VIII

  "You were my conscience,
so solid, now you're like water
And we started drowning,
not like we'd sink any further
But I let my heart go,
it's somewhere down at the bottom
But I'll get a new one

and come back for the hope that you've stolen"  

"Monster" -Paramore

            When the words slipped out of Eric's mouth, he wasn't sure what deep, dark corner of his mind they emitted from, but he couldn't change what he had said. The last time Harper and him were alone in this gym, training, he had turned away from the idea that something might develop between them. He did this because he had a job, he had to lead Dauntless, and he had to work hard to ensure that Erudite became the governing faction with Jeanine Matthew's as the leader; Abnegation had to be stopped. This was his mission, and he had been dedicated to it for years now. Harper stood in the way of that goal not because he believed she had any idea of what was going on, but because she was a distraction. He would also be accused of a handful of things if word got out that he and Harper had any emotional or physical connection.

He had pondered it in his week of being away from her and the other initiates; his head was focused on his work, he had done a lot for Jeanine in the last few days. Once he realized that he could do both, ensure that Erudite got its way and that he could harbour a healthy attraction for Harper, he pursued her once again. With her Erudite roots and her similar personality, Eric thought that maybe in the future, she could stand beside him with the overthrowing of Abnegation. While she was still an initiate, which would last for about a month longer, he would have to be secretive about the time he spent with her, but that didn't mean he had to avoid her.

Harper looked at Eric, wondering what he meant and knowing that it was what she feared and wanted. Eric was interested in her, and he was taking the steps to make sure that she knew it. When she looked into his intense green eyes she couldn't help but think that by encouraging him and letting something happen between them, she would lose herself amidst the chaos that was lust. He was much older than her, and he was the leader of Dauntless; she had to entertain not only Eric's interest in her, but her own feelings towards him. She told herself that she had to do this to get close, to figure him out, to stop his mission, but she knew that somewhere deep down, she was doing this for her own personal satisfaction. It killed her to think that she was interested in the man who worked for the very woman who had been solely responsible for her father's death (or so she suspected), and yet when Eric was waiting for her reply, she felt her mouth go dry and her lips pull into a nervous smile.

"Mm," Harper cleared her throat. "The leader of Dauntless on a date with an initiate? The scandal."

Eric's smirk stayed on his lips, but there was a seriousness in his eyes. "Let's just see if we can get through this without one of us tearing apart the other."

She couldn't help the thought of maybe she wanted him to, and the way that made her stomach knot.

"We will be playing with knives," she breathed coolly, giving the room a lighthearted atmosphere, ignoring the nagging thoughts in the back of her head. They were trying to warn her, but she just wanted for once in her life to have control over something, to do what she wanted instead of what she had to do. "We're a ticking time bomb."

Eric's smile softened, he had no idea how true her statement really was. "Eat, I don't want to keep you up past your bedtime."

Harper rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile. It was amazing how different things had become between them so quickly, and she appreciated the change. She no longer felt as though he suspected her, and that she might wind up dead, at the bottom of the ravine. She had gained some sort of trust with him, and that was going to go a long way in the next few years, even if she didn't know it yet. 

She finished up what was on her plate, feeling full enough to begin training, and not too full that she just wanted to relax. If this was a date, it certainly was a non-conventional date. There was an unspoken knowledge between them that this would not leave these walls until after she was officially Dauntless, and Harper suspected nothing would happen between them for a while. Not because she wanted to wait, but because there were some boundaries that they would have to abide to. If it got out that Eric was sleeping with Harper before she was truly Dauntless, Harper suspected he would deny any allegations and disappear from her life faster than she could say 'Erudite'.

"What do you know about throwing knives?" Eric asked when she had finished eating.

Harper shrugged. "I know I've never thrown a knife."

"That's promising."

"It's not like Erudite had a huge selection of throwing knives." She rolled her eyes. "You opted to help me, now will you help me or ridicule me?"

Eric raised his hands in surrender. "Fair enough."

Harper watched as Eric picked up the knife; it's handle was slender with a hole in the bottom for good aerodynamics and lightness. The blade was thin, sharper than Harper's wit, and dangerous. The man held it loosely in his grip, and put one leg in front of the other; Harper studied his stance. He brought his strong arm back, glancing at her to see if she was watching, and then he brought his whole upper body forward and threw the blade. His hand followed through with the throw, and his finger ended up pointing at exactly where the blade stuck in the wall. She nodded, as if she was approving his throw, but really she was just remembering each movement he took.

Everything he did was calculated, well thought through, even if it was a brash action such as fighting Harper on the first day of initiate sparring. He knew what he was doing then, and he knew what he was doing now. Even mundane activities, he carefully thought through everything he did. Harper knew that was a very Erudite trait, but it worked well with Dauntless, because you had to think about everything you did. If you were about to fight someone, or shoot someone, you had to think of every possible alternative, every consequence that would follow, and you would have to do it as quickly as humanly possible. Lives were on the line when it came to security.

