Friday 27 January - late afternoon
Cabin on the Shimla Hill Road

Ishita stared at her husband uncertainly. How could she handle this? What could she tell him? How to make him remember without causing him irreparable harm? She could not risk that. Never.

"Tell me. Please." The fight had gone out of his voice. Now it was a plea. A whispered plea.

Her heart went out to him. He deserved to know. And once he knew, he would return to her. And she needed him back. Desperately.

"Raman" she whispered, love and fear fighting within her, the desperate struggle infusing her voice.

"Say it again" he demanded, his senses heightened as she spoke. That voice. That voice. Was it her? "Say my name again"

Tum mujhe yun bhula na paoge

"Ramannn" she whispered again, all her love, all her longing captured in that one word.

And that's when he realized that she was the woman who haunted his dreams.

Jab kabhi bhi sunoge geet mere .......

"Yo..you" he stuttered, shocked. He stared at her for a long moment, his questioning eyes searching for answers in her face. Then his hands dropped off her shoulders and he turned and walked away, staring unseeingly out of a window.

"Raman, kya hua?" Ishita walked up to him and touched his shoulder tentatively. He jerked around and pulled her towards him, pinning her against the wall. She gasped as his eyes blazed fire at her, his hands igniting a torrent of need in her, sparking embers as they held her tight.

"I've been hearing a voice every night Ishita. Ek awaaz, ek aurat ki awaaz, mera naam pukaarta hua. Sirf kisi tarha nahi, lekin pyaar se, chaahat se. Woh aawaz tumhari hai Ishita. It's your voice Ive been hearing. Mujhe sach batao Ishita. Who are you dammit? Who are you ?"
(I've been hearing a voice every night Ishita. A woman calling out my name. Not just in any way, but full of passion, full of love. It's you Ishita. It's your voice I've been hearing. So tell me the truth. Who are you dammit? Who are you?)

Haan....Tum mujhe yun bhula na paoge

"Mein batati hoon Raman" she said quietly, tears brightening her eyes. "Lekin aap ko ek baat yaad rakhna hoga."
(I'll tell you Raman. But you need to remember one thing)

"What?" He demanded fiercely.

"Just that I'm safe. I'm safe Raman, I'm fine. And so are the babies. Raashi and Ishaan are both fine. Please remember that"

"The babies? Your babies? I know they are safe. Why are you..." He looked at her in puzzlement and then let go of her abruptly, stepping back in confusion.

She saw the confusion in his face, the sweat on his brow and moved to him swiftly.

Beeti baato ka kuch khayal karo
Kuch toh bolo kuch humse baat karo

"Raman" she whispered, putting up her hands to cup his face. The next moment her expression changed as her hands encountered his burning hot skin.

"Raman, you're burning up. Kitni tez bukhaar hai aapko" (You have such a high fever)

"Bukhaar? Nahi toh" (Fever? No I don't) He said, surprised, then touched his own forehead, his expression changing. "Never mind. Just tell me dammit." He caught her hands in his again, pulling her toward him, but she pushed him away.

"Raman, I'll tell you everything, lekin pehle aap ka bukhar neeche karna hoga. Aap ko kuch ho gaya toh mein.... Mein ne kaha tha na, mein cabin ko dekh kar aati hoon, aap ko barf mein bheegne ki kya zaroorat thi? Aacha, aap yahan baithiye, please, just sit here."
(Raman, I'll tell you everything but first we need to get your fever down. If anything happens to you I'll.... I said didn't I, that I'll check out the cabin, why did you need to get drenched in the snow? Okay, just sit here, please, just sit here)

She pushed him onto the charpoy and he finally gave in, sitting down as a feverish wave wracked through him, turning his legs to jelly. He had been feeling tired, lethargic even, but had dismissed his fatigue, intent as he was on getting answers from her. Now, though, this malaise seemed to be taking over his senses, and he was relieved, glad, to give in to her insistence.

"There's a first aid kit in my bag Raman, mein abhi tablets laati hoon" She turned around and ran to her bag, her hands fumbling as they located the first aid box. She pulled out a blister pack of fever tablets then rushed to grab a bottle of water. Please Murugan she whispered silently. Let him be okay. Let him be okay.

