I'm sitting in Magnus' loft, playing Mario Kart on the WII that I'm hoping Magnus bought, when he bursts through the door to tell me that we're going to Idris. Magnus had been out with Catarina, and had decided that I was not invited. I hadn't complained, but had asked what I was supposed to do while I waited for him to come back. He had given me the WII, and left. I had been in the middle of a tricky course called Rainbow Road, when Magnus came in. I am so startled that I drop the remote, and my character plummets over the edge of the track, which makes me lose first place.

"We're going where?" I ask, and Magnus looks at me, slightly annoyed.

"To Idris." He repeats, while making a portal. I stand up and reach for my coat, putting it on quickly. I'm pulling on my gloves and boots when I freeze.

"Whoa, wait a minute. I can't exactly just go barging into Idris. I'm not a Shadowhunter nor a Downworld representative." I reason, looking up at Magnus. He sighs.

"Well it's either that or I'll drop you off at your house." He says, but I've already pulled on my hat and gone through the portal. I am not going back home. Not when I just arrived. I end up in an attic, and Magnus is behind me in a matter of seconds.

"Where are we?" I ask, looking around. It's completely unfamiliar, and looks very old.

"Lucian Graymark's sister's house. Jocelyn Fairchild and Luke want me to check it over for any traps or curses." I nod, and follow Magnus down the attic staircase. He introduces me to Jocelyn and Luke, and for the next two hours, I sit in the kitchen as Magnus inspects every single inch of the house, making sure that it is safe. Finally, done with being bored out of my mind, I go downstairs to the cellar to see if Magnus, Luke and Jocelyn have found anything. "...I am not a Shadowhunter anymore," Jocelyn is saying. "I fled from them. But a world without Shadowhunters in it - I am afraid of that." Jocelyn pauses when she sees me. I lean against the back of the staircase and watch them with curiosity. Magnus doesn't seem to notice me though.

"There was a world before the Nephilim. There will be one after." Magnus cat-eyes gleam in the dim light of the cellar. I look over and see that only a single glowing stone lights the room. I assume that it is witchlight.

"One that we can survive in? My son-." Everyone turns to look upstairs as someone pounds on the door. "Clary?" Jocelyn wonders aloud. "She might have forgotten her key again." I go up the stairs, with Magnus, Jocelyn and Luke close behind me. Magnus pushes past me draws open the front door, and standing on the other side is a Shadowhunter girl with light, curly blonde hair and pointy ears. I'm guessing she's Helen Blackthorn.

"I've come with a message form the Gard." She says, her cheeks red from the cool air outside. "Clary and Jace went through the portal to the battle at the Adament Citadel. Jace and Brother Zachariah are in the hospital-." It's like someone pierced me in the heart. All this time I've been with Magnus, all this time that I've been mourning Jem, I forgot something so very important. He's still alive. Well, not my Jem. But a different version of him. I hadn't finished reading Clockwork Princess when I had gone on vacation, and had left my brand new book in my apartment, not wanting to travel with it, in case it were to get tarnished. But I had just reached the part where I found out that Brother Zachariah was actually Jem.

"Brother Zachariah." I interrupt, my voice slightly panicked. Jocelyn and Luke look at me curiously, wondering about my sudden interest in Silent Brothers. "Is he alright?"

"I'm not sure. I heard he touched the Heavenly Fire-." Helen says and I push past her, running towards Alicante. I hear Magnus calling my name but I only run faster. He touched Heavenly Fire? That will almost certainly kill someone. I shake this thought from my head. He can't be dead. He just can't. I run though the streets, my dark hair streaming behind me. I stop when I see Alec and Isabelle walking with Simon. I run over to them. They look over at me with surprise.

"Where's the hospital?" I ask, slightly out of breath form sprinting over here.

"Aurelia?" Simon asks and I nod, looking at them impatiently.

"The hospital?" I ask again, looking between Isabelle and Alec.

"Shadowhunters only." Alec says finally, looking at me with surprise. My light blue eyes flash with annoyance.

"You don't understand. I need to get in there." Then I think of something that might just make Alec understand. "If Magnus was in a hospital that only Warlocks could get into and you didn't know if he was alive or...what would you do?" Alec looks at me steadily.

