January 26th 2017

Okay I've been going to a school for three years now. Well the first two I was the only girl then she came along. Let's call her C. I was overjoyed that I wasn't alone anymore. We quickly became friends and then best friends. Then around a couple of weeks after school started I realized I liked her. Which isn't good in my religion. I started praying and asking God why it was happening and everything but nothing changed. Instead it started getting stronger and stronger until I developed a crush and urge to hold her hand.

I thought of a good way to tell her that I liked her but I couldn't muster up the courage to write a note that read, 'I like you' and not put who it was from. I did write a note that said that she was an awesome friend that took her forever to figure out who wrote it though.

As of yesterday I feel like such an idiot for saying in youth group to one of the boys, "you realize I'm not like the other girls in youth group right? Meaning I don't like boys." Then he just looked at me and said, "Wait, are you a lesbian?" I laughed a little and quickly said, "No." It would've been so much easier if I said yes instead of that. I could've finally been able to tell C I liked her but I guess that'd never happen.