[Good Morning, Sunshine!]

The air wasn't his friend, and yet he gulped it down as his only salvation. The acidic, sick sting of gasoline burned his lungs from the inside out with every wobbly breath. Lips and cheeks tasted of salt from his desperate screaming that had long died out hours ago.

The darkness was the worst - all-consuming without a trace of remorse for the little boy. Every second it seemed it closed in on him more. It kept him locked into his own pain and fear that takes over a portion of his brain, as if dealing with it is energy expenditure enough, without the effort of new thoughts.

He couldn't feel his body anymore. If he died and this was hell, it wouldn't make a difference to him. He was forgotten the moment he was buried beneath the earth and screams that could rattle a nation.

A small hand, coated in a thick mix of blood and dust, scraped against the rugged wall pinning him to the ground. His knuckles were burnt and bruised from slamming his fists into the unforgiving stone for hours on end.

"Help!" He yelled, and yet it came out barely a croak. It trembled like the rest of his weak body. The slowness to his brain was accompanied by a diminishing heartbeat. By now it was a race on which would kill him first: blood loss or suffocation? He prayed for whatever would keep him alive just the smallest bit longer.

No one would hear him. Why couldn't they hear him? Did they not care? His dad was out there somewhere. They would be looking for him, they must be. "I'm in here! Please! Please. Somebody h-"

Remus jerked awake feeling as if the soul was being stolen from his body. Sweat clung to his shaking body in embarrassing layers. His eyes were wide in paranoia and fear installed in him. His breathing becomes labored again when he realizes it's dark. Someone had shut off the lights - and fuckfuckfuck he couldn't - why would they -

Ignoring his weak body, Remus threw himself off the bed in a single movement. It was the adrenaline that pulled him towards the window and push aside the vertical blinds that hid the bright morning sun behind them. Distantly, he recalled his room didn't have glass walls.

With one arm supporting his weight against the floor beneath him, he pushes the ball of his palm into his eyes. "Fuck. Fuck."

He knew it was a nightmare. He'd had enough of them to be familiar with the deep ache it left inside his bones. Yet the suffocating darkness kept him just as trapped as it did back then. He couldn't breathe with the shadows of the past closing around him.

He sat there for a moment to catch his breath. His leg was bounding up and down uncontrollably. Where was his prosthetic? He needed to go for a walk. A cigarette maybe. He didn't know. Just out, and immediately.

Looking down at his hands made him realize the soft velvet carpet beneath him. That certainly wasn't his own. One glance around the room told him what he needed to.

It was certainly nicer than his own. There was a huge couch and television near the corner of the room, and through the open bathroom doorway, he could catch a glimpse of a jacuzzi. In the middle was a king-sized bed. On top of it was the king himself, rustling around after being awoken.

Remus didn't take long to admire the scenery that was Sirius Black shirtless with bed hair. He spotted his prothetic peaking out from underneath the blankets that had followed him onto the floor and made his way to it. As he was fumbling through the carelessly discarded liner, a voice above him spoke.

"'ou good?"

"Fine," Remus cuts stiffly, hoping his nerves didn't seep in. "Just didn't expect to sleep in this long."

Sirius groaned and pushed his face back into the pillow. "Too early..."

Remus glanced at the clock and his heart rate spiked again. Ten-thirty. His aunt was going to fucking kill him. "I have to go."

That got Sirius' attention. There was ruffling followed by his head poking out from the edge of the bed. "Already?" There was a tone in it that Remus could have sworn was insecurity.

Remus propped himself up with the bedpost and began searching for his pants and trousers. Had he really let himself tumble this man on the first date? Was he that stupid? Perhaps it was just the fear already in his veins talking. "I told my cousin I'll be back last night. She's probably searching half the country by now."

Sirius mumbled something under his breath. "I already dealt with it."

Remus paused. "What?"

Sirius was fully awake by now and was sitting crisscrossed on the bed and straightening out his hair. "After you went to sleep, I couldn't so I... I found your cousin online and sent her a message. Madaline Howl, right? She seemed pretty understanding."

"So you cyber-stocked me is what you're staying?" A twinge of unearned annoyance found its way in the words. He buttoned up his shirt with shaky hands and ran a hand through his hair. Hypocrite.

"I mean, you think you would do that before you invite one back to your room. I could have very well been a serial killer." Remus plays it off with a laugh and Sirius seems none the wiser. He had always been a very good liar.

