CHAPTER TWELVE | " THE DEVOURER WALKS BESIDE YOU "

tw: self-harm, suicide attempt, depersonalization-derealization disorder

THE NOISE SHIFTED AS A JARRING IMPACT.

A flicker swept Nick out of the picture, breaking through the glass-like walls. A shocked heave left his lips once the swirling mass consumed him. Nicholas split the worlds he entered by the cloak's urge not to get to the very end; where chaosverse was located.

The shards were cleaving and the barriers continued splintering. They kept on breaking just like everyone's trust in the boy. The realities around them were changing abruptly. Some of them were too bright; utopia-like; the others were gloomy.

The rest was a blurred symphony of mayhem.

Nicholas' head was spinning, trying to fight off the garment. The blue cloak of levitation crept upon him. It was pulling him away painstakingly to avoid his rebond with chaosverse. Nicholas regained his scattered eyesight, realizing the cloak was programmed to deal with his tantrums of stubbornness.

"Ugh! Cut me loose!" Nick demanded.

Once the cloak's grasp was tighter, the blast of darkness -dark throb coming from his body- flung them apart, demolishing wall by wall. A surge of adrenaline mingled with fear coursed through Nicholas' veins. He was in an urge to gasp for air in a place that was airless. He became a tiny speck in the boundless space, drifting away, unaware of his speed. Everything seemed so slow and menacing at the same time. He witnessed sequences of events unfold from above. He saw universes flourishing and dying.

He was lost in reverie, a whirling dervish of motion.

The speed accelerated and Nick's body was spinning faster eventually leading to the loss of consciousness. His limbs flailed helplessly till an embrace of being wrapped around confused his senses. The layers quivered underneath the unexpected pressure of collision. The cloak wanted to get him back to safety. Weightless, Nicholas was blasted into a completely new world in which the fracture opened right above a steep slope leading to an abyss.

In a snap, Nicholas recovered his balance. The sword dug into the downslope's terrain. It pierced it through till he eventually stopped. Whereas the dazed cloak was descending down the pit of horror where blood-curdling monsters were gathering. They crawled upward to try to catch and devour the relic.

They held it in their teeth and snarled and violently drowned it in their saliva, possessed by their ravenous hunger.

Despite the cloak being found in every universe, this one held a distinct uniqueness. It was his father's; the one that died in his arms. Nick could've just run away in spite of his sudden freedom, finalizing what he had started. Yet he stayed there, hanging over the edge.

The haunting of the possibilities flickered in front of his eyes, instantly forbidding him from escaping alone. The cloak was the only memory of his father, and family that he had. Now that it appeared out of nowhere, he couldn't get rid of it. It reminded him of a home he lost a long time ago.

His heart couldn't just leave it there.

The cloak of levitation tried its best to fight off the hyena-like creatures -fearlings- that chewed on its selvage. The monster's teeth were sharp as blades, rending it asunder with a sickening crunch.

Fearling's appetite grew stronger.

The sound of chewing echoed through the air like a haunting melody. Each thread unraveled, the fabric ripped and shredded. It was happening again. It was a never-ending nightmare. The cloak's seams were bursting under the grip of the jaws till one of them eased.

Crack.

Crimson goo sputtered on the cloak's blues. Darkness engulfed it and swept it far away from the army of starving mutants. Swishes slit the monster open once the claws and teeth clashed with the idea of killing him too. Their razor-sharp teeth bared in a menacing grin, letting out their last guttural growls.

The daggers collided with bodies. Slaughtering every single one till there wasn't a fearling that would be challenged to continue the attack. Nicholas' eyelids twitched as the blood dashed across his face, marking this bloodshed a victory.

He retreated, stunned, looking at the gore and puddles of blood with a scent of iron being absorbed into the air. Still, the choked-on snarling resonated. A half-decapitated monster ran toward him and hurled, letting out a blood-curdling roar. All of a sudden, a tendril of darkness pierced the fearling through and evaporated with it.

Nick's hand shook abruptly as he clenched it into a fist—fighting off the sense of primal satisfaction surging through his veins. He panted with exertion, scanning the daggers glinting in the fading light.

