"I'm taking responsibility, I'm owning up to my choices. I'm doing what is right. So why do it feel so hopeless? Why does it feel like I'm surrendering, giving up the fight?"

Valerie Hernandez,

There was six to five motorbikes chasing me, trying to lead me. Like when a horse is panicked and running, and people run besides it trying to reign it in. This is what it reminded me of. But I kept pushing, I pushed the bike past 150, speeding up at each bend of the mountain. I was slowly loosing them. I looked back to see how many are chasing me. But that was such a mistake.

I felt the bike under me shift. I no longer felt the ground, I couldn't look down, my body stilled. It felt slow, and then everything went by fast, I let go of the bike handles, rolling down the mountain, body rolled over, scratches made all over my body, my head hit some sort of rock.

I could see the world turning and turning. Is this what death felt like? I could feel some warm fluid trickle down my face, as tree branches scratched me, rubble and smaller rocks dug into my arms making all sorts of ugly cuts.

Nothing broke my fall, I just kept rolling and rolling. Honestly I was scared to stop. I was getting dizzy as something hit my head again. I saw that Beth was okay. Sal was with her, I know his fine. Ace was escorted out by a small army of hundred men along with mama. Everyone was fine. And safe. I knew they moved on to a new mansion that we owned somewhere near the south.

Just breathe Val.

Everyone is fine.

They are all safe.

You can rest now.

I felt something hard hit my back, the air knocked out of me, but it broke my fall. I just laid there, looking up the beautiful clear sky. The sun was there shining warmth down on everyone.

I heard an explosion not to far away. That was my bike. I heard my breathing in my ears.

It was an eerie silence.

Close your eyes.

It will all be over soon.

I closed my eyes.

I fucked up this time.

If I lived to survive out of here, I know what to do.

---

I don't know how long its been. If its been hours, or mere seconds. The sun moved. Or I don't know if it was me who moved. I didn't want to move. I wanted out. I wanted out of this world, just like Beth. Beth who spoke Spanish.

Was she a spy? Did I give up my life for a spy? Would it have made a different Val? Spy or not, you would have killed the man either way. It was a long time coming. I wanted to see Arabella.

I imagined her beautiful face, her full lips, and the dimples she gets when she smiles, or when her poison green eyes turn venomous when she is mad. The way her perfectly arched brows twitch when I'm getting on her nerves. Each of her beautiful features each unique to her. She didn't know it yet. But I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Getting lost in her world. To love her imperfections, to love her darkness, to chase her to the edges of our tomorrows. To argue with her, to make her smile. For every tear, for every smile of hers, I wanted to be with her. To scream to the world that Arabella Marin owned my soul. That she was the only one for me, that her soul made me feel alive. That every cell of my body buzzed with excitement, when she would just look at me.

A simple glance.

She made me feel alive.

I wanted to just stare at her one last time. To have those emerald green eyes of her look at me once last time. The way she always looks at me. The way love shines within them when they stare me. The way her soul exposes my every darkness, my every weakness.

I wanted her eyes to look at me the way they always do. The way they see past my darkness, past my choices.

Get up Val. End this war.

I took a deep breath, pushing my body forward. I let out a scream of agony, there were thrones stuck in my hands, my ribs were completely bruised, there was blood coming down my head. I began breathing heavily. Come on Val. I told myself. My shoulders were hurt, there was blood dripping down the white fabric I wrapped around it from the explosion.

My leg was covered in scratches. I smiled feeling the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. You look like hell I told myself. There was a road around an hour away of east here I think. So I grabbed a stick and started walking.

---

I sat in the middle of the road slowly getting up when I heard the sound of an engine.

"HEY!" I waved my arms in the air the car slowing down. It was a woman, she was in her forties.

"Oh my! Are you alright?" She asked me getting out of the car, putting her arm around my waist to support me.

"I- I was hiking, and I tripped, I fell down the mountain." I lied through my teeth.

"Lets get you to a hospital." She said, she drove away. There was a darkness surrounding my vision.

"Hey, hey you cant fall asleep okay? What's your name? My name is Layla." She said, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose speeding up ever so slightly.

"A-ar-arabella." I said, I wanted to see Arabella, she made me feel better. Arabella.

"Arabella, that's such a pretty name." She said as we made it out of the mountains.

"I w-wan-t to see A-arabella." I said weakly.

"Is that your sisters name? How old is she? Do you know her number?" She said, I could feel her looking at me now and then.

