Songs for this chapter:

Sweetheart, what have you done to us - Keaton Henson

I'm There Too - Michelle Featherstone

After going through the events of the day and smiling every time someone congratulated me on the street (news of partnerships travel fast in Amberly), being alone in my room has never felt better. Slipping off my shoes and changing into night clothes, I quickly prepare for bed. I'm looking forward to shutting out my bleak reality for the time being.

As soon as I throw my dirty clothes in the wash receptacle and wait for them to clean in the thirty seconds that it takes, I hear a noise outside. Before I have time to investigate the cause of the sound, my balcony door is thrust open.

Harry enters the room, his eyes ablaze, and crosses to me in quick strides. He gathers me up in his arms and presses me until I'm backed up against the wall. His lips move against mine, divulging their angst and lust.

"Where the hell have you been?" I push him off of me, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Nya," he murmurs, pulling my waist towards him until my hips meet his. He moves his face closer to mine, leaning in for another kiss, but I press my palm firmly against his chest.

"Just when I started finding you useful, you disappear. For eleven days, Harry," I whisper yell, afraid to wake Cade or Alec. I don't want to think about what would happen if Alec found Harry in my room again. 

"So you admit that you're just using me? All I am is useful to you?" He smirks and I can't imagine what he could possibly find amusing in this situation.

"I'm not sure. Maybe," I lie, biting my lip to keep from smiling.

He lifts my chin up with his finger so I'm looking up at him. He's not a lot taller than me, but his height is enough to make me stand on my tiptoes to reach his lips. But I really shouldn't be thinking about his lips when I'm so mad at him.

"I think you were worried about me and you just don't want to admit it." His close proximity to me is making my head fuzzy. He makes it hard to think clearly.

"And I think you're too cocky for your own good." I try to push myself away from him, but I don't try too hard. 

"Oh c'mon, I'm not that bad. You seemed to like me the last time I saw you," he says, cheeky. 

"Yeah, that's the problem. The last time I saw you was eleven days ago." I can't help hiding the sadness in my voice. "I wouldn't normally care, but you don't even know what's going on."

Harry pulls me closer, rubbing circles on my back with the large palms of his hands.

"I just thought it would be better if I laid low for a while. I didn't want your dad to catch us again because that would create even more problems for you," he explains. "But I kept an eye out for you the whole time I was gone. You've been careful and your Dreamscope readings were normal. I didn't think there was any immediate reason for me to come."

"You have no idea what happened." Realization dawns on me.

I figured that Harry had known the whole time he was gone and that he was working on a plan to help me out of my situation. He seems to know almost everything else about my life somehow, so I just assumed he would know about my work program. And about Logan.

"Nya? What is it?" Harry follows me as I sit down on my bed, feeling shaky all of a sudden. His hand doesn't leave my back and he places his other on my leg protectively.

"I got my work program," I say, my voice unsteady. "Underground." I can't manage to tell him the details and I hope he understands on his own, even though he isn't from here.

He must know enough about Amberly, despite living somewhere else because upon hearing my words, his mouth turns down at the corners. He seems deep in thought and he continues rubbing my back, staying silent. 

"I'll figure it out. You won't have to stay there long," Harry tells me and I look at him quizzically.

"I promise," he adds, tipping my chin up to kiss me swiftly on the lips. The physical contact is somewhat calming to me.

"Harry?" I need to get this out of the way. "There's something else. It's about Logan..."

His forehead creases. I hate being the cause of his concerned expression.

"We're partnered. Officially. We have plans to take our vows." I rush through my words, not wanting to linger too much over them. 

I open my mouth to explain further, but Harry jumps away from me as if my body has turned to flame. He stands and immediately begins pacing back and forth in front of me, tensing the muscles in his arms as he walks. Instead of looking at me, he stares at his footsteps, never bringing his eyes up to my face.

"Harry?" I start to worry after his pacing doesn't subside.

He ignores me, anger flashing in his eyes. All of a sudden he stops walking, and begins fuming with his eyes closed, facing one wall. 

"No!" He shouts and slams a fist against my metallic wall, and I'm afraid that he'll dent it if he hits it again. The wall is sturdy, but it's no match for Harry's anger. I've never seen him like this.

"No, not yet. It isn't supposed to happen like this," he shouts angrily.

His nostrils are flaring and his anger seems to fill the room.

"Harry." I get up to join him. "Harry, you need to be quiet. We can talk about this."

"What is there to talk about?" His words are still laced with venom, but he lowers his voice. I'm relieved that he's at least thinking clearly enough to know that waking up my dads would not end well. "It's done, isn't it? You can't break that kind of promise easily." 

