it's strange; my heart is heavy and empty all at once

It didn't take long for Neve to notice that the boy who'd been sitting next to her - Zachary Coast - was the same Zach she'd run into earlier in the day. He glanced at her as he sat down, but she quickly averted her eyes to the desk in front of her.

It wasn't long before Mr. Lloyd was finished getting the seating chart down, his main focus on the first lesson of the school year.

Doing her best to focus, Neve took down any notes she could. She ignored anyone who might look in her direction - which was thankfully only one or two people in the class. Everyone else had more important things to worry about than the new girl who didn't talk to anyone, and she liked it that way.

It wasn't too long before she learned that this class was split. It had the first half, then they'd be released for a quick lunch then would come back for the last half before getting let go to their study hour. It was odd and new to her, but she didn't mind as it gave her a break from all the 'learning' she'd had to endure so far.

"We'll continue this lesson when you guys get back from lunch. I expect to see all your happy, smiling faces in half an hour." Mr. Lloyd said as he released them when it hit a specific time.

Neve watched as everyone stood up and rushed out of the room as if their life depended on it. She didn't understand the hype of running as if the room was on fire, but she understood to an extent that they just probably wanted to see their friends.

Everyone left their belongings where they were before, probably because they had to return to what they'd been learning. She decided to leave her stuff as well, grabbing only her phone.

She followed the others out of the classroom and into the hall where they led her to what she can only assume was the cafeteria area. It was separated into two sections  - the actual cafeteria where people got their food, and the common area with lots of different-shaped tables to sit at.

There weren't as many students as Neve assumed there'd be, so she just came to the conclusion that the lunches were separated into different times so not everyone was eating at once, and that way there was more than enough room for everyone to sit and enjoy their meal.

She followed everyone to the beginning of the line, standing toward the back since she was one of the last to arrive. The line moved up slowly, and so as she waited she took her time in glancing at her surroundings.

If she needed to make a quick exit, she'd be able to if she ran straight to the entrance of the school - which was almost directly across from the cafeteria she was standing at. However, if that entrance were blocked or held up for some reason, she'd need to find a different exit.

Glancing around the room, she noticed one in a nearby hallway. She also had taken notice that almost every other hallway had an extra exit, probably for easy access when it came to people needing to leave at the end of the day. But were they also secured when coming in? Were they unlocked from the inside and locked from the outside or could anyone come in and out with ease?

As she grew closer to the cafeteria, she also took notice of one that was more hidden in the common area. It was an emergency exit - but it was accessible if she had no other options and needed to flee in a rush.

When Neve got to the line, she grabbed a plastic blue tray from the pile sitting at the beginning of the line. She watched as the people in front of her told the lunch crew on the other side of the counters what they did and didn't want, and she quickly copied their actions by picking and choosing what she'd prefer over the main course and the side options.

She'd settled on pepperoni pizza, chips, and an apple. It wasn't much, but a lot of the food at this school looked very questionable. Being used to private school, she'd had to eat the same thing as everyone else every day. They didn't have options except for Fridays, and even then the selection was little to none.

Not to mention the food was homemade. There weren't as many students at the schools she'd attended, so it was much easier for the schools to feed the students. Here, they had to make something very quickly and give numerous options due to how many people filled the school. It was much different than she was used to, and probably one of the only few 'different' things she'd get to experience.

She got up to the line, unsure of what was about to happen. She saw people either saying something she couldn't understand or scanning something in their hands. She didn't know what it was, and so when she got up to the bored lunch lady sitting in the chair at what looked to be a register, she looked at her with a confused glance.

"ID?" The lady asked with a bored tone, chewing on her gum with a loud sound.

Neve cringed but tried to not let it show as her cheeks began to burn. "ID?" She asked in return, only earning a loud sigh from the older woman.

"Your student ID so I can ring your lunch in?" She elaborated.

Neve's cheeks felt hot with embarrassment. She reached for her neck where the ID would be hanging on the lanyard, realizing it wasn't there. She must've slipped it off after receiving it and had forgotten to bring it with her to the lunch line.

"I-I don't have it," She stuttered. She felt stupid, and although only a few people stood behind her, she knew she was holding up the line.

"What's your numbers?" The woman then asked, snapping her gum again.

"My numbers?" Neve questioned.