Relic approached Nicholas whose eyes were now filled with dark and haunting pain. He feared himself. The cloak's hem touched him gently. It reached out to the trembling hand, offering him a bit of comfort. It couldn't give him the warmth of a living being, or the touches -that would settle the mess within him- he had desperately sought.

The cloak tried its best to calm him down. The strange, yet so familiar feeling mingled with all of those sensations shuddering throughout his body. He lurched due to the weakness engulfing his legs and the ache filling his stomach as a blood-soaked flood.

Nicholas finally understood. His carelessness was killing others. He hadn't cared enough to become this. He hadn't become the person he feared so much—someone who didn't blink, killing those who crossed his path. If a piece of echo of his birth-universe and the life before turned him into a bloodshedding menace, had he even cared about chaosverse in the first place?

Did the chaos-filled universe mean anything to him?

His heart was filled with doubts.

Nick's thoughts grew muddled and his perception continued to slip away just like his tunnel vision. He was overwhelmed by the veracity that the process of breaking was an everlasting cycle; inadequate to forgive. Perhaps he didn't deserve forgiveness at all, being self-obsessed.

He broke into nauseous hysteria.

Nick's nails dug into his palms as if trying to clutch something tangible. His lungs screamed for air. The cloak desired to hold him tight; and do its utmost to conquer the strain and foreboding of upcoming danger. A cloud of bats whizzed overhead, signaling another wave of fearlings coming their way. The growling intensified as the running shadows crept in. It began to twitch and shroud, hearing the fearsome storm.

Multiple pairs of eyes -hidden in the darkness- were seeking out their prey. We have to get out of here! The cloak seemed as if its movements were muttering—panicking.  Nick!? It minded Nicholas' weakness and the way his face and hands were crimson red.

His vision grew dim. The monster's hurl was distorted and pounded loudly. The noise was dreadful till his ears rang with a deafening silence. At some point, he believed he heard his name being called between the sound of his own ragged breathing.

He heard the calling so clearly. Or was it an intuition?

The huffing was trapped inside of his right ear, slowly escalating over till his whole body was covered in shivers. Fearlings started to run toward them. Cloak's embrace and the urge to move didn't help at all. Nick couldn't focus.

He just couldn't.

His eyes felt heavy as his fingertips brushed against the sling ring. The darkness formed and swirled beneath them, proceeding to behead the forthcoming monsters as if it had its own will. The tide grew and consumed everything that clashed its way.

And then, there was nothing.

Nick's eyes were wide open. It was hard to breathe when darkness hailed in a blur. He was looking around, frantically, going off the deep end in the ripples of the dark waters.

The place was dark yet a glow of light radiated around him as a reminder to keep his head above. The waves were soothing yet terrifying; mirroring the monster's attack below with him yet somehow gone astray. It was his body, still, it didn't feel like it. The longer he looked in the distance, the more daunting the vast became, confirming that the pitch-black space evolved from his last astral visit.

A rustle reverberated, invading the silence that brought uneasiness to his insides.

"I didn't mean to do any of this, I swear!" Nick's chin quivered. His voice echoed till it got consumed by the darkness around him. The whispering resounded one more time. He thought he saw a figure walking by, that was why he squinted, only to discern a mirage.

He looked over his shoulder in the instant; watching the souls emerge

You're lying! You don't care about them! The whispers got closer and transmuted. They turned into shrieks that boiled within the ambiance. Chills ran down his spine. You did that on purpose! The voices blared attempting to deafen him.

It dawned on him, recognizing the distorted chorale from the wedding. Nicholas' head turned, avoiding the tumultuous wave of emotions crashing over. They put all of their faith in you! We warned you what will happen! All of this was your choice!

The violent noises and bawls ruffled his brain, tearing it apart from the inside. The nerve-shattering hooting was escalating into an insidious chant. Nick groaned in pain, feeling the darkness moving toward him. The unseen power pushed him around, trying to suppress his senses. They believed you had changed! How dare you betray them?!

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone! I can- I can explain!" Nick was panting and feeling cornered. The words were blended sounds that held within it all the pain and frustration of this place. "If anything, I can prove to you that my heart was in the right place- I reckon my mistakes! You just- You just have to listen to me! I hadn't realized it was me-"

The pause between the turn of phrases was insanely long, No!

The spectral form of the souls flickered, with expressions unable to balm the boy's wounds.