"I would do anything to get in there." He says, without a hint of hesitation.

"Then please, where is the hospital?" I beg and Alec sighs. He points towards a large building to my left. "Thank you." I breathe, and shoot Alec a grateful look. I take off running to the hospital, and fling the doors open. I probably should have tried stealth, but right now, my frantic brain only has one thought. Get to Jem and make sure he's alright.

"Hey!" Someone yells from behind me, but I don't stop. I sprint up the main staircase, and hear footsteps from behind me. I run up to the second floor, and dive into a closet. I hear the footsteps run past me, yelling at people to start searching the hospital. I breathe a sigh of relief, and start to open the door slowly. I freeze as I see Jace Herondale exiting the room next to me. I don't breathe as I watch him walk the opposite way down the hall. Once he's gone, I come up with a plan. Well, it's a not exactly a plan, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm just going to check every room on this floor to see if Brother Zachariah is in one of them. He's not going to be the same, I remind myself. Not only does he not remember me but he isn't exactly the same person he used to be. I step silently out of the closet and close the door slowly. I decide to try the room that Jace came out of first. There's no window on the door, so I can't see inside. I open the door, and there's someone standing by the window. His back is to me, but I see his dark hair, and Shadowhunter features. He's most definitely not a Silent Brother.

"Oh, uh, sorry, I must have gotten the wrong-." I feel my breath leave me as the person turns around. I have to hold on to the door as I feel my entire body shaking. The boy standing in front of me, it's Jem. Jem, who's not a Silent Brother. Jem, who doesn't look like he did when he had to take the Yin fen. All I can do is shake my head, not believing what my eyes are telling me. My hand flies up to cover my mouth, and I back up slowly. Jem steps towards me, a look of concern written on his face.

"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice exactly like I remember it. As I steps towards me, I stumble back, running into the wall. He seems to notice that there's no runes on me, for he looks at me curiously. "You're not a Shadowhunter, are you?" All I can do is stare at him, blinking to make sure this isn't some cruel trick that my mind is playing. How is this possible? How is Jem, my Jem, standing here in front of me? He's looking at me, confused at my odd behavior.

"Jem." I say it without thinking. All my pain, all my confusion put into one word. Something flashes across his face, and he looks down.

"No one has called me that in a long time." He murmurs, more to himself than to me. Jem looks up at me, studying my face as if he's trying to remember who I am. Then he freezes. He stares at me, but by the look in his eyes, he's seeing something else. Suddenly, he walks over to me quickly and purposefully, and stares into my eyes, looking for something. I can't bring myself to look away. I should leave now. Jem's alive, and being here is just like asking for someone to stick knives in my heart. "Aurelia?" His voice is soft, and disbelieving. I can feel my eye widen, and look at him in horror.

"No...no...you shouldn't remember-." I'm cut off as the door next to me flies open and three Shadowhunters burst in. I jump forward, and back up as they advance towards me.

"Stop." Jem says quietly but with ferocity. He steps between the Shadowhunters and I, his back to me. Then a woman pushes past the three men and stares at me.

"Brother Zachariah," She says, then pauses. "Is there another name by which you wish to be called? The name you had before you were a Silent Brother?" Jem shakes his head.

"It seems that I had forgotten part of who I was. I'm not quite sure who I was before at the moment, so Zachariah shall do just fine until I figure it out." Jem replies in his melodic tone. Everything is starting to make sense now. The Heavenly Fire must have burnt out the need for the drug and its effects, reversed his transformation, and gotten rid of Magnus' spell.

"Alright, then. Do you know her?" The lady asks, pointing at me. Jem turns to look at me, and our eyes meet. I'm lost in memories of Jem and I in the park, of Jem and I laying by the fireplace, of Jem and I laughing as we ran back to the Institute, rain falling all around us. What am I going to do now?

"Yes, Consul Penhallow." Jem answers, not taking his eyes off of me. "She is a friend of the Shadowhunters. I would trust her with my life." I have to look away, not wanting the Shadowhunters to see the tears that are falling down my cheeks. The Consul looks past Jem and at me.

