It was 2013 when i started to self harm, and made a wattpad account i was about 13/14. This account was old but i started writing a roleplay fanfiction called 'First blood' it was a vampire teen fiction and it helped me get rid of my isolation in the real world and helped me cope with my mental health issues.. 

Months later, i was nominated for the watty's 2014 but i never won it lol but it was something, being nominated for something big at the age of 14/15. 

I was 15 years old when i had won a Jack Petchey award, gave the school £200 and had a medal for myself lol for my hardwork and good behaviour along with my support to a girl in the same class as me with learning disabilities, i always escorted her to the special educational needs room. So my form tutor believed i was the one to get the award in my form class, nope didnt make a difference, maybe a little bit where the bullies would back off me a little but that wasn't really the case. It was me being alone for long periods of time, i did have a tiny circle of friends but i still felt alone, it's like i knew they were here for me but i still felt isolated.  Reason being, i'm just so withdrawn and always stuck indoors too so that's probably why i felt so trapped in my mind because i was trapped at home and the bullying was non stop at home.. My parents and younger bro would mentally and verbally abuse me so much also physical abuse by younger bro. Now i know what you're thinking 'fight back harder' or just 'fight him back' but that's the thing, i used to be so strong minded but my prick of a father had already drained me out by telling me off about disciplining him. The main cause of this shit was because of my dad..

Anyways, don't believe what you see on social media. I was really popular on socials like had a lot of friends on fb and followers on twitter and insta but it all ends there because you don't know what other people's lives are like. People can easily lie and manipulate you, some people are not who they say they are so you need to be careful out there.. This message is mainly aimed at people who are 13+ because you still be naive at this age.. I'm still a little naive too sometimes and i am 20 years old lol 

I am not gonna lie, i am still an outcast, but honestly i don't care about it.. And if you are going through the same thing with feeling alone, trust me you're not! 

If you ain't Miss/Mr Popular, who cares?! This life is only temporary anyway. 

If you ain't invited to the popular parties or hangouts, please don't stress about it. That life isn't for you.. before you think 'ohhh that's nice(!)' Think of it this way, those popular people's lives  now, will only be short and temporary. Those 'too busy' 'too scheduled' people are always gonna be too busy (looking for jobs maybe teehee lol ;p) because they haven't reserved themselves by building up on their self progress because they are too busy to even do anything for themselves..

The way I see it, is i feel sorry for those who cannot focus on themselves and be someone bigger..

Take me for example; I was never popular, i am still not popular but hopefully in a few years time, this diary/book/whatever will be viewed by thousands of you beautiful people. I know this because everyone starts at the bottom, you can't be born popular, even then,  it would eventually fade. I made my first fanfiction on this account and it only started off with 25 readers, 3 years in, it's become viewed by 1.3k people and voted on. Stay patient and continue on building yourself and progressing yourself, please don't stress about popularity. Those current popular people now, they would probably come to you in a few years time asking you how you did it. Those popular girls now, would probably end up getting pregnant, abortions, becoming single mothers, you name it. Those popular guys now, they would probably end up becoming hopeless drunks in the future or homeless. God forbid all that, but it's likely it will happen because they would be so into their popularity and not be able to invest their times for themselves. 

You should feel lucky that you have the time now to progress your life into becoming who you truly want to be and aspire yourself further, don't waste time stressing and feeling like 'you'll never be popular' because you will, if you put your time and effort into it all. Stay positive. 

I hope this message ^^^ inspires all of you beautiful, gorgeous people. I love ya'll stay woke, stay strong <3 xx

~Fazzie XO