chapter five here's to never growing up
trigger warning // suicide

"gaming streamers? what do you mean by that?" aimer asked the librarian.

"gaming streamers are well, people who stream themselves when they're playing games. tommy and juliet is most known for playing a game called 'minecraft'. it used to be very famous back then." the librarian answered her.

"where do they stream it?" she said.

"they usually streamed it on an app called 'twitch'. they also post their content on several other platform." the librarian explained.

"and funny enough, i am actually friends with them." the librarian told her with smugness.

"oh my goodness, really?!" aimer slightly screamed.

"mhm. it's probably one of the things i'm proud of." the librarian whispered to her, laughing after that because of their own statement.

"i mean i would be proud too if i were their friends. even meeting them sounds cool! wait, where are they now?" aimer said.

"now? i'm not really sure. they just give me this book the last time i met them so..." the librarian told her.

"aw shucks! oh well, i want to hear this life then! especially since you said that this was the last life in this book."

"alright then. this one started in a pretty similar manner like their life in hogwarts. it all started on a normal morning, the two of them walking together to school..."

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"seriously tommy, i really don't see the point of going to school anymore! i mean, we're streamers so we can make money from that! why do we still need to go to school if we already have a source of income?" juliet told her friend tommy.

this is tommy and juliet. the two of them are famous gaming streamers, mostly known for their minecraft streams. juliet is mostly known as 'dandelion' while tommy is mostly known as 'tommyinnit'.

currently, they're walking to school together. ever since their first year in high school, they always walk to school together.

"i- are you kidding me, juliet? here you are, the smartest person in our grade, complaining about going to school." tommy said while wheezing.

"seriously though! i just don't see the benefit. like, i guess i'm the smartest or whatever, but school's just useless! they don't teach us shit about life." she groaned.

"seriously julie, i don't understand you," tommy said. "you're weirdchamp. why am i even friends with you?"

"shut your mouth tommy i'll bust your fuckin' kneecaps if you call me weirdchamp one more time." juliet threatened jokingly while pointing her pointer finger to him.

"bahahaha, whatever you say, julie." tommy replied with a laugh.

----

"this class is really boring." juliet whispered to tommy.

the duo is currently in math class. juliet might be smart and everything, but she hates mathematics with a burning passion.

"i hate it here." she whispered again.

"shh julie, i'm trying to focus." tommy whispered again.

"you? trying to focus? you gotta be kidding me." juliet said in a teasing manner.

"what is up with you hating school so much today?" tommy replied teasingly, laughing softly so the teacher can't hear him.

"oh i've always hated school, dear. i just never say it out loud." she said, changing her voice tone so it would sound flirty.

tommy blushed slightly because of it.

"i- oh my god. seriously." tommy said.

juliet groaned softly, banging her head to the table but not until the teacher can hear her.

"i'm seriously going to die out of boredom. no joke." she whispered.

huh, why did i say that? i mean, i really want to di- no. stop. you said you're not going to have these thoughts again. stop it.

"-lie? oi woman. oiiiiiiiii." tommy called for her.

"huh? oh shit, sorry. i- i spaced out. hehe." she said to him, giving him an awkward chuckle.

tommy raised his eyebrows. "you okay? you seem to be kind of- sad. i don't know though. i might be wrong." tommy asked worryingly.

"oh? nah it's fine. no worries. why did you call for me?" she replied then asked.

"look around, woman. class's finished. lunch time." tommy said.

"oH- alright. that was quick." she chuckled with a laugh.

"alright then, let's fucking go!" she said while pulling tommy's hand.

----

the two then start to eat silently, enjoying their own food. unsurprisingly, the silence didn't last for long.

"yo toms, you wanna skip class after this?" juliet asked her best friend.

"what the hell julie? why?" he said while turning his gaze to her.

"why not! the next class's literature, and plus it's our last class. come onnnnnn." julie whined.

"my parents is to kill me if they found out." tommy face-palmed.

"please?" she pouted, going totally out of her usual character.

tommy's eyes went wide.

"i- fine." tommy sighed.

"ha. simp." juliet said while smirking.

"oh hell no bitch-"

----

"come on, we're almost here." juliet said while pulling tommy.

