I didn't know it was possible for your brain to shut down due to being overfed too much information.

I do now.

Haiden doesn't stop talking. She is still currently talking however her voice has faded into the background as I walk around the kitchen she's brought me to.

I run my fingers along the counters and large hunks of metal, their purpose completely unknown to me. There are handles everywhere, and when I tug on them, they open to display piles of cutlery, dishes, pots and other items I can't name.

My chest hurts as I'm reminded of Dab. I was never allowed in the kitchen with him, and I never once asked how they prepared the food or how they organised it so there was a minimum amount of touch. I wish I had now. I wish I'd taken more interest.

Dab always said the kitchen was run with military precision. I never understood what that meant. I never tried to understand.

'Kit?' Haiden's voice snaps me out of my trance. She smiles widely. 'You must be hungry. There are loads of jars of pickled veg. No one will mind if we eat one or two. There are never any leftovers from mealtimes, people always come back for seconds until it runs out, so when I get hungry I raid the pickled veg collection. It's the only thing available.'

Haiden reaches out to take my hand. I step back so her hand passes through the air my body was standing in only a second ago. She shrugs casually as though my actions don't bother her, however, she is unable to hide the frown which flickers across her face.

Turns out, Techies aren't the only ones addicted to touching.

Haiden keeps attempting to touch me, to pat me on the shoulder or hold my arm to direct me somewhere. I keep telling myself I'll let her make contact the next time. Every time, my body refuses to listen to instructions and jerks away. I've stopped telling myself I won't do it next time. I need to stop lying to myself.

'The community you were with before, were they settled or did they move about?' Haiden walks over towards a wall of jars. Her finger runs along the labels until she grabs two jars and turns towards me.

'We lived in a summer camp.'

'Camp? You lived in tents?'

'No wooden cabins.'

'When did your community settle there?'

'It was founded nineteen years ago.'

'Nineteen years ago. Wow. Thats amazing. I haven't heard of any community being around for that long. So you were born there?'

I nod. I was born within the walls surrounding my settlement even if it wasn't in the Naturalist settlement. 'What are we eating?'

'We've got pickled potatoes with carrots and pickled cabbage.' Haiden places the jars on the table. She opens several drawers, retrieves two bowls and two forks. 'How many people were in your group?'

'Around a hundred.' I really don't want to talk about me or where I've come from. 'What about you? You started telling me about you and Roman but didn't get to finish.'

'Ahhh... Roman. He's my saviour. I wouldn't be alive without him. He thinks I'm being silly when I say stuff like that, but it's true. I love him. He also thinks I'm being silly when I say that too. But seriously, what's not to love? Like I said earlier, our families joined this religious cult but everyone died apart from us. I was around one and he was fifteen, and he looked after me. He didn't have to. He could have left me or put me out of my misery or handed me over to others but he didn't. I know it was just the two of us for a couple of years before he met other people and they moved in here.' Haiden twists open the lid of each jar and scoops the contents into two separate bowls.

'How long have you been living here?'

'I'm around sixteen or seventeen so it was about nine or ten years ago.' Haiden pushes the bowl towards me and grabs the other.

'You don't know how old you are?'

'No. Most people who aren't born here don't. Hard to keep track of age when you're wandering with no concept of time. Roman said I was around one, give or take a year because what does a fifteen-year-old know about babies and ages.' Haiden puts a fork full of food in her mouth.

'You and Roman must be close then?' I prod the food with my fork. I can't believe I'm missing the vegetable mush from home. Placing a small forkful in my mouth, I chew slowly.

Why do all vegetables remind me of home? Because that's all we ate.

'Yeah, we are really close but he thinks of me like a sister or something, which is annoying because I definitely do not see him as a brother. But whenever I try to talk to him about it, he gets all funny and tells me I'm being silly. He's always telling me I'm being silly. He also says I'm confusing my feelings of comfortableness with him for something else, whatever that means.' Haiden waves her fork in the air. 'I do love him because of what he did but I also feel other things, like I want to kiss him and rub my whole body against him, preferable when we're both naked.'

I splutter in surprise at her admission. Pressing my lips together, in an attempt to not spit the entire contents of my mouth over Haiden, causes the food to go in the opposite direction and get stuck in my throat. My eyes water as I choke on an evil piece of cabbage trying to strangle me from the inside.

