CHAPTER FOUR      Hwa-Yeon's Perspective
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     If people were transparent, I often wondered what I would witness.

     Several hundreds of lives whisked past my shoulders as I wondered around the city of Seoul. It was riveting how one greeting or alter in a path could recast a journey.

     Almost like notes across a musical scroll, people were either a flat, minor or sharp, major note or key. Each individual told a different sound, and to be part of the composition of Earth felt like a necessity. I feared, that I played no part in that piece, for I had grown ordinary to the routine of silence. But, ever since I stepped afoot in Seoul, I felt as though my surroundings and my soul played nothing but music, though I could not tell what melody.

     We are only aware of what people choose to show, if bodies were transparent and souls were visible, I feared what colour and story my soul would display.

     I had gotten off the phone with Soo-Ah the evening before, though, quite early into the night. The thought of our conversation, had put my mind off the fact that my late night walk would not last forever, and that I would go back to that dingy and lifeless apartment.

     The more I stayed in Seoul, the more the spinning hands of the clock became null within my routine. Each day melded into one whole chunk, and some times I would lay awake on the ground of the living room, awaiting for a the change that I had dreamt of in Cheongsando. Perhaps I dwelled too much with the subject of change, to notice the shift that was happening already in my daily routine.

     I found myself observing various different things around me every day, things that I never saw in Cheongsando. Apart from the tall structures that saluted the clouds above and whizzing vehicles on every road, I saw other things too.

     Market stalls with soft yellow lights, selling either baked goods and savoury snacks. An elderly man taking a flimsy napkin of his to wipe at his young grandson's mouth.

Lovers under the pale starlit sky, hand in hand as they tour the streets full of excessively lit shops.

Students like the girls I met the day before, rushing into photo-booth stores or bubbling over a picture of celebrities on billboards.

Parents pushing pastel plastic cars that their children sat in, whilst they planned who would wash the dishes first later that evening.

     Even so, there were some poorly lit alleyways in between the heavenly like ambience of each store. Middle aged men or older high schoolers left a trail of toxic air as they hid under the dimness to smoke, even having the stomach to do so in front of myself and some other young children.

Along some shops, there were some people in ragged clothing with signs, pleading for change.

     There was no need for complications like witnessing a transparency within people, when it was evident through what they chose to show the world. Would it be ignorant to think that that would be better if it stayed that way?

For I feared too, what other people's soul's would display, if I could see through them as well.

     The oceanic coloured sign of my local GS25 danced within my vision, and the lights never left my eyes until after a few seconds. The paper with the words 'We are hiring! Part-time/Full-time' stuck on the window, with long pieces of tape, was still there. I caught a breath, as I braced for the overwhelming feeling of the cold air conditioning that was to envelop my body.

     I cleared and re-cleared my throat multiple times, though it felt as though a rough ball of hay was stuck in my throat, and could not be demolished no matter how many times I tried to clear my throat. The white, floral maxi-skirt that I had had already been ironed back at home in Cheongsando, but I found myself smoothing it out repeatedly, even re-doing my hair for the fifth time that evening.

Though, I found myself narrowing my eyes at the sight of the lengthy queue before me, and at the empty chair of the front of the shop. Pil-Su was nowhere in sight.

"Fuck how long has it been?" One of the customers grumbled in dissatisfaction, and a handful of them exited the line whilst stuffing some of their chilled items into the crisps baskets.

"Oh my," those hushed words escaped from my parted lips as I hovered a hand in front of my mouth.

I shared one thought with them all, and that was the question: where was Pil-Su? I flittered my eyes through the shop until they landed on the front till once again. There was no sign of a six foot boy anywhere. The only belonging of his that I could find, was the aqua coloured vest that was slung around the short metal door to the back of the desk.

"Where is that boy? Get me his manager!"

"I've been stood here for almost half an hour!"

"Be patient honey."

"Screw this I'm leaving, and I'm never coming here again."

