Aarya2103

Reviewer- ElysiumKingdom

Cover and title:

I found the cover to be aesthetically pleasing. The colors really worked well together, and as a reader, it drew me in. It also went well with your story. I love the way that it's open to interpretation whether there's somebody in front of her reaching towards her or if it's part of a mirror effect. The title was something I found to be very interesting. It's not a word that one sees often, and because of that, it stamps itself as unique.

Blurb:

The blurb is great. It's informative and right away you have a feel for the story and what it's about and what to expect. There were one or two places that needed to be broken up with commas or turned into their own individual sentences, but they didn't impact it as a whole. I do feel it holds a lot of potential and just tweaking it ever so slightly, adding or changing a word here and there, would benefit it. But overall, I liked it and found it held well with getting the right balance of information across.

...

I do love the introduction to your story. Right away it drags you in and sets the mood for the entire chapter. The questions are deep and also marred by sorrow, which beautifully represents the situation. One thing I was curious about was whether or not the lack of question marks in the opening paragraph was deliberately left out for effect? As they were rhetorical questions, the lack of them is by no means a mistake, as despite question marks being used more frequently for them than other means of punctuation, exclamation marks and periods are also acceptable.

Your descriptions in places are quite amazing, and again hold a lot of depth to them. I loved the one about the sea and how you compared it to the claws of a cat. I thought that to be quite clever. You describe things clearly and there is little effort needed to convert your words into a picture in one's head.

Which is where this next part loosely ties in: bland repetition.

Her headaches are a prime example.

'The lack of oxygen will cause you a severe headache'.

'The level of headache that I was experiencing.

'Apart from the excruciatingly painful headache I was feeling'.

Those three examples were just three of many, except these three were back to back, making the repetition stand out. It's not just her headaches in which this pattern is displayed. Her actions sometimes fall in with this too. They can become looped in the same cycle.

It's where I feel adding your creative skills will really benefit. The same word over and over gets tedious, especially when compact into one short space. There was one paragraph where the word eyes were mentioned four times, and twice more in the one directly below.

Synonyms will help, but changing the word will not always erase the blandness. Sometimes, a headache is only a headache and doesn't need elaborating on, but in other cases, adding emotion and showing instead of telling helps a lot.

Such as: 'Apart from the excruciatingly painful headache I was feeling'

The same point could be made by changing a few words: 'Apart from the excruciating pain that ricocheted around the inside of my skull'.

Not the best example, and by no means do you have to use it, but if applied it could help break things up a little.

The plot is instantly captivating. From the very first chapter the action starts. The pacing is great. It doesn't go too fast or too slow, and it's clear enough that the transitions are met without confusion. The idea of a mirror world is pretty imaginative, and the thought put behind it and used to hold it all together is impressive. Great job there!

Your main character? Their inner monologue at times is hilarious. I love how you capture her personality in it so perfectly. When she falls through the mirror and claims to get up within a second, but then her own snarky thoughts reveal how many failed attempts it took? I found that pretty funny, and its moments such as those that I feel her character really comes out.

There were a few places where some of the action felt robotic, lacking feeling, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Given that she believes her parents to be dead, the numbness offers a reflection of that grief.

As you're currently editing the book, I'm not really going to get into grammar and punctuation too much as you did a really good job with it. I feel that most of the punctuation errors would be caught while you read it back and to edit. Grammatically there were some instances where the word order sounded a little off. Such as 'He slightly chuckled'. Not wrong. But it would flow better if the two words were switched to 'he chuckled slightly'. As I said, not wrong, but while you're editing, it could be something to consider.

Overall, it was a great book. It's different and unique, and you honestly have no idea what to expect. From the chapters I've read, I already feel like this is going to shape up to be a brilliant book. It sets itself apart and I truly think it's the kind of book that sticks in a reader's mind.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.