"Here Raman, drink this" she rushed back to where her husband was sitting, shivering. She sat next to him, holding out the tablets, then holding up the bottle of water to his lips as he gulped the medicine.

"Ishita, I'm sorry" he whispered, as she removed the water bottle from his lips. "This came on so suddenly, I don't know, I'm sorry, I brought you into this mess...it's all my fault...why are you so good to me, I don't deserve...."

"Raman, sshh, ssshh, bas, aap ko aaram karna hai please." (Raman, shhh, enough, you need to rest, please) She soothed his brow with trembling loving hands as he rambled on, terrified at how quickly the fever had overtaken him. He had never mentioned having had malaria, had never had an attack like this before, but this fever, it had all the hallmarks of malaria. Luckily she had some oral quinine in her medicine box, it wouldn't harm him if she gave him a doze.

She got up to go, to bring the quinine, but he held her hand, holding her back.

"Raman, jaan, I'm just coming. Just hold on darling" She wrenched her hand free and rushed back to her suitcase, grabbing the quinine and bringing it back to him swiftly.

"Jaan, yeh lo please" (Love, take this please) she held up the tablet to his mouth and again put the water bottle to his lips, watching in satisfaction as he swallowed the tablet.

She put the water bottle on the floor and urged him to lie down, pushing him back even though he resisted. "Rest Raman, please, close your eyes" she whispered, running her fingers through his short hair, relieved that he was not pushing her away, that she was finally able to do something for her husband. She had cried such bitter tears at being unable to help him when he had been in hospital, had longed to be by him, to soothe his pain.

Her fingers touched the ridge of the ugly scar that marked his surgery and she swallowed her tears, agonizing again at how much he had suffered, and just how delicate his health still was.

"Try to sleep jaan" she whispered, as he finally lay back, his head supported by the rolled up clothes she had hurriedly thrust under his neck.

"Nahi hoon" he whispered sleepily. (I'm not)

"Kya Raman?" (What Raman?)

"Mein kisi ka jaan nahi hoon Ishita. I'm a loser, I'm all alone." (I'm not anyone's love Ishita. I'm a loser, I'm all alone)

"No" she whispered, tears filing her eyes yet again. "Meri jaan ho. Aur akele bilkul nahi ho. So jaao ab please. Subah bahut kuch batana hai aap se." (No, you're my love. And you're not alone. Sleep now please. I have so much to tell you in the morning)

Raz e dil mai tumhe bata doongi
Mai tumhari hoon maan jaoge

She grabbed the blanket that Sharmaji had put in the car, and covered him with it, adding her thick woolen shawl on top as he continued to shiver. Then finally, as he appeared to fall asleep, she got up and stoked the fire, before making a cup of soup for herself. Soup eaten, she grabbed one of the wooden boxes and sat on it by his side, prepared to watch over him.

And the storm raged on outside.

******************************
Saturday 28 January - early morning
Raman opened his eyes with a start, wondering where in the world he was.

He grimaced as he felt the string of the charpoy underneath him, and sat up quickly, throwing off the blanket and the shawl that covered him.

What the hell, he wondered as he looked around the tiny cabin, as recollection came rushing back.

Of course,they were marooned here, in the middle of the Shimla Hills, and he had developed a sudden fever. He touched his forehead. Well, he seemed fine now. Dim recollections came back to him. Of her giving medicine to him. Forcing him to drink soup. Sitting by his side. Sponging his forehead. Yes, he was fine now, and it was all thanks to her. All thanks to Ishita. But where the hell was she?

He looked around the cabin, bathed in the glow of early morning sunlight. The fire was still burning, even though much lower than it had been the night before, and the pile of wood had diminished considerably. She must have been feeding the fire the entire night, to keep him warm, while he had been sleeping like some damned useless baby.

But where was she?

He looked around the cabin wildly and then rushed to the front door, sighing with relief as he saw her approaching from a few yards away.