"why, out of all the places we could go to, you picked a hill?" tommy asked.

they actually went on to skip class, and juliet decided to bring him to an unplanned 'picnic'. there's no food or even a blanket for them to sit on, but juliet just really wanted to go there.

"just because." she replied with a smile.

she started to laugh at the face expression that tommy made and soon tommy joined her laughing.

they then sit down at the grass.

"so what do you want to talk about?" tommy asked.

"i- i don't know. i just want to talk to you alone. about anything." juliet replied. for the last time. i just want to be with you for the last time.

tommy hugged his knees and put his head on his knees. he then looked at her.

"i know you want to talk about something. go ahead, i'll listen julie." tommy said, seeing right through her.

juliet stayed silent then she looked at him.

"tommy, do you ever thought how many people hate you? i'm not trying to imply as if i or anyone i know hate you, like i'm just wondering." she started.

"hm, i mean since we're streamers i guess i've thought about it several times. why?"

"it gets overwhelming, right?" she whispered, staring right to his eyes. "knowing that even though you might not know it, some or even a lot of people hate you."

"knowing that they hate you for your looks, your personality, everything you do, and maybe the people you hang out with. they just always finds a way to hate you."

tommy furrowed his eyebrows. "julie, have people been... telling you stuff? did your parents said or did anything to you again?" he said in a worried tone.

tommy knew what happens behind the doors of the chevalier household. they're not supportive of juliet for being a streamer, hate her because of missing one point for a test, and for her being bisexual.

"does it matter anymore, tommy?" she asked with a whisper. "it's so hard to be happy."

"julie- i know things gets hard. but trust me, everything will be better. please. just- tell me. if anyone is hurting you in any form. even your parents. i'll-"

"it doesn't get better, tommy!" she interrupted him. "everyone said it will, but it never does. i just want to be happy, tommy! that's all i ever asked for!" she screamed at her best friend with tears falling out from her eyes.

"then let me help you! tell me what can i do! i'll do anything to make you happy." tommy said with desperation in his voice.

"then run away with me." juliet whispered with a shaky voice.

"let's go away from this place together. i don't- i don't know what makes me happy anymore except being with you. let's get a house together! i'll work or... something for that. i'll cover anything. money, house, anything else. but just please, i just want to be with you. my best friend. the person i love. just- you."

"juliet i- you know i can't do that. i still have my parents, we're still sixteen-"

"see! you said you'll do anything. i know you would say that." juliet said, looking away from him.

"juliet, it's not because i don't care for you. i care for you with all of my heart. i'll trade my life for yours if i can. but i can't leave everything else behind." tommy explained while grabbing her shoulders softly to make her look at him.

juliet's just crying. tommy has seen her cry, but he never seen her cry like this. this sad. this- pain. he never seen it in her.

instantly he hugged her, letting her cry on his shoulder.

"i can't do this anymore. i can't do this anymore." she chanted repeatedly.

he hugged her tighter, feeling like his world crumble hearing her say those five words repeatedly.

her cries died down a bit, so he decided to distract her with a thing he knows would cheer her up at least for a bit.

"hey, you want to... write in our diary? the one which we wrote about our past lifes together?" he whispered. "we stopped on where we were in that hogwarts place or whatever," he said with a soft chuckle. "let's try to remember more moments of us."

juliet looked up from tommy's shoulder, a soft small smile plastered on her face.

"okay."

tommy pulled out the book that he always bring every time he's with her.

they started to remember things from their past lifes, again remembering things about the two of them wanting to run away together.

after a while, they finished writing the moments they remembered.

the sun started to set, and they both gaze at the beautiful sight.

"i'll miss you, tommy." juliet whispered.

"i'll? what do you mean by 'i will miss you'?" tommy said while looking at her.

"you'll see, tommy." she said, guilt in her heart.

"you'll see."

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"...and that's the end of the book." the librarian said.

"whaaaat?? that ending is so confusing. that's like a cliffhanger!" aimer complained.

the librarian sighed.

"are you sure that you don't know more? i mean you said you know them so do you maybe... know things that are not written in the book?" aimer squinted her eyes to the librarian.

"i- why do you think i know more?" the librarian asked.

"well, i was just wondering." she shrugged.

