I opened my eyes feeling drained out and empty as reality hit me that those dreams were nothing but the past. It's not a reality anymore. I felt my heart ache at that fact.

"Good morning sleeping beauty" I heard Yeonjun's voice near my ear. I jumped on the couch in my office where I fell asleep. I sat up and looked at him to see that he was sitting in a wheelchair in front of the sofa

"AISH you scared me!" I yelled as I felt my heart beat hard against my chest. I tried to soothe my hair and make sure there is no saliva running down my chin. I heard him chuckle probably being entertained by this whole situation

"Yeonjun, what are you doing here?" I asked clearing my throat trying to make sense of this situation. 

"Im bored" He said simply, resting his chin on his palm as he rested his elbow on the arm rest of the wheelchair

"I mean why are you in my office you should be in bed, not wandering around" I said

"Well the nurse offered to take me outside for fresh air but I told her I wanted you to do it. But then I came here and you were sleeping so I decided to wait" Yeonjun said shrugging

"You watched me sleep?" I said can't help but embarrassed. hopefully I didn't snore to loud. 

"Not the first time I have done it" he said, winking at me making heat travel up my face as I knew what he ment.

"Uhm" I cleared my throat as I started to feel my nerves to burn "anyways just go back to your room" I said trying to dismiss him.

"No, let's go get some fresh air now that you are awake" Yeonjun said, pulling off his infamous puppy eyes as his thick lips pulled into a pout. He know it worked every time he wanted something and damn it still works on me till this day

"Okay. for an hour only I have to get back to work" I said, standing up and checking my watch. that way I don't get carried away.

"Lets go get some ramen first" he said as I pushed his wheelchair into the hallway and towards the back door of the hospital that led towards the backyard and the walkway along side of the lake

"Ramen is high is sodium you can't eat it right now" I said rolling my eyes as it was clear that his obsession with ramen is still there. 

"One portion just one" Yeonjun said

"No. if you want I can get you some dumpling soup from the hospital kitchen" I said as we reached the exit at the back of the hospital that lead to the back yard garden and the lake.

"It's so bland. There is no salt in the soup" Yeonjun said. I pressed the button that made the double door open automatically and I pushed Yeonjun outside to be greeted by the early morning fresh and clean air

"Woah it's so nice here" Yeonjun said as he inhaled deeply taking in the fresh and clean air. Comparing to the city where the air was fresh and clean, it was polluted. I pushed him until we were on the walkway next to the lake and stopped so that he was facing the lake and I stood next to him. We stood in silence taking in the morning scene where the sun was slightly above the horizon and two swans with three of their babies swimming peacefully in the lake

"You dyed your hair black and cut it short" Yeonjun said breaking the silence, I looked down at him to see him mesmerised by my presence taking in every detail. I felt a flutter travel throughout my chest. He will immediately recognise any changes, even my nail colour, my hair cut, he could sense my period without looking at the calendar. Definitely by spotting my mood swings.

"Uhm a bit of change I guess" I said running my fingers through my hair, more like I cut it because Yeonjun loved my long hair and after I came to town every time I would look in the mirror and see my long hair I would always remember Yeonjun. It was really painful

"You nails are short and not painted light pink" Yeonju pointed out

"I started doing surgeries" I said looking down at my nails. before they were highly maintained and cared for, always polished as I went to the salon every month. At first the salon lady told me it was a free offer and three times in a row I got my nails done for free but then I found out that Yeonjun had his card in the system and every time I would go there they would tell me the treatment is for free but in reality Yeonjun was paying for it and I didn't know about it. 

"But you look beautiful, you always do," he continued. Fuck it, my body still reacted to his compliments and his presence. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to pull him closer to me and feel his body against mine. Bringing back his presence back into my life after so many years of longing.

just him noticing the small things about me. he cared a lot. and he still does. 

"Do we have any children together?" He asked, making the fresh morning air suddenly feel suffocating. A moment of silence passed by before I spoke up

"No we dont" I said, there is no point in hiding the truth from him anymore. I need to slowly tell him what is going on and what happened

How we ended up like this

But the question is, am I ready to tell him?

