twenty-one | now that we don't talk

(@pattycarrigan via snapchat story!

REECE WALSH REPLIED TO YOUR STORY!
mira looks ugly here
wait nvm she always looks ugly
THAT WAS SILVI ON MY PHONE
I SWEAR

PATTY AND MIRA WERE INSTAGRAM OFFICIAL, MEANWHILE REECE AND SILVI WERE ON THEIR WAY TO A TEDIOUS ON-OFF SITUATIONSHIP. Jordan couldn't help but let out a sigh—at least they were all doing something. Him and Ali had continued to dance around each other. There were moments she'd let him peak through her walls and then they'd shoot right back up before he could get all the way through. He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this. He didn't want to be the guy waiting for a traumatised girl to maybe one day be ready for a relationship. It wasn't fair on either parties.

He'd been practicing what he'd say to her for days. He'd tried to imagine the reactions of every single party; his family, her friends—the fans. He almost felt embarrassed. Here he had been showing off this gorgeous girl and then he'd have to take it all back. Uninvolve her in his life. Detangle the web of her and him.

They'd only known each other for like three months, anyways (he'd tell himself). It was too premature for it to have any true lasting effects on him—if he got out right now. Sure, there'd probably be that 'what if' voice in the back of his head every-time he stumbled across an ad she was in or a tagged photo. And yeah, he would've liked her to be the one. But, it is what it is.

Patty and Mira had invited them out to lunch—a double date. Jordan didn't know if Patty was aware of the fakeness of their relationship or not (he'd never said but he hadn't expected Mira to lie to her boyfriend). If he did know, the Māori was extremely grateful his teammate had never said anything about it.

The cafe was nice. They had sat at an outside table, soaking up the late May sun as the wind blew through them. The couples had been on either side of the wooden table; girls facing each other and boys doing the same. Jordan thought Miras face might shatter with how hard she'd been smiling at Patty. Ibis's edged towards them at every angle, begging for any excess food. (Jordan would not yield!)

Ali sipped her dirty chai slowly as she half-listened to the story Patty had been telling. She'd worn a sundress that he'd picked out last time she'd dragged him into a shopping centre. It was pink with sunflowers decorating the bodice. Her hair was down and fanned across her collar bone. Mira, on the other hand, was completely engrossed in Patty's story (man, Jordan wished he got to be in a honeymoon stage). Shed definitely worn something but Jordan couldn't remember—in fact, he couldn't really remember much except for how carefree Ali had looked that afternoon. The way the sun bounced of her freshly applied tan and how her teeth shone when the light hit it from a certain angle.

"What's the go with Walshy and Silvi?" Jordan cut in eventually—hoping to make himself feel better at their misery. "He won't really talk about it."

The two girls exchange knowing looks. Ali let's put an emotionless laugh as she stirs her drink with the straw. "Well. . ."

"I think they're exclusive," Mira said, furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to remember. "They're very on and off, though. Silvi's convinced he wants to get back with his ex and it pisses him off or something."

"I swear all they do is fuck and fight," Ali muttered, cringing at the memories of being at that stage of a relationship. She ignored the way Jordan looked at her when she mentioned fucking (she pretended her mind didn't flashback to that very first night).

Mira, grabbing Patty's hand, sighed. "I'm glad you never yell at me."

Jordan wanted to make a comment about how they've literally only been official for a week—how they've known each other just under two months. He wanted to make all the bitter and hateful comments that floated around in his mind. But, he didn't. It wasn't their fault he was so jealous of their happiness.

He wished his friends hadn't also become entwined with her friends because ending this thing with her wasn't going to entirely cut her out of his life. He was still going to hear about her second-hand (which he thought might be worse). There were going to be parties that they both attended and posts that they're both tagged in. Assuming one of the other couples lasts, he could be haunted by the wasted potential forever (or at least until Reece is indefinitely suspended from the NRL for committing some sort of crime and he's barred from associating with him. . . hey, it was a possibility).

They didn't talk much on the drive back. Jordan was stewing over his thoughts and Ali was skimming through the vlog footage she'd filmed at lunch. Not a care in the world.

Pulling up outside her building, he turned the car off and turned his whole body to face her. She looked up from her camera, confusion etched across all her features—they were supposed to be hanging out at his tor the rest of the day?

Lowering her camera, she gave him a confused smile. "What's—"

"We need to talk," he told her before she could finish. He'd decided he should just say what he needed to say before she could look at him with those eyes and he'd back down.

This caught her off guard completely. "We do?"

Jordan nodded. "I don't think this is working out anymore. . ."

"Oh—"

"I'm not happy."

"I-I'm sorry," she said quietly, unable to look at him properly. To use the word blindsided would be a massive understatement.

Jordan sighed, looking past her and out the car window. "I don't know what I was thinking with all this—maybe that it'd eventually turn into a real relationship? It's not fair on you for me to put that kinda pressure and it's not fair on me to only get by on that hope." (Was it obvious he'd been scripting this in his head all day?)

Ali was silent, too stunned to speak.

"Besides, it was only supposed to be a short 'relationship' so your manager can't get mad," he added, his eyes flickering to look at her for a split second.

"I thought—I. . ." All words were escaping Ali. Every descriptor for her true thoughts had vanished. If ending this is what he wanted then she wasn't going to stop him. He was right and telling him she thought maybe she could almost be ready to be intimate again and kiss him for real would be a disservice to them both. She'd probably only thought she was ready because she knew that's what he wanted from her.

She watched his car vanish over the hill, a deep deep pit had formed in her chest and she felt a tear slide down her cheek. At that exact moment, he'd phone vibrated:

MIRA TIO • 5:34pm
omg look at this new bottomless
brunch i found
www.tiktok.au/EUgG5gwk6
we should definitely take the gang

Ali was proper crying now. All the plans flushed down the drain. All the potential wasted. And it was all her fault. She'd gotten in her own way once again.

ALI GREER • 5:37PM
wow
sounds great!

She wanted to scream and punch a wall (all that time in the Broncos change rooms had definitely tainted her). She wanted to run after Jordan's car and tell him he was wrong about everything—about her. Them, even. He wasn't allowed to just runaway the second things got stagnant with them. How dare him hold her while she cried one day and break up with her another. Granted, she'd never truly given him any sign that she actually wanted to be his real girlfriend. Nor had she truly opened up unless the circumstances had forced her hand. And, come to think of it, neither had he.

Maybe she had just been comfortable. Here's this gorgeous man that'd seemingly walk through hell-fire to make sure she was okay. Who is going to want that to walk away from them? Yeah, that's definitely all it was. . .

💌

💌 KK SPEAKS!
just a short one because i didn't want to throw too many things at you guys at once lolllll

please limit ur abuse to this comment thread only pls:

okay gn pookies