"Hey, Tommy," I said brightly, as I let the screen door slam behind me.

I walked a couple yards away from the house. With the windows open, you could hear whatever was going on on the porch clear as day. How did I know this, you ask? Okay, maybe I was eavesdropping on Jake. Just a little bit. It was an accident! I was in the kitchen, and he was on the porch. You can't blame my ears for listening. It's what they do. Besides, its not as if I heard anything incriminating. I could only really hear Jake anyways. It just confirmed what I already suspected. He was popular. Mega popular. Like I bet he was prom king and homecoming king for four years straight. He partied. Everyone knew him. Worshipped him. Why wouldn't they? He was nice and smart and funny and— yeah, okay he was attractive. And a jock. So basically everything I already knew. I did learn about Allie though. He'd never mentioned an Allie. But of course there was an Allie. Of course there was. She was probably mega popular too. And pretty. And nice. And went to his games, and went to parties, and all of that high school stuff. I didn't know why I was dwelling on this Allie.

"Soph!" the familiar sound of his voice filled my ear, and I stopped in my tracks, satisfied that Jake could not hear anything. Listen, if I eavesdropped he sure as hell would do the exact same thing. Not to mention he's been far too interested in my deal with Tommy from the beginning. The nosy little dork. Nosy, cute little dork.

"I can't believe you actually picked up," Tommy was saying, and thick guilt settled in the pit of my stomach. He was still my best friend. Usually, I talked to him every single day. Since middle school. It was just— I don't know.

"Yeah— no, sorry," I winced. God, I felt awful. "I've just been so busy."

"Yeah, Reagan told me," he replied. "She said you've actually been having fun." I heard it then. There was a slight undercurrent of accusation to this seemingly innocent comment. He was hurt I'd been talking to Reagan, but dodging his calls. Which is completely and totally valid.

I sighed, "It's actually going a lot better than I expected. Everyone at work is super nice."

"Oh yeah," he said offhandedly, "she mentioned you'd made friends."

I gulped, my heart rate skyrocketing. Oh no. "She— she did?"

"Yeah," answered Tommy, and I shut my eyes tightly. "Maia and Kai, right?"

I let out the biggest breath known to man, "Oh— right. Yes. They're great."

So Reagan didn't tell him about Jake. Did he know anything? At all? Why hadn't she told him? I hadn't asked her to keep it a secret. But she didn't tell him. In fact, she purposely left his name out. More importantly, why hadn't I told him?

"Well, I'm glad you're not completely miserable," Tommy laughed lightly. "I know Abby really pushed this, and you weren't super comfortable so— it's good you're making the best of things."

"Yeah— yeah," I bit my lip. I was far from miserable. So far I couldn't even see miserable. I wasn't just making the best of things, I was honestly enjoying myself. For the first time in a very long time, I was enjoying myself. I rode a motherfucking zip line today. A zip line. I almost told Tommy, but then I decided against it. I don't know why.

As I paced back and forth in the yard, I glanced towards the house. I found Jake looking out the window. At me. Or at least, in my direction. I caught his eye, and he ducked his head almost immediately. I scrunched my nose, poking my tongue out at him, and he grinned back at me, mouthing 'dork'. My heart fluttered, and I couldn't help but smile.

"...you know that," Tommy was saying, and I tore myself away from the boy in the window.

"Sorry- what?" I cringed internally.

I heard Tommy's smile. "Did you have a Sophar out moment?" A Sophar out moment. I hadn't heard him say that in a while. He had coined the term in eighth grade, and both him and Regan thought it was hilariously spot on. To be fair, I did have the tendency to zone out.

"You know me too well," I said softly, suddenly missing him.

He chuckled, "Awww, I love your Sophar out moments. They're the cutest." Then, "All I was saying is that I'm here. I know Abby's your sister and you love her, but I also know she can be a lot for you. So, if you need to talk. I'm here. You can always talk to me." Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. So much guilt. All the guilt. I was filled to the brim with guilt. I'd forgotten how great Tommy was. How nice he was.

I remember in freshman year, during our class overnight, one of the activities was rock climbing. I had been nauseous just looking at the cliff we were supposed to scale, the thought of putting my fate in the hands of a rope, classmate, and the words 'belay on' sending me into instantaneous panic. Reagan had told me to just try. She coaxed and wheedled and tried to persuade me that I could do it. But I refused. Eventually, she gave up. Tommy, on the other hand, had whispered, "It's okay. If you don't want to. If you can't. You don't have to. I understand." Then he'd unclipped his harness, shedded his helmet, and sat with me on a flat rock the entire time. Tommy never told me to push my boundaries. Never. That is, until the day he pushed them.

I sighed heavily, "I know, Tommy. Thank you."

"Soph?"

"Yeah?"

He exhaled, "I miss you."

"I miss you too." I meant it. I did miss him. It was just— the thing. I could feel us toeing closer to it. Skating around it, but approaching it all the same. My fear was confirmed after a beat of silence when Tommy spoke again.

"Hey— Soph, can we talk? When you get back," he asked. "I think we need to— to talk. Because— I mean— can we—?"