Eric picked up another throwing knife and handed the blunt end to Harper. Taking it into her slightly sweaty palms, she gripped it tightly. Eric shook his head. "You're going to be throwing it, you don't need to hold on so tight."

She swallowed nervously, and then nodded. Mimicking his stance, she put one foot in front of the other, looking at Eric for confirmation. He crossed his broad arms over his chest and nodded; she could feel his eyes trailing up and down her body not in a sexual way, but in a skillful, watchful way. Regardless of how he was looking at her, it made her nervous, it brought her heartrate up a bit too high. Her throwing could not be perfect when she was feeling this nervous, so she closed her eyes and focused on the fact she had to succeed. Failure was not an option here. When she opened her eyes, she felt more relaxed, and she brought her arm back, ensuring that her grip was not too tight or too loose upon the blade. Ahead of her was the human-shaped target upon the wall. Just a body outline painted upon a wall; but it still seemed weird that she would be throwing a blade at any human one day. Perhaps it would never come up, but there was always a chance.

Breathing out, she whipped her arm in front of her and released the blade, trying to hit near Eric's, which had hit directly at the throat of the outline. She carried her arm through as Eric had done, and she pointed her finger where she wanted the blade to land. It hit the lower abdomen of the outline, but it stuck in the wall and Harper took that for what it was worth. She looked at Eric and raised her eyebrows, waiting for his critique.

"You released too late, however, if you were going for injury that wouldn't be ideal. You would want to go for the legs, there is nothing entirely vital in there that you can damage with a small throwing knife. Thighs and feet are good for bringing someone down quickly, without killing them," he explained, his critique was not harsh like Harper had expected.

"You're not getting soft on me, are you?" she asked, eyebrow raised

"No."

"Good to know." Harper continued to throw blade, hitting various places upon the body, and near the end she was missing the target. Clearly tuckering out, she huffed disappointedly as another blade missed the body.

Eric had given her many tips, but hadn't placed his hands upon her like he had when he was training her to fight, and Harper couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. He shook his head as she missed the target again, and sighed. 

"That's enough for tonight, I think."

"Does that mean our unorthodox pseudo-date has come to an end?"

He chuckled. "It's way past your bedtime."

"Oh shut up." She playfully shouldered him as they walked to the exit. When she brushed against him, she felt her stomach twist once again, and her heart beat faster. Eric released his tight arms that had been crossed over his chest and his hand brushed against her hip. His eyes were trained up her, but she suddenly felt bashful. How she wanted to kiss his lips, and how she wanted to disappear form this world and melt into a puddle. One thousand emotions bounced against her skull and she cleared her throat. "Walk with me? It's late enough that no one will see you."

He looked skeptical for a moment, and then nodded. They walked out the gymnasium doors and down the halls. The walls were like rock, half of Dauntless being within a pit and using the natural formation of the earth to their advantage. Harper reached her hand out to the side and ran it along the curvature of the wall, up and down and in and out of bumps. They walked across the metal bridge that overlooked the river below, and for a moment the rushing waters were louder than her thoughts. They were nearing the living area and Eric looked at her, stopped her before they got too close where those still awake might overhear her.

"Things are okay here?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied, slightly unsteadily.

"I know the initiate living situation isn't ideal." He glanced over at where the doors were. "Has anyone.."

"Made a pass at me?" She raised an eyebrow. "They wouldn't dare."

"Good..." He seemed to be thinking about something, but wouldn't speak it.

"You don't need to worry about the boys." She chuckled. "Or the girls."

"No?"

She smiled, stepped closer to him. Her hand placed upon his strong pectoralis, she got onto her tippy toes and kissed his lips. A burst of passion erupted within her and she felt electric, ecstatic, like lightning had struck her. When Eric kissed back everything in her disappeared, all her thoughts of anything else drowned out and disappeared. There was a feeling of enlightenment that fulfilled her in ways she never expected to get from a relationship let alone one with the very person she was supposed to bring down.

Eric pulled away and smirked, a little hint of surprise in his eyes. He said nothing more with his lips, but it was his eyes that said so much, not even Harper could read it all in time. Turning away, he walked down the hall and disappeared. 

Harper put her fingers to her lips, barely touching them in case she wiped away the physical memory of the kiss. Leaning back against the wall, not wanting to disappear into the dormitory just yet, Harper sighed out a breath of relief mixed with confusion. When she heard a similar sounding sigh, her heart leapt into a rapid beat, and she spotted Jenner, shaking his head with his mouth open, slightly aghast.