 They were not willing to hear him out; perceiving and acknowledging their own truth. Nicholas inspected the fading trails the dark embodiments made as they drifted through the atmosphere. You only deluded yourself! It has always been you! The siren choir intensified, Everything happens because of you!

Nick stuttered in disbelief, dazzled by the heartsickness. He blenched dismayed, observing something in the distance dramatically emerging to the surface. The black sea splashed and fizzed behind his steps to cover the tracks.

Everything was written in the water as floating pieces of paper. Every moment, every decision and verdict, all of his memories—even his first meeting with Morgan and how he trusted her. Nicholas resurrected her to let her help him with his magic studies.

He deeply knew that it was a mistake yet being as heartening as he was he still was strong-willed to revive her because no one ever offered him to become his mentor. No one did. There was a speck of hope; a belief that someone had finally seen the potential within him. No one was bothered to see the compulsion behind it.

Every other person, even his father saw darkness as a threat. Morgan didn't or at least he wanted to believe that. She wasn't scared of him; or such a power. If he knew what his naivety would cause, he wouldn't have done it again.

Never.

Anybody could interpret their meeting in their own way thus the sheet was smudged.

The drawing flowed along the infinite current, bumping and almost merging with the delineation of chaosverse's Stephen not stopping Nick from entering the multiversal portals. It was the same portrayal of trust; a trust that was broken by a simple-minded vision of a better ending.

If Chaosverse's Stephen knew what Nick's naivety caused, he wouldn't have done it. He blamed himself for giving away the thing that the boy always demanded, the same with the supposed love confession. It didn't feel like his words; rather something Nicholas strove to heart to keep him in the present.

They were truly a split image of each other; both wanted to do everything right but were scared of ending up being unlovable for their actions.

Each step stirred the murky water, revealing other memories he hadn't recognized; as if they weren't his at all. They were broken fragments of a mirror whose pieces didn't fit together. They were too bright, too joyful for his mind; for he had experienced and felt.

Nicholas lifted one of the soaked-through papers that were vaguely illustrating a heap of green -the fractured time stone- exactly how he found it. Nick scowled. He remembered the strokes and lines of the colored pencils. No wonder, it was his manuscript; something he drew as a kid. It somewhat reminded him of Stevie's journal but not quite. It was a transcript of occurring events built right into his drawings.

How was that even possible?

He was seasick, looking around at the floating skeletons he wished he kept in the cupboard. There were even moments he desired to forget, things only he knew about. It was about the time to acknowledge that something inevitable couldn't be prevented. The dark souls put enough faith in him to let the delusion be fed and stay alive. It was too late for that.

Why did they keep reminding him of it?

If the spirits knew about it; were they truly the souls of the dead or just his conscience?

Suddenly scraps surfaced as if they heard his thoughts. They drifted in the streamlet hoping someone would unravel the cipher. Nick's hand ran over the pieces and the darkness began to secure them similarly to the patched-up infinity stone.

As the cracks sealed, the waters waned to reveal the only drawing that was left unfinished. He vacantly strived to pick up the specks as it pursued a prediction that had not been fulfilled yet rather it was left to be forgotten.

Nicholas leaned in to decrypt the meaning as the whole image was put together. The colors were splodged. His eyes narrowed.

Nick recognized the vague blues of the cloak confronting someone in a scene that shouldn't be conceded. But why?

What if his perception was trying to confuse him?

What if this was the very thing that was supposed to save everyone and restore the peace within his mind?

Indistinct flapping and tapping munched on his arm's skin like an urge—a pinch to the shoulder that was supposed to wake him from a bad dream. His thinking was interrupted by the whirling souls; the incarnations of self-reproach and blame.

Whatever you do, there's no turning back, do you understand?! The paper crumbled back to the thousand pieces and the water swallowed them. You cannot be trusted! They carried on screaming, needing Nick to accept the defeat at last, aware of his heartache that ominously radiated and pulsed like a ticking bomb.

A skull-like spirit spat into his slightly bloodied face, Once trust is broken, it will never be the same.

Its shrill cackle reverberated intently. The gruff voices doubled, It had always been like that! It joined the other copies that swirled around, spawned by the void. They tittered and screeched over his breathing right to his face, Why won't you admit it?!

