❛ you poor thing,
sweet, mourning lamb ❜

( 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 )

•♰──────✧♰✠♰✧──────♰•

•♰──────✧♰✠♰✧──────♰•

" 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘. 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍. 𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐀𝐆𝐄. 𝐄𝐀𝐓 " 
𝐓𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐚 𝐌𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢

𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇; Lestat de Luca wanted his bones, his marrow and the sinews that bound him together¹, that made him wholly Carlisle Cullen. He wanted him even if time stripped away the beauty and textures of his skin, peeled him back layer by layer, grafted on decaying flesh and splintering bones until all that was left of him was dust. To inhale the particles so no matter how much he dry retched or coughed, Carlisle would have successfully seeped into the crevices of his lungs, congealing in his veins like a perverted allegory of kintsugi. Who was Lestat de Luca without the concept of Carlisle Cullen?²

In the peripheral of his devotion, he relished that Carlisle would be his first pyrrhic sin, one not even a contrite spirit could earnestly repent for. A sin he would trust in, because at the end of it all, Lestat loved him. No matter the rules of heaven. What was eternal salvation to a starving man? What was repentance if it weren't ordained by Carlisle?

After a time, every creature is driven to the point of devouring their Gods³. That was his sin, being born hungry. 

𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐗

1. Inside them was a history of blood and bone, a web of tendon and meat. A history of hunting and being beasts, a translation lost in time but prevalent in rebirth, in transformation, in immortality. Animalistic instincts emerging. Eaten or rotten.

2. Lestat's soul was scorched as if charred on the cusps of an eternal flame. Parched and brittle. Carlisle was tender and merciful, his first act of godhood, a body resurrected from divinity to be the singular blessing Lestat lavished on the tip of his tongue. Lestat will love him into the flame.

3. The Blood and Body of Christ. Lestat choked, he couldn't dislodge it from his throat. Worship me hard enough to invert it. Feel my skin between your lips, sign my death with your teeth. Theophagy: A God must feed. 

•♰──────✧♰✠♰✧──────♰•

𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓 𝐝𝐞 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐀
the sinister third

𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐋𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍
the righteous believer

•♰──────✧♰✠♰✧──────♰•

•♰──────✧♰✠♰✧──────♰•

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞

huh, who knew that stumbling across pretty men would inspire me to write this. anyway, welcome to a good ol religious trauma dump in the coping mechanism of a fanfic. honestly its a sin that there isnt more religious nuanced carlisle fics on this site?? like hello, mf really had a huge ass cross hanging outside his office and everyone is just looking past that? anyway, melancholic vampire priest (that may or may not be inspired by midnight mass) finds himself in the light of carlisle again and pays heavily for it. 

to continue, this story is about breaking away from a mould you've been encompassed in, finding your inner strength and i guess....finding catharsis? it's all a bit dramatic! will also let you know off the bat that i will be referencing biblical stuff (duh) and it will be a mixture of both positive and negative, both sides of the coins will be flipped so...prepare i guess? 

also, cbf making a playlist (will get around to it) but literally just shove a bunch of florence and the machine, chelsea wolfe, emma ruth rundle, ethel cain and gregorian chanting songs into a playlist and give it a whirl. now that's aside, i don't own twilight because unfortunately miss ma'am meyer does. 

𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

this fic will contain violence, gore, religious imagery, desecration of deceased beings, stalking, animal abuse, dubious consent, sexual content and minor character death. i will add as i go, please note that i wont be listing them at the start of every chapter.