Part 9- Slaps

Have a great day!!! 

Music: lonely child (Christina Perri); The Tear Heals (Tangled soundtrack)

Edit: um... sowey, I'm at school. 

BUT THIS PICTURE- IT GIVES ME THE FEELS 

As the dawn filters through the curtained window, Thea opens her swollen, still-red eyes. Then, she sits up suddenly as the golden doors open. A large man with bright blue eyes and blond hair enters, his red cape flowing behind him. In his hand, Thor still carries Mjolnir.

"It is only me," says Thor, for Thea has been frightened by the sudden intrusion, "I am returning to Midgard for a brief trip. Is there any message you wish to relay?" 

Thea looks up at him and sees that his eyes are kind. She shakes her head and then bites her lip, looking down. 

Thor, seeing her downcast expression, sits down next to her, the springs of the mattress creaking as he does so. "Tell me, what is troubling you?" 

It is a couple minutes before Thea lifts up her left sleeve for Thor to see the ugly red marks on her pale skin, the marks that may never fade. Thor's expression remains the same as before, albeit his eyes cloud. Thea pulls down her sleeve and looks steadfastly forward, but Thor can easily discern the fear in her eyes. 

"Did Loki frighten you?" asks Thor gently. 

She nods. 

Thor sighs, then says, "I can only hope that brightness will shine upon both of you, for the two of you are on unstable paths. While I am gone-"

"I want to go back!" Thea exclaims suddenly, "I don't want to stay in Asgard! I want to go home!"  She is trying to be strong, but her voice is wavering. 

"Oh Thea," says Thor, taking the girl's hand. Her tiny palm is swallowed up in his gigantean hand, "I am sorry. But you must remain in Asgard until Loki and I see fit. Earth has no place for you right now." 

She bows her head, pursing her lips in concealed emotion. 

Thor is quiet for a moment, but then he says, "I know you miss those back on Midgard, your friends who have become your family. Thea, you must understand that you have been sent here for a reason. I- as well as several others- believe that only in Asgard's untamed, beautiful lands can you find peace in your heart."

Thea raises her chin proudly. "I don't need any help." 

"Yes. Yes you do. The red on your arm proves this fact. I fear Loki may be too harsh on you, but my business on Earth cannot wait, and I alone must go. Thea, for me, please try to find happiness again in your heart. You are too young to be like this, this shadow of a life. Although Loki is angry at you, it is because he truly cares, deep in that twisted heart of his." Thor manages a smile. "Promise that you will try to become the happy girl I left with the Calen brothers nearly a year ago." 

"I can't promise something that will not happen," says Thea in a low voice. 

Thor is quiet, "But you can vow to try."

She looks up at him, her green eyes unseeing. Then, she says in a whisper, "All right. I'll try, okay?" She sounds almost defiant. 

Thor realizes that this is as much as he is going to be able to get from Thea at the moment. He squeezes her hand gently, "It is still early. You should go back to sleep. I will return from Midgard tonight. Are you sure there is nothing you would like to say? To Jack, to Peter, to anyone?" 

Thea pauses, then shakes her head. 

Thor nods, then stands up. "Very well. I shall return to Asgard before the sun sets. Please stay safe, Thea. Do not be afraid to ask for help." But even as he says these words, Thor knows that it is not probable that Thea will heed them. 

*

Thea does, in fact, go back to sleep, not because she is tired, but because she does not want to face the day. The proof of her exhaustion is that Thea does not wake from nightmares- her sleep is too deep. 

When she wakes up, she is shivering from the cold, although the sun is shining brightly though the window. Reluctantly, she sits up. A servant had laid a meal of fruit and bread at the bedside table, but Thea scarcely pays attention to it. She fingers her dress and then looks outside. Loki's voice ordering her to stay in this room echoes through her head, but she ignores it. Instead, she gets up, changes into more mobile clothes, although she does not bother to even brush her tangled hair out. 

At the door, she hesitates. Gingerly, she opens the golden door, wincing as it creaks slightly. She pokes her head outside and waits for a couple of servants to pass. Then, she tiptoes out, her nerves on edge as she shuts the door behind her. 

Then, she runs and doesn't stop until she is out of the palace and into the forests behind it. The branches slap her face, but she ignores them until one of them scratches her hand painfully. Winching, she begins to move slower, her skirts catching on the brambles below her. Cursing female Asgardian clothing, Thea continues on, not stopping and not looking back. 