"M-my, girlfriend. A-arabella." I said her name, it made me forget the pain I felt in my body for a second. But a second is all I needed.

---

I woke up, a bright light shining down on me. Is this heaven? I wanted to laugh. They sent me to the wrong place, send me back down I want to see Alessio. His waiting for me. For an explanation. I needed to tease him about that stupid haircut he got the last time I saw him. And I needed to beat the shit out of Monroe. And Alice, I needed to see Alice. she probably waiting to hear the kickass stories about what happened up there.

Hell she probably even planned a welcome to hell party for me. It hurt me, because every time I look in the mirror I see her. She probably so mad I died.

"Hey there, welcome back, we almost lost you there for a second." Someone dressed in white said. No send me to hell. I don't wanna be here, I wanna be with my family.

"I'm Dr. Grey, its nice to see you, can you just follow the light for me?" No, I want to go to hell, I don't want to step into light type of bullshit.

"Where is Alessio?" I asked, wanting to sit up, but she pushed me back down. There was a beeping sound somewhere. Maybe its the elevator for hell. She grabbed a glass of water and bought it to my lips. I drank it welcoming the cold drink down my throat. My ab area hurt like a bitch.

"Is that someone we can call? Can you tell me your name?" She asked, I tried to sit up again and when she came to push me back into bed I slapped her hand away. Pesky bitch.

"Where is Alessio?" I asked again, looking around to see, people sitting in chairs, as people dressed in white running around.

"What's your name?" She asked me again. I groaned when I realised I was still alive, the beeping machine so much as laughed in my face as I stuck my tongue out at that stupid machine. Coulda let me die you know. I wouldn't have to do what I planned to do before.

"Im- I'm Alice." I replied.

"Alice Baker." She looked at me funny.

"What, you never heard of the surname baker? Where do you live? Under a rock or something?" I snapped at her, her eyes harden as she walked away.

"Redhead in bed three is awake!" She yelled to someone. Okay now is my chance. I yanked of the needles that were stuck in me and grabbed the crutches. I was in a bloody hospital gown for fuck sake! Oh lord have mercy I would never be caught dead in it, what stupid fashion statement went through whoever made them. Couldn't they add some sort of colour selection at least?

Some man who was dressed in scrubs came towards me trying to make me go back to my bed.

"Hey! you cant leave your bed! Your still weak, please lets put you back in bed." I pointed the crutches at him.

"Who the bloody hell are you calling weak. Put your hands down before I shove this so far up your peepee hole that it comes out of your bloody throat. Now where the fuck can I get some cloths, who fucking undressed me?" I said, with each word he backed out a worried expression on his face.

"Uh...um..in the locker rooms we threw your cloths away." I narrowed my eyes at him titling my head to the side.

"Get me a fucking wheel chair, and give me your spare cloths. I know you have them." I threatened, if I was going to be in a hospital I'm taking full fucking advantage. He ran off getting me a wheel chair, his going to be my bitch now. Now and forever more. He pushed me around as I kept my crutches pointed at him knowing I will beat his ass if he so much as annoyed me. He pushed me into the locker room. I grabbed his oversized joggers, and saw his shirt was tripe my size.

He stood outside the door waiting.

"Hey! Do you fucking have herpes?" I asked. I could tell he was embarrassed.

"No-no I don't."

"STDS?" I yelled again to the gap between the door and the wall.

"No!"

"HIV?" I kept going listing each virus this man could have.

"No! God no!"

"Syphilis?" I asked.

"No, Lady look, I don't have anything." He quickly said in a hushed whisper.

"When was the last time you showered?" Just because I was in a bad situation didn't mean I would put some dirty cloths on. What if his cloths give me some sort of shit.

"This morning! Are you done or not?" He yelled quickly.

"When was the last time these were washed? And who are you yelling at?" I smelt the joggers and shirt, they smelt like lavender.

"Last night!" I knew he was telling the truth, I knew because I can smell the cleanness on them. I pulled up the joggers, I tied the band to keep them from falling down my fucking ass, hell the joggers pooled at my ankles, and I looked like I was a kid. Its not my fucking fault I was made short.

I pulled the shirt on, as it reached down my thighs. Oh fuck off. I looked wrecked. I swear that crate of weapons better have some bomb cloths in it because I'm not about to go to my enemy looking like some sort of kid.

---

Long chapter, I updated more in the past two days then I have in the past week.

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