"Oh" I heard Yeonjun say with a hint of disappointment "What about your mother, how is she doing? Honestly I miss her cooking"

Right he doesn't know

"She passed away," I said, and I was greeted by silence. My mom and Yeonjun were really close. She adored him and really approved of him. even till the last breath she took and she mentioned his name "She died from brain cancer"

"Oh god I'm so sorry for your loss" Yeonjun said as I heard his voice becoming weaker. He also adored my mom, loved her and really clicked with her. it broke my heart now that I realized he never got the change to say good bye to her. 

I felt his hand grab my squeezing it lightly comforting me. I looked down at our joint hands as I felt sparkles travel up my arm from his touch. His touch felt foreign but familiar at the same time.

"I'm okay. There was barely anything we could do. it was in the very late stages. Dad came back from Germany to take care of her. We made sure to spend every moment with her before she passed away" I said, Yeonjun rubbed my knuckles before placing a gentle kiss on them. I felt my throat tighten at his gesture. It was a habit of his everytime I would be bothered by something he would always comfort me by holding me tights and kissing my hand.

"How long have you been working here?" he asked

"Four years now" I said

"Since we broke up?" He asked

"Yes. I moved here, I used to live with Doctor Min but then I got my own apartment" I said

"What happened to the apartment that we planned on getting together?" He asked referring to the apartment that we found in the heart of the city in a rich and clean neighborhood. we planned to furnish it together and move in after we get married. 

"You moved in there alone" I said

"Probably hoping that you will come back someday" Yeonjun said quietly in realisation. I felt all the air in my lungs escape as my throat tightened and my vision blurred with tears. I bit my lips trying to control myself.

"I have to go back to the city. It will be nice if you would join me" He said, I looked at him to see hope filled his eyes "I don't know why, even though last thing I remember is the christmas party, but my heart feels empty like it's misses for you, Ah Rang"

"It's okay Yeonjun. Everything will go back to normal once you gain your memory back" I said as I tried to pull my hand from his grip but he didn't allow it

"What if I don't want to get my memory back. I already know those memories will be painful. Just hearing you say that we aren't together anymore is painful enough. I don't know exactly what happened but I refuse to believe it. You are the only person I trust and feel safe with. I want to be wherever you are. Please come back with me to the city and let's figure things out. We are strong Ah Rang we can can get through this" He said with desperation in his voice, knowing Yeonjun he always stick to his words. 

I didn't know what to say. I felt speechless. He was full of hope and desperate. And honestly I want to be back with him. But the guilt of causing him so much pain, I just couldn't forgive myself. He makes it sound so simple but in reality it was so much more complex.

"Please let's give us one more chance" he begged, I kept quiet not knowing what to say. I didn't want to agree because I don't want to give him hope but at the same time I don't want to refuse him because I do want to get back with him

"You don't want to?" he asked as his voice grew weak

"Let's wait until you get your memory back, then let's decide" I said

"Ah Rang you know I still love you right?" he said and I felt my body freeze "i don't know what happened that cause us to break up but I'm sure we can work it out"

"Yeonjun it's not that simple" I said

"What was the reason we broke up?" he asked, I bit my lower lip not even knowing where to start from

"Your mother didn't approve of me when you told her we got engaged. Did she?" I asked

"I mean no she wasn't happy about it but I was sure that she would come to accept it eventually. My dad seemed really happy though" Yeonjun said

"You should talk to your mother first" I said, I wanted to give her a chance to explain herself to her son, I wouldn't be surprised if she lied to him.

"Was my mother the cause of us breaking up?" he asked and I nodded

"She was and I was naive enough to believe her" I said

"She told you that you weren't good enough for me?" he asked

"Not really, she made me feel that way but that wasn't the reason. Talk to her. It's only fair if I give her a chance to explain herself to you" I said

"I see" Yeonjun said and let go of my hand. I felt my heart squeeze hard at the disappearance of his touch. "What about you, Ah Rang, Do you want us to be back together?"

His question made my lungs tighten, knocking all the air out of it but the first thing that hit my brain is Yes. I do want to be back with him. I missed us. Us being together sharing all the moments together. Just being in each other's presence which muted the chaotic world around us, I miss that. I miss him.

I knew I had to be truthful with him if I wanted this to work.

But I wasn't ready to tell him the truth

"Yes I want to" I said Looking down at Yeonjun but he was staring a head.

"Okay thats all I need to know. At least we are on the same page" he said