Haiden jumps forward. Her hand hits my back and I scrabble forward. Shaking my head, I cough, 'need...water....'

Haiden grabs a glass, fills it from a tap and offers it to me. I take it, forcing myself not to flinch when her fingers graze mine slightly however I can't ignore the unwelcome sensation travelling along my hand and up my arm causing all my muscles to tense.

I sip the glass and clear my throat. 'Thank you. Sorry, the food went down the wrong way.'

'That's cool. Anyway, so I was saying I want Roman like in a sexual way and a boyfriend way. Unfortunately, he doesn't want me in either of those ways anyway.' Haiden picks up her bowl and rams a forkful of food in her mouth. Chewing rapidly, she looks annoyed and upset.

I should say something comforting. But what? This sort of conversation is so far away from anything I've had before. My friends never talked about wanting to hold a hand let alone, rub against someone's naked body. My friends never even spoke about finding people attractive. The first time I knew Axel liked me was when he tried to force a kiss on me. I'm starting to think it's not only me who is a little messed up.

I think all Naturalists are a little messed up.

'Maybe, he's finding it hard to see you in that way because you grew up together,' I say.

'Yeah, but you and Zach grew up together and you two are all over each other.'

'We didn't grow up together.'

'Oh, I assumed you did. Did Zach join you later then?'

'We only met a few months ago.' I shrug.

'Wow.' Haiden places another fork of food in her mouth. 'You two took off together after a few months. That's really romantic. You must really be in love.'

I am. I doubt Zach is.

I shovel a fork full of food in my mouth and mumble something non-committal. Zach left because he didn't have a choice. His mother didn't want him, she wanted me and not in the motherly protective way. She wanted to test on me and find a way to make everyone resistant. What would she do if she knew this place existed? A building full of resistant people. I shudder at the thought.

The bedroom I'm meant to be sleeping in has multiple mismatched beds in. I count the beds again. There is still the same amount. Three.

I'm going to have to share.

I wrap my arms around my waist. Maybe, Doll is currently bringing up a mattress.

Haiden changes into a baggy t-shirt. I open my bag but there's nothing clean for me to wear. The last few days have meant we couldn't replace our clothing or wash anything so I have a bag full of smelly sweaty material. I've had a shower however I had to put my old sticky smelly clothes back on.

They feel and smell disgusting.

'Do you want to borrow something to wear?' Haiden asks, already digging through a draw. She pulls out a few items and holds them out to me. 'And if you need clean clothes tomorrow, help yourself. I'm not precious about my stuff you can borrow whatever.'

'Thanks, Haiden.' I inspect the large baggy t-shirt and shorts.

Cas and Mercy walk in and slump on what I assume is their beds. Cas yawns, propping herself on her elbows she looks at us. 'Where have you two been?'

'Making a list of plants we want to find tomorrow,' Haiden says.

'Exciting. You're really living life on the edge, Haiden,' Cas retorts.

'People get their excitement in different ways, Cas.' Haiden says as she sits on the bed. She crosses her legs and looks at me with a serious expression. 'Kit, now that you're joining us in this room you can help us with a very important decision.'

I don't even know if I'm staying. I frown. 'I don't-'

'What colour would you choose to paint the walls and why?' Haiden gestures at four squares patches of colour behind her: a deep rich purple, a light sky blue, black and pure white are visible against the grey wall.

'The light blue because it reminds me of the sky,' I say, trying to change into the large baggy t-shirt without exposing myself. I've never changed in front of anyone before. Apart from Zach.

I wish I was sharing a room with Zach.

I haven't seen Zach since lunch and I miss him. I really am turning into a clingy girlfriend.

Haiden groans and Cas laughs, 'Now you have four different opinions to choose from, Haiden. I think we should just paint each wall one of the colours and then we all get what we want.'

'That will look terrible. None of the colours go.' Mercy scrunches up her face.

'Who cares?' Cas shrugs.

'We're never going to agree on a colour at this rate,' Haiden huffs.

'How long have you been trying to decide?' I say, taking off my trousers and quickly pulling on a pair of shorts.

'Nearly a year.' Haiden shakes her head. 'Cas selected a bunch of different cans of paint when she went into the town with Doll. We did test patches but we can't agree. Cas wants white, Mercy wants purple, I want black and now you want blue.'