She was dressed in similar ski pants to that she had been wearing the day before, but the skivvy she had on today was as white as the snow that surrounded her. And it was tight, hugging her figure, accentuating her curves as she approached the cabin, lugging a bucket.A fur lined cape swirled around her, it's hood covering her hair, black tendrils escaping to frame her flushed face. She was wearing no make up, but she was beautiful.

God help him, he wanted her so much. So much it hurt.

"Give that to me" he demanded, rushing up to her and taking her by surprise.

"Raman" she exclaimed. "Aap jaag gaye? Kaise hai..." (Raman, you're awake? How are yo...)

"Andar chalo" he said gruffly, hiding his relief under his habitual scowl as he took the bucket of snow from her. "Yeh kya hai? Yeh barf kyun lekar ghum rahi ho?"
(Come inside. What is this? Why the hell are you lugging around this snow?)

"I'm going to heat it up Raman, so you can take a bath" she explained patiently, looking at him earnestly, and then touching his forehead with her palm. "Hmm, the fevers gone and you look so much better now, but you'll feel even better after a bath. I've already had mine. You must be wanting to use the bathroom too, there's a latrine at the back. It's a pit and it's frozen, but there's no choice. I'll heat the water in the meantime. Now go"

Raman looked at her in amazement, then started to laugh.

"Yaar, tum kya cheez ho? I never know what to expect with you" He put down the bucket where she indicated and then headed for the back door, only to be stopped by her again.

"Yeh pehno " (Put this on) She handed his heavy parka to him, her eyes flashing as if daring him to refuse.

The refusal died on his tongue at the look in her eyes and he shrugged it on, zipping it up as she pointed to his shoes.

"And that"

"Yes ma'am" he grinned at her as he slipped on his shoes. "Aur kuch?" (Anything else?)

"Yeh le kar jao" She handed one of the halogen lanterns to him. "Andhera hai wahan. Baaki sab kuch andar rakh diya hai. Ab jao, mein paani garam karti hoon." (Take the with you. It's dark in there. I've put everything else inside. Now go, I'll heat the water)

And as he nodded at her and turned to go, he wondered again why he was so happy to be bossed around by her. Well, he would find out soon. This mystery would get solved today.

******************************
Thirty Minutes Later

Ishita sighed as she gave up trying to find a signal, and pulled her phone out of the car charger, turning off the ignition as she did so. She had left Raman alone to have his bath in the cabin. Now she needed to go back and answer his questions. She needed to make him remember without pushing him into shock, or bringing on another fit like the one he had experienced at the Doctors surgery.

She sighed as she pulled her cape closer around her, tucking her hair into the fur lined hood, before opening the door. The next moment she was engulfed into his arms as he lifted her off the seat, shutting the door with his shoulder as he had done yesterday.

"Raman" she gasped. "Kya kar rahe ho. Phir beemar ho jaoge. Bahar kyun aaye? Mein aa hi....."
(Raman, what are you doing? You'll get sick again. Why did you come out? I was just coming...)

"Chup " he thundered. "Bilkul chup. Ab bahut ho gaya Ishita. Ab mujhe jawab chahiye."
(Quiet, just be quiet. I've had enough Ishita. I want answers, and I want them now)

And with that, he carried her back into the cabin.

******************************
He was breathing heavily as he stormed back into the cabin, not from the exertion, but from the burning need that filled him as he cradled her in his arms. Flames of desire erupted at every point where their bodies touched, and he knew that he could not take it any longer. Every time he held her he knew she belonged to him. His heart whispered it. His aching body screamed it out. She was his. But she was married. So how could this be? And how could he handle this any longer? This uncertainty. This desperate need. This woman.

He put her down, and made an effort to control himself, stepping back from her, his eyes closed, but his senses heightened, aware of her with every pore of his being.

"Raman" she whispered, knowing that the time had come. "Raman, aao mere paas." (Raman, come to me)

"Kaun ho tum?" He demanded, lifting tortured eyes to her. "Who are you?"

Meri khamoshiyo ko samjho tum
Zindagi yaad mein guzaari hai

She knew that her closeness brought back memories for him. She could make him remember if he would come to her.

