There's a loud noise as the microphone people probably haven't used since fifth grade gets put on.

"Hello! Welcome back to school!"

I groan and put my head on Craig.

"What the fUck are you doing?" He asks.

His voice jumps a little.

"I'm too tired!" I say.

He sighs.

"Come on, my sister kept me up all night," I say.

"Fine," He says.

I continue to lean on him.

"Nobody has been allowed to lean on me other thAn you and Tweek so you better be happy," he says.

"I'd be sooo happy," I say, mocking his monotone way to speak.

"Fuck Off, Donovan," he says.

Oh shit, he's mad. He's always been the calm kind of mad, which, when he's already monotone, feels hard to see... but I've known him for longer than anybody, he's my best friend and so I know the difference between anger/annoyance and the resting bitch face.

"We have decided to ban porn in South Park as it has clearly raised the amount of sex addicts amongst all of you."

"Kyle... can you tell me how that works? Like, I understand but doesn't that just add the amount of sex people are having?" Stan asks.

"Dude, if I knew what the fuck they are thinking, I would use it tO know what they're banning. I mean c'mon, first they ban raps, all raPs, and now porn. What next? Games?" Kyle asks.

He's still hung up on the rap ban, which I understand, he's good at it, he knows beats really well but can't sing so he started rapping. Which is not even surprising now that I think about it.

"All kinds of porn must be given to your parents for disposal."

There is a collective horror in the room. Not our parents! I would give it to the police before them!

"That's all. You may proceed to your classrooms."

Craig gets up, leaving my head to gently hit the floor. I swear, he had a hint of a smile in him just then!

"Oh soRry," he says, sarcasm levels over nine thousand.... great Clyde, memes.

"Oh no worry, you just didn't notice me," I say.

I laugh before getting up. We're all collectively in a line. Jimmy behind Craig, Tweek behind him and Token in front of me.

"Hey," I say, smiling towards Token.

He actually jumps after hearing me talk.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Y-Yeah. Sorry, I was thinking," Token says.

I laugh.

"Don't worry. But why are you so jumpy?" I ask.

Token looks at someone before turning back to me.

"No reason," he says.

I can't help smirking just a little.

"Who is she?" I ask.

Token rolls his eyes.

"Like I'd tell you that," he says.

"You will, I swear on tacos, you will," I say.

"Not going to happen," he says.

I look at him with puppy eyes.

"Noooo, that's cheating," he says.

He looks up.

"So is not looking at me! C'mon! What if I ask yes or no questions?" I ask.

"Fine," He says.

"Yes!" I say.

Whoever the girl is, I ship this already.

"Have you been together with her?" I ask.

"No," Token answers.

Well....

"Is she blonde?" I ask.

"No," Token says.

The line confines to move at a slow pace.

"Do I know her personally?" I ask.

Token shrugs.

"I don't know!" He says.

"Do you know her well?" I ask.

He seems to think.

"Less than I'd want to," he finally answers.

"Our Token is in looove," I say.

"Clyde, fuck off," Craig says.

"This is not your conversation, Craig!" I say.

"Whatever. Just don't annoy him too much," Craig says.

"Thanks for trying," Token says.

As we finally get into the classroom, our biology teacher takes a deep breath.

"Now, as sex Ed is banned," he starts.

"Are they deliberately trying to get us all pregnant or some shit?" Nichole asks.

There is laughter from all around the room.

"Not a second time!"

We all look at Bebe, in complete shock.

"No, I do not have a child! It was a comment on it! Don't worry! I took my shit and got rid of it!" Bebe says.

There is a few people who clearly seem annoyed at this fact.

"Do you seriously think that I fucking would have a child when I was 13?" Bebe asks.

"Oh don't remind me," Kyle says.

We look at him for a change.

"No! Wasn't mine! That's why it was annoying to have the phone call at 3 IN THE MORNING about that FUCKING pregnancy and what she should do," Kyle says, clearly slightly annoyed.

Token laughs a little.

"So that's why you couldn't focus," Token says.

"No, that one was about Red," Kyle says.

He actually gets up and goes to the front.

"Which, by the way, if it's not mine, don't call me as your first option! I swear to God, I have had too many calls at three am about other people's problems. Call a professional!" Kyle says.

He's actually slightly pissed.

"But aren't friends meant to support-?"

"Yes but supporting and getting a call about how to call an ambulance at three am, from a person with a phone and the knowledge of what the emergency number is are not the same thing," Kyle says.

Stan laughs.

"You've done it! So many times! And I tolerate it because you advise back," Kyle says.

"Can I call you at three am?" Token asks, smiling.

"Depends on what the call is. If you're pregnant with a child that's not mine, do not call to ask about what to do before talking to your parents," I say.

Token nods.

"Well, there goes my plans," he says.

"You do know two men can't-?" The teacher starts asking.

"Let them believe I'm that stupid," Kyle whispers.

"Why?" The teacher asks.

"So they don't call me, at three am," Kyle says.

There's something funny about how obsessed he is with stopping these calls. I'm so gonna call.