They carried on multiplying and screaming. As if each caged fury; each recess had a separate voice emphasizing the unbearable pain. Have you already forgotten what happened to your mother once she trusted you?! The voices wrenched, gaining a dark ambiance. Do you want the same to happen to others?! The void chirped, You'll see, they won't be even able to look at your face for what you've done! You will never save them!

Nicholas' arm extended to the unknown and grasped one of the mindsouls.

"Call it off! Please call it off!" Nick's observing-self shouted to the point of crying. On the other end, the experiencing-self -trapped in the mirrored water surface- followed the movement like a translation to the real world.

The more Nick urged to stop the madness and looked into its empty eyes, the clench eased, backscattering the bursts of disillusions. The mindsoul slipped screaming, Never! You should've been the one who died! Any of this wouldn't happen if you were dead!

"Stop!"

They grew limbs that were mercilessly grabbing him despite his urge not to. You have to end this! The mindsouls carried on pounding him. Nick's hands were pressed against his ears, fighting off the souls' cries, "Leave me alone!"

The noise of his mind increased with every sob. He pulled his hair as his body was shaking to stop the delirium. The voices within kept pushing him to the edge, eventually strangling him, piling on top of him, End it! His body felt heavy, stumbling over the ripples.

He fell to his knees.

Or I'll do it myself! Shadowy claws dug into forearms from which the blood dripped mixing with the water.

The dark pond hissed and boiled.

Something pulled Nicholas below the water's surface. He inhaled the abysmal fumes as he was grappled and drowned in the nothingness. At first glance, it didn't seem like it, but the mindspace void was extensive, surely deeper than his unconsciousness.

He rasped being forced to drink in the interdimensional vapors turned golden. In the fluttering waves, he saw the face of the one that was drowning him; the one that was trying to hurt him—he saw his own reflection.

Void Nicholas -the one above- was soundless with eyes so dark and bruised. He was gritting his teeth as his whole weight was over him. He held, the one below, tight under the water till the ominous darkness filled his eyes too. Nick's shell-shocked heart was beating louder, being drowned out by all the inner voices, his thoughts, that were trying to hurt him.

The water roared up till the one beneath, stopped resisting and let the water swallow him. Above the surface a familiar silhouette began to flicker, seemingly approaching the shell of a body of the void-being that reminded him so little.

Nick tried to scream for help but the void mourned, The voidwater rushed into his mouth and silenced him eventually. Because what if he was right?

What if he'd hurt Adrian too?

"Nick?"

Nicholas found himself kneeling in the water, squeezing the blood spatter coming out of his hands. He whimpered once he endeavored to repeatedly rinse the bloodstained wrists. He wasn't able to face the darkness and look into the face of the originator of the utterance.

His head didn't even twitch in the direction where footsteps puckered the water. Somehow he wasn't able to move; as if he wasn't completely there; as if he was still trapped under the water. Like as if he was in the control of Nicholas who lived in the void.

His view was distorted. It shifted with the rippling. He was vulnerable, exposed, and completely numb. He couldn't hide the reality of his subconscious being exhausted.

"Nick!"

The steps quickened till they fell silent. He watched Adrian panic, doing his best to pull him into a warm embrace that would remind him that there are places in the universe where he's safe. Every Adri's breath got heavier with the surge of suppressed emotions.

His voice was quavering as he was gazing down and the hands that were tinted with red. He pressed them tightly. He was talking, but Nicholas didn't catch anything. He studied his lips and made every effort to translate the muted tones into something lucid.

Everything was happening so quickly; as if someone took over the remote control and decided to fast forward.

Adrian was looking around at the vastness of a void, thinking he would see a way out. The muscles in his throat were moving; he was screaming for help. Yet there was nothing; just them, the expanding nothingness of Nick's mind and the bloody trails in the voidwater.

At this exact moment, he wished there was a possibility for Nick to enter his mind. He thought of him every day; that simple yet meaningful thought cleared out the dark recesses and shaped it into a better place. He would be happy there, even if he danced in the rain. In the meadows of his subconscious, he would keep Nick safe.

His eyesight ticked and swiveled, What just happened?

Nick stammered underneath Adrian's touch, he was gazing at his sea-blue eyes the only water that was bringing him comfort- when he desired to touch him. The slits -he did for the sake of settling down his conscience- were gone. They were there just a split-second ago.

