XXV

"Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble—it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found"

"Home" -Phillip Phillips

Eliza woke up next to Klaus, her hand traced the tattoo on his back gently, her eyes never wanted to leave him, she never wanted to leave him. Aside from Harper, he was the only person who was really interested in her. She felt as though she just existed, neither outstanding or below the average, but simply average at everything she did. And yet, she was above average because she was Divergent, she was different, she saw the world differently. But instead of that making her outstanding, it made her a threat to the existence of the factions, and she had to live in fear. She hated it, she wanted to claw out that part of her brain and make it stop. Why couldn't she just be normal like everyone else?

She clung to Harper's words, when she told her that she was going to be more important than she knew.

If she was still alive when it mattered.

She pulled her hand from Klaus as he began to stir, and she quickly got up and got dressed, disappearing from their apartment that they were living in together already with two other initiates of this year. She bypassed breakfast, and slipped out before the crack of dawn. She did a few laps around the gymnasium track, and waited for when she knew Carson did her own morning routine. It had been a few days since Harper had mentioned anything about her, and she had been thinking furiously about it since it was brought up. She needed someone else who could help her; Harper was one person, one person against the world. She had her own things to face, her own troubles to deal with. Eliza needed someone like Carson to help her too, and it took a lot of guts for her to face her.

The black-haired woman who had trained Eliza came into the gym, and spotted Eliza standing by the windows, looking out. Both of them knew that the other was aware of their presence, but Carson made the first move. She suspected what this was about, even though no one had mentioned meeting up. Eliza had never been here at this hour, Carson was always here. The fact that Eliza just suddenly appeared there this morning gave Carson the idea that she was here for one reason. Carson knew she was Divergent, and she knew that she was friends with Harper. Slowly, things were going to come together, and maybe they could stop a war if they had enough people on the right side of things. But wars can't be stopped before they are started.

"I know why you're here," Carson said quietly, as others were starting their morning work outs too.

"Harper?"

"I already knew."

Eliza nodded, still facing the window instead of Carson. "Do you trust her?"

"I do." Carson was surprised that Eliza asked. "And you?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I trust that she trusts you."

"We will figure this out," Carson said, referring to whatever threat was being pointed at Divergents'. Carson needed to figure out how to keep them safe; she saw them as precious. "I need you to remain as casual as possible, do not draw any attention to yourself, and that's all I can offer right now."

"Thank you." She wanted to cry, but held it all in. "I should have left the faction when I was an initiate, now I'm stuck."

"Being factionless is just as dangerous." Carson turned and looked around at the others. There were too many around to be having this conversation. "I have to go."

***

Harper was slightly ticked off by Eric's actions the other night in the gym; the way he tried to put himself above Carson. Carson had been training Harper in ways that made her feel comfortable, and she was noticing quick advances. Plus, she had a year to ready herself. Not only that, Harper had a relationship with Carson that was different than her relationship with Eric. With Carson, she would be able to learn very important things about the factions, Divergents, how to spot them. She would teach her these things for the better. Eric would tell her these things were bad, and his words might seep into her head and change her mind. On some subconscious level, she knew that, and that was the base reason she chose to work with Carson.

That, and she didn't want to mix work with her relationship with Eric. It was difficult enough to be with him with their everlasting secrets and their underlying differences. All of that could be overlooked when she was with him, the way that he made her feel. She didn't want to worry about him beating her to a pulp and then sleeping with him with those same bruises exposed. It seemed different when the bruises were Carson's fault; she could still look Eric in the eye this way. After he had beaten her that first fight, she hadn't wanted to look at him for days, but they had made peace about that. It didn't seem plausible that she could continue that forever.

Plus, she liked Carson.

Eliza had asked her to live with her, plus four other people, but Harper didn't think she could get anything thinking done if she had that many people in the same apartment as her. Instead, she found her own place that was small and was perfect just for her. No bedroom, the only other 'room' was the bathroom, but it was the right fit for one person. She couldn't simply live with Eric if they wanted to remain under the radar for the entirety of their relationship, nor did she want to. 

She was glad, though, that he wanted to keep things quiet, for her safety. Jeanine wasn't blind, even if she believed that Harper was leaning towards her ideology, if she saw that she was too close to Eric, she might figure out what she was doing. But Harper wasn't even entirely sure what she was doing; she just hoped that it would all come together and make sense, and somehow work out.