He turns his face away from me, but I tug on his arm, leading him back to sit on the bed again. This time he doesn't have his hands on me. He isn't touching me at all.

"I had to do it. There was no other option," I plead with him to see things from my perspective.

"Oh yeah? And who put that idea in your head?" 

"No one," I whisper, barely squeaking out the words.

"Don't lie," Harry barks.

"Alec," I admit, knowing that Harry would see through any lie that I would attempt to feed him. Even as I say his name, I know Harry won't react well.

"Well big fucking surprise there," he says bitterly.

"It isn't like that. I wouldn't go along with the idea if I didn't agree with- "

"Then what's it like?" He interrupts me, furious.

"My work program. There's no future for me there." My body feels heavy, my limbs weighing me down. Thinking about my future leaves me numb. 

"You can't be serious," he scoffs. "There's no future for you here. Anywhere in Amberly."

His words cut deep. I know he's right. Part of me is almost relieved hearing them come from someone else. 

"So you wanted me to accept working down there even though nothing here would satisfy me? That's the kind of life you think I should've agreed to?" Now I'm the one trying to keep my voice down.

"No." Harry shakes his head vehemently, his brown hair flopping around. "I wanted to be able to get you out of here. I could've done that. But now you have someone else that you're going to trust and you'll do what he wants you to do." I detect a hint of jealousy in his tone.

"Oh no." I can't hide my disgust in response to his remark. I shake my head and put my face in my hands, hunching over on the edge of the bed.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Harry asks hurriedly, breaking out of his anger and replacing it with worry. I feel his warm hands on my back once more. He doesn't understand that I'm pissed at him.

"You. Are. So. Stupid." I clench my teeth, resisting the urge to shove him off the bed. He blinks in surprise, not expecting to hear that.

"You think I really trust Logan? I only partnered with him because you weren't around to help me think of a better plan." I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming at him. "And as far as doing what he wants? I'm not some machine that will blindly do what he wants me to do. I can think for myself and make my own decisions. I just didn't have a better option this time."

Harry's eyes are still wide, but he's listening to everything I say, so I go on.

"I didn't want this, Harry. You might think you're upset about it, but imagine being in my situation. Don't treat me like I'm some impressionable child. I know exactly what I'm doing. It's not easy for me to have chosen this, but it is what it is."

"And how could you think, even for a second, that I would allow him to dictate what I do?" I don't ease up on the momentum I've created in my rant. "That's the part that makes me so angry, Harry. I'm not that kind of person. I've never been that type of person. Don't you see that?"

When I'm finished and slightly out of breath, Harry gathers my face in his hands and searches my eyes. His palms cover the entirety of both of my cheeks. I'm thrown by his sudden change in mood.

"I forgot how strong you are," he says in an almost reverent tone. "I do see that. I know that about you, I do. I just have all of these terrible scenarios of what could happen to you playing on a loop in my mind. I see those things during every waking minute and it kills me. It kills me and I'm projecting that onto you. I'm sorry."

His apology catches me so off guard that my mind is still reeling as he tenderly pulls my face to his.

He breaks apart almost as quickly as he started, but only to say "Whatever it is you're feeling, I want to feel it with you. I don't want you to go through this alone."

A lump catches in my throat and I can't believe his words affect me the way they do. I swallow and breathe in deeply, keeping my tears at bay.

"I'm not alone. It only feels like I am," I explain, finally understanding it myself. I can be surrounded by Alec, Cade, Logan, other people in my age group, and still feel completely isolated and alone.

"That's because no one sees you," he whispers, bringing his lips to my neck and making my eyes flutter shut.

"I think you see me," I say softly, speaking the words aloud that I've thought since the first time I had a real conversation with Harry.

Harry lifts his head back to look at me and gives me a crooked smile.

"Then I'm lucky. Because I think seeing you is the only thing that gives me hope."

His admission makes my chest fill with emotion. I like this Harry - the Harry who isn't cocky or controlling or condescending. When all of that is stripped away, he lets me see a part of him that I think he keeps sheltered from most people. He wears his kindness uncomfortably, like he's not used to letting his guard down easily. And I understand that because I'm the same way.

I quickly push my hands through his hair until they're against the back of his head and pull him toward me, kissing him deeply, showing him how much I want him to understand who I am. Harry quickly reacts and wraps his arms around my back so I'm encased in his strength and his warmth. We move together and get to know each other's lips, tongue, mouth.

"You taste so sweet." His warm breath fans across my face and I hear the lust in his voice.

His hand trails down my spine and I shiver involuntarily. Every nerve in my body is hypersensitive to his touch and his fingertips blaze a trail in their wake. I start to kiss him again, savoring the softness of his mouth and loving the way his tongue moves swiftly against my bottom lip.

