[023] it wants you

                                               Courtney wakes up first, blinking her eyes open and seeing the sky above her. Her eyes were still red, surrounding the bright blue irises of her eye. She tried to sit up, only to be weighed down. She could see Suki latching onto her, resting her head on top of her chest. Courtney turned around, still seeing that the others were passed out. The memories of last night hadn't come back to Courtney yet but whatever the hell happened last night; it had been wild enough for some of them to end up sleeping outside.

                                             Suki begins to stir up, shivering as the cold breeze nips at her skin. It was a sign that winter was approaching, one that'd surely be brutal. She blinks her eyes open before looking up, seeing that Courtney was already awake. And after Suki woke up, the others would follow - everyone equally as disoriented as the next.

                                              Except for Lottie who went straight over to the tree stump, causing Suki to get up and join her. Courtney quickly stands up to her feet, watching as the two girls share a look. Shauna stood up as well, grabbing the hunting knife with a horrified look on her face.

                                             And then after that, they'd all make the journey back to the cabin. No one was able to say anything. What could they say? They just walked, the tension hanging over their heads like a dark cloud. And the tension only grew thicker when they arrived back to the cabin where the others were, met with lots and lots of stares. Before, Suki would shrink underneath so much attention. But now that she was beside Lottie, her head was held high.

                                             "Hey. I, uh, I boiled some drinking water, if you guys are as hungover as I am," Coach Scott declared.

                                            "Has anyone seen Jackie?" Shauna asked, her best friend the first thing on her mind.

                                            The others pointed towards the cabin where Jackie slowly walked outside, glaring at them.

                                            "I have nothing to say to you," Jackie snapped, arms folded across her chest. "To any of you. I mean, what the fuck?"

                                            "Yeah, like you're so innocent," Mari rolls her eyes.

                                            "Hey, I'm not the one who went completely fucking insane last night," Jackie argued.

                                             "Right. No, you were too busy screwing Travis," Van shot back.

                                             "Who knew Goody Little Two Shoes could be so naughty?" Courtney adds.

                                             "Whoa, hey. Look, I'm sure that we all said and did some stuff that we regret last night on account of the shrooms," Coach Scott remarked.

                                             Courtney looks over at Misty, remembering the shrooms she had seen her collect. Now it made sense why she had been acting so funny. Why everyone had been.

                                              "So I think that the best thing for us to do is just -," Coach Scott began.

                                              "Wait, wait. Shrooms?" Shauna cut him off.

                                              "Okay, yeah," Van sighs. "That makes sense."

                                              "Oh, shit. The broth," Taissa added.

                                              "No wonder I hated it," Suki murmured.

                                              "You drugged us?" Akilah asked, looking right at Misty.

                                              "No, I didn't," Misty shakes her head.

                                              "You were the one that had them. Did you do this on purpose to fucking embarrass me or something? Because if you did, I swear to fucking -," Courtney began to stomp towards her, feeling betrayed. Had Misty tricked her, trying to gain her trust just to make a fool out of her? Courtney didn't take kindly to being played, especially not by Misty fucking Quigley.

                                              "Okay, yeah. It was an accident. They were meant for Ben," Misty replied, causing the others to groan. "I mean it, Court."

                                              Courtney's eyes narrow.

                                              "Oh my God. Do you have any idea how crazy you are?" Mari questioned.

                                              "They were my mushrooms. And you stole them to put in your stupid soup," Misty argued, making Mari go quiet. "And besides, none of this would have even happened if he wouldn't have tricked me into falling in love with him."

                                              "Oh, Misty, would you...?" Coach Scott began.

                                              "Wait," Suki calls out, hearing footsteps beginning to approach.

                                              "Stop!" Lottie falls after her which makes everyone else go quiet. "Do you hear that?"

                                              Suki goes directly towards the sound of footsteps and trees rustling, feeling led towards it. The others began to back away, horrified when they realized that it was a bear. 

                                             "Okay, everyone stay calm," Coach Scott ordered.

                                             "How the fuck are we supposed to do that?" Mari questioned.

                                             "Who - who has the gun? Where's the gun?" Taissa called out.

                                             "Natalie has it. We saw her."

                                             "Suki," Courtney called out for her.

                                             But Suki kept on, eventually reaching the bear which seemed to stop for her. Suki looks out in the distance, seeing her mother there. She was smiling at Suki and Suki smiles back at her before reaching out to the bear, petting it gently. No one could believe what they were seeing. Suki giggles as she continued to pet it for a little while longer before she turns to look at Lottie and the others.