"This always happens!—"

Up until this point, my eyes had might as well taken ownership over the uniform, for they practically punctured the vest for as long as the customers complained. I needed this part time occupation, for I didn't want to be using the same credit card as my Aunt for my entire journey and stay in Seoul. If I were to cease the routine I was in, and welcome change, I needed to accept it into my own hands myself. Thus, I took the vest myself and threw the GS25 uniform over my head.

     If I wasn't so immersed on trying to remain composed, I would have noticed the applauding before me.

I had only gotten used to purchasing products from convenience stores like these. The ones that I had back in Cheongsando were either market stalls or rundown shops with cashier machines that had multiple buttons for you to press down the prices.

     I became increasingly aware of the clothes and the best that clung to my balmy skin. The wispiness of my hair clung to the sides of my face with cold sweat, gradually, as I scanned the machine with my eyes over and over. Imagining how I was to use it over and over—

     "So our saviour, are you going to keep standing there or what?"

     "Oh! . . . Uh—"

Fingers aquiver, I grabbed the scanner that appeared to be in the shape of a gardening hose. Warmth prickling at my cheeks, I flickered my eyes at the customer before me for almost three times, and I mentally scorned myself for being so obvious at the fact that I had no idea what to do.

"First day on the job? It's okay miss." The sound of his chewing gum swishing around within his mouth increased, as he leant in slightly to send me a wink and a whisper. "I can show you how to and you get going yeah?"

I held my senses, for the only scent that invaded it was his tobacco and minty breath, "okay," I answered in a voice that possibly only I could hear. "Yes . . . uh, thank you."

I watched as he took the grey-green device and let the red laser run over the bar code to his cup noodles. Tapping at the screen to the cashier register, the case holding all the change and notes opened abruptly. I almost tore a thin layer of skin from my tongue with the scrape of my teeth, from tightening my jaw at the sudden sound.

With burly arms, he reached over the counter, notes in his hands to pay. However, I was sure that he took a note extra from one of the compartments, the space between my eyebrows drew closer from puzzlement.

Waving the notes about, he revealed the dark green fillings within his teeth as he grinned wildly, "these are for my help, yeah?"

"Sir, you can't do tha—"

"Thank you, miss."

     "Sir!—"

Before ambling his way towards the exit, he removed the blunt cigarette from behind his ear and placed it on top of the counter, as though it were his way of saying that he felt obliged towards me for stepping up and helping out at the counter.

With some nerve, he even began pocketing the money, but before he could, someone had wrapped a hand around their wrist.

     "Thief! There's a thief here!"

"Fu'sakes," the heavily built man struggled, his words more timid as customers moved their heads left and right disapprovingly. He tried seize his own hand back. However, it was being tugged and pulled behind his back, as though he were a wild animal in the safari and hunters took him down.

     People mumbled, though it looked as though it were more of a chain reaction than pure shock, for people began to document everything with their hand phones.

     "What . . ."

     "Oh my goodness—"

     "Someone call the police!"

     "You should be very ashamed sir . . ."

     The customers yelled over each other.

     "Yeah someone call the police!"

With quite an irregular breath since I had been walking towards the shop, it only grew staggered as I felt the weight of the scene fall onto my shoulders. I sent lasers towards my hands, and my eyes stayed firmly on them as they still trembled the slightest. Vision pixelating from the amount of effort I had with keeping them on my palms. Not only had I disturbed the once serene setting of the shop, but I had probably blown away my chances of receiving a job at the local GS25.

I slowly lowered my hands, letting my vision consist of not my palms anymore, but the scene before me. That was when I found my eyes on—

"Soo . . . Jin?"

The man had already fled from the shop, and all that was left in his place was the girl who had taken my hand at the restaurant.

At the sound of my voice, the taller girl perked upwards, arms reaching out towards me, "Hwa-Yeon? You work here?"

Uneasily, a chuckle had slid from my lips, unsure of what to do with my hands, still shaken up from the ordeal, I pressed both my palms against the cashier tray and shut the machine. "Yes, I guess so."

