Harry was able to go home after a few days in the hospital, once they made sure his surgical site looked like it was starting to heal and they made sure the swelling had gone down from his skull fracture and the resulting concussion. He came home in a wheelchair so he could get around if he was tired or sore. But the surgeon and his physical therapist told him to get up and walk a few times a day as well. Instead of scheduling PT appointments at a clinic, he hired a private physical therapist to come to the apartment a few times a week. A nice benefit of having lots of money, I guess. 

I had bought a bed rest pillow so that he could sit up in bed. I also bought a wedge pillow, figuring it would be easier to keep his leg elevated that way than to try to balance it on something in the living room. I made him strip down to his boxers, mainly because I wanted to see the bruising on his torso and inspect his leg again (even though the nurse at the hospital had just done it an hour ago). He got into bed and I covered him up to his waist and told him to tell me if he got too cold.

"So, what would you like to eat? Do you have the remote for the TV? What about pain? Are you in pain? I can get your pills if-"

He laughed at me babbling away. "You don't have to baby me."

"Sure I do," I said, climbing on the bed next to him. I smoothed my hand over his chest, telling him, "Something changed in me when I first heard you'd had an accident. I felt like everything else that was important to me, everything, just faded away and all I could think about was you. And that, if you didn't make it, I would surely have died, too." I sniffled a little, not wanting to go into full-on crying mode again+. "Of course it wasn't the first time I realized how much you meant to me, but the challenges we've been through - even the drinking - I would gladly accept it all if it meant you would stay with me."

His right hand lifted to my face, skimming his fingertips over my cheek. "I don't want you to accept the drinking," he said. "I'm done. I really am, Ell. I would never willingly cause you pain, but I know that, if I had died, it would have broken your heart, and I'd never want that. And I don't want..." He stopped to regain his composure as he pushed back tears. "You said you didn't want our kids to have an alcoholic father and that...that just...broke me. It was like you showed me myself in a mirror and I didn't like what I saw or where I was heading. At the time, I felt like I had already failed. You wanted to step back and I....damn it!" He stopped to wipe under his eyes. "I felt like like it was over, like I was helpless to stop a habit I'd been doing for so many years. I just thought...I really thought I lost you." 

I started to cry, too, leaning over to hug tightly around his waist, where there was no injury. "I'm sorry." 

"No, no, Ellie, please don't be sorry. That was my wake up call, you know? That was when I realized that something really had to change, but I was low and I felt helpless. Instead of going to the meetings or reaching out to a buddy from AA, I just drank more and made that asinine decision to go for a drive. I always knew in my mind that was one thing I'd never do. I can't explain why I decided to get in the car that night. Maybe I didn't care in the moment whether I lived or died." 

"Obviously, you already know it would have torn me apart to lose you, not to mention your parents and your sister. But remember how pissed I was when we couldn't save that teenage boy who had been in that big car accident? Do you remember how he died?" 

"Yeah," he whispered. "He was killed by a drunk driver." That seemed to unleash more sorrow. His chest started heaving with sobs. "God, Ellie, I could have killed someone. How could I have been so stupid?" He was gasping for breath and I tried to get him to relax. 

"Sssh," I said. "I know you feel awful about everything. But eventually, you have to stop beating yourself up. You can't change the past. You can only change how you choose to face the future."

We sat there together, just holding each other for a long while until Harry's phone buzzed. It was easier for me to grab it than Harry so I answered with, "Hello, this is Ellie." 

"Ellie? Are you...Is Harry there?" Asked a confused voice on the other end. 

"Sure, I'm sorry. Here he is."

It was a brief conversation, but I gathered that the person he had spoken to was coming over soon. "Who was it?" I asked as soon as the call ended.

"A guy named Kurt. From AA." He didn't offer more right away and I didn't ask. A few minutes later, he said, "I should put a shirt on." 

"Okay? Mind if I ask what's going on?" I said, getting up to find a t-shirt and some athletic shorts. 

"He's coming over," Harry replied, confirming what I had thought. "He's probably going to kick my ass." 

