Jordan tugged his shirt on and I climbed back into my seat. He shifted the gear stick and we were driving before I even got the chance to buckle up.

I ignored her call and sent one of the premade texts that said Sorry I can't pick up the phone right now.

"Shit, Shit, Shit. She's going to kill me."

Jordan switched lanes. "Your dad might actually never let me see you ever again."

I smiled. "Why are you so afraid of my dad?"

He gave me a look.

"Did he say something to you?"

"He didn't have to. You said I'm oblivious? Your dad's probably known about how I felt from the beginning. And then in the 7th grade there were those pool parties."

"The one's at Hannah's house?"

"Yeah. There was this one where you forgot your towel in the car or something and your dad came back around to give it to you. He just so happened to miss seeing me shove you in the pool which caused your top to come off. He came back as I was tying it on and I think he got the wrong idea. Ever since then every time I see him I can't help but think he's going to fuck me up."

"Jordan you're overreacting." I said with a laugh. "My dad likes you," I told him confidently.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Whatever."

And thus began the 25 minute trek back home.

***

I bit my lip as Jordan put the car in park.

My mom immediately walked out of the house in slippers and stood on the porch. She was livid.

I squeezed Jordan's hand and exited the car slowly, trying to calm my nerves.

My mother ignored me at first and gestured to Jordan behind me to which he rolled his window down.

My mom was tapping her foot angrily as she spoke. "Jordan, you need to go home. Now."

He nodded.

"When you get home make sure you let Charlotte know."

He nodded again and shot a quick look at me.

"She'll be fine Jordan. Go."

He let out a sigh and started to hit the gas.

My mom's eyes came to me and she said nothing as she turned around to walk into the house.

I followed and once I got inside I shut the door and I noticed all the lights had been turned on.

My mom was sitting on the couch and I gingerly sat next to her.

"Charlotte-"

My eyes welled up. I hated being yelled at.

"I'm sorry mom," I said on a whisper.

Her voice softened. "I was worried about you. Very worried. Recently I haven't been able to sleep because I know you're in your room crying. Today was the first night I didn't hear any tears and I'm thinking that's a good start. So then I decide to go into your room to check on you and you aren't there."

I put my hand on her knee.

"I'm scared because I know my daughter is emotionally distraught and she's out there doing God knows what."

I started to cry.

"I should have assumed you were with Jordan but my mind was going to scarier places, Charlotte."

"Sorry." I whispered.

"I know you're getting older and you want more freedom but as long as you're in this house there are rules to be obeyed. And that means you can't just leave without a trace into the night."

She wrapped her hand around my shoulder. "I know things have been tough for you so I'm taking it easy on you. But I do have to tell Jordan's mother."

I nodded.

"Don't ever scare me like that again."

I nodded again and kissed her cheek.

"I love you mom."

She sighed. I knew she was still angry but she still repeated it back to me. "I love you too."

***

Next week on Saturday I was pulling my black tights up my thighs and then slipping my black heels on to my feet. My hair was put into a low bun and I wore no makeup. That wasn't out of the ordinary for me but today especially I knew makeup was not needed. After all at some point I knew I would be crying.

The black dress I wore was form fitting and stopped right at the knee. It wasn't able to cover up the floor burn I had gotten from crying on my knees at the hospital. I stared at myself in the mirror recognizing that I was disassociating. Distancing myself from reality.

My family packed into the car and Carter and I sat in the back holding hands.

The weather was warm for a winter day. The sun had finally come out. Kids were playing and mothers were watching and sipping their coffees.

Life had seemed to move on as normal. Another bitter pill to swallow.

My dad went to find a parking space while the rest of us went into the church. Jordan was already there with his mom and at the sight of them I squeezed Carter's hand a bit harder.

We sat next to Jordan's family and I sat right next to Jordan. And during the service, just like I expected I broke down.

Only this time it was Jordan consoling me with his own tears as we sat, hand in hand, with my head on his shoulder.

***

After the service, I hugged Mrs. Margaret and we made small talk. I greeted everyone else and tried my best to not bring the mood down even lower.

We left after an hour or so and I was thankful. I was emotionally drained. I didn't have much more in me.

Jordan and his mom left with us and said their goodbyes with a kiss and a hug.

As soon as I got home I stripped down and got into the shower. I stood in the scalding hot water as if all the pain and hurt would dissolve along with it.