"What is your name?" She asks sharply, and I look up, a fierce look in my eyes despite the tears on my cheeks. She sees the tears streaks on my face, and motions for the other Shadowhunters to leave.

"Aurelia." My voice is quiet, but not shaking. "Aurelia Rose." I dry my tears quickly, not wanting to appear weak. "I apologize for breaking into your hospital. When I heard that...Zachariah...had been touched by the Heavenly Fire, I needed to make sure that he was alright." I say, looking steadily at the Consul. Jem looks at me sadly.

"Please call me Jem." He says softly, and my eyes dart around the room, searching for something to look at. Anything but Jem.

"I thought you wished to be called Zachariah." I say, making my voice void of any emotion.

"Not by you. I want you, more than anyone, to call me Jem." He says, and I can feel his hand on my shoulder. I don't look up, I can't. But I shiver at his touch, that was once the most familiar thing in the world to me. "I have gone for so long without seeing your face in my mind. Without thinking about your name. I-." Jem stops, remembering that the Inquisitor is here.

"You are a mundane? With the Sight?" Consul Penhallow asks, and I nod. I guess when you know what you're looking for, it's easier to see it. "How did you get here?"

"I've been staying with the warlock Magnus Bane. When he came, I came with him." I explain, moving away from Jem. Oh, why would the world do this to me? My suffering seems to please it greatly. The Inquisitor nods thoughtfully and looks over at Jem.

"And you're sure that we can trust her?" She asks, and Jem stares at her with his now dark brown eyes.

"More than anything." Jem answers, and The Consul nods.

"I don't have time to worry about stray mundanes right now. You can stay until Sebastian has been defeated." She sighs. The Consul doesn't say what will happen if he isn't, but it goes unsaid. If they can't kill Sebastian, then we're all as good as dead, so it won't matter if I'm in their city or not.

"Thank you." I say, and The Consul nods.

"I'll leave you two then." She says and starts to leave.

"No!" I can't bring myself to talk to Jem. It would be a cruel thing to do to myself. "I mean, I should be getting back. Magnus will worry that one of you has killed me." I say, and walk quickly to the door. I follow The Inquisitor out the door, we're about to go down the stairs, when I hear Jem calling my name. I stop and turn, and see him running towards me. "I have to get back." I whisper hoarsely. The Consul senses that something is happening between us, and leaves quietly.

"Please don't go," He says softly. All I can do is shake my head and beg myself not cry again. Jem walks over, puts his hand my my cheek, and makes it much harder not to cry. "I lost you once, I can't lose you again." He whispers, and pulls me into him. It feels like one of my dreams, like any moment, I'm going to wake up. But I don't. I rest my head on his shoulder as a silent tear slips down my cheek, and for a second, I forget why I left him. Then I remember. I pull away quickly, stumbling back. A look of hurt crosses his face. There's such wisdom behind his eyes; wisdom and pain. And as he looks at me I can tell that he's wondering if I still care for him. "Aurelia, I know it's been a long time. If you don't-."

"Oh, Jem. Please don't ever think for one moment that my heart does not still belong only and completely to you. No amount of time could ever change that." I say softly, taking a deep breath. This is more pain than I was prepared to experience today.

"Then why do you look at me like that?" He asks, a pleading note in his voice.

"Because you have to go be with Tessa! This...us...being here with you was possibly the most cruel thing that the universe could do to me. To let me see you, to think for one moment that there is a chance for us. You and I...Jem, I'm not part of this story! You and Tessa...that's how it's supposed to be." I say, my voice shaking as tears threaten to fall from my gray-blue eyes. "And as much as I don't want that to be true, it is. I can't...I can't change the story. I just can't..." My voice is barely audible, as I begin to cry again. Oh, how I wish I can be stronger. I wish I can be one of those girls who can go through life with their head up all the time. One of those girls who never cry, no matter what happens. But, unfortunately, I'm not. I'm just me, who can't handle all the pain I'm feeling right now. Jem has his arms around me soon, and we sink to the floor. I'm in Jem's lap, listening to his whispers.

"Shh, darling. It's alright. It's going to be alright." He strokes my hair as I cry. I know I should get up and run, but I just can't bring myself to.