*

Around midday, one of the servants, an older woman who is in charge of the western wing of bedchambers, is summoned into one of the cloisters, where Loki is standing, watching some of the practice spars below. She curtsies. 

He ignores this. "What of the Midgard girl? Is she still sleeping?" 

The woman shakes her head, "I can't imagine so, my lord."

"Why not?" 

"Well, for one, she is not in there."

"What?" 

"Early this morning, she was there when Thor went to say his goodbyes. I left her breakfast while she was sleeping, but then, an hour ago when I went to check on the child, she was gone. I cannot fathom where she is. She seems to have a mind of her own, and Thor instructed me to let her be."

Loki snarls, then strides from the overhang without a backwards glance. Moments later, he has reached the stables at the bottom of the palace. Mounting a black horse, he takes off, in the direction of the Bifrost. 

"Where is she?" Loki demands scarcely before he has leapt off of his horse in the circular, shining golden room. 

Heimdall is standing with his back to Loki, facing the immense window towards the cosmos. His bright golden eyes are still, but flashes sparkle within them as the Gatekeeper looks at everything there is to see in the vast worlds. Heimdall does not move as he says calmly, "You mean the Midgard girl?"

"Yes, I mean the Midgard girl!" snaps Loki. "She has run off, and I do not have the time or the desire to hunt her down myself. The child has gone mad. I need to know where she is, immediately." 

Heimdall nods gravely. He still has not moved, "She in the forest of Gor. She seems confused, the young thing, and very, very lost. She wants to go back to the palace, but she does not know the right direction. She is crying, and her hands are scratched."

"Spare me the details," says Loki, "For I haven't the time. She disobeyed me and I need to take her back to the palace in all haste. Where, in the forest?"
"She is heading towards the little pool across the valley. The child has wandered far, this day, in her sufferings." 

"Thank you, good Heimdall," says Loki, who, by now, has turned away. 

"Do not be too harsh on her," cautions Heimdall, "If I am not mistaken, the girl needs comfort, not cruelty." 

"I will be as harsh as I see fit," says Loki darkly, swinging back on his horse, "That forest is twisted. She may have killed herself today, and still has time to do so before I reach her. I have no desire to come across her cold, dead body. Not today, Heimdall!" 

With this, Loki kicks the horse hard and takes off across the Rainbow Bridge, leaning forward on the saddle as the horse flies along the shingles of color. His face is tense with worry, frustration, and anger. 

*

Heimdall is right. Thea is lost, and very afraid. It might be sunny today, but the trees are thick and block out much of the light. She is beginning to regret sneaking out of the palace, for she knows it is only a matter of time now that she will be found missing. She tells herself that she does not want to go back to the palace, that she would rather just fade away in the woods, but the scared little girl in her heart says otherwise. Her arms are in pain again- her nails today have done what she necessarily could have accomplished with her dagger.

Half an hour later, she comes across a small pool, with clear water. She sinks to her knees beside the surface and takes some of the water in her cupped hands. She drinks, letting the water flow down her parched throat and then splashes the remainder on her face. When she looks back down to the water, she lets out a strangled shriek, for Loki is peering at her through the reflection. 

She jumps up, nearly toppling into the pool as she whirls around. She looks petrified as she stares at the infuriated Loki. For a moment, he just stares back, the muscles in his jaw working furiously. Then, he says in a dangerously low voice, "What were you thinking, coming out here? I told you to stay in your room!" 

"I-I-"

"You fool of a girl, you could have been killed!" hisses Loki. "This forest has a mind of its own. It does not cower away from snatching wandering children from their paths. What would have happened if I had not reached you in time?"

Thea does not reply. 

Loki seizes her shoulders and shakes her, "Answer me, you obstinate chi-" He stops, for his eyes have fallen onto her exposed sleeves. The scratches on her lower arms are new, and he spots the dried blood under her nails. He takes a deep, furious breath, trying to calm himself, but not succeeding. 

Thea realizes what he is looking at, and whimpers, swallowing hard and trying to push her sleeves back down, but his hands are tight against her shoulders. She can no longer look at him for fear of looking into those enraged green eyes. 

Crack. 

The force with which Loki slaps Thea across her face is so hard, she stumbles to the ground. She hardly gets any time to start crying, because Loki yanks her up, causing her to cry out, not in pain, but in fear. Her face has no color, save for the small bruise that has already begun to form on her left cheek, covered up by her shaking hand. Her lips are trembling. 

Loki, in the meanwhile, is at a loss for what to say. Finally, he spits out, "You are to get on that horse and when we return to the palace, you will not leave your room until I tell you otherwise. Am I clear?" 