"The last four digits on your ID," The woman snapped. She was clearly irritated with Neve, and Neve couldn't help but feel anxious.

"I, um-" Neve stopped. "I haven't remembered them yet."

The woman sighed again, "You get the same four digits all four years of high school, how have you not remembered them yet?" Before Neve could even think to respond, the woman waved her hand in the air. "Forget it. You either need to have an ID or pay the fee for the school lunch."

Neve sat the tray down on the little counter in front of her, beginning to dig through her jacket pockets. She knew she didn't have money on her - she didn't have anything of hers with her. It was all in the classroom with the rest of her stuff. This wouldn't have been an issue at all had she carried her belongings with her, because then she'd have her ID and all of this would've been avoided.

"I, um-"

"Ma'am, you're holding up the line." The lady interrupted Neve. Neve turned and looked to see the last few students standing behind her, whispering as they watched the interaction.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware-"

"If you don't have the money or your ID, I'm sorry, I can't help you." The lady cut her off again.

Neve sighed in defeat, glancing at the tray with barely any food on it. Realizing this wasn't worth the trouble, she pressed her lips into a thin line before nodding. "I understand. Sorry for the trouble."

The woman just rolled her eyes, as Neve started to walk away. She got two steps in before someone stepped in front of her, holding a wad of dollar bills to the annoyed lady behind the counter.

"Keep the change, Gladys." 

The lunch lady - Gladys - looked at the boy standing directly next to Neve, a slight glare on her face as she straightened the wadded dollar bills out. She then looked to Neve, who stood there awkwardly - wishing she could be anywhere else but there.

"Bring your ID next time, please," Gladys spoke.

Neve went to spurt out another apology but was cut off by the boy standing next to her grabbing the tray from the counter. He held it out to her and she grabbed it, still seeming to process everything as he then grabbed her arm with his other hand, leading her away from the embarrassment she'd just endured at the cash register.

The girl looked over, her mouth falling in surprise as she saw Zachary standing next to her. He bobbed and weaved them through the sea of students, his grip on her arm not falling as he led her wherever he'd planned to take her.

"You didn't have to do that," She mumbled, catching his attention.

He looked down at her, his beautiful light-colored eyes looking straight into hers. "I did. Gladys could've typed your name in and entered your lunch in from there just to account that you got your lunch today. She just wanted to be lazy."

Neve took in his words, feeling even more embarrassed. This adult was fully capable of making the situation move faster, yet instead she chose to make a fool out of Neve and make her feel as if she was doing something wrong.

Sure, she should've had her ID or known her numbers, but she's new and didn't know anything about how the lunch line worked.

"Nobody informed me on how the lunch line works," Neve admitted her thoughts out loud. 

"You've never been through a lunch line before?" Zachary asked, looking at her with a look of confusion.

"I have, but it's different everywhere. Private schools don't make you scan anything for lunch since they feed everyone who attends." She explained softly, trying to ignore the fact that his grip was still on her upper arm.

It was a gentle grip - one most would easily be able to forget about, but she couldn't. She wasn't used to human touch or affection, even from her aunt. Her aunt did hug her sometimes, yes, but it wasn't enough of a human touch that most got. Having this boy she'd just met today grab her arm like they'd been good friends shocked her, but she couldn't find the words to ask him to stop.

"You went to private school before this? Sick." He smiled at her before a look of realization hit his features. "I'm Zach by the way. Never really got to mention that before."

Deciding that this was enough interaction with the boy, she gently shrugged his touch from her. He noticed and immediately let go, not wanting to cross some sort of line with her as they had just met.

"I should probably go," She said as they stopped, beginning to look around.

Almost every table had someone sitting at it by now, which answered her questions as to why the students rushed to the cafeteria so quickly. They probably wanted to gather a table before it got too filled, or they'd be in the situation she was currently in - tableless.

"Go?" Zach asked, looking around with a small smile on his face. "Go where?"

"Um," Neve started, eyeing the tables carefully.

The only bad thing about not having any friends was when it came to situations like these. She couldn't easily use her friends as an excuse when it came to talking to new people, and she didn't have the guts to just go sit by people she didn't know. Not to mention she didn't know how they'd react, and it wouldn't be wise to go against her aunt's words and befriend someone.

"You wanna sit with me? My friends and I sit together but I'm sure they wouldn't mind having another body at the table." He shrugged, moving the tray in his hands from one hand to the other.