'I would haven't guessed you'd pick black,' I say.

'What's wrong with black?' Haiden says confused.

'Nothing. I've just never seen a room painted all black.'

'Because everyone knows it's a stupid colour to paint an entire room,' Cas says.

'It's a powerful colour,' Haiden retorts.

'And why would we need our bedroom to feel powerful?' Cas lays back on her bed. 'I cannot wait to get my own room.'

'You love sleeping with us,' Haiden says. 'Don't pretend otherwise.'

'How long have you been sharing?' I ask.

'I only moved in two years ago,' Mercy says. 'I think my mum was a little upset, but it's nice to have some space and to get away from her snoring.'

'You're mum's alive?'

'Yep. We lived in a town not far from here. When Virulence broke out I was a baby. My dad left us; my mum isn't sure where he went or if he survived. We both have a bit of nasal and throat damage so neither of us can smell or taste anything,' Mercy says. 'My mum locked us in our house while it was chaos, she only ever left to find us food. After a few years, there was no one left and she assumed everyone had died until she met Dolly who brought us here. Me and my mum shared a room for years until Cas and Haiden asked if I wanted to share with them. They've been sharing for a lot longer.'

'Only because Ethel didn't think it was appropriate for me and Bo to share a room as teenagers so I got put in with Haiden,' Cas huffs.

'Ethel and Roman are pretty strict about bedroom arrangements. They keep threatening to swap our rooms to a different floor to the boys,' Mercy says.

'Why?' I ask.

'Because Bo and Nate are just opposite. They don't like us going into each other's rooms at night,' Cas says. 'Which is ridiculous on so many levels, they should be worried about Bo and Nates' activities.'

Doll walks into the room and looks around the room then gives me an apologetic smile. 'I'm sorry Kit, I haven't had a chance to sort out an extra bed. You'll have to share with one of the others for the time being.'

'You can share with me tonight,' Haiden says.

I stiffen and manage to croak out. 'Ok, thanks.'

'Electricity switches off in fifteen minutes to conserve energy. There's a torch by the door in case you need to make a trip to the loo in the night.' Doll smiles. 'Sleep tight.'

'Good night,' I say quietly.

Haiden climbs under her blankets and shuffles up to make room for me. I fold my dirty clothes and rearrange the contents of my bag. I'm stalling. I really do not want to get into the bed with Haiden.

I can't do it.

Glancing at Haiden, I swallow hard. 'Haiden, I'll be back in a minute.'

'Ok,' Haiden says.

Out in the hallway, I lean my back against the wall, close my eyes and inhale deeply. I can do this. I can share a bed. I've done it plenty of times with Zach. This is no different.

This is very different.

'You look incredibly cute when you're psyching yourself up,' Zach whispers.

'What makes you think I'm psyching myself up?' I open my eyes and Zach's standing in front of me. His hair is damp, he smells freshly cleaned, and I'm surprised by the ripple of jealously over the fact I wasn't there with him.

'I've watched you mentally prepare yourself every night before sleeping in the same bed as me.'

'Not true,' I say unconvincingly. It is true.

Neither of us were comfortable sleeping in separate rooms. Whether it was due to the dead bodies or the unknown, we slept in the same bed from the first night without considering another option. 

I may have wanted to share a bed with him however that didn't mean I wasn't nervous.

'Ok, I lied. It was only the first twenty seven days. The last couple of nights you haven't. You stopped once you introduced me too other stuff.' Zach grins briefly then his expression turns serious. 'How are you doing?'

'Terribly.' I tug at the t-shirt I'm wearing. 'Everyone is so hands-on. Physically hands on.'

'Maybe I can help?'

'How?'

'I could remind you how enjoyable touching can be,' Zach says.

My heart rate picks up, my chest heaves a little and I whisper, 'that might work.'

Zach smirks as he steps forward and traps my legs in-between his. Zach's hands gently grip my waist as his mouth softly brushes my lips. His one hand slides down the material of the top, lingering at the hem before dipping underneath and settling on my stomach. His fingers caress my skin which sends a jolt of electricity through my body. Zach leans closer, his body pressing against mine. His mouth moves along my jaw, down my neck leaving a trail of heat and my insides clench. My hands grip his sides bringing him even closer.

Zach always makes touching enjoyable. Really enjoyable.