She'd had time to think about everything, and now that she had a space of her own, she finally felt as though she had some privacy. But at the moment, after a long day of training with Carson -but no more nose bleeds- she didn't want privacy, she didn't want to be alone. It was hard being with Eric because she wanted to spend more time with him, and yet she had to be careful with who saw her walking in the direction of his apartment, about who inquired to where she was going. She had to come up with lies and carefully constructed alibis, though she rarely ran into such situations. Always ready to make up some excuse, she wondered if Eric did the same? If anyone saw her leave here and there, would they ask? Or would they assume the situation and keep their mouths shut because there was truly no sense in telling the leader of the faction what he could or couldn't do.

People would find out, people would piece together the obvious. That was inevitable, and it was up to Eric that it didn't make it back to Jeanine. Rumours could be spread, and Eric could control them in his own way. But so far, neither Harper nor Eric had any troubles. She brushed it off and when it was late enough, Harper made her way to Eric's apartment. It was a beautiful place, and it was modest for the leader of Dauntless, she liked that about Eric. He was a big shot but grandiose was not exactly his style. 

Well, he ego was, but Harper got used to that pretty quickly.

She impatiently knocked on his door and waited for him to show up. He opened it swiftly, let her in, and closed the door behind them.

"Want a drink?" Eric offered, bypassing the formalities that they no longer needed to address. They'd been almost entirely exposed to each other except for a few secrets on either end, and so there was really no point in the boring conversation that usually came when you ran into someone.

"Sure." Harper had already acquired a taste for the poor distilled vodka that was made by some rookies in the pit. It was okay when mixed, though Eric drank it with a single ice cube and nothing else. Harper preferred to add in something to kill the vodka flavour.

Eric poured her a drink and added a healthy amount of orange juice to cover the taste, and then a few ice cubes. She grinned and grabbed it from him, waited for him to pour his, and she raised her glass. Eric raised an eyebrow. "What's this for?"

"To things going.... Right," she said with a smile.

Eric clinked glasses with her and sipped his far-from-smooth spirit. "That certainly is something to drink to. What is all going right?"

Harper wondered if there was more to that question. "I have a job, I have a place- finally out of that gross initiate dorm."

"You spend most nights here," Eric said with a chuckle, leaning over the counter and leaving only two feet between them. Harper sat on the stools across from him, Eric was standing on the other side.

"Well, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I kind of like you," harper said with an overly-casual tone to her voice to make it appear that she didn't really care, a playful jest.

"Oh yeah?" He laughed, loosening his shoulders. They hadn't exactly had a tenseness between them, but sometimes he worried that she might find out who he really was, all of it, and lose it. They both had something to fear in the other, but both of them were too stubborn to let that control them.

"I have no idea why I like you." She drank about half her drink, put it on the counter and walked around to the side he was on. "It's gotta be your muscles. I mean, your personality totally clashes with mine."

He shook his head, having to tilt his head down to look at Harper when she was this close to him. She was tiny compared to him. There was something she enjoyed about that feeling, knowing he could protect her in the odd situation that she might not be able to do it herself. She had gotten under his skin, and she saw that as a form of protection that could blow up in her face at any time. Her training with Carson had been focused on taking down someone who was bigger than her, but it was not easy since Carson was hardly any bigger than Harper. And then she was reminded of the other day, when Eric had posed that ultimatum.

"Are you that shallow?" He scoffed playfully, and then he kissed her forehead. "You're a terrible liar."

The thing was, she was a terrific liar.

"Call me Candor," she joked.

"You're one hundred per cent Dauntless."

She offered him a half smile, it sat nicely on her plump lips. She really did feel Dauntless, thanks to everyone. It was recently that she realized that even though her decisions to pick this faction were biased, she belonged here now; she was happy here. She leaned her head against Eric's chest and sighed, a good sigh, one that made her feel as though there was nothing on her chest for the first time in a while. She just hoped that things were years away, and she could relax, prepare, mentally and physically. Maybe she would hate Eric soon, maybe she would move on, but she knew it was not going to happen, as she found herself more and more attracted to him every time she saw him. Would it peak? Would it dwindle? Harper hadn't had this feeling for anyone in her entire life, it thrilled her.

Harper finished her drink. "Why were you such an asshole to Carson?"

Eric gave a hearty laugh. "Trust me, she can take it."

"But why?"

"Public image."

"If you were going for Asshole Leader, you nailed it."

Eric rolled his eyes. "I have to show some interest in you, in case anyone sees us together. I can't just ignore you entirely in public, that is even more suspicious. Besides, I did want to train you."

"I don't mix work and sex."

"Well, how about we cast aside the talk of work then?" His finger slid under her chin, tilted her head up.

Their lips collided.