     "What a coincidence! So you must know Pil-Su too? He goes to our school as well. He re-took a year." The leather watch around her wrist glimmered from under the lights to the shop, and I felt her warm-ish hands wrap around my own. "The guy from earlier," pupils scaling smaller, she knitted her dark eyebrows together, "did he do anything to you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah . . . Yeah I'm—"

"He did?" She snatched her hands away and I had expected her to just glare at the window, but she was rolling her dark blue sweater above her elbows and bent her knees as though she were to bolt out of the door.

"No!— No, he didn't. I'm okay."

Soo-Jin stopped, "okay good . . ." Running a hand through the front of her hair, expression still scowling, "I hate jerks like these."

The fuss from the other customers seemed to ease down once they saw that the man was gone, with sirens blaring in the distance. They had even celebrated him getting caught by shouting hurrah and clapping at Soo-Jin's bravery. I had joined in, yet, I was also examining what had happened within my mind, how there was another thing to add to the list of quite lovely things that had happened to me in Seoul. I made sure to relay it to my Aunt on a call later on.

The incident could have made it into the list of negative occurrences, however, Soo-Jin had made a resolution for the climatic scene. That was the thing about Seoul, I noticed, that was different from Cheongsando. That not only was I experiencing disappointment, there was always something to make up for it. I never learnt that in Cheongsando.

If perchance, this new journey of mine was far more intricate that I have ever imagined.

I was different, I noticed, already, from the girl that had gotten off that bus and arrived here, in Seoul. That girl had been neck deep into an ocean of the past, waves in the shape of a dragon's jaw had encased her entirely. Filled her lungs with its poison and she almost drowned. Though the shore was close, Seoul was the shore.

I had always blamed myself for my choices, and I blamed myself right then, for disrupting the GS25's quiet setting. But, I also held on to hope. That I would stop blaming myself. That perhaps I could breathe fresh air again, that Seoul could give me a new pair of lungs and wings, and I could be free from the burdens of my past.

But, I never knew the price of hope. That sometimes the shore could be far more worse than the ocean; the shore can't always be a safe haven.

Skeletal trees of the night decorated the side of Soo-Jin's house. We'd been walking from the shop for about fifteen minutes already. Pil-Su had come rushing in with a hand on his stomach, whining about something to do with the expired shelf of the fridge. He had thanked us both by giving us free cartons of juice. He even gave me a chance to start off my place in GS25 as a work experience, before starting off with actual weeks of working. The pulse within my veins drummed greatly at the thought, and I knew that my Aunt Seung-Wan would be overjoyed too.

"So this is me," Soo-Jin rubbed at her forearms, whilst rocking on her heels a bit.

"It's a lovely house," I mumbled through the paper straw, that was pierced through my carton of baby pink strawberry milk. Gurgling sounds cane from the box, announcing its finish.

Soo-Jin broke into a small grin at that, she glanced briefly behind her shoulder, "it's . . . okay." Cheeks still flushed from the commotion at the shop, and from walking in the cold, she offered her drink. "Here, have mine, I have loads more at home."

"Thank you." I smiled into my straw.

"You sure you don't want to come in and sit for a bit? My parents are at a conference meeting in their rooms right now. I've told you about what we're learning in our syllabus, but I can show you some of our textbooks if you'd like?"

The modern house with electric security doors, was on a hill, just around the bend. I could see in my side vision, the hazy moon, one that was concealed by rainclouds in the distance.

A flurry of condensation left my lips as I sighed lightly, "it's okay. I'd like to start completely anew." On my own, with no help. I thought back to how I took matters into my own hands back at the GS25. I longed to feel that ownership and thrill again. Though, to show my wholehearted gratitude, the sides of my lips grew into a broad smile, one that just about reached my eyes. "Thank you so much, Soo-Jin, and for earlier too."