Adri studied the restored skin of his hands and the fragile heart. He was grateful. He caressed his face, covering his cheeks with the bloody residues as his heartbeat was pounding again.

Nick felt Adrian but still, he flickered; as if he was an illusion—an astral projection. Nevertheless, that kept some unexplained queries in the air as Adrian never acquired powers like that. With every coming blink the scene differentiated from one another. It switched between feeling Adrian's warmth and him sitting there alone; in the tears of his eternally wailing mind.

"By any circumstances, don't—"

Something fizzled in the distance.

"—The wizard said something about killing anything that tries or reaches the multiversal void," Adri was back with the shallow yet fast explanation. It was one of the full sentences he was able to understand clearly.

Right.

So the wizard (Stephen) was the one that helped him to contact him. Of course, he would do such a thing, he was obsessed with it. But what else did he mean by that?

If the forces were the ones out there to kill; the cloak had a proper reason to make sure that Nick doesn't enter the end of the Multiverse. It saved him on purpose. It knew the peril that awaited with the destructive forces.

Nick's ears caught another insufferable sound, distracting him enough to zone out and imagine the spirits hatching further away.

But what do you want me to do? Nicholas begged for instructions. He needed something; a reminder that would keep him on the track. He needed a notion his mind would constantly bear inside and didn't take its anger out on him. On the contrary, he understood the reasons why they didn't want him to return; it was a mess he couldn't fix and others forgot.

"—I'll explain everything once you find it." Adri directed him; fading eventually.

Nick hoped that he would appear again but nothing happened.

What was he supposed to find? 

What will be explained to him?

He gasped woefully, No!

The voidwater gurgled, responding to the melancholy; bringing forth everything that had been defeated.

The mournful haze was a whirlpool that slowly cleared out. He was pulled out of the water. His eyes stung looking back into the face of his voidself. The dark-tinted slipstreams made of tears were carved into his skin forever, believing that it wouldn't get better. He thought that if the life of his would ended, the multiverse's madness would too.

His conscience put him on a trail. as the only one who desperately wanted him to break was himself; unable to carry the pain from what may happen if he pursued living as others were meant to die.

He got it all wrong.

Despite them knowing what he had done from the very beginning, they were still trying to search for him. It was Nicholas who couldn't accept his own failure. He had feared too much and the terror floundered on his tongue. He thought of nothing but breaking. His darkest thoughts became real synchrony.

Once you lose yourself in it, you'll lose others.

Exactly what Adrian said to him before.

If Nick truly wanted to fix everything (just like he told the cloak), he had to think that way. He couldn't allow himself to break down anymore.

"I don't know what's wrong with me...," Void Nicholas stammered. His whole body was shivering. His hands were quivering as he still felt the other-self's evanescing heat.

"It's all right." The waves babbled as Nick leaned closer to him, holding him tighter. "Shh, you're just afraid. We both are..."

Void Nicholas felt the dripping wet clothes pressed against him as he was affectionately pulled into a hug. His eyelids were squeezed shut to absorb the remedy. "I can't promise you won't face the darkness but at least I can try. I just need you to trust me... Will you?"

No response.

"Can you do that for me?" Nick whispered, sensing nodding on his shoulder. "I will fix it. Everything. I will make sure they'll be okay... and you'll be too." He gently caressed his back to comfort the darkness settling within him. "Just not yet..."

Void-self's breath dulled, narrowing eyebrows.

"Please forgive me," Nicholas mumbled.

He gave him a puzzling look just the second he sputtered blood. Nicholas killed the only one that was holding him back—himself.

The darkness' shard seeped into his body, sealing his decision. Before the voidself fell onto him, Nicholas felt a sudden tug on his leg that pulled him back underwater. He slipped away from voidself's blood-soaked grip into the depths below. The scene dissolved in dark bubbles, once he was struck with a rising pressure to his chest.

A pained yelp called him to the reality plane, wiping the gloss off his eyes.

Nicholas was awake, not in a limbo state between his body and reality. He writhed on his back until he rolled over, trying to get that non-existing water -the stream of his consciousness- out of his lungs.

Stevie squealed, breathing noisily as she let her hands go of his chest. Shock and electricity were running through her body, most likely it was probably this was the first time she was doing CPR. The last time she was someone doing it was on Grey's Anatomy; so she had no idea if that was really the proper way to do it. But it worked.