"i... i guess i do know a bit more." the librarian said after staying silent for a solid 25 seconds.

"ooh, really? tell me, tell me!" aimer said excitedly.

"hmm, i don't know how i feel about that." the librarian told her.

"pleaseeeee?" aimer begged, dragging the way she said the word while making puppy eyes.

the librarian's eyes went wide.

"i- i guess i'll tell you. just a bit, and a simplified way, okay?" the librarian said.

"fineeeee. i'll take anything." aimer sighed.

"alright then."

"well, at the end, one of them really run away." the librarian started.

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"i'm sorry, tommy." juliet said with a calm smile.

"no- stop. don't say as if this is the end. th-the ambulance is c-coming. yo-you'll be fine."

"hey, hey. it's okay. just let me go." she said.

tommy was visiting her, wanting to make sure she is okay after the events that happened on the hill earlier that day. no one was home, everything was dead silent. he had a bad feeling about this, but he hope that he is wrong. because of that, tommy decided to check juliet's room and bathroom. his feelings was right. he finds juliet laying on the floor, a big hole in her abdomen caused by the blade that she's holding.

she's is attempting suicide.

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"they run away from the thing called "life", and they will never come back. i'll tell you what does this exactly mean when you're older, maybe."

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"no- please. please. i can't- no. stop." tommy said, burying his head to juliet's neck while putting his hands on her bleeding wound.

he feels like the world despise him. the world could've take his anything. his money, his own life even, but they decided to take his juliet. forever.

"just promise me one thing. p-please just r-run away for me. b-be happy for me. i'll- fuck. my stomach hurts so much." juliet told him while chuckling in pain.

"you're getting close to 4 million subscribers on youtube, right? just focus on that instead right now. talk a-about that to me." juliet said, trying to distract tommy.

"julie i can't just talk about that right now! if you're gone what am i supposed to do without you? who am i supposed to run away wi- juliet?"

he looked up from juliet's shoulder, and he saw that her eyes are closed.

"no- no- please. julie, wake up! jul- please. i can't- i can't do this without you." he started to ramble.

his breathing is inconsistent at that time, and he didn't even notice the people that was sent by calling 999 is already there.

they all pulled her away from him and brought her to the hospital since they still see some hope. maybe she will survive.

but sadly, that's not the case. tommy lost her. his juliet. the world lost 'dandelion' that day. tommy lost his world, his soulmate, his everything.

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"oh well, i guess i'll ask you about this book again when i'm older," aimer said. "thank you so much for telling me this story! it's really interesting, none of the books you read to me have this type of plot."

the librarian chuckled. "of course aimer. you're welcome."

"aimer, come down! it's lunch time! we also have a guest here!"

aimer's mother, mrs. fletcher, shouted.

"hold on, mum! i'm going downstairs! just a minute!" she screamed her reply so it can be heard.

aimer then jogs to the library door to went out, but then she stopped and turns around to face the librarian.

"hey mr. librarian, isn't your name also tommy? like the person who wrote this book?" she asked.

"hm? oh yeah. we do have the same name." the librarian, or now we know tommy, answered.

"does that mean you're friends with the tommy and your name is tommy as well?" she asked again.

"hehe, yeah." he said.

aimer stayed silent for a second.

"when you say that you're friends with tommy and juliet, are you guys close? i'm kind of curious." aimer asked another question.

"well, you could say that we are close. really close, i could even say." tommy replied with a smile to the girl.

"huh, that's pretty cool! could you maybe tell me about them when you're still friends and stuff? maybe tomorrow?"

"hmm," he started. "i will consider telling you about them." he smiled.

"thank you mr. librarian!" aimer said while opening the door. "see you tomorrow!" aimer bid her goodbye.

as she closed the door, tommy looked down to the book in his hand. the book he read that story from. his diary.

the diary his younger self wrote with juliet.

he also looked at the vase near the window, the one that's filled with dandelions.

DRAPETOMANIA
(aka diary but we gotta sound cool ya know)
written by juliet and tommy <3

he closed the book, and smiled sadly.

"heh, pretty close." he chuckled humourlessly. "no shit tommy, no shit."

fin.

T

HANK YOU FOR READING!!