"Oh!— No!" I could see some colour find its way across her cheeks, though, through her chuckle I could still sense the glower that she had towards the thief from earlier. "— No, I had to do that. People are so annoying, plus you're so nice! That's probably why he took the chance to grab all that money—"

"Oh . . . I'm sorry—"

Soo-Jin's hands flew to her mouth as she waved them repeatedly in front of her, "wait, don't apologise— That's not what I meant! It's not your fault at all, I just, I just hate people like that. I'm glad he's been caught now. He's probably getting charged for more than he took by now."

I found that my grin had shrunk into a smaller smile, but the news of the thief potentially getting what he deserved, caused relief to flurry throughout my entirety. "Yeah. I hope so."

"Anyways . . . Right! The uniform." Pinching her nose-bridge, then releasing, she pressed her palm against the door to her front driveway, "I'll get you them, just wait here okay?" At that the back of her raven hair faced me as she disappeared into her house.

"Okay."

Springing on my heels a little, I made some effort to gather some warmth, even though it created zero impact. The chilly nip of the air had managed to enter the holes within my knitted green sweater, the hairs on my arms stood on its ends.

     The first time I had looked upon horizon and skyscrapers that littered across the whole of Seoul, I had spread my arms across the freezing bar of the balcony, and gazed onwards. It was bitterly cold, yet nothing about the scenery was amiss. I have yet to fight back the habit of saying how pretty, every time I locked eyes with the zigzagging electric red, and orange lines along the roads, the vehicles were as though they were fireflies in the night.

     Beside Soo-Jin's house, as I waited, I found myself staring at the scenery again.

Like when I was beside the bridge, and when I was at the apartment for the first time, I always ended up being face to face with the city skyline.

Something to look forward to at the end of the day, I suppose.

"Sorry for taking so long!" My thoughts were pulled away and I was stood in front of Soo-Jin once again, the colour to her skin had returned as I noticed that she had thrown on a black hoodie over her uniform.

"That's okay," I had pulled down my sleeves over my palms, and I rubbed them together in hopes that the chill would escape from my body.

Her face was peeking from behind the oak gate, she created a made-up celebratory tune, before whipping out a brown coloured bag from behind her back. "Da, dun! Here's my old uniform. The skirts a bit short on me, but they will definitively fit you just fine— Oh and I also gave you some new notebooks, don't bother shopping for them, they're way too pricey in the shops around here, you know, and all that. I have loads that I need to get rid of anyways."

There was a cosy feeling that swelled, almost as though soft dandelions were blooming within my chest, from a yellow flower to seeds. "Thank you so much—"

"Don't worry about it, I'm glad that I could help," patting a hand on the side of my arm, she stepped back into her driveway. "I hope that they fit you!— Oh and, if you do enrol soon, we can take the bus together. I take the 7:35 bus every morning," she pointed a finger down the lane we had just come from, "just down the road from here."

"Oh, okay! Got it." I was more so nodding to myself, rather than at her, and I tried to note down within my mind to write all of the information into my notebook later, in case I forgot.

     Inclining her head shortly, she removed her palm and began to retreat back into her driveway. She tightened her low ponytail, before her face twinkled with a caring smile, one that I was able to return. "You have my number right? Call me as soon as you're home."

     "Mhm! I will."

     It wasn't until I neared the bend in the road again, when I noticed that Soo-Jin was still observing the area around me and when I was entirely gone, she closed the front gate of her door.

Soon, the vibrant street of Seoul returned around me once again, the people still hurrying on by. With, the radiant blue sky above me, the light pollution caused it to be easier to make out the rolling hills above the stacks of high-rise buildings.

Within my knowledge, I found, that I had only appreciated the scenery of the night, and never found the time to look at it during the day. I made another note to do so another time. I was only ever available during most nights, for I was mostly too exhausted during the day.

I swung my brown bag full of goodies, whilst my sight was filled with the skyline the entire time.