"I think I'm okay," She declined. She didn't know Zach or his friends, and she didn't want another embarrassing moment. She continued to glance around to see where she could sit, hoping to sit by someone who didn't wanna talk to her just as much as she didn't want to talk to them.

"Are you sure?" He asked, lowering his head slightly to meet her eyes. "You look a little lost."

"I-" Neve started to throw out another excuse but was quickly cut off by someone shouting Zach's name.

He turned, and Neve quickly looked to see a familiar blonde shouting for him. Neve quickly noticed Cloe, standing from her seat as she waved at Zach to come toward them. He let out a chuckle as he turned back, facing Neve.

"Are you sure? They're really nice."

Neve knew they were - or at least knew that Cloe and Cece were. Both of them were at a table amongst other people, people she'd yet to meet so far.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Neve answered.

She wanted to. She wanted to accept the invitation so she could feel as if she was actually wanted somewhere, but she knew this could lead to a friendship that Christine wouldn't accept and allow her to have.

"Surely making some new friends in a new town would help, right?" He asked, not understanding her rejection.

Then again, she didn't blame him. He knew nothing about her, nothing about the life she was forced to live. He didn't know how hard it was for her to get by without getting to live the life a normal teenager would.

A voice in the back of her head told her this wasn't a good idea, that she should just lay low the way her aunt advised her to. She glanced at Zach, who looked at her with a soft smile that sent butterflies through her stomach.

"If you're nervous, it's completely understandable," Zach spoke again after she didn't say anything. "But I guarantee you'll feel a lot better if you sit with us." He smiled a cheeky smile at the end, one that would've had fifteen-year-old Genevieve melting at his feet.

But she was no longer fifteen, and she was no longer Genevieve. She was now Neve Mellark, a girl who was forced to be someone she wasn't.

Then, her mind went to how her aunt had lived her life as if nothing happened. As if she wasn't on the run just as much as Neve was, how she got to do everything she wanted to do without question. She thought about how Detective Forbes said Neve was able to make friends, that they just needed to be more cautious and lay low.

If she remembered right, he also stated that it'd be wiser for her to make friends to make it seem less suspicious. Of course,  she couldn't tell anyone about what happened. She could speak of it and couldn't open up to anyone which was bad enough - but she was able to be friends.

Christine didn't have any of that. She insisted that there was no way that was the best idea, and that even if it was good to make friends Neve would just have to up and ditch them, making befriending them useless because it would hurt her more than benefit her.

Neve had heard it all before, and just the thought alone was enough to fill her with bitterness. She'd been doing the same thing over and over again for her aunt, and she may be able to prevent Neve from having friends outside of school, but there's nothing Christine could do about Neve befriending someone at school.

Not to mention this wasn't exactly befriending, more so just sitting with them at lunch. 

"Okay," Neve softly agreed, catching Zach by surprise. "I'll go."

"Okay," Zach copied her words, a smile covering his features. "Yeah. Okay, let's go."

Neve nodded and followed behind, keeping a good distance between her and him. Despite her sudden urge to 'befriend' someone at this new school, it didn't change how cautious she was going to be. She was going to break this one rule Christine enforced, and it was only simply because there was no way Christine would find out unless she wasn't careful enough.

Zach stopped in front of the table Cloe and Cece were sitting at, stepping to the side so the group could see Neve. "Hey guys, sorry I'm late." He told them, catching their attention. "I've made a new friend."

The eyes shifted from Zach to Neve, causing Neve's cheeks to heat red. She softly smiled, too afraid and anxious to say anything. She wasn't used to the whole friend thing - hadn't been for years. Her mind ran with thoughts as she stood sheepishly next to Zach, beginning to regret her decision.

"I believe we've met!" Cloe exclaimed, her smile getting bigger. "We have a class together!"

"Oh yeah," Cece said, holding a finger up in realization. "You're the pretty quiet girl."

"Y-you've met?" Zach asked with a chuckle, setting his tray on the table. He then took Neve's without question and sat hers on the table next to his, pulling a chair out.

Neve took the seat he pulled out, ignoring the goosebumps forming on her arms as he sat down in the plastic chair next to her. "Briefly," She softly told him.