"Let's just say I took my chances." Sirius rolls of the bed, the milky white sheets making him look angelic, and pulls on a shirt from his luggage across the room. He's naked all except for a pair of black briefs. From this perspective, he can see the stretch of tattoos across his back. The Remus from last night would have drooled, but all he can think of now is the quickest way out of the room.

"I need to go," Remus repeats, throat dry. If Sirius knew about him - about his past - that meant this thing was over. Icecream and arcades be damned, he couldn't think clearly with a near-stranger knowing him like that. It made his skin crawl that anyone to be able to find their way into the deepest part of himself and he couldn't stop it. An open book for anyone to read. Made him want to vomit.

He can only hope that Madaline had come up with an excuse for him. That was another whole problem by itself. If his aunt knew, if his grandpa knew, he couldn't think of the casualties that would unfold.

Despite the newly lit-up room, Remus swore the walls were closing in on him again. Guilt and nerves set him on the edge. It made him dizzy and any sudden movement would have him throwing up on a rug worth his college tuition.

Sirius notices his expression and pauses. "Oh bugger, I didn't even think- Hey, are you alright?"

"I'm great," Remus says, leaning against the wall not great at all.

Sirius bites his lip. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." Remus sighs, "I just... really need a smoke."

"Oh. Well, you can use the balcony if you want. I need to take shower anyways so-"

"Great. Thanks." Remus knew he was being rude, but it was like someone else was controlling his jerky, erratic movement right then.

The moment Remus stepped into the shared space on the suit, he was startled by the huge difference in atmosphere. While Sirius' room was quiet and empty, the Potter's were already buzzing with the afternoon joy. A man stood behind the elaborate kitchen island with a spatula in his hands as he cooked something that was heaven to his nose. A woman sat crossed-legged in a floral dress by the table talking with two other men, both dressed equally as smartly. Remus suddenly felt conscious of his own plain sweater, worn-out jeans, and oily hair.

"Maan! Pita! Ve jaag rahe hain!"

The infamous James Potter he hadn't yet had the pleasure of meeting just yet smiled at him from his spot on the couch. The rest followed his lead just as quickly and gave him a warm smile before going back to their business.

"Morning!" The young Potter greeted him. He was eating something that faintly resembled a burrito as he got up to shake Remus's hand. Surprised by the gesture, he warily returned in. "Wondering when you two were going to get up. I'm James if you didn't know. Remus, right?"

"Er- yeah."

"Great!" James smiled. "Dad made you a plate if you wanted something to eat."

The person he assumed was Mr. Potter, the same man from the visitor's entrance days before, waved at him. "I didn't know if you would be here so I made you some just in case. Come eat! There's more than enough, son."

Remus hesitated from the doorway. Whatever it had been expecting, it wasn't this. When he and Sirius had come through this way the night before, Remus had been filled with adrenaline and the room was dark. He'd just assumed everyone was out. Did that mean all them had - ?

"I'm fine, sir," Remus said with an apologetic smile. "I really 'ought to be going. My family will be worried about where I am."

"Would you like to take some with you?"

Remus was a mix between nervousness and confusion on why this man was being so nice to some random kid who just walked out of their son's friend's room. Was this a normal occurrence for them?

"Of course he would!" Remus looks over his shoulder. Sirius had made his appearance to save him. One of his arms wraps around his shoulder in that casual way Remus would never be able to pull off. He smells unfairly good, Remus thinks, like strawberries and lemon.

He pulls Remus in close. It's only a whisper, but his words couldn't be mistaken. "Stay?"

That could mean a million different things.

Don't embarrass me, please.

I'm just trying to be polite.

Be more than a one-night stand.

You're the best night I've had in a while.

"I can't," he responds softly only for Sirius' ears. 'I've got... homework."

It pains him to say the words. He didn't know what to expect with Sirius - was this was he did every time? That's why no one was surprised.

It shouldn't have mattered anyway. This was a summer fling and no more.

Sirius falters, grip loosening. "Okay," he says, "Okay. Call me?"

Remus smiles, hope filling his chest. The pressure that was there lessened for a second. "Yeah."

🌣🌣🌣

The fastest way to a man's heart was through his stomach.

Mrs. Potter had taken those words to heart, he thinks, as he chows down the small tupperware box the woman had given him from the park bench. He hadn't had the time to ask what it was called and was begging to regret it. Actually, he was beginning to regret a lot of things right about now.