Gradients of dark blues and greys soaked my surroundings as I entered the apartment building once again. The reception was far dimmer than usual, as though it were embracing the aesthetics of the night. It accompanied my thoughts as I was drawing closer to the one place that kept me lying awake at night. My thoughts, however, were more or less vivider than the building, for it ran through what happened in the last two days. The greatest of smiles that had plastered across my face from the recollections, were from the meal that I had with my new companions, and now, they were to be my schoolmates.

"I told you, we only offer apartments, this is not a hotel!" I heard the receptionist's volume increase with an intensity, as they grew impatient over the caller. They had risen from their seat, hands red from clutching the spine of the phone with such force. "No we do not have all inclusive breakfast!"

     I didn't know why, but I felt the need to discreetly make my way over towards the elevator, for I was still humiliated over the day I had arrived at the apartment.

     Quite conveniently, the lift had reached the ground floor. Though, I was too busy taking in the peculiar conversation that the receptionist had on the phone, to even realise that the doors had opened.

     "Excuse me."

     Immediately I straightened my back, no longer concealing my face with the fallen strands of my hair from my low bun. I could feel the person behind me cut into my back with their eyes. Our proximity not so far apart. I could still feel them stare into my back.

     "Oh. Sorry."

     I bowed awkwardly at whoever it may had been, and slipped through the space behind them. Despite being bitterly cold out in the open, it was overwhelmingly warm within the elevator. My skin burned like hot coals.

They walked out.

Whilst I clicked at the doors to shut speedily, the person that had been behind me turned back around.

I was too engaged with trying to be out of the receptionist's view, to take in the person's features. There was no time for them spare another glance at me either, for, the doors had begun to close.

A charm, however, in the shape of a key, glinted through the gap in the middle of the elevator doors. But in a haste, the elevator created chugging sounds as it moved upwards, and I was unable to re-open the doors to look at them again. I found myself fixating my eyes at the doors, from the familiarity of it all.

     Being away from the busy scenery outside, I had started to grow used to the greyness that would coat my skin and surroundings once I stepped back into the apartment.

     Slightly sluggish, my limbs carried themselves forward until they met with the door to the home unit. I already shrugged my sweater off my shoulders, ready to crash on to the ground and wrap my arms around myself, with the Seoul air caused goosebumps to rise from my skin. The clear moonlight as my source of light.

     Though, a square object in front of the door caused my forehead to pucker, perplexed, my shoes rooted to the spot.

     Weighing down the handle, was a colourful bag with rainbow balloons patterned all over it. The straps were turquoise, silky ribbons. It seemed that the contents within it were light, for the metal handle of the door was arched downwards only a tiny bit.

     With an absent mind, I began to clutch my sweater close to my chest, hands snaking around my forearms as my eyes travelled around the hallway, hoping that I wouldn't come across a figure. Skin prickling with a jitteriness, I made a weak attempt to click my apartment keys into the lock, they slid from my fingers multiple times, and I nearly cursed under my breath.

     Unhooking, what seemed to be a gift bag, from the handle, I couldn't afford to merrily dance to the fact that I was able to open the door quickly, so instead, I slipped into the dusky apartment.

     A crisp scent of old books and corroded metal entered my senses, even leaving the balcony window open for so long, was not enough to remove the strong smell of the living room.

     Rushing towards the balcony again, it was as though it had become a place of safety as I refused to sleep or edge near the places that held so many memories. Memories that did not belong to me. I had already discarded the melted ice-cream that the stranger had given me.

Since the incident on the bus, I found it unbearable to give in so easily to people that I had just met.

     Closing my eyes, I then re-opened them and let them behold the blinking moon before following its limelight, which was solely directed on the gift bag before me.

     I didn't order anything online before, and I never told Soo-Ah, Soo-Jin or Ju-Kyung the address to the apartment either. My mind raced and raced with thousands of possibilities, but I was left with zero.