"Nya," Harry says breathily, pulling away from me. I notice the redness of his lips again and can't help smiling in admiration of how handsome he is. "I should tell you more, I think."

"Now?" I can't help but whine. It seems like every time we get into a good rhythm, there's some sort of interruption.

Harry chuckles. "We have plenty of time for that later."

Do we? I ask myself. 

I kiss him quickly on the lips before crawling across my bed so I can prop my back up against the headboard. He shifts himself so he can face me.

"I'm just going to get right to it because there's really no easy explanation."

He looks at me for reassurance and I nod stiffly, having no idea what he might say.

"I promised to tell you more, so I'm keeping to that promise. I want you to trust me."

"Harry," I interject. "If this is about the promise you made earlier - about getting me out of here - I believe you. You don't have to prove that to me now."

"I know." He traces invisible patterns into the bare skin of my leg. "That might be part of the reason why I'm telling you, but I really want you to know this stuff. And now that everything is so fucked up... It's just better for you to understand."

I nod again.

"There's a reason you plug yourself in every night. Do you know why?" The question seems patronizing, but his tone holds no condescension.

"Yes. So the leaders can monitor our sleep patterns and make sure we are living a healthy life," I answer automatically, having had this fact drilled into me since I was young.

"And that's bullshit," Harry claims. "It's bullshit that they can even trick someone as intelligent as you."

I gaze at him questioningly. "Well they monitor almost everything to make sure we're healthy - our sleep, our body temperature, our food choices, our glucose levels- "

"And way more than that," he cuts me off, clearly knowing all that the leaders keep track of.

"So why is the Dreamscope any different?"

"This is going to sound crazy. Just like everything else I've said." He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his noise. "It's just... Fuck. Nya, they don't care about your health. They don't care about your weight and your body temperature and all that shit. What they care about is keeping everyone in line. They don't want an uprising. They want control and power. So they do everything they can to make sure no one gets any idea to question them, to challenge their leadership, to revolt. It's fucking bullshit." He keeps his eyes closed, but I imagine that if he opened them, they would be wild with rage.

"I don't understand how monitoring our sleep patterns with the Dreamscope helps to keep us in line." I shake my head, confused.

"Because that's not all that the Dreamscope does. It drugs you, Nya. Every night. The drug sedates you so you fall asleep almost instantly after you plug yourself in and then lasts a certain amount of hours. That's why it looked suspicious when you were having irregular sleeping patterns. That isn't supposed to happen. It doesn't happen to anyone else."

"So why does it happen to me?" I ask, panic rushing through my body. My fingertips begin to tingle and I realize that I'm hyperventilating.

"That's the question my people are asking. Somehow you're able to resist the drug. There's so much more about it that I don't know because it's too complicated for me, but when you come with me you can talk to this woman who knows a lot more about it than I do. You can ask her anything you want."

"I have to warn Cade. And Alec." I have to protect them.

"No. You can't," Harry says firmly. "They will be fine. There are things put in place to protect them. Right now you are the one who is the concern."

"Because I can resist a sedative." I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. "It doesn't seem like a big deal...right?" The lack of steadiness in my voice reveals my fear.

"The Dreamscope drug doesn't just sedate you. I told you, I don't know a lot about it. I don't understand the technicalities of it and the science behind it. But I do know that it also suppresses the ability to dream. It makes your brain slower or something, I don't know. But that keeps people from getting any ideas to resist the leaders."

"You mean... I'm the only person who dreams?" I open my mouth, not believing what I'm hearing.

"That's what it seems like," Harry answers timidly. "The Dreamscope has a program in place that sends people signals - signals that make them go against their basic human instincts. That's why people follow the leaders so blindly. It's the reason for the lack of- of so much here... It's unnatural."

I wish I could understand everything that he's saying but these ideas are so foreign to me. I'm about to ask more, but the sound of footsteps downstairs alerts us both to someone's presence. Harry's eyes widen and he stands to leave.

Harry kisses my cheek in a hurry. "I wish I could stay," he whispers and then before he makes himself leave, he presses his mouth against mine in a tender kiss. 

I close my eyes, returning his kiss before watching him pull away and leave through the balcony doors. I'm just about to plug myself in, but before I do, Harry comes back in and stands in the middle of my room, looking unsure of himself.

"Nya?" He whispers, his voice tentative.

"Hmm?" I can feel the weight of sleep on my eyelids.

"Don't take vows with Logan. Please. Put it off for as long as you can."

"I promise," I whisper back and close my eyes, hearing the faint click of my balcony door signaling Harry's departure.