"Sure," I responded breezily, trying to play it off. "You and Reagan are my first stop the second I get off the plane." That's not what he was asking. I know that's not what he was asking. And he knows it too. There is another beat. It lasts too long.

"Soph—"

"Tommy, I actually have to go," I blurted, cutting him off before he could finish. "Abby's calling me in." I was lying. Lying through my damn teeth.

"Oh— okay? I—"

"Bye!" I clicked the red 'end call' button before he could say anything else. Ugh. I resisted the urge to scream. Why did everything have to get so complicated? Why did he have to make everything so complicated. Sometimes I wish prom never even happened.

Technically, Tommy and I had gone to every dance together in high school. It wasn't like— he asked me out or anything. It became...just sort of assumed. Reagan had two boyfriends over the span of high school, and even when she was single she usually went with someone. Except for senior prom. We all went together to senior prom. At least, that was the idea.

Tommy had only had one girlfriend in high school. Paige. They'd dated for three months in sophomore year. She broke up with him because— well, sort of because of me. She didn't like how much we hung out, I guess. But she never had a problem with Reagan. She thought Tommy was like in love with me or something. I mean, so did Reagan.

They weren't the only ones. Most everyone thought we were bound to get together at some point. That we weren't just best friends like I parroted every day for four years. Maybe there was a reason, some nugget of truth behind everyone' speculations. I wasn't completely oblivious. I saw the way Tommy looked at me sometimes, when he thought I wasn't paying attention. Especially during senior year. When he'd started ending our nightly texts with a heart. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Of course I loved him. I knew he loved me too, I just— didn't think it was that way.

It all came to a head at prom. We'd danced together. A slow song. As a joke, really. They played 'Perfect' by Ed Sheeran, and that had been his ringtone since Reagan and I'd met him in middle school because we liked to tease him about being so perfect. But then— then he'd asked me to take a walk with him outside and we were on a balcony and he told me I looked beautiful and I saw the look in his eyes when we'd danced and he was looking at me that way again and I just knew. I knew he was going to kiss me. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think. And I was frozen. I panicked.

And then they set off the fireworks. A huge, cracking multicolored boom that caught me so off guard I dropped my clutch and then the moment was broken because I bent to pick it up and I could breathe again, and everything was normal. Except that it wasn't.

Because we went back to the dance and acted like nothing happened and we didn't talk about it, but it was still there. I still don't know what I would've done if he'd tried to kiss me. I've never kissed anyone before. Well, okay I kissed Greg Moore at camp when I was thirteen, but that didn't really count. Tommy was my best friend, and I didn't want to mess that up when I didn't know how I felt.

Maybe it would have helped if I'd actually dated someone. Had a boyfriend. Then maybe Tommy and I would have actually figured out the weird gray area we'd apparently been sitting in all of high school. But no, not me. I never dated. I only went to one party, and I didn't go to any sporting events or pep rallies except the ones Reagan was playing in. I spent my weekends in my room with Reagan and Tommy, or at the bookstore and coffee shop, or drawing in the park. Nothing like Jake.

He'd called me pretty, though. Even though I was certain I was far from the girls he usually hung out with. I mean, not directly. But— it'd made me blush anyway. And a lot more pleased than I should be. My heart fluttered again just thinking about it. God. Why did it keep doing that? That had never happened to me before. Maybe I developed some sort of arrhythmia. That was the only logical explanation I could think of.

The next morning, I was awoken by a whisper, "Sophia." Correction. Multiple whispers.

"Sophia."

"Should I touch her nose?"

"Sophia-a-a."

Groggily, I blinked my eyes open and was startled beyond belief when I was met with two large faces swimming into my vision. One belonged to Maia, the other, Jake. I screamed and nearly toppled out of the bed completely, caught off guard. "Oh my god," I cried out. "What— why?!"

Jake and Maia burst into simultaneous peals of laughter, slapping each other a high five. Finally gaining my bearings, I growled, "Oh, that's it." I wielded my pillow above my head, prepared for attack. Even though I was still bleary eyed and certain my hair was sticking out at all angles, the only thing that mattered in that moment was revenge.

Jake recognized the look in my eyes immediately and ducked as I made my first swing, "Crap." He blatantly used Maia as a shield in an attempt to defend himself, "It was Maia's idea!"

Maia made a noise of acute indignation in the back of her throat, "Um— hello, traitor? You agreed!" She shrieked and dodged me again, but she was too slow and my pillow made satisfying contact with her cheek. After a few more seconds of chasing them around the room, in which I clocked Maia twice and Jake once, and Jake managed to get a couple hits in of his own, there was a loud series of honks.

"Keep your pants on, Kai," bellowed Maia, stomping out of the room to pacify her twin, who was very clearly waiting in the car, patience wearing thin.

Jake smiled at me good naturedly, jerking his head toward the door, "Come on, Randall." When I didn't move, he eyed the pillow still in my hands warily. He extended his hands in a gesture of peace, approaching me with valid caution, "Truce? Kai is going to shit himself if we make him wait any longer."

I inhaled deeply, as if I was really thinking it over, tossing the pillow menacingly between my hands. At least, I hoped I looked menacing. Reagan once told me that it was like watching a kitten get angry when I was upset. "Fine," I gave in reluctantly, "but don't think this is over."

