I open the door, and stare at Jace. He stares back, a slight look of horror on his face. I want to say something, but I can't. I can see Will in his face, and it breaks my heart. He's so obviously a Herondale. His hair and eye color aren't anything like Will's, but the way he stands and the overly cocky look in his eyes even as he studies my face, trying to figure me out. An aching pain grows in my chest as I think of Will. Will, who knew me better than almost anyone. Will, who taught me how to use a sword. Will, who was trapped inside a fake curse. Will, who will always be my best friend no matter where I go or what I do. As I look at the Herondale boy standing in front of me, I can almost hear Will's voice in the back of my head. They way he would laugh when we would train together. That one night, in Jem's room-. No. I can't do this to myself.

"Are...are you and Magnus...?" Jace asks. I open my mouth, but I'm so lost in my memories and how much he reminds me of Will, that I can't seem to form understandable sentences. Will, reading A Tale Of Two Cities out loud to Jem and I as we sat by the fireplace late at night. Jem. I shake my head, not letting myself go down that path. That part of my mind is so overgrown with regret and pain that if I wonder into it, I will get lost between the thorn bushes and poison ivy. And no matter which way I turn, I'll end up more hurt than before. Then I remembered that Jace asked me a question. Only...what was it?

"Oh...um..." I stutter, trying to remember his question. But the more I look at him, frozen in the spot that I am standing in, I fall deeper and deeper into memories that I haven't allowed myself to remember for a long time. I can feel myself drowning, losing myself in the pain and loss.

"Aurelia!" Magnus' voice is like the lifeline that pulls me out of the swirling whirlpool that is my mind. I'm flung back into the present, and I blink as turn slowly to look at Magnus. His face softens when he sees my expression. He lowers his voice. "Why did you open the door?" I'm still slightly out of it, and all I can do is gesture at Jace. I try to say that I trust him, but that's not exactly what comes out.

"He reminds me of Will." My voice is a whisper. I shake my head as a look of pity floods into Magnus' eyes. I hate it when people give me that look. The kind of look that you give to people who are broken. I'm pretty sure I'm not broken, it's just taking longer than I thought to piece my heart back together. And when a reminder of what I have lost shows up in the form of a self-obsessing, sarcastic, golden-eyed, blonde-haired Shadowhunter boy, it's definitely not helping.

"I don't think I've met a Will before," Jace says, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms. He's dressed in all black as I would have expected. "Although, he must be a very handsome person if you're mistaking me for him."

"Hey." I say, feeling more normal and not as 'if someone mentions anything to do with the 19th century I'll feed them to some cannibalistic ducks.' "Jace Herondale, right?" I step aside and let him in, much to Magnus' dismay.

"Actually I'm Jace Lightwood." He answers and for a moment I almost laugh. Instead a turned to Magnus with an amused expression on my face.

"Will is totally disowning him right now." I say, pointing at Jace. His descendant wanting to be a Lightworm instead of a Herondale? It could only be worse if Jace decided that he wanted to be a duck.

"Most definitely." Magnus confirms, and we share a look. The kind of look you share with that one friend when you got to see something amazing that everyone else missed. I sit down on the couch, scooping Lady Cream Puff into my arms. Jace looks down at me, as if he's trying to solve a puzzle.

"Are you two...?" Jace asks and I have to bite my to stop myself from laughing. Magnus looks equally amused, and shakes his head.

"No," Magnus says, looking at Jace, annoyance written across his face.

"Definitely no." I confirm, stroking Lady Cream Puff's plush white fur.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus demands, crossing his arms.

"My, my, so unwelcoming." Jace tuts, shaking his head.

"That's because your not welcome."

"I thought we were friends." Jace says, shooting Magnus a look of fake hurt. Jace walks further into the loft, and Magnus glares at him as he takes each step.

"No. You're Alec's friend. Alec was my boyfriend, so I had to put up with you. But now he's not my boyfriend, so I don't have to put up with you. Not any of you seem to realize it. You must be the - what, fourth? - of you lot to bother me." Magnus begins to count off of his fingers. "Clary. Isabelle. Simon-."

"Simon came by?" Jace asks, seeming astonished.

"You seem surprised." Magnus says, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't think he was that invested in your relationship with Alec." Jace shrugs.

"I don't have a relationship with Alec." Magnus says flatly.

"But Magnus-." I begin to speak, but Magnus throws his hands up in the air.

"Not the time Aurelia! You and I can discuss this later. Or never." Magnus says and pauses thoughtfully. "Never sounds good."

"Magnus! We are going to talk about this and we're going to do it as soon as possible." I say firmly. I glare at Magnus, daring him to argue with me. He doesn't, but sticks his tongue out me.

"It smells like heartbreak in here." Jace said.

"That's the Chinese food." Magnus flops down next to me. "Go on, get it over with. Say whatever you need to say."

"I think you should get back together with Alec." Jace says simply, his golden eyes gleaming as he glances over at Magnus.

