his voice. It was so deep, it sent shivers down my back, unexpectedly. I wanted to run away until now, but as I heard his voice, the anxiety in me slowly started seeping away. It made me unbelievably calm.

As my mom went to get water, my father following her out, I finally looked at him, feeling a little comfortable now that my parents were away from my sight.

"Still not comfortable?" He asked, placing one leg over the other. "Take your time. Don't worry."

"I'm fine." I said, "I just...my parents were here so..."

"You're uncomfortable with your parents?"

What kind of question is that? Would a child be uncomfortable with their parents? When they did nothing but took away their freedom? put on cameras to keep an eye on them? and asked them weird questions?

Maybe a little.

"I-It's not like that."

"You're lying." He said, pointing at me. "Your body language says something else."

So he's that smart?

"Okay, yes, I am not comfortable. Around them or around you. Please leave..."

"Is that so?" He raised an eyebrow and I could see the tick in his jaw, as if he was angry but in a sarcastic way.

Does he have a bad temper? Could he possibly...hit me?

I closed my eyes, feeling my throat tighten. I didn't even know why but I wanted to cry. I wanted someone to hug me. And that someone wasn't any of these people.

"Doctor, here."

As the doctor took a sip from the glass, my father sat on the couch next to him and my mother slid next to me.

"Did she talk?"

"Yes, we did formal introduction. She is a nice girl, very polite." He said, making my ears perk up.

He's totally lying. Is that how psychiatry work?

He pulled out his spectacles from his coat's pocket along with some papers from his briefcase. He wore his glasses as he kept them in place with his finger at the bridge of his nose, scanning the papers in his hand.

"As you were thinking earlier, no I'm not going to hit you, Hana. I'm not a trainer with a hunter who trains a lion to sit on a chair in fear. That only scares the lion and he does so when he's in sight of the trainer. If the trainer won't be there, the lion is free to do whatever he wants. After all, he's the lion. Right, Hana?"

I shook my head at the glory of his words. He was wise. But I still had this thought that I didn't want to get treated by him. Heck, I wasn't even ill!

Wait, but how did he figure out that I was thinking so?!

"Hana is a little shy around men. She's never been around boys. Always been timid, you know." My mom laughed as if it was a matter of pride.

"I see that, Mrs. Kim. Girls like her are most likely to have girls as friends. They share their thoughts with females only, because they feel like their secrets are safer with them. Or they share with women like their mothers. Does she share anything with you?" He asked and my mom stopped smiling.

"O-Oh she does! Most of the time, she is very open to me! As well as her father, we always took great care of her."

Liars. Everyone is a liar.

"Mhm, I see. So, what is her favourite thing to do?"

I watched the colour drain from my mother's face as she placed her arm around my shoulder, as if I will tell her by telepathy. Of course she doesn't know. She doesn't even know 5% of me.

"She...she likes to draw! She likes painting nature and scenery."

I stopped drawing those around 6th grade, mom...

"Oh, that's great. What are her other interests?"

"Shouldn't Hana be the one answering those, doctor?" My dad piped in, trying to save my mother.

"I want to know how much her parents know her first. Of course she knows herself better than anyone, but how others understand her matter too."

"That's right." My mother replied, pushing her hair back. "Her other interests are...uh..."

"You don't know." The doctor replied and I suddenly wanted to laugh. I didn't know how but the tiniest of smile made it's way to my lips, Dr. Kim quickly taking a note as I coughed to cover it up.

"May I...talk to her in person? Can you just give us a little time? It won't take long. And don't worry Mrs. Kim, it's okay if you don't know her, most parents lose track of their children's interests when they enter teenage."

"Oh, w-we will leave then. I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. I'm here."

Watching my mom stand up in embarrassment, I couldn't help but feel a little bad for her. Then I remembered all the times she made me embarrassed about every little thing about my personality. It made my guilt slowly wash away.

As both of them gushed out of the living room, I cleared my throat.

"You... embarassed them. Why?"

"So they could know what you feel."

A strange feeling crawled into my head. He stared at me as I contemplated his words.

"You don't know me and still know me?" I asked him, shifting a little.

"That's my job. Reading minds, souls and body languages. Especially people like you. You are like...an open book, Hana. Very easy to read."

"If you can... then can't you see that I'm completely fine? I-I'm not ill at all!" I tried to defend myself.

"You aren't. I'm here to provide you the help that you need. You might need psychotherapy. And that doesn't mean you are ill at all. You are fine, just lost. I'm here to show you the right way." He leaned in, "will you let me help you?"

No... I don't want to.

I don't want to talk to anybody.

"I... don't."

"Why?"

"I don't know! I know someone better than you. He's my mentor and I'm comfortable with him... he's helped me all the way here and he will help me in the future too! It was so good until my parents decided to bring you here."

Why do I feel so angry...

I want to cry.

"Who's that person? Maybe I know him?"

If I tell him, my parents will know.

"It will be a secret. I won't tell them."

God... he's scaring me.

"He...is my old friend. I can't tell you his name. He's just...a kind therapist."

"Where did you meet him?"

I looked around the room to see if my parents were there to hear me, but I let out a sigh when I noticed no one was there at the door.

"There's...a clinic, I went there alone after school about two months ago. The name of the clinic was... something like H-Hope World? I don't remember."

"Hope World?" He tapped his chin, "maybe I know that place."

"Please don't tell anyone. I don't want them to know...and if you know doctor Hoseok, please tell him to come back to me, I miss him so much." I told him, picking at my nails.

"Doctor Hoseok? That's right! The name sounds familiar."

"You know him?" I almost screamed with excitement, "you do? Where does he live? I want to go see him."

"I was friends with him in high school. We were the same age. Then he went away. I don't remember where he went though." He said, his expression stoic.

"Oh." I closed my eyes in disbelief. "But he's here. I know him and he used to meet me regularly. I just, don't know anymore."

"Is there anyone else you know? Any other person like him?"

I thought for a while. "Jungkook."

"Jung...kook? Is he a friend?" He asked as he noted something down in his notepad.

"Y-Yeah...a friend. I met him just two days ago. That was the last time my parents allowed me to go out."

In fact I ran away myself.

"Does he know Doctor Hoseok?" Pushing his hand through his soft silvery hair, he leaned back into the armchair.

Does he? I don't think...

Wait.

How did I-

Jungkook and Doctor Hoseok...they do know each other! How did I not notice?

"Oh my God." Feeling overwhelmed with all his questions, my head started to spin.

"He does?"

"He... I think I saw him in doctor Hoseok's clinic... but I didn't remember it was him, how could I forget that." I felt a weight on my shoulders as if someone was pushing me down. I slid down the sofa, onto the cold-tiled floor, gripping my hair.

"Are you okay? Hana!" He quickly helped me up.

"You're playing mind games with me! I don't feel like talking anymore, please just let me go... I want to sleep for a while." I begged him and he nodded, calling for my parents.

As my mom helped me walk out of the room, the last thing I remembered was Doctor Kim staring at me in an unnatural way.

A/N

I want to curse at myself because I totally blanked out while writing. It was so many months ago, shit.

But, please understand that I'm now in College. Life is hard at points and my health, both physical and mental are not very good. I'm trying my best, with all the motivation I'm getting. I'll try to update soon, but I can't really promise. I'm sorry :(

Take care everyone ❤️