                                              "It's a gift," Suki explained. "You don't have to be afraid. It's giving the bear to us."

                                              "Shauna, the knife," Lottie ordered next and Shauna slowly handed the knife over to her.

                                              Despite the others warning her not to go, Lottie slowly walked towards Suki and the bear. Suki let go of the bear, calm as ever, while the bear began to creep towards Lottie. When it reached her, it lied down on the ground obediently. It was giving Lottie permission, one she decided to take. Raising the knife, she stabbed it right into the bear. The others gasp, watching as the bear slowly bled out to death. Suki smiles, looking over at Courtney who was still in shock over what she had just seen.

                                               Lottie backed away from the bear while still clutching onto the blood stained knife, taking a deep breath. She looks at Suki after and the two share a look, seemingly happy with each other. They had pleased the wilderness and now it was giving them a gift in the return. 

                                               Although everyone was still pretty shocked by what they had seen, they'd get started with preparing the food. Courtney was all too happy to help out with skinning and cutting the bear up, even if her hands were dirty with blood in the process. Suki and Lottie sat beside each other, neither of them really saying much of anything after that. Courtney would sneak glances over at Suki, wondering what was going on with her. It was one thing to have dreams or whatever but it was another thing to pet bears like they were puppies.

                                            Maybe Suki was a lot more connected to this place than she had thought.

                                           "Here, I can help you with that," Misty says, walking over to Mari and reaching out for the plate, "I already got the fire started."

                                           "Yeah, right. Like we're gonna trust you around the food," Mari scoffed.

                                           "Look, I'm just trying to help. Okay? So just -," Misty began, once again trying to grab the plate from Mari.

                                           "Oh my God, Misty, just get the fuck away!" Mari snapped.

                                            Misty looked around before settling on Courtney, hoping she'd defend her. But Courtney just raised a brow, letting Misty know that she was still pretty pissed over being poisoned like that. Misty stormed off in defeat, realizing quickly that she wasn't going to win this one.

                                          "It's not solely Misty's fault though," Courtney declared as she kept cutting, focusing on the way the meat slid onto the stick like a makeshift shish kabob.

                                          "You're joking, right?" Mari drawled.

                                          "You did steal her shrooms. If you had just left them alone -," Courtney began to argue.

                                          "How the fuck was I supposed to know they were shrooms?" Mari countered.

                                          "You could've asked Nat. She's an expert on that sort of thing," Courtney shrugged.

                                          "Now's not the time for jokes, Courtney," Coach Scott scolds her.

                                          "Who said I was kidding?" Courtney shot back before focusing her attention back onto Mari. "Misty may be a psycho but you have a bad case of the sticky fingers, Mari."

                                          Mari rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

                                          Suki watched as Shauna began to lick the blood off of her fingers, only for Akilah to stop her.

                                          "Shauna, don't. It'll make you sick," she warns, looking at Shauna strangely.

                                          Shauna seems to snap out of it, wiping the blood off of her fingers before she continued to cut more bear meat for them all. 

                                           After they'd finish preparing the meat, Courtney pulled Suki to the side, so they'd be able to talk with each other. Courtney had a lot of questions swarming around in her mind and all of them had Suki at the forefront of it. Whatever was going on, it was all connected to her.

                                           "Alright, tell me how you did that," Courtney questioned.

                                           "Did what?" Suki blinks.

                                           "Become the fucking grizzly bear whisperer apparently. I thought I was gonna lose you back there," Courtney huffed. "How the hell did you do that? It should've torn you to pieces and yet... it spared you. It spared you and Lottie. It allowed you to touch and Lottie to kill it. That shouldn't have happened at all."

                                           "I didn't know I could do that either. I just... did. I didn't feel afraid, not even once. I felt calm and I saw my mom there," Suki explained, seeing the way Courtney falters at the mention of Suki's mom, "I know you don't believe that I see her, but I do. She's been with me this whole time and I think... she's the one who is helping to open me up to... to whatever the wilderness is. She had seen it all those years ago and somehow, she knew I would too."

                                         But back then, her mother had been afraid of it. She had tried to hide Suki from it, even if it meant killing them both. So why had she changed her mind once Suki came here? The thought makes Suki pause for a moment. Had her mom realized her mistake when it was too late? Was she here to guide Suki through the afterlife?