"Wait wait wait, you're telling me this rich, handsome, almost-royal-but-not-quite boy took you on the best date of your life and you're thinking about ghosting him?" Marlene nagged him through the phone. "Remus John Lupin, are you out of your fucking mind?"

Remus groaned and looked up at the bright blue sky above him. Any more of it without sunscreen might just give him a tan. "You don't understand. I-"

"Slept with him?"

"How did you know?"

"Honey I've known you since you were eleven. I know your guilty voice," she huffed. " I known you suck at commitment but that doesn't give you the right to lead him on like that."

"Jeez, thanks."

"You know what I mean. You owe it to yourself too. From what you told me you really like him."

"Does it even matter? I'll be gone in a week and a half anyway and he'll be in a whole other country drinking gourmet wine or some shit." Remus says, wiping the sticky-ness off his fingers onto his dirty pants. He hadn't had time to go back to his room just yet. He was procrastinating the lecture he'd receive despite being a full-grown adult.

"Lupin. Get your head out of your ass. You know fair well what you just said was hypocritical."

Remus lays his head down on the hot table with a sigh. Through his cracks, he could see his scruffed tennis shoes and a couple ants battling for a few crumbs he dropped. "Yeah, I know."

"I know I am."

"Marls. He knows, though. And I think I made a fool of myself this morning."

"I doubt it's any worse from the time Pete licked shaving cream off Emmeline Vance's forehead."

"When he did what?"

"Doesn't matter. Point is - I want you to be happy, Remus. If keep sabotaging yourself like this I can't help you despite how much I want to. I don't want you to end up like back then."

Remus doesn't reply. She sighs.

"If there's one thing I've learned, you're not dramatic over things that truly matter. You wouldn't even tell me until it ate you alive. So you telling me this - and I think you know this too - means that there's something salvageable there despite what you might think."

Remus rubs his eyes. They were sore for some reason. "I just - I barely know him. I slept with him."

"Somehow that doesn't help your case. When has it stopped you before?"

"I know."

The conversation dwindled after that meaning Remus' excuse was now void. He didn't have any money on his either to blow at some shop to waste the hours either. So with great reluctance, he headed back home.

He tucked the fancy tupperware under his arm and brought out his phone to check his ignored text messages as he waited for the shuttle. There were fifteen from Madaline & four from his aunt. One missed a phone call from his uncle.

10:43 Maddy: hows it shaking ¬‿¬

11:02 Maddy: No response. Good answer.

11:02 Maddy: Unless you've been murdered. Then can I have your vinyl collection?

11:09 Maddy: Either bring me home a bottle of vodka or caramel icecream cause uncle ford has dragged me into a conversation about fishing lures

11:32 Maddy: haha by the way that was a joke. You were supposed to be back ten minutes ago. Please don't be dead.

11:52 Maddy: yo missions blown ma knows somethings wrong. Get your ass back here asap.

11:55 Maddy: I'm definitely owed ice cream after this. Also expect to be questioned about a girl named Sam with thick eyebrows and black hair.

12:32 Maddy: I'm totally getting the story tomorrow. I want it to be filled with a dramatic adventure with stealing some rich guy's car.

12:32 Maddy: or heart ¬‿¬

4:57 Maddy: [picture of Instagram DM's. Sirius' message to Madaline. There's a picture of Remus sleeping soundly for proof.]

4:58 Maddy: YOU SLY FUCK YOU SLEPT WITH HIM. I was right. You really are a playboy. Glad you're okay though. Unless you're actually dead in that. In that case, I'm drinking the rest of your energy drinks <3

A sliver of a smile came to Remus. He didn't bother to open his aunt's messages.

11:32 Remus: His eyebrows aren't bushy.

Her response was instantaneous.

11:32 Maddy: that's what you comment on? No 'sorry for putting you through the stress of lying to my own mother like that.' Wow. That's low, even for you Lupin.

🌣🌣🌣

Luck really was not the Lupin family's forte. The fact there were now forces conspiring against him as well now didn't make it any better.

"I am not 'conspiring' you drama queen." Madaline throws a pillow full-force straight at his head from the other side of the room causing him to stumble back a few steps.

"What else would you call it?"

"A helpful nudge. A wingman. Getting yourself off your sorry ass."

Remus throws the towel over his shoulder as he waits for her to finish up in the bathroom. Her black and white swimsuit was underneath the odd match of converse and a sundress she had chosen for their escape.

Remus felt underdressed in his plain black swim trucks. She had invited Sirius to join them after discovering Remus hadn't texted him back all day. He was half-grateful half-angry at the gesture.

