CHAPTER 1

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The following chapter contains: The mention of depression, descriptive depression, implied eating disorder, and self harm. By continuing to read you have put yourself in the position to be "triggered". Read at your own risk. 

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Dipper nuzzled his face in his soft pillow. He could hear his alarm, he just didn't care as school was the next day, so he didn't have to care. Regardless, it seemed someone else had other ideas. 

"Initiate Mable's Super Secret Wake Up Ability!" Mable screeched before body slamming on top of the boy, her elbow cutting into his, far too thin, stomach. "DIPPER WAKE UP!"

"OW! SON OF A SLEEP DEMON!" The male gasped, shoving his sister off of him as he sat up, dull brown eyes cut into her before Dipper sat up. 

"Grunkle Ford said that since it's the last day of summer we're going to the pool! You're coming too?" Mable asked hopefully, her eyes lit up with begging.

"I don't want to, I-I'm reading today." He turned away so he didn't have to see his twin's face fall.

"Okay, I understand." Mable smiled, hugging him quickly before running down the stairs.

He sighed once she was gone and flopped down. "I'm so exhausted." He whispered.

He wasn't exhausted because he was constantly doing something, oh no. The twins arrived two weeks before and Dipped started locking himself up in his room, only coming down when someone physically made him.  He was just exhausted. It was hard to move, hard to sleep. He wasn't hungry, or even thirsty, he just wanted to crawl under his bed and waste away into nothingness.

"Get up." A blunt, gruff voice spat from the doorway.

"What do you want Stan?" The teenager sighed, rolling his head to look at the older man.

"I'm not going to make you're depressed butt go swimming, but you are getting out of the house!" Stan ordered. "Go for a walk in the forest or something. All I know is that whatever this is, is effecting the whole house. go outside!"

Inside, Dipper knew this was Stan trying to help. Ford's way of helping was leaving him alone, Mable's was going on as normal, Soos, a man who worked for Stan, didn't seem to pick up on anything, and Wendy didn't do anything, she made it clear she would listen, but didn't actively try to make him. He supposed this was how Stan helped, making him go out into the sun. Ew. 

"Whatever." He sighed, pushing himself up. His body felt so heavy, so difficult to move. He dragged himself to his closet and pulled his clothes on, black jeans, a P!ATD tee, and a dark blue vest.

He mindlessly made his way to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. He was so pale, with deep, dark circle's under his eyes. His hair was fluffed up, and messy with a thin amount of greasiness on his hairline and part. Honestly, the only reason he took a shower anymore was because Mable physically locked him in the bathroom every three days, give or take.

Tentatively, he pulled up his shirt. He was far too thin. His ribs peaked through his skin, lined with pale white scars, mangled with healing pink ones, or newer red ones. He frowned and pulled his shirt down, hiding the self inflicted injury. "I'm still a cow." He whispered, grabbing a blue and white hat he swiped from the gift shop.

He headed down stairs, grabbing his head phones and phone. He glanced up to see everyone watching him. Sighing, he caved. "I'm going on a walk." He muttered, not missing the grin that manipulated itself on her lips. Ford smiled with a nod while Stan walked up to him.

The older man placed a hand on his shoulders. "You'll kick this in the butt." He said with a small smile before pulling away.

"Yeah." Was the only response he offered before turning to the door and leaving.

Dipper walked mindlessly through the forest. He flipped through songs before he stopped and sat in the grass. His eyes misted with tears before he crumbled down on the forest floor, sobbing into his hands. He sobbed silently, letting out his emotion for once in a long while.

The brunette wasn't sure how long he had been crying, but by the sun positioning he'd say three hours.  He sighed, staring at the blue Oregon sky.

"This is gospel for the fallen ones
Locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies
From pieces of broken memories


Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart


The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds
But they haven't seen the best of us yet" 


He sang softly, relaxing in the grass, unaware of anything, or anyone watching. 

"If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart....."

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