                                        "Let's say I believe you. What is It? What does It want with you?" Courtney questioned, causing Suki to focus once more.

                                        "I don't know but It wants us here. I know that for certain. We're all able to talk to It, we just have to be able to open ourselves up to it. It wants you too. I mean, look at your eyes. It's just like my dream. It has to mean something. Have you felt differently?" Suki inquired.

                                      "I don't know if I feel any different. I had a headache before my eyes started turning but I don't... I don't understand," Courtney confesses. "What could it possibly want with me?"

                                     "The wilderness has a purpose for you, Courtney. Are you willing to listen to realize what It wants?" Suki inquired.

                                     Courtney thinks about it for a moment before she finally nods. "Yes. Yes, I think I'm willing to listen."

( 🌲🔪🦌 )

                                               The others hurried to the table when the food was placed down, the scent enough to make everyone's stomach growl with hunger. They'd all quickly grab meat for themselves, sitting back down and beginning to eat.

                                              "Should we wait for Natalie and Travis?" Shauna questioned, the two staying out to go and look for Javi who had disappeared since last night.

                                             "No," Courtney scoffed.

                                             "Uh, you know what? I'm pretty sure they've got some stuff to sort out, so... they can eat when we get back," Coach Scott answered as he was also passed food.

                                              "Lottie, last night you said we wouldn't be hungry much longer. How did you know?" Van questioned. 

                                             "I just did," Lottie shrugged.

                                             "And Suki, you said it was a gift. The bear was a gift for us," Van adds, causing the others to look at Suki again.

                                             "That's because it was," Suki reasoned.

                                             "But why? What did we do to deserve it?" Van pressed on, looking desperate for an answer.

                                            "We did what It wanted," Suki answers before she takes another bite.

                                             "Yeah, it's called getting lucky. The bear probably just smelled us and came looking for food, okay?" Jackie interjects, quickly growing annoyed. "Probably had something wrong with him."

                                            "It didn't look sick," Misty softly argued.

                                            "Honestly, at this point, I don't even think I care. Can we just eat?" Mari asked and it was the first time Courtney had ever agreed with her.

                                           "Wait," Van interjects, making the others look at her, "Should we maybe... say something? Like, like thanks or grace or... whatever?"

                                            The cabin goes silent for a moment before Taissa speaks up. "Yeah. Just make it quick, okay?"

                                            Jackie rolls her eyes.

                                            "Suki, do you think you could say something?" Van questioned.

                                              "Oh. I... I'm not good with my words. Not really," Suki answers with a shake of her head.

                                            "Lot?" Van tries next.

                                            Lottie sets down her cup before she sits up a little straighter. "Let's join hands."

                                           They'd all hold hands, preparing for prayer. Suki closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as she holds onto Courtney's hand, the blonde following her lead for a change. It was weird but with everything happening, she knew she'd need Suki's guidance throughout it all.

                                           "For this gift from the wilderness, we give our thanks," Lottie starts.

                                           "Thank you," Suki says.

                                           "Thank you," Van says after when no one else does.

                                           "To the spirit of the bear, who sacrificed so that we could survive, we give our thanks," Lottie adds.

                                           "Thank you," the others say.

                                           "And to the ancient gods of the sky and the dirt, we give our thanks."

                                           "Thank you."

                                            Everyone opened their eyes after that, seemingly done with the prayer. But Misty was only getting started.

                                          "You didn't say it," Misty says, glaring directly at Jackie. "Jackie didn't say it."

                                           "No, I did not thank the dirt for bringing us a brain-dead bear. What is even happening right now?" Jackie scoffed. "The fuck is wrong with you all?"

                                          "It's fine, you guys. She doesn't have to -," Taissa began.

                                          "Oh, shut up, Tai. Don't pretend like you weren't a part of it. What, we're - we're just not gonna talk about it? We just howl at the moon now and have fucking orgies? And somehow I'm the one who did something wrong?" Jackie cut her off.

                                         "Whoa, wait, what?" Coach Scott questioned.

                                          "Can you shut the fuck up already?" Courtney glared at Jackie.

                                          "What did you just say to me?" Jackie frowned.

                                          "You heard me. Or were those words too profane for your perfect little ears? Stop with the innocent act. We know you're far from it," Courtney retorted.