"I wouldn't dare," winked Jake, smiling at me for a beat before slipping out of the room so that I could quickly change.

Thankfully, my backpack was all packed and ready to go fro work with a change of clothes, towels, sunblock, and anything I might need, so all I had to do was throw on a swimsuit and my hat. Good thing too, otherwise Kai might've broken the horn. I grabbed my flip flops and hastened out the door, not even glancing at the surfboards piled in the bed of the truck.

I slid into the backseat, panting slightly, and Kai sighed, "Finally!"

"Maybe if your sister and her evil henchman hadn't decided to scare the crap out of me, I would have been faster," I huffed, nudging Jake, who was sitting next to me, with my knee.

Kai groaned, "Jake! What happened to not letting her sway you, man?"

"What can I say?" Maia tossed her hair. "I'm persuasive." She turned around in the passenger seat, laughing slightly, "And Jake's weak."

"I'm weak," Jake agreed happily. Then he leaned close to me, so close I could smell the coconut shampoo he'd used the night before, and whispered in my ear, "Plus, you're really cute when you're angry." I blushed immediately, and wrinkled my nose at him, trying not to seem too pleased. That damn kitten curse strikes again!

"I'm just glad you acknowledge that I'm the villain overlord in this situation," preened Maia, as I steadfastly looked out the window, hoping no one could see my darkening cheeks. Luckily, the view outside was nothing short of stunning. The sun was newly risen, and though I'd usually object to being up this early, I had to admit it was sort of worth it.

When we finally arrived, tires squealing on the mix of sand, red dirt, and gravel as we parked as close to beachside as possible, I'd managed to bring my complexion back to its normal color. I hopped out of the truck and inhaled the salty sea air, faltering slightly when I saw the white foaming crests in the distance. I was currently regretting my promise of surfing to Maia, especially because I knew there was no way in hell she was letting me back out of it.

"Either of you surfed before?" asked Kai, as we unloaded. I just snorted in response, and Jake shook his head. "That's cool," he said, "Maia and I will teach you."

"And you won't find anyone better to do it," added Maia. "We've basically been surfing since birth."

I busied myself rubbing sunscreen into my face, trying to ignore my stomach swirling and flipping over itself. "Is it...difficult or—?" I kept my voice light. Or dangerous.

Kai answered, "Nah." He patted his board fondly, "Once you get the hang of it, it's like nothing. It's really all about balance." Balance. Okay. I could do balance. I was closer to the ground, so my center of gravity was a lot easier to find. I think Kai sensed I was nervous because I threw me an encouraging smile, "It's so calm today it won't even matter. These kind of waves are perfect for beginners Soph, I promise." I couldn't worry about it for too much longer because I was quickly caught extremely off guard by something else very very concerning on a multitude of levels.

Jake taking off his shirt.

I had never seen so much of his skin at once. Sure, there had been that humiliating first morning in the hallway, but I'd been far too flustered to take a proper look. His skin practically glowed, honey gold from the sun. He ran a hand through his hair, muscles rippling in one smooth motion, and I swear to god I had to swallow a mouthful of drool. His biceps and lower abdomen were ridged with those undeniably attractive veins, and his hips carved a deep line that disappeared below the top of his swim trunks. I wanted to write a gushing thank you letter to his football coach or his personal trainer or whoever had a hand in helping him look like this.

Suddenly self conscious, I sucked in my stomach, his abs still in my peripheral view. Taking off my own clothing suddenly seemed an insurmountable task. Maia had already shed hers, and was raring to go, but I was frozen. The turquoise blue waters made Jake's remarkable physique look almost airbrushed. A tiny bead of sweat slid down the swath of his abs and I felt lightheaded. I really really needed to stop staring. I was sure I must look like a total bug eyed weirdo. I had to stop staring. Stop. Staring. Staring. Still. Staring.

"Sophia?" prompted Jake, his head cocked questioningly at me in a uniquely quizzical way that was hot and cute all at once. I realized he'd caught me staring and for the second time in that hour my cheeks flared with color.

"Yes." I sounded like I was in cardiac arrest. Well, best just to rip the bandaid off. Without meeting Jake's eye, I took a deep breath and pulled my shirt over my head in one swift motion, discarding it on the sand. I felt instantly exposed, and the flashes of Jake's muscles flexing in my peripheral view made me really really really want to bury myself in the sand. I could feel his eyes on me. It's the most he'd seen of me too. My skin prickled with goosebumps even though it was perfectly warm.

I was struck then with the thought that a bikini is basically underwear. And now that I was really thinking about it, this bikini revealed more than most of the underwear I wore on a daily basis. This was not to say I didn't like the bikini. 

Objectively, it's a cute suit. It was a dark forest green, and the top fit nicely. At least, Jake seemed to think so as his eyes drifted below my collarbone. I arched a teasing eyebrow, shy, terrifyingly pleased, and a little amused.

When he discovered I'd caught him staring, he cleared his throat, reddening , "That's— um— that's a nice color on you."

Well, that confirmed it. I was never going to stop blushing.

Ever.