"Mein aap ki Ishita hoon Raman" (I'm your Ishita, Raman)

"Phir woh kaun hai?" He demanded, flicking a finger at the thaali she wore around her neck. "Tumhaara pati, jis ke naam ki nishaani tum aaj bhi pehenti ho? Jis ke khilaaf ek shabd nahi sun sakti. Kahan hai woh? Kyun de rahi ho uss ko dhoka? Kyun gaya tumhe chodh kar? Mere kaaran? Kya mein itna gir gaya hoon ki tumhaari shaadi mein ne tod di?"
(Then who is he? Your husband, whose wedding token you still wear? Against whom you won't hear a word. Where is he? Why are you betraying him? Why did he leave you? Because of me? Have I really stopped so low, that I broke your marriage?)

She saw the self loathing in his eyes and her heart smote in pain for him.

Mein miti hoon tumhari chahat mein
Aur kitna mujhe mitaoge

"No Raman" she cried, stepping up to him, trying to take him into her arms. "It's not like that mere jaan. Aap hi...."

"Don't" he cried, wrenching himself away from her, interrupting her. "Don't hold me. Don't touch me. You're driving me crazy Ishita. I don't know what or how, but this can't happen. This is wrong. It just cant."

"But Raman, listen to me. There's nothing wrong. You've done nothing wrong. You're my..."

"No" His heart was beating furiously and he wondered why he did not want her to tell him the truth that he had been so desperate to hear. What the hell was this fear that held him in such thrall that his ears could not listen to the truth. "No" he repeated, pushing past her towards the door. "No"

"Raman, listen to me" She threw her arms around him, hugging him from the back, stopping him in his tracks. "Listen to me jaan."

He could feel the outline of her soft form through the clinging wool she wore, through the fabric of his own T-shirt. She felt so good, so warm. It felt so right, so right. His heart thundered in his chest as she snaked her arms around him, her fingers caressing his chest.

Ramann, oh Ramann. Yes baby, that feels so good. Her voice, in the throes of lovemaking. They had done this before. She had held him before. It was wrong. It was right. He could not fight it anymore.

He turned around, pulling her to himself, until they stood nose to nose, quivering lips an inch away, their breath mingling, their hearts beating in unison.

"Raman, I'm safe, remember that." Her voice was a whisper as she gently touched her nose to his, her hands reaching up to cradle his face. Again that avowal of safety, just as she had done last night.

"Why do you keep saying that?" he demanded, shivering, as her hands softly caressed his cheeks, her fingers moving up, then alighting in his hair as she made concentric circles on his scalp.

"You forgot me" she whispered "Because you thought you had lost me. You preferred to forget that I ever existed rather than face losing me. But I'm here, I'm safe. And I want you to remember. I want you to remember me."

"I ...I want to....Ishita...." His voice shook as she continued to caress him, her fingers wreaking havoc on his senses. He took a deep breath, inhaling her fragrance, taking in his fill of her nearness.

He shuddered as her fingers continued their gentle caress, and he felt her tremble in response. She was just as affected as he was, he knew, as his gaze dropped to her quivering lips.

What had she told him? She was here. She was safe. He needed to get past his irrational fear. He needed to know who she was. And more than anything, he needed to make love to her. He swallowed as his gaze remained fixated on her lips, his heart beating erratically again.

"Kiss me Raman" She wetted her lips as she stared up at him, the need for him overwhelming her senses. She had sought his closeness to make him remember, but touching him, the feel of his skin under her fingers, his body against her, had ignited the fires of passion that his amnesia had reduced to embers. It had been so long. So very long.

Kaun tadpa tumhari raho mein
Jab ye sochoge jaan jaoge

"Ishita" His heart was racing now, his control slipping, his fear returning. What was happening to him?

"Kiss me jaan" she stepped even closer to him, moulding her body to his, until every inch touched his, her thighs straining against his, her soft chest crushed into his hardness. Her fingers, her hands drew his head towards her, and she knew that her love was winning out against his fear. He stiffened, but only momentarily,  and then his hands went around her, involuntarily, of their own volition, as a reluctant groan escaped him.