                                           "Court, stop. Jackie, calm down," Shauna interjected as she tried to keep the peace.

                                          "Don't tell me to calm down!" Jackie shouted, standing up to her feet. "What were you gonna do to Travis last night, Shauna? Answer me."

                                          "Go on, answer her. Your owner's waiting for you," Courtney scoffed.

                                          "Shut up," Shauna glared at the blonde now.

                                          "Make me," Courtney challenged, itching for a fight as she stood up to her feet.

                                          Suki steps forward, blocking Courtney from going any further. "Don't."

                                          "I don't know," Shauna finally answers, "I don't remember."

                                          "Bullshit," Jackie calls her out. "You had a knife to his throat. If we hadn't come, you would have killed him."

                                           "Just shut up!" Shauna exclaimed, standing up to her feet. It was the first time anyone had seen her snap at Jackie before. "None of this would've happened if it wasn't for you. If you hadn't -."

                                          "Hadn't what? Huh? Stolen him?" Jackie challenged. "Wow. The irony. Shauna was fucking Jeff behind my back, you know that?"

                                           Everyone remained silent, stunned by the news.

                                          "Yeah. That's who's really responsible for her little bundle of joy," Jackie continued.

                                          "It was you. You read my journal."

                                          "How could you? You were my best friend. You - you - you don't even like him."

                                          "And how would you know? You're so obsessed with yourself, I'm surprised you're aware that other people even exist. You know you never even asked me if I wanted to go to Rutgers? You just assumed I'd go wherever you wanted. You tell me what to wear, what to do, who to hook up with. I don't even like soccer! But you just get everything you want. All the time like it's nothing. And the rest of us, we're just extras in the movie of your fucking life!"

                                          "Oh my god, you're such a cliche. Oh, is the, is the sad little sidekick mad? Did I force you to live in my shadow, Shauna? It must be hard being this jealous all the time."

                                          Shauna laughs at that.

                                         "What? You're so fucking jealous of me, you can barely breathe."

                                        "Are you quoting Beaches at me right now?"

                                        Jackie falters. "What? No."

                                        "I'm not jealous of you, Jackie. I feel sorry for you. Because you're weak. And I think that deep down, you know it. I'm sure everyone back home is so fucking sad to be losing their perfect little princess, but they'll never know how tragic and boring and insecure you really are. Or how high school was the best your life was ever gonna get."

                                        Shauna's words cut deep, making Jackie's eyes water with tears. "Fuck you. That's it. You know what? That's it. Get - get out."

                                      But Shauna didn't move, even after Jackie shoved her hard.

                                      "Go on, get out!" Jackie exclaimed.

                                      "No," Shauna responds, standing her ground.

                                      "I can't be around you. I - I can't even fucking look at you right now," Jackie responded.

                                      Shauna's head tilts to the side. "Well, that sounds like your problem. So maybe you should leave."

                                      Jackie lets out a weak chuckle, faltering when she realized that Shauna was being serious. She looks over at the others who just stare back at her.

                                      "Maybe you'd be better off, since we're all so crazy," Mari remarked.

                                      "Be careful, it's contagious," Courtney adds with a scoff.

                                      "Okay, everybody just stop," Coach Scott tried to intervene. "Nobody is going outside."

                                      "Stay out of it, Coach," Lottie warned him.

                                      "You know what? Fine," Jackie says, grabbing her things and preparing to leave.

                                      "Jackie, come on. Don't go outside," Taissa called out for her.

                                      "Don't pretend like this isn't what you wanted the entire fucking time," Jackie snapped before she looks over at Shauna. "I don't even know who you are anymore."

                                      "Or maybe you never did," Shauna responded.

                                      Jackie leaves, slamming the door behind her. Suki feels that same chill go throughout her body again, making her realize why she had felt it in the first place. She then looks at the door, slowly shaking her head.

                                      "No, not again. Haven't we given enough?" Suki says softly to herself.

( 🌲🔪🦌 )

word count: 3211
notes: look at the wilderness giving suki a little more confidence. not a whole lot but it's something lmao. also it's the way that courtney and suki both watched shauna and jackie argue and not think it relates to them when they're the more toxic version so hell yeah it does 😭

we all know what's gonna happen next chapter but it's still going to be pretty heartbreaking regardless

and p.s. suki basically saved courtney from getting her ass beat by shauna, especially with how shauna turns in season 2. does courtney kinda deserve an ass beating though? yes she does.