Apostolic Lutheranism is the religion I don't think South Park has made fun of so I decided to do it. Christians, I love them..... Apostolic Lutheranism Just has a lot of extremists......... please don't attack me, I warned about being kinda like this. Also, yes dad, I'm an idiot but I do know not all of the rules I've set up sound like Apostolic Lutheranism, that's exactly why overprotective parents are involved.
~Eko.
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"So," I say, sitting down in my room.

We would have gone to Cartman's but no, not this time.

"Everyone in?" I ask.

Kyle starts counting heads.

"Yup," he answers.

Millie nods.

"Okay so... how are we gonna open this?" I ask.

"The extremists from Apostolic Lutheranism are destroying our freedom, along with extremely protective parents," Butters says.

I nod and slowly look down at my feet.

"What can we do?" I ask.

"Get rid of them I guess," Kenny says.

"That's.... Finns can't do it. How could we?" Kyle asks.

"I mean Finns are pussies," I say.

"Go into a sauna for 2 hours hitting yourself with a wooden stick covered in leaves and then come talk to me about being a pussy," Bebe says.

"They're too polite to get rid of them," I say.

"Yeah but so are we," Kenny says.

"Hm. We could do a homeless people and direct them elsewhere," Nichole suggests.

"I guess. Seems to be possible. We could make them go back to Finland!" Clyde says.

"Oh God. It's not even a popular thing. Most of them are from Lutheranism but even they hate the extremists from Apostolic Lutheranism like no tomorrow," Wendy says.

"Oh shit. They hate?" I ask.

"Yes, very strongly. They're the Jehovah's witnesses or those extremists of Finland," Craig says.

"Holy shit. I didn't think Finland was big enough to have it's own annoying phone calls," I say.

"They're from Lapland and dear Lord can we just say that they don't call, they fuck their kids lives over," Kyle says.

"We are talking about extremists though. I know some of them are really awesome, I've met some. But the extremists are.... kind of annoying and very fucking easy to hate," Kenny says.

"God knows Finland needs help," I mutter.

"I have family from Finland. The extremists from Apostolic Lutheranism are fairly rare but erm.... they make up for it," Red says.

"No birth control basically. 'A child is a gift from God'," Kenny says.

"Well that fucking explains no sex Ed," I say, laughing.

"Wait.... it does! Holy shit, you're actually smart for ones," Craig says.

"Than-OI! I'll let you know that when I'm not stressed, I'm smart," I say.

"He breaks under pressure, badly," Kyle says.

"Wait Yeah. But what about the no relationships? Although they're not holding up to it," Bebe says.

"The extremists are pretty much gipsies in the fact they marry people off some very rare times," Kyle says.

"Wait. What?" Clyde asks.

"They do. Fuck gays is actually one of their things as well, so, fuck them for having a mentality against me," Kyle says.

I sigh.

"But aren't gipsies the ones that....?" Red asks.

"Yeah," Bebe says back.

"Oh shit. They need to get the fuck out," Red says, horrified.

"They do, trust me. Normally, everyone is welcome and they still are... the ones that aren't extremists are," Kyle says.

"Is Eric in on this?" Butters suddenly asks.

"What why?" Kenny asks.

"I mean.... I just feel like Eric hasn't been as distraught over this shit and he wouldn't let us meet up in the basement, which he normally would if this kind of things would happen," Butters says.

We're corrupting him, he said shit. He didn't curse much before!

"Oh can you stop it with the big reactions to the word shit? My parents taught me that word when they started arguing about who'd be the unlucky one to keep me after the divorce in sixth grade. I knew it before that but learned to use it back then," Butters says.

I keep forgetting that this innocent boy has had the worst life out of all of us.

"Okay," Craig starts.

He nods to Butters.

"We need to figure it out with him," Kyle says.

"Wait what?" I ask.

"We need to get him to tell us if he's with them," Kyle says.

"How exactly? He hates yar arse!" Millie says.

"It isn't me getting that information," Kyle says.

He smiles at Wendy, Red and Bebe, who immediately let out complaints.

"Fuck no!" Wendy says.

"Wendy. Would you rather we all have to live this stupid shit or not?" I ask.

She sighs.

"Fine, fine. Just because I can't say no to you," she says.

I smile at her.

"Wanna get pizza after?" I ask.

She blushes a little.

"M-maybe," She says.

Score goddamnit!

"But how does that help us?" Red asks.

"You see.... if Fatass is with them, Wendy and I can get shit out of him," Kyle says.

"Ooooh. Of course!" I say, smiling.

"I still don't understand...?" Wendy says.

"In it's most basic form, you girls should get information out of him fairly easily, we all know that he'd fall for it. If he is with them and won't tell you, you and Kyle could beat the shit out of him," I say.

"You don't have to beat him up, right?" Butters asks.

"I don't think so," Kyle says.

"You *gah* can look away if they *gah* have to," Tweek says.

"Why are they so cute?" Clyde asks Craig, who just rolls his eyes.

I struggle not to laugh at that.

"Why can't we be that cute?" Clyde asks.

Craig eyes me with a 'please help me. I hate you but I need help' look.

"You two are already adorable," I say.

He shows me his middle finger in gratitude. I show mine right back. He can be nice, he really can.

"Well the sluts are back in town!" Millie exclaims.

Wendy groans.

"Do I have to?" She asks.

"Wendy, he might know a way to get rid of them," Kyle says.

She sighs.

"Fuck," she mutters.