4th January 1983

"Love is all about trust, i trust him more than anyone, But why i am not sure, he trusts me the way i does. Why some situation telling me that he will definitely be going to break my heart. Why the hell, He's running away from me, Why the hell he didn't share anything about his family, about his mom, Who is a silent speaker, Does he really love me?"  these were some of my confusion which he completely ignored me after celebrating our first new year with together. 

But now, While writing this, I hit my forehead a few times for being stupid. How come he couldn't love me when our souls intertwined with each other like milk and water, Like seawater and the river water. Sometimes i feel like a river which rush from its origin reaches the ocean and became inseparable, at last. The rivers only aim are to reach the ocean and become a part of it, forever. Likewise, I felt my existence when we finally became one last night. 

This year start went miserable When i found about his mom from his mom and his ignorant nature stole my sleep and peacefulness. My heart committed to him when knowingly or unknowingly applied the sindoor on my hairline having Durga maa as an eyewitness. I didn't ask anything to him till last evening but on that day. Even though he hid many things from me, i was not ready to loose him for any cost which gave me the courage to do some thinkable. I didn't care about society, I didn't care about my character, but i build-up courage and stepped inside the boy's hostel, which most of the girls wouldn't think about that in their dream. It always easy for boys but not for girls. One moment is enough to judge a girl and term her slut in this society. 

But that thoughts didn't stop me from him reaching him. Time was about to reach ten when i knocked on his door. He opened the door but instead inquiring me why i came at that late night. He dragged me inside, as soon as, he saw me. He banged the door and his roommate, Nivansh was equally shocked like him when he saw me there. 

"ARE YOU MAD? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE THINK WHEN THEY SEE YOU HERE" He shouted at me. 

"I DON'T CARE..." I shouted at him back. 

"YOU BECAME MAD..." - He shouted back. 

"YOU'RE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE BEHIND THIS"- I shouted at him, That time, My tears betrayed me and his anger betrayed him by becoming normal after seeing my tears. He asked nivansh to give them space. he moved out of the room with his belongings. 

"Relax, Calm down..." - he asked while decreasing the distance between us. But my instinct went and hugged, He didn't hug back, Instead waited for a second and hugged me back tightly. 

"Why you have been running away from me?" - i finally asked which i wanted to ask him for a long time. But he didn't reply anything but hugged me back. 

"And your mom... you didn't say anything about her to me..." - i asked but instead got a reason for everything. 

"I had a nightmare..."  - he opened out without breaking the hug. 

"Usually i am not the person who will worry about a nightmare... but seeing you and our..."  - he stopped. 

"Seeing me and our..." - i asked. 

"Our daughter brutally killed by her, I couldn't think of anything else, Our daughter was my mom, conveying her thoughts in sign language rather speaking like us, But then too, She killed her, Then killed you in front of my eyes,"  - He said while hugging me tightly. 

"But who tried to kill me..." - I broke the hug and confronted him. 

"Some... some lady..." - he said without looking at my eyes. 

"Shivaay, It was just a nightmare, Not a reality, Look at me, i am fine... before you"  - she said. 

"You didn't get my point... It was not only my nightmare, I feel lit of reality in it... I am having a gut-feeling that it will come true, I don't want to push you in that situation... Better, You stay away from me..."  - he said. Tears escaped from my eyes when i heard that. 

"You're killing me alive, By saying this..." - i finally said while looking deep into his eyes. I didn't know where his hesitations went when he threw his every gut-feeling aside and kissed me while cupping my face. He couldn't even able to stand that sentence. I understood more than any nightmare or reality, He cares about my feelings. I was his priority, I am his priority and will always be his priority. 

My mom will definitely faint if she come to know, What i have done. But it wasn't a mistake from my hand, It was the life-long commitment. If you trust anyone more than yourself, There will be no second thoughts. We became one and none can separate us, Hereafter. 

"Dad tried to distance himself, Just because of a nightmare... He's hiding something from mom..." - Aru said to Avinash. 

"Even I feel the same..." - Avinash said. 

"How many pages left?" - Aru asked him. 

"Three... Rest of them tore off" - Avinash said.

"Tore off...???" - Aru asked him shockingly. 

*********

Anika didn't come out of her room for the next two days, First replayed the scene again and again inside her mind but each and every moment the pain she got in her heart increased. But on the next day, Her mind slightly got relaxed and she understood, She didn't cry because of her for him but it was an outcome of her obsession. Then his silence, His sleeping pills, His helpless condition played one after the other inside her mind and tried to come out of her obsession. She finally understood, she didn't see him in that scene, It was that lady who was doing that. Realizing that, the next moment she was running to his house, but it was locked.

Her breath chocked in weakness as she didn't have anything for a past two days. 

"Aunty... where they went?" - she asked their next-door neighbour. 

"You didn't know, Ani... Shivaay's sugar rate increased overnight and they admitted him in the hospital..." - she spelt, At the next moment, It was anika who fainted in the floor because of weakness. 

Another day passed in a jiffy when she opened her eyes with full-consciousness. Her first instinct wanted to see shivaay when she was herself lying in her bed intertwining her hands with his mom's palms. she guessed. 

"Mom... water..." - she asked her mother when her mother went to the kitchen to bring water, she managed to get down from her bed and rushed to his house even though there was zero-energy left in her. Then too, she dragged herself to the stairs. and climbed. 

She knocked on the door, Thankfully his mom opened the door for her and shocked on the other hand to see her condition. her pale skin tone, her swollen eyes confused her on the other hand. 

"Aunty, Shivaay..." - she asked in a low tone and supported the door when she was about to fall. 

"Anika, come inside, First" - pinky called her inside. 

"Aunty, shivaay" - she again insisted, This time her mom came to pinky's doorstep in the search of anika. she tried to take her along with her, but she jerked off her mom's hand. 

"Aunty, Shivaay" - She again asked, This time tears crossed her eyes. Pinky didn't reply at her looking at her pleading eyes. 

"Pinky where's shivaay?" - Anika's mom asked her when anika became adamant and denied to come with her. 

"My mom took him along with her, To Chandigarh..." - Pinky said, After hearing those words anika couldn't fight more, she became silent and her mom dragged her to her home back. No tears escaped from her eyes. No words escaped from her mouth, she was blank, completely blank. 

TO BE CONTINUED...