Title: I Swear This Time I Mean It

Pairing: Mavin (Micheal Jones x Gavin Free)

Suggested By: Antisocial_Alpaca on Wattpad

Original Prompt: "ALSO YOU MIGHT NOT BE TAKING REQUESTS BUT IT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE COMPLETE IF YOU COULD DO A MAVIN"

Song: "I Swear This Time I Mean It" by Mayday Parade

Genre: Angsty

Weekly Apologies: Yes, I missed this week's update again. . But, hey, I'm only a day late this time rather than a week late. :D I still desperately need to write things for every single one of my other stories... I'M SORRY, FRIENDS. :(

Warnings: This is sadder than I planned..

Word Count: 1,479 – Song Lyrics – OpenOffice Curly Quote Fake Words = Actual Word Count

Micheal's POV

Oh Florida, please be still tonight
Don't disturb this love of mine
Look how he's so serene
You've gotta help me out

I brush his sandy hair away from his face, chuckling quietly as it immediately falls right back to where it was. He's so... so peaceful this way. He's not glaring at me or hissing bad memories in my ears as he walks by or sighing when I enter a room. He's not blinking back sad or angry tears at the mention of my name, he's not crying to Geoff or Griffon about how stupid he was to trust me.

I wish it could always be like this.

And count the stars to form in lines
And find the words we'll sing in time
I want to keep him dreaming
It's my one wish, I won't forget this

I see how sad it makes him just to go through life at this point, and I absolutely hate it. Even if he despises me with everything that he is, I still love him – despite what I led him to believe. If I could go back in time to when we were still best friends – heck, to before we'd even met – I would stop us from meeting, from ever getting too close. Even if Gavin had no idea who I was, at least he would be happy.

But when he's dreaming... When he's dreaming, he is happy.

If I could help him dream forever, I would.

I'm outdated, overrated
Morning seems so far way

So I'll sing a melody
And hope to God he's listening
Sleeping softly while I sing

I don't sing, but I hum – I hum his favorite songs, one after another, until I run out of songs.

But then I just start over the playlist in my mind, because I know singing helps him have better dreams, and I know he loves dreams.

I guess it's worth it to have a hoarse throat in the morning if he gets to wake up happy. It's okay. I'll just tell everyone I have a little cold.

And I'll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right

Sometimes I like to think that he dreams of me, that he dreams of the good times we had before our breakup. I want him not to be over me quite yet – I like the idea of him dreaming of us, cuddled up on the couch and hugging each other half to death just because we can. On the other hand, I want him to hurry up and move on so he can date someone else, be happy again. I'd like that. I like it when he's happy.

Gavin shifts a little in his sleep. His eyebrows furrow, and he frowns.

I switch from humming to quiet singing, and his sad expression fades into a neutral one.

If luck is on my side tonight
My clumsy tongue will make it right
And wrists that touch
It isn't much, but it's enough
To form imaginary lines

An hour passes. My throat hurts. I'd like to go get a glass of water or something, but I'm afraid Gavin will slip back into whatever undesirable dream he was having.

What if that dream he didn't like was about me?

I sigh, brushing the thought aside and tucking some of Gavin's hair behind his ears only to watch it fall back into place once more.

To save what's left of my voice, I transition smoothly from poor singing to gentle, comforting whispers. "I love you Gavin... I always will. Even if you hate me with a deep and burning passion, I love you. And if you don't want me to love you, well..." I stop to laugh a little. "I guess that sucks for you. But I guess you can think about how much Geoff and Griffon and all our friends love you, if you don't want to think about how much I do.

"They let me sleep over tonight, Geoff and Griffon. I think they kind of understand how much I regret my mistakes. I think they really understand it. At the same time, you're like a son to them, and they hate my guts for breaking your heart...

"Still. I'm glad they let me stay over, because, like I said, I still love you. A lot. I will always still love you a lot. And the only time I can tell you that without getting yelled at is when you're asleep, and I can't easily access your bedroom without climbing through the freaking window..," I ramble.

"I'll have to leave before you wake up, of course, or else you'll throw a fit when you see me. You hate me, and you make it almost unbearably obvious, too. You're a jerk, Gavin."

I flinch at my own words, quickly whispering, "I didn't mean that. I don't mean half the things I say to you. I mean it when I say I love you with all of my heart, but I never meant it when I told you that you were stupid or ugly or moronic or worthless or unwanted. I love you. You're basically perfect."

Forget your scars, we'll forget mine
The hours change so fast
Oh God, please make this last

"I wish this could last forever," I breathe, closing my eyes and resting the back of my hand against Gavin's warm cheek. He's snuggled up in a bunch of covers – and, man, I wish I could be cuddled in there with him – and he's cozy as can be. "I wish we could have lasted forever. Geez, I'm an idiot..."

'Cause I'm outdated, overrated
Morning seems so far way

So I'll sing a melody
And hope to God he's listening
Sleeping softly while I sing

I go back to singing, not wanting to think about that night when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I hate myself for that night, that night when I let my anger get the best of me. I don't mind raging at video games, strangers, and my friends, but Gavin? I don't want to hurt him with my furious words.

And that night, I hurt him.

I swallow hard, blink a few times, and shake my head slightly. No. I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about how cute Gavin looks, resting his head on his arms on his pillows.

A big part of me wants him to hear my voice, like background music in the movie of his dreams. The smaller, more logical, not ridiculously stupid part of me knows that he doesn't want to hear my voice, and that hearing it will probably only hold him back from moving on, anyways.

And I'll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right
Could get it right

You could crush me
Please don't crush me
'Cause baby I'm a dreamer for sure

The funny part about this whole thing is that I'm even more broken than Gavin is. See, Gavin has Geoff and Griffon and all our friends to tell him that he'll find someone else, that this is just how I am, that he deserves someone different (and they were careful to use exactly that word so as not to offend me), someone who isn't me.

I don't have anyone. Actually, I do – my friends know that I'm hurting, too, they just don't know the extent of it. Oh, and they're actually willing to try to help, but I won't let them comfort me. It's not that I'm trying to look tough or anything – it's just that I know the only one who can help me is Gavin.

But he's obviously not going to help me.

Really, all I can ask for at this point is an acquaintanceship. Sadly, I'm beginning to think that I'll never even get that. It figures. I mean, I don't deserve to get it.

Yeah, my angry words hurt Gavin that night.

But their effects crushed me.

And I won't let you down
I swear this time I mean it

"If I could hold you again, Gavin... I wouldn't let you go. I wouldn't let you down. I would hold you as tightly as I could for all of eternity," I blurt, cringing as my voice cracks. I clear my throat and then speak more quietly. "I would protect you, I would be good to you. I would love you. And I swear, Gavin, this time, I... I mean it."

And I'll sing a melody
And hope to God he's listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I'll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right