I pulled the covers back and helped Harry to the edge of the bed. I gently pushed one arm hole up to his shoulder on the side where he'd broken his collarbone. Then I pulled it over his head where he grabbed the other arm hole with his right hand and shoved it through. Then I held his shorts out for him to put both legs through. Finally, I helped him put his arm back in the sling to immobilize his collarbone as much as possible.

"I thought you were trying to get me out of my pants, Jansen. Now you're trying to put them back on?"

I looked up at him and blew out a laugh. "Shut up and let me do this." I tugged the shorts up his long legs and then told him to lift his backside so I could pull them up. The wheelchair was still parked close by, so he made the transfer easily. Before pushing him out the living room, I leaned and whispered in his ear, "I will gladly get into your pants whenever you feel up for it. Innuendo intended." 

I loved that I could make Harry laugh so hard that his face crinkled up like a little kid's. I pushed him out to the living room to await his guest. It wasn't long before the doorbell rang. 

"Wow, he must live close," I remarked, walking towards the door. "Hello," I said to the man standing at the door once I pulled it open. He was not much taller than me, with sandy blonde hair that was just starting to show a few streaks of gray. He certainly didn't look like the kind of guy who would yell at Harry or "kick his ass" as he'd worried. "Come on in. I'm Ellie." 

"I'm Kurt," he grinned as I closed the door behind him. He went straight to Harry and to my surprise, he hugged him, gingerly, of course. Then he sat down across from the wheelchair and said, "Wow, Harry. I'm so sorry. You really took a beating, didn't you?" 

I went to the kitchen to pour three glasses of iced tea, still listening. When I returned with the drinks, I asked, "Do you two want to talk alone, or...?"

"No, baby," Harry said. "No, sit down here with us. I'm not keeping anything from you. After all, you're almost my wife." He proudly picked up my hand and showed Kurt the ring. 

"Oh my gosh, that's amazing," Kurt gushed. "When did this happen?" 

"The night of the crash," I answered. "In the ICU."

Kurt's eyes widened and then said to Harry, "Most guys want to come up with a memorable way to propose, but I've never heard of a car crash before. She definitely won't forget that." 

Laughter descended like a warm blanket over us. Then Harry spoke up. "I thought you were coming over to yell at me." 

"Why?" Kurt asked in surprise. "Because you were driving drunk?" 

"Yeah," Harry replied, looking down at his knees. 

"Well, that's not at all the reason I came. I found out my buddy had gotten messed up in an accident and I wanted to see him." Harry smiled in relief. "I'm disappointed to find out you were drunk, but I'm not your dad, so I'm not going to yell at you about it." 

"It was stupid," Harry said, putting his head in his hands. "So fucking stupid." 

"Yeah, it was," Kurt said. "But what's done is done. You don't need to keep beating yourself up for it." 

"See?" I jumped in. "I was just telling him that."

"It's true," he said to me and then looked back at Harry. "Now you have to take an honest look at where you went wrong and how. And then ask for help to not make the same mistake. You know Ellie and I will help you, so that's a start. Ted and Donovan back at AA, they'd support you, man. Make yourself accountable and ask for help when you're struggling." 

Harry nodded although he still looked ashamed. "Babe, look at me," I said, touching his chin. "It doesn't make you weak to ask for help. Not at all." 

"You've got a good woman here, Harry," Kurt said. 

"I know," he said, grinning widely at me. 

Kurt stayed a little longer and gave Harry a pep talk, ending with how grateful he was that Harry was okay. "I don't want to lose you, man," were his last words. 

I helped Harry get back into bed after Kurt left. I curled up beside him and before we both fell asleep, Harry said, "You're amazing, Ell. I'm not sure how you've stuck with me, but I'm glad you did." 

"I'll tell you something. I'm not perfect, and one day, I'll be the one making mistakes and falling apart, and I hope you'll do the same for me."

"You got it," he said, kissing my forehead and drifting off.

* * * * *

DO is #8 today! We're in the top ten! I'll sound like a broken record, but I owe it all to you, my fabulous readers! xoxo