     It was wrapped sweetly and neatly, I would say. Tissue paper embedded both the bottom and the surface. I blamed the temperatures for causing my fingers to waver, my limbs tense and cold, as I fished through the bag.

     As though a hand had seized my heart, the tips of my hands tingled when they found a plastic, frozen object. It was a tub of vanilla ice-cream, one that was also made by LOTTE. Breezily, a relieved chuckle tumbled from my lips, and I nearly scoffed at my own lack of courage.

Alongside it, was a yellow envelope, a darkened splotch of water, from the condensation of the ice-cream, had bled onto the paper. Something that the gift giver did not consider.

I turned it around, fingers still aquiver.

It was addressed to my brother.

I had to set it aside briefly.

My blurred vision prevented me from reading the words that were inside the envelope. I placed the back of my hand on the surface of my lips, trying to swallow the growing lump within my throat. I hadn't reacted to his name like that in a while, but the suddenness of it all triggered my emotions. Peering at the sky and city lights before me, they didn't seem as glorious as they did before.

With delicacy, I removed the card from the envelope. The front of the card was just like any other ordinary card that I had seen before in gift shops. A 3D pop up of the words Happy Birthday to you, which was stuck down on the front with sticky foam. The colour scheme gold, green, yellow and blue— with gold confetti illustrated across it.

Turning the card open, I braved onwards as I read it.

Jeong Se-Young,

I'm sorry for giving this to you a few days later.

My mom has been in the hospital recently because of a kidney transplant— she's doing okay now, though, the doctors say she will be discharged soon. I've been worried about her, even though the success rate of the surgery is 96%. I've been visiting her every day.

I don't know why I'm telling you this as though you could tease me tomorrow, about me worrying over absolutely nothing.

I wish there was a tomorrow with you, so I could bombard you with questions over vanilla ice-cream. That stupid vanilla ice-cream that you liked, you can't even eat it, but it's in the bag.

I was always, and am there for you. We literally live so close. Why did you go to Lee Su-Ho? I asked this last year, but of course, I am left with only my own shitty answers. None of which are yours.

It's been three years now. But fuck, I've been in hell.

Happy birthday Se-Young.

- Han Seo-Jun

     Han Seo-Jun? Lee Su-Ho?— I would have known who they were, if never stopped writing letters to my brother. We were thirteen.

     A twinge of guilt settled within the pit of my stomach, when I recalled the days that the storm commenced on the ocean. Se-Young and I used to write and receive letters. Since, instead of talking over the phone everyday, we found it easier to document the most fascinating thing in our day, and send over a photo too. Aunt Seung-Wan liked to keep them in an album. But, that connection was soon severed when the ships stopped exporting and importing to Seoul, due to the horrible weather. I couldn't help but feel as though that were my fault, as I was the one that suggested that we write in the first place. As went on, we were busy, meaning, that we couldn't spare much time to write back in the end anyways. After all, we were growing into our teenage years when we stopped writing.

     I leant back into the side wall of the balcony, the night air took my skin into its hands and planted goosebumps all over it.

     I hadn't noticed the fact that my top lip was furled upwards at the tone that the letter portrayed, until I re-read the card for the fifth time. I flittered over the words, til it became unbearable.

At that, I set the card aside. Knees collapsing, and I pointed my chin towards the sky, almost drilling my eyes at the sky. Another information about Se-Young's life: that he was surrounded by good people. That only caused more confusion to arise within my mind, as I tried to wrap my thoughts around it, to de-code why he did what he did.

     A daisy from the bouquet I had bought from the day before, lost some of its petals to the strong, soft zephyr from outside. It flurried through the gaps of the balcony bars.

Sylvia's note. Anoootherrrrr chapterrrr yippeeee!! Everything's getting quite tense now omg what do you guys think??? We're nearly onto 4K reads so I want to thank each and every one of you for reading, I am so happy that you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoy writing for it.

My mind is whizzing with thousands of ideas for this fic, and I can't wait for you all to read the rest of it.

See you all in the next one lovies <3