'They're at it again,' Cas's voice cuts through the haze of desire and Zach groans.

Cas cackles. 'They are all over each other.'

I turn to see Cas's head peering out of the door, laughing at us.

'Do you two get off on doing it in public places?' Cas asks. Without waiting for an answer she continues, 'Kit, Haiden's drifting off and she's already taking up the whole bed so I suggest you claim your spot now. She does not move for anyone once she's asleep.'

'Thanks. I'll be in, in a minute,' I sigh as she disappears back into the room.

'You're sharing a bed?' Zach raises an eyebrow.

'Meant to be.' I lean into Zach. 'You were wrong, I haven't changed. I still can't stand it when people touch me. I panic every time someone makes the slightest move towards me.'

'You are changing in more ways than you realise.' Zach's arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest.

'I don't know if I can sleep in the same bed as someone else.'

'You've been doing it with me.'

'You're different, Zach. I know I'm safe from Virulence, but the thought of contact makes me feel odd and sick. I keep freaking out.'

'Stop being so hard on yourself. Just imagine it was the other way round. If I joined the Naturalist settlement, I would probably be exiled in the first hour for touching everyone. You're getting used to a different approach and it's going to take time. If anything, this just gives us an excuse to practise overcoming your aversion.' Zach tilts his head back to look at me. 'However, the way today went, I'm not sure when we'll get time to practise, I barely saw you. Where were you this evening?'

'After lunch, me and Haiden were trying to make a list of possible plants we might find on our excursion tomorrow. We lost track of time and missed mealtime. We ended up raiding the kitchen for leftovers.'

'Find anything good?'

'Lots of jars of pickled vegetable. I never thought I would miss the vegetable mush from home.'

'I could go back and tell your family about this place. Try to convince them it's safe to leave the Naturalist settlement.' Zach tilts my face up towards his.

'Maybe,' I murmur. I'm not entirely sure my parents would come. Their past is so influenced by the horrors and loss they experienced, would they risk the trip? And how could I ask Mattan to leave with Mara and a new baby? And what about the Virulence risk? 'Do you know a lot of them are resistant to Virulence?'

Zach nods.

'Have you told them you're not resistant?'

'Fara said the last case of Virulence here was over a nine years ago so I'll be fine.' Zach frowns. 'We should have a safe word. If things get too much and you want to leave, say the word and we'll go. No questions asked.'

'Hopefully, it won't come to that,' I respond.

Zach shrugs. 'As a precaution.'

'I could just say I want to leave.'

'That's boring Kit, and I know you're not boring.'

I roll my eyes. 'How about a safe sentence? It could be, you promised me a new book.'

Zach laughs. 'Easily included in conversation and a reference to one of my favourite activities. Perfect.' Zach brushes his lips against mine. 'I'm going to miss you tonight.'

'You mean you'll miss doing other stuff.' I push him back gently.

'No.' Zach grips my waist and pulls me to him. 'I'll miss you. I like falling asleep with you in my arms and I like waking up next to you. In fact, I like being with you all the time, regardless of whether we do other stuff.'

The words I love you hover on the tip of my tongue. I open my mouth but I can't say them. I sigh and lean in for a kiss. 'I'm going to miss you tonight too.'

Back in the girls' room, I walk up to the bed I'm meant to be sharing. Haiden is fast asleep, her legs spread out at an angle which looks uncomfortable. There is no way I can fit in without being squashed against her.

I attempt to wake her by saying her name but she won't move. My fingers hover over her sleeping body yet every time I try to touch her I tense up. I shake out my fingers, my hand aches as though the proximity alone has an effect on me and my breathing is a little ragged. Cas and Mercy watch me curiously.

Yes, I agree with what you're thinking. I'm crazy.

'I've got to get something,' I mutter to no one in particular.

Returning to the hall, I pace in front of the door, inhaling deeply. I can do this. I can't do this. I can. I can't.

The lights go out and I'm swallowed by complete darkness. I sink to the floor. Curling my legs into me, I rest my forehead on my knees and seriously contemplate suggesting to Zach we leave tomorrow. Can I convince him to wander aimlessly with only me for company?

The real question, however, is would he be truly happy with only me in his life?

Author's note:

Things are going to go off soon!

I'm really feeling for Kit at the moment! What about you? Xx