"We have class together," Cloe stated again. "We've introduced ourselves to each other but didn't really get to know each other unfortunately." She then reached out and grabbed Neve's hands, which had been folded together on the top of the table. "You're genuinely so pretty! I can't wait to get to know you more and show you around Halloway."

Neve chuckled softly, unsure of how to feel about the girl grabbing her hands. She was sweet and kept up the first impression she got of her being the embodiment of sunshine, but it didn't change the fact that she was still cautious around everyone she'd met.

"You're in our literature class." Another voice spoke from the other side of Cloe, and Neve took notice of the beautiful brunette sitting next to the blonde. She reminded her of Cece, yet looked very different at the same time. "My name's Dina. Dina Fowler."

She held her hand out to shake, and Neve was thankful as it gave her a reason to pull her hands from Cloe's. She did just that, quickly shaking Dina's hand before putting them in her lap before anyone else could grab them.

She saw that Dina was the same girl complaining about the seating chart in Mr. Lloyd's class. She was beautiful, with long brown curls that went to her waist along with beautiful piercing brown eyes.

"I believe we haven't been introduced," Another voice spoke. This voice came from the other side of Zach, and she glanced over to see the boy leaning past him to look at her.

He was attractive as well, much like the majority of the friend group. She recognized him, and it was only when he spoke again she realized where she recognized him from. "Name's Lorenzo, but you can call me Enzo."

He had been in the hall with Zach when he and Neve ran into each other that morning. She barely looked at him then, but now that she heard his voice she realized he was the one calling after Zach to get going.

"We're missing a couple of other people in our group, but I'm sure you'll get to meet them over time!" Cloe excitedly spoke, clasping her hands together.

Neve nodded, unsure of what to say. She didn't know how to interact with people well, and it was showing.

"I love your hair!" Cece then complimented her. "It's like- fire."

"Thank you," Neve softly spoke. She didn't want to be rude, but she didn't care for the compliments on her hair. It wasn't natural - wasn't even a choice she'd choose to have if it weren't for having to hide her identity.

Was it hidden? Or was it dead completely?

She didn't touch her food as lunch went on. It made her regret going through the line in the first place, as she lost her appetite completely. She wouldn't have run into Zach, and she wouldn't be sitting at this table full of people she didn't know. She wouldn't have to hear compliment after compliment from Cece and Cloe, and she wouldn't have to watch Dina's intense gaze on her every so often.

Neve knew she was being selfish. Most would be grateful that such a kind group of people such as these were reaching out and doing what they could to make her feel more included as a new student. Most would appreciate the effort - and although she does - she wishes she could just fade into the background as she did at every other school she's attended since her mother died.

It wasn't long before a soft bell rang, indicating that this lunch period was over. She was glad and didn't waste her time grabbing the untouched lunch tray from the table. Making her way over to the trash can, she dumped the contents off of it and sat the tray on the top with the others.

She took in a deep breath, just ready for the day to be over with. Things were already so different compared to the last few times, and that's saying a lot as she's used to the same routine over and over again.

"Hey," A voice quickly spoke from next to her, causing her to jump back in surprise. She turned to see Zach standing there, a small smile covering his face. "You ran off, is everything okay?"

Neve wanted to tell him no, that nothing was okay. But she didn't know this boy - she couldn't know this boy, just like she couldn't know Cloe or Cece or even Dina. She couldn't know anyone or tell them anything that was bothering her - whether it be something small like having to meet new people all over again or telling them her sad sob life story. 

"You know, I've never been to a private school or anything but I'm sure that's very different," Zach spoke when she didn't respond. "But it's not as bad or as scary as it seems. It's quite enjoyable when you find the right friends to be around."

It was then Neve realized that Zach thought she was just nervous due to being the new student, and thought that was why she ran off. She began to protest but realized she couldn't, as then he'd continue to question her which was the last thing she needed.

"Right, yeah." She softly said.

"Wanna-" He stopped, glancing around at the students beginning to leave before putting his attention back on her. "Wanna walk back to class together?"

She began to say no, knowing this was dangerous. Zach was charming, no doubt about it, and even if he weren't befriending him wasn't a good idea. But then she realized she needed to walk back to class whether he was with her or not, so they'd be walking in the same direction even if she said no.

"Sure," She softly said, causing his smile to grow wider.

"Great. On the way there I can tell you all about the amazing Halloway High."

++

Pretty long chapter, but I'm so excited for this <3