"And why is that?" Magnus asks, rolling his eyes.

"Because he's miserable," Jace says. "And he's sorry. He's sorry about what he did. He won't do it again."

"Oh, he won't sneak around behind my back with one of my exes planning to shorten my life again? Very noble of him."

"Magnus-." Jace and I speak at the same time, but we're both interrupted by Magnus.

"Besides, Camille's dead. He can't do it again." When Magnus says Camille's name, my eyes narrow. The first and only, thank goodness, time that I met the vampire baroness, she kidnapped me and planned to give me to Magnus as a present.

"You know what I mean." Jace says, throwing himself onto a leather chair by the fireplace. "He won't lie to you or mislead you or whatever it is you're actually upset about. Magnus looks up at the ceiling.

"What do you care if Alec is miserable?"

"What do I care?" Jace speaks so loudly that both Chairman Meow and Lady Cream Puff jump up and run out of the room. "Of course I care about Alec; he's my best friend, my parabatai. And he's unhappy. And so are you, by the look of things." Magnus starts to argue, but Jace cuts him off. "I care about Alec. I care about him more than I care about myself."

"Don't you ever think," Magnus muses. "That the whole parabatai business is rather cruel? You can choose your parabatai, but then you can never un-choose them. Even if they turn on you. Look at Luke and Valentine. And though your parabatai is the closest person in the world to you in some ways, you can't fall in love with them. And if they die, some part of you dies too."

"How do you know so much about parabatai?"

"I know Shadowhunters." Magnus says. "I have for a long time. You are odd creatures. All fragile nobility and humanity on one side, and the thoughtless fire of angels on the other." His cat eyes flick towards Jace. "You especially, Herondale, for you have the fire of angels in your blood."

"You've been friends with Shadowhunters before?" Jace looks interested.

"Friends," Magnus says. "What does that mean, really?"

"You'd know if you had any." Jace says, then looks over at me. "Are you two friends?"

"Yes." I say without hesitating. I look over at Magnus, who looks a bit surprised.

"Hm. Magnus doesn't seem like the type who has friends."

"Well this is novel," Magnus says. "None of the rest of your group has tried insulting me."

"Is it working?"

"If you mean do I suddenly feel compelled to get back together with Alec, no." Magnus looks over at Jace. "I have developed a craving for pizza, but that might be unrelated"

"Alec said you do that," Jace says thoughtfully. "Deflect questions about yourself with jokes." Magnus narrows his eyes.

"And I'm the only one who does that?" Magnus says, looking meaningfully at Jace. I pull out my phone, to see if Missy has texted me about Jon.

"Exactly. Take it from someone who knows. You hate talking about yourself, and you'd rather make people angry than be pitied. How old are you Magnus? The real answer." Magnus doesn't reply but shoots a glare at Jace. "What are you parents names? Your father's name?"

"If I wanted to lie on a couch and complain to someone about my parents, I'd hire a psychiatrist."

"Ah, but my services are free." Jace picks up a pillow and puts it behind his head. "I don't have anywhere to be. I can sit here all day."

"Great," Magnus says, picking up the TV remote. "Because Rey and I were about to watch The Hunger Games." He's about to play the movie, when Jace's phone rings. Both Magnus and I's eyes follow Jace's movements as he flips open his old phone.

"Yeah I'm at Magnus' place. I think I might be making some headway. What's up?" Jace says into his phone. He is silent for a few seconds, and then his eyes flash. "What is it? What's happened?" Jace asks urgently. Magnus sits up straight, not taking his eyes off of Jace. Jace closes his eyes.

"What is it?" Magnus asks. "Is it Alec? Is he alright?" Jace strides over to the door, and opens it. He pauses and stares back at Magnus.

"What do you care?" Jace says coolly. Magnus flinches visibly and Jace closes the door. I shake my head at Magnus.

"What are you doing?" I ask, curling myself up into a ball and pulling a blanket over me. It's cold in Magnus' loft, and I was beginning to shiver. The December air seems to have found a way inside. Magnus doesn't answer me, and stares at the door, unmoving. I try again. "Do you love Alec?" My voice is gentle.

"Yes." Magnus whispers, not turning around. Either the door has suddenly become terribly interesting, or Magnus is lost in his worry for Alec.

"Then why isn't he here, Magnus?"

"Because he tried to shorten my life?" Magnus turns to me, his gold-green eyes full of bitterness.

"He made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes." I remind him patiently. Chairman Meow jumps up on the couch next to me. I pet the tabby, listening to his content purrs.

"And sometimes people have to pay for their mistakes." Magnus retorts. I feel the cruel truth in Magnus' words. People do usually have to pay for their mistakes. I did.

"Be careful, Magnus," I say, closing my eyes. I'm exhausted and really need a nap. "Because one day, Alec isn't going to be here anymore. And you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. Forever is a long time to harbor regret." My eyes flutter closed and I feel myself drifting off into my dreams.