Today I am one year clean. One year since the last time I did selfharm. So what do I do? Write something, obviously :)

Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me, innit?

I depend on people too much.
I trust people too fast.
I get clingy.
I get attached easily.
I get jealous over unnecessarry stuff.
I get tired.
I get too emotional.
I overreact.
I am selfish.
I am helpless.
I am sad.
I make things cringe.
I am more manipulative than you would think.
I am unhappily in love.
I am weird.
I have issues.

But I am proud.
And if you only know that side of me, you don't know me at all.

Cried too much? Yes.
Broken down way too many times because of people who either don't care or don't know how to show it? Absolutely.
Fallen back? Way too often.

Given up? No.

To those people who have seen me crying because I've laughed for about half an hour straight (or gay),
To those people who understand me so well I can share my weird humor and my deepest thoughts with them,
To those people who let me rant about random stories because they do the same,
To those people who truly care about me and who stayed with me and supported me every step of this goddamn way - every one forward, and every one back:

Thank you for being part of my life. I love you so much and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

And to those who only see and get the first part of this message:

Thank you for teaching me what I was too foolish to understand for too long:
There are people who are not worth depending on them.
Getting clingy or attached.
Getting jealous.
Being emotional or weird because of them.
I don't fucking need you.

Because I have hope.
I may not have confidence.
I may not be as cool or sympathetic or perfect as some people seem to be.
And I am certainly not perfectly allright with myself.

But I am proud.
Proud to be what I am and to have those I actually have.
And proud to be here and alive,
one year after April 27th 2021.

I never want to go back again. One step is okay, or two. But not all the way back to where I started that day.
I've come too far.