Thea is sobbing. Her cheek is in pain. She tries to crumble to the ground, but Loki's hold on her sensitive arm is tighter than that of a vise. Her whole body is shaking so hard, Loki is forced to lift her up onto the sweating back of the horse and swing up after her. Loki doesn't say a single word as he kicks the horse back towards the palace. Neither does Thea, because she is too busy crying out her heart. 

*

After Loki practically shoves her in her room and barricades the door behind him, Thea wails and sinks down onto the bed. She refuses to open the door when the kindly servant knocks on it gently and offers her dinner. She isn't hungry. Thea ends up crying herself to sleep, the pain on her face more absolute than the pain in her arms. 

*

When Thea wakes up, her eyes are sore and inflamed. She sits up blearily and looks around her. The sun has almost set completely, and a red hue from its rays filters through her curtains, which are blowing slightly in the wind. There is a sort of peace to the air. Thea begins to wipe her face, but, with a soft gasp of pain, she remembers the bruise on her cheek.

Thea has not eaten all day, and her stomach yearns for food. Her eyes rest on the plate of fruit and bread from this morning that has remained untouched. She eats a few of the grapes and most of the bread, and then sniffs, trying to control her tears. She wants to get out of this room, but she doesn't dare. She never wants to see Loki again. 

Her lip trembles and she can't control the flood of tears that threaten to spill from her eyes. Finally, with a suppressed cry, she throws herself face down onto the bed and begins to sob once more, her shoulders shaking rapidly as she tries to rid herself of all emotion. She is crying so hard that she does not hear the golden door open, nor the quiet footsteps near her bed. 

When she feels a hand on her shoulder, she freezes. "Thea," says Loki quietly. She can feel the springs of the bed depleting as he sits down.

He attempts to turn her around, but she yanks her shoulder from his hand, and he pulls it back as she gasps fiercely, "No!" 

Loki waits a moment as Thea continues to cry, and then tries again, "Thea, darling, turn around."

She shakes her head aggressively, still crying. 

Loki sets his hand on her shoulder once again and pushes it encouragingly. "Please, turn and look at me, Thea." She hesitates, slowing her tears with great effort, but begins to sit up, very slowly, "That's it. Good girl," says Loki softly.

 He lifts up her chin, and frowns. Her eyes are puffy and red from the constant tears, but what draws Loki's eyes is the swollen bruise on her left cheek. He sighs and reaches forward to touch it gently with his finger. Thea winces, and he pulls back. "That hurts, does it?" he asks gently. 

"M...mhm," she says, her voice grotesquely distorted thanks to the thick tears that threaten to flow. Finally, she gives in and begins to cry again.

"Oh Thea," says Loki, picking her up and setting her on his lap. But for a moment, he just lets her cry, and she does so, burying her face in his neck as she sobs. "That's right, just let it out," he says, "Shh, shh, it's all right, kitten." 

Finally, Thea's cries quiet down into whimpers. Loki once again raises her face, his fingers growing wet from her tears. "Turn your face so that I can see that bruise." When she shakes her head, he merely stops her chin so that it is at an angle so he can see the ugly discoloration, "Mm," he mutters, then closes his eyes, concentrating. Thea pulls back slightly as his skin turns blue, and his eyes, red, "It's still me, Thea," he says. Then, he reaches out and touches the bruise with his frozen fingers. Thea's jaw clenches at the pain, but the coolness numbs it soon enough. Within seconds, there is no more discomfort, just the tingling feeling of frigidity. 

As Loki's face returns to its original color, she once again buries her head in his shoulder. His thick, mussed hair prickles her forehead, and he smells like leather, iron, smoke, and evergreens. Loki strokes her hair, murmuring softly, "I'm so sorry, kitten. I'm so sorry." She doesn't move, and he adds, "Will you promise me something though?" 

Still not looking at him, she nods, her forehead running against his shoulder. Loki pulls the child back slightly so that she is looking into his eyes. "Promise me that you will never harm yourself again." He pauses, then adds, "And I will promise never to strike you."

At these words, she looks up at him. For a moment, she is silent. And then, she whispers, "I promise too." 

"Good girl," Loki says. After a few moments of silence, he says, "I am going to ask you a question, and I expect you to answer truthfully. All right?"

She nods, her eyes darting back and forth anxiously. She bites her lip as Loki pulls back her left sleeve, revealing the newly-inflamed cuts. When Loki does the same to his own sleeve, Thea whimpers and again buries her head in his neck.