"I didn't even invite you."

Madaline's face whipped out from the wall and gave him that are-you-kidding-me look that he was all too familiar with. They both knew what kind of trouble he got up into when he was out alone.

Moments later they were heading out the door when his aunt stopped the both of them. "Take the boys with you before you go."

"Ma, I'm twenty-one. Can't we have some time to ourselves?"

"My house, my rules."

"We aren't in your house right now technically."

"Listen to your mother!" His uncle calls out from the living area causing her to throw her head back in a groan. "When you move out and you can do what you like."

Remus wanted to point out the fact he technically didn't live with them, but decided against it at the last minute. See? He could learn.

And so, the second train-wreck of the week began.

Sirius is already there when the four of them arrive at the pool. James is there too, shirt off and sunglasses on, as he lounges on one of the beach chairs. Remus tries not to stare at the boy's body, but unfortunately, that means meeting Sirius's eyes.

"Hi," he says awkwardly, setting down the pool bag in the chair next to him. The twins had run off into the pool immediately on site, causing Maddy to run after them with sunscreen so the three of them were alone.

Sirius either didn't notice his tone or ignored it. He had a bright smile on his face as if he'd just bought him an entire candy shop. "Bonjour."

"Hey mate!" James grins infectiously, ignoring the fact they had practically never talked. "Wanna see me do a flip?"

Remus crooks his head as he lays his towel by the lounge chair. "Do a belly flop."

If it's possible, James grins harder. "I like this one."

Sirius playfully smacks his friend in the gut, causing the other to laugh. "Oi!"

"Fine, fine. I'm going!"

Remus's eyes follow the young man as he runs and jumps in, splashing every kid in the pool in a ten-foot radius. Sunlight plays upon the surface of the water as if sweetly inviting play and Remus wishes anything to go right in after him. Except he's now alone with Sirius - and he knows he should say something - but his mouth stays frustratingly glued shut.

He didn't owe him anything, he thinks. He doesn't have to be here at all. Summer fling and no more. Normally he would have ditched by now, but he hasn't, and that scratches a nerve he can't seem to soothe.

"For some reason, I'm getting the sense you don't want to be here," Sirius says, pushing his sunglasses back on top of his head so he can get good luck at Remus. There's a hair that's out of place that makes him look like some 70's rock singer he can't remember the name of and so he uses it as a way to avoid looking at the man's eyes. "I get that. I wouldn't have come either if it weren't for your cousin."

Remus looks back at the pool to see her floating on her back like some sort of beached whale. She's not looking at him directly but he can feel her glare. "It's cool."

Sirius arches a perfect eyebrow. "It's cool?" He laughs for a second, then, "You know I've had some embarrassing next-day hookup scenarios. If you think this is bad, you don't know anything."

That breaks the tension. Remus knows it's not bad, but his fucked up brain always has something to say about every goddamn thing and it makes it hard to move on from the tiniest things. And he wished he could be nervous about it, like a normal person would, except he's not - it's just a detached, static TV channel with why would you do that why would you do that on repeat until he crashes and burns.

A part of him thinks it's written in his blood to be this way. He thinks about his mother, mind and body stitched together only with the cigarette smoke that bleeds into her skin and took the last part worth living from her. So far in her own head that the line between drunken daydreams and sober horrors blended into a pungent blur. He was his mother's son and there was so escaping it - he saw it in every mirror he passed. The same hair, nose, fingers. Same mind.

Remus is fumbling for a cigarette, ignoring the pool rules sign, when Sirius says, "Is this because I looked you up? I'm really sorry mate if it's about that. I didn't want to wake you and-"

"No no. Would be hypocritical of me if that's why." Remus tries to shrug it off with a laugh near the end, but judging Sirius' facial expression it doesn't make the air any less rocky.

"Ah," his face falters for a second. "It seems you've discovered my troubled, bad-boy past. My reputation precedes me, even here. There's nothing like a runaway to really make you real punk, eh?" And then he laughs. Laughs as if it can brush away years worth of doubt and fear. But why can't he? He's Sirius-Fucking-Black.

It's almost believable too - only if Remus didn't know the same weight himself.

In the end, Remus rolls his eyes and flicks Sirius on the arm. "Dick."

"Does that mean I get a second date?"

"Don't push it."

haha I have no idea why it's taking me so long to write anything these days,,, i had most of this chapter written for nearly 2 months. I realized that I don't have many ideas for this fic so if you could give me some inspo that would be nice!