"Vie?" Nick rasped. "What- what are you doing here?"

"Holy fuck!" she expressed hyperventilating. Though she was really scared at first, the corners of her mouth grew into a huge grin. Not only was this her first time getting a kiss (honestly this was the closest thing to a kiss), but she managed to save someone's life. Her journal made everything come true.

Nicholas winced, thinking she was pointing out something else. "No, no, no, that was just me thrilled out," she assured him hesitantly. "Don't worry, you're alive and pretty much patched up... So... You're welcome. Always my pleasure to be at your service, sir."

"What? No! You shouldn't be here." Nick's pupils were dilated as his breath wheezed to the rhythm of his heart. "Didn't you read my letter? I told you not to follow me." His weakness was visible; he was paler than usual.

Stevie pulled him into her arms, where she squeezed him tightly as he stuttered again.

"Pfff... Who reads letters these days anyway? You've scared the shit out of me!" She said wistfully. "Don't ever do that again, okay? If you do, then I would be livin' with the reality that I've never told you that it was my fault you didn't come back because I've written it like that. I'm really sorry that I ever thought about such a thing—" She brushed through his hair and caressed the apples of his cheeks; hoping they would get back their rosiness.

Something changed in his eyes. His eyebrows knitted, eventually breaking loose from her grasp. Stevie's smile instantly dropped. She said it.

She said out loud what she had done to him.

Stevie was frozen. If only she said it normally, not in the form of incoherent babble.

"I didn't mean it like that—" She tried to catch at least his hand again, yet he withdrew from her even more, not even being able to look at her. He was so quiet. How come there was nothing for him to say?

"Nick-!" she blurted out as he stood up.

The cloak of levitation hurried to check on Nick, resting on his shoulders, ecstatic from the fact that he was back; in a sense that he was present. It sought to wake him up, as he was caught up dissociating, being out-of-place. That didn't change the fact that despite the distortion of time and space he was able to get them away—instinctively using the sling ring other-universe's Stephen had given to him.

"I didn't know what it would cause!" Stevie followed him, demanding a reaction. She needed to know how much she had hurt him. She hurried to the edge of the building with hands that shook crazily. The only thing she was thinking right now was to keep him safe; mainly because he was lurching.

"Nicky?"

Nicholas looked over the building's ledge where the sun met the horizon. A wind flicked through his hair and blew away the eldritch particles from a dwindling portal. Despite the distortion of time and space, he was able to get himself and the cloak away from the fearling' pit—instinctively using the sling ring other-universe's Stephen had given to him.

He was violent toward the reality detachment that desired so severely to affect others.

"Please say something," Stevie insisted endlessly, seeing the sadness etched on his face.

Nicholas bit his tongue. He looked through the bloodied strands of hair back at the passing vehicles and people; whose size from this height reminded him of ants. Nicholas' breath hitched, sickened from the shock and height. His heartbeat quivered and his chest grew tighter.

Though he didn't say anything at first, she felt his disappointment. She acted without his consent. She didn't follow the rules of using shortcuts. He trusted her so much and she just threw it away as if she didn't care about him at all. She ruined everything for him. Yet he couldn't be angry with her as she reminded him of himself.

He took a deep breath, tinging the words with misery, "Go home."

"But—" Stevie's lips shuddered.

"You have to leave." he gained the courage to look at her. "Please! At least trust me on this one."

"I can't leave you here like this," Stevie protested moving closer.

"Stevie, please," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I need you to go home. It's not safe for you to be here right now."

The sight from a skyscraper into the chasm of the high-tech metropolis was simply terrifying, but not as scary as the glimpse of a freshly swelled breach stretching beyond the city. Nicholas stepped aside to reveal what his back was able to obscure. He wanted to give her proof, that there was danger approaching and that it was real.

This was his last chance to stop it all. He couldn't let anyone get near to him.

"Unless you have faith in me, your assistance is useless."

although i wrote this chapter a long time ago, I still feel miserable that I ever decided to write this, but hey! it's for character development. anyhow i tried my best to depict depersonalization and derealization so hopefully i described it well. I'd be so happy if you shared your thoughts about this chapter! Let me know what you think <3