"Ishita" he repeated, his voice a throaty whisper.

He had held her before. So many times. He had loved her before. So many times.

"Kiss me" she repeated, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she placed her soft lips on his, her hands drawing his head down to hers.

For a moment they remained motionless, lips just touching, bodies nestled into each other's. And then her lips opened against his and he was lost.

He ground desperate lips onto hers, his arms tightening around her as he pulled her into himself. She was so sweet, she tasted so good, she.... his tongue pushed inside her mouth as she opened her lips hungrily to him, desperate to assuage her thirst after weeks of abstinence and fear.

She tasted so sweet. This felt so good. This was right. She was his. He had found her. He had come home. He deepened the kiss, as if he would draw out her very essence, as he lost himself in her.

And then the noises started. Gunfire. Screams.. Ishitaaa. Go from here. Raman, noooo.

She sensed his distraction, her eyes opening wide as he pulled away from her, clutching his head. One moment he had been lost in her, the next he looked lost.

He cried out as memories came rushing back, filling his head with sounds, his nostrils with the acrid stench of gunfire.

The grenade. The explosion. He hadn't been able to stop the terrorist from throwing the grenade. They had killed her, so how was she here? He had killed her. His wife. His babies. They had died because of him. Tears filled his eyes, flow into ng down uncontrollably as he shook his head, swaying where he stood, not seeing the horror on her face, her hands outstretched to him, trying to hold him.

"Raman? Kya hua?" She grabbed at him in desperate horror, unable to bear the grief etched in his face. "What's wrong Raman?"

He pushed her away, not seeing her, wanting only to quiet the voices, the overwhelming noise in his head. His Ishita, his Raashi, his Ishaan. They had all died because of him. He couldn't live without them, he couldn't even imagine life without them. He needed to get away. He needed to.... He rushed for the door, blindly, tears obscuring his vision as he pushed the doorknob roughly, breathing heavily as he stepped outside. He did not feel the cold, did not notice the bright sunlight that reflected off the pure white snow. He stumbled as he stepped off the porch, and then he rushed out into the quietness of the frozen valley.

******************************

Ishita stood still for a moment, staring in horror after her husband as he half stumbled, half ran outside. What had she done? Oh God, What had she done?

"Murugan, please, please, please" she prayed, tears, streaming down her face as she ran outside after him. "Let him be okay. Please Murugan."

She looked around wildly as she stepped outside the door, uncaring of the bitter chill that assaulted her.

"Raman" she screamed out, gasping with fear. "Raman"

And then her heart skipped a beat. He had fallen to his knees in the snow a few meters away, his face in his hands as heart wrenching sobs wracked through him.

"Raman" she cried brokenly, as she ran up to him, dropping to her knees beside him. "Raman"

And then he raised his head, and looked at her.

Jab kabhi bhi sunoge geet mere
Sang sang tum bhi gungunaoge
Tum mujhe

Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Jab kabhi bhi sunoge geet mere
Sang sang tum bhi gungunaoge

Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Haan tum mujhe yoon

Beeti baato ka kuch khayal karo
Kuch toh bolo kuch hamse baat karo

Beeti baato ka kuch khayal karo
Kuch toh bolo kuch hamse baat karo
Raz e dil mai tumhe bataa doongi
Mai tumhari hoon maan jaoge

Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Haan tum mujhe yoon

Meri khamoshiyo ko samjho tum
Zindagi yaad mein guzaari hai

Meri khamoshiyo ko samjho tum
Zindagi yaad mein guzaari hai
Mein miti hoon tumhari chahat mein
Aur kitna mujhe mitaoge

Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Haan tum mujhe yoon

Dil hi dil mein tumhi se pyar kiya
Apne jiwan ko bhi nisaar kiya

Dil hi dil mein tumhi se pyar kiya
Apne jiwan ko bhi nisaar kiya
Kaun tadpa tumhari raho mein
Jab ye sochoge jaan jaoge

Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Jab kabhi bhi sunoge geet mere
Sang sang tum bhi gungunaoge
Haan tum mujhe yoon bhula na paoge
Haan tum mujhe yoon