"No, Thea. Look."

Thea hesitantly turns around and looks at the two pairs of three red lines, wincing. 

"Thea, why did you do this to yourself?"

She shakes her head rapidly, refusing to answer. 

"Thea." 

"I-" she stammers, her voice shaking, "I don't...I d-don't kno-ow." 

"Well I think I do," says Loki quietly, "You are punishing yourself, are you not? Look at me, Thea," he says when the girl turns away again, "You're blaming yourself for something that you did not do."

"Yes I did!" she exclaims, and Loki is surprised by her fierce tone. "Yes I did!

"Thea, no. No you did n- Thea, look at me for the last time-" he seizes her chin and forces her to look up at him, "Thea, you did not kill your sister. It was by your hand that she died, but it was not you. It was your body, but it was not your soul. Do you understand me?" 

"But it was me!" she sobs, "I could-I could w-watch myself do i-it, but I couldn't...I couldn't sto-op myself!" 

"I know, Thea. But it wasn't your fault." 

"Yes, it-"

"Thea!" Loki growls, "I am not going to coddle you about this. You did not kill Le-"

"B-bu-"

 "Listen to me! You didn't kill Leah. Videl did. This is not your fault! Do you understand me?" 

Thea's lip is trembling, but still, she does not admit what Loki wants her to admit. She tries to pull away from him, and when he doesn't let go, she whimpers, trying to shake him off. And when she tries to rid herself of him, he holds her fast, his arm tightening around her. "Thea, this was not your fault. This was fate. This was the tyranny of a spoiled monster. This was so many things, but this was not you!"  

His voice has risen, and she recoils, twisting, but still cannot free herself from his grasp. "Thea! What is it going to take for me to..." He trails off as he notices her silent tears and widened eyes. He sighs and says, his tone much softer, "I didn't mean to frighten you, kitten, but you need to understand this. You see," he swipes some of her tears offhandedly, "You see, I cannot bear to see the sight of you like this any longer. You need to realize that none of this was your fault. You can blame me for ceding in teaching you to resist, but nobody can know if it would have been enough anyway. But you can still blame me, Thea; I'm rather used to that sort of thing. I will allow you to blame anyone but yourself. You are a child, for goodness sake Thea, and the death of your sister, and the death of your family cannot rest on your shoulders like this. It will destroy you."

"B-but Loki..." she whispers.

"What?"

"I-I..." she can't seem to continue.

Loki continues instead, "Thea, if you allow this hurt and this pain and this anger to fester inside of you, you will destroy yourself. Already, you have destroyed part of your soul, perhaps beyond repair, perhaps not. But Thea, my darling, I don't want you to go down that particular path." He pauses to push some hair from her face, and then adds quietly, "I don't want you to end up like me."

Thea's lip trembles again, and finally, she dissolves into tears, crying into his shoulder. Loki holds her for the longest time, because he knows that through her sobs, she is letting go. She is letting go of the guilt. She is clearing her head. And maybe, just maybe, she is turning back to herself and telling herself that she is not to blame. 

Loki is going through a war himself. Even as he holds Thea, his plans and schemes are filtering through Asgard, soon to filter through more than that. But looking down at the child in his arms, his heart grows heavy, for he does not know what the consequences of his actions may yet bring to her. He is fighting a battle with himself, and he knows that he will have to lose something, no matter what choice he decides to make. 

Meanwhile, Thea finally looks up, brushing her tears- her nose is red and her face contorted from the heavy crying, but for the first time, Loki sees the smallest bit of light shining in her eyes. "There," he says fondly, "There. Now smile." When she shakes her head, he notices her mouth turning up slightly, belying her despair. He smiles, and kisses her forehead, then sets her down on the mattress next to him.

"Now Thea," says Loki, "I need to ask you one last thing."

She looks up at him, slightly apprehensively.

"Will you forgive me? Like yourself, I feel a certain amount of guilt for your sister's death. And this guilt pours from the fact that it has so demolished your heart and ruined you for this long."

"It w-wasn't y-your faul--"

"Thea," says Loki gently, "Then why were you so angry at me for so long?"

Thea pauses, "B-because...I don't know...because I wanted someone to...to...blame it on, I'm s-sorry Loki."

"I'm not angry. I was confused and hurt, but not angry, because I know why you--." 

Thea hugs Loki, and Loki taking a deep breath, looks down at her. As he sets his hand on her head, he closes his eyes and sighs. 

She's too innocent for what's to come. 

He knows it.

But whether or not he does anything about it remains to be seen.

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