10: SURPRISE, I'M DRAGGING YOU TO A BROADWAY SHOW TONIGHT!

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"ALLISON!"

"WHAT NOW?" SHE sighs without even turning around. Allison has no trouble recognising Toby's voice, even before she turns to face him. Honestly, she doubts anyone else on the planet is capable of having that kind of brightness to their voice, anyway.

"Guess what?" he says, near yelling with excitement as he skids to a stop in front of her with wide eyes and an even wider smile.

"What?"

"Guess!"

"Toby."

"Okay, okay, fine," his chest still heaving from exertion, Toby swings his backpack around in front of him, unzipping the smallest pocket and extracting two rectangular pieces of paper from it.

"Guess what these are," his voice has now gone from being amplified by excitement to muffled, and he poses the question in a hushed tone.

"I wonder," Allison says dryly, because it's pretty obvious what they are.

"Tickets!" Toby squeals, and there's the loud voice she's come to know and not really love. "To Once! On Broadway! For both of us!"

"Great," she replies. "But I'm late for class."

At this, he deflates immediately, the hand holding the tickets up in the air dropping to his side. "No need to sound so excited," he mutters, but the sarcasm is has little to no effect when one looks at the impossibly dejected look on his face.

"I thought we'd covered that it's going to be very difficult to get me excited over musicals?" Allison points out, walking past him and continuing on her journey to her next class.

"Still!" he protests, and she can hear the thuds of his feet on the linoleum overlap each other slightly as he moves with uneven speed to catch up with her. "I got us tickets to a Broadway show!"

"What's it even about?" she inquires, curiosity seeping into her voice before she can stop it.

"This guy," and suddenly, Dejected Toby has gone back to Excited Toby without even so much as a bat of the eyelid. "And this girl. And they're musicians."

"Well, that sounds lovely," they've reached Allison's classroom now, one that she knows for a fact is not Toby's. "When is it?"

"Tonight," Toby says airily, and Allison wouldn't be surprised if her eyes popped out of her freaking head, because –

"Tonight?"

"Yeah."

"And you didn't think to mention this earlier?" she asks in near-fury.

"Uh..." It is clear that Toby did not think to mention this earlier. She almost feels stupid for asking.

"Dear God," she runs a hand over her face, but not too thoroughly, because she actually put some effort into her makeup this morning. "I don't even know why I bother."

"I don't even know why you're bothered," Toby retorts, and Allison has no doubt that somewhere deep inside that body filled with endless optimism and visions of rainbows and bunny rabbits, he is quite pleased with that particular play on words. "It's a Friday, right? Good night to go out."

"Not to the theatre," Allison mutters, but she keeps it under her breath because she doesn't particularly want to hurt anybody's feelings and by extension subject herself to an entire remainder of the school day filled with crestfallen puppy dog expressions from Toby Martin. She lets out a sigh.

"Much as I'm enjoying this conversation," Allison begins, and she doesn't even care about the harsh sarcasm that envelops the words. Toby's a teenage boy. They bounce back.

"Right," he agrees before she can finish, maybe a tad miserably. "You have class."

"As do you," Allison points out. His eyes widen almost comically.

"Shit," he whispers, looking down at his watch. "Doctor Stanislevsky is going to – "

"Kill you?" Allison smirks. "Probably."

Toby gives her one final look of utter helplessness, as though pleading for help that she can't possibly give. Then he's gone, shoes skidding across the linoleum of the hallway.

Allison rolls her eyes and steps into her own classroom.

✦

"Wanna go back to mine later?" Lydia offers at lunch. It's been a few days since the two of them made up, and her out-of-place friendliness isn't lost on Allison. She gives it another three days before her best friend goes back to normal, and intends to enjoy them while they last. Even so, Allison is forced to shake her head, grimacing slightly at the thought of why exactly she can't go back to Lydia's. "Theatre with Toby," she says by way of explanation.

Lydia arches a brow. "You didn't mention this before," she remarks, a hint of a question in her voice.

"Yeah. Because I didn't know until this morning," comes the dark response.

To her surprise, Lydia lets out a peal of laughter. Allison turns to face her with a scowl.

"I don't see how it's funny," she says sharply. "Surprise!" she does an impression of Toby that is, for the most part, supremely and unnervingly accurate. "I'm dragging you to a Broadway show tonight!" She lets the impression drop and give way to another scowl. "I don't see why he couldn't have given me some kind of heads-up," she mutters.

"I do," Lydia snorts. At Allison's quizzical look, she elaborates with a simple: "so you couldn't have time to back out." She pauses with a pensive look, before adding; "Or chicken out. Either or."

Allison's scowl returns with a vengeance, more pronounced than before. "There's nothing to chicken out of," she huffs. "It's not even a big deal, it's just a stupid show."

"Okay," Lydia responds, but the knowing smile that plays on her lips just serves to confuse Allison even more. Really. It's a theatre. What is there to be scared of?

✦

This, as it turns out, is a very big question, and, on the whole, one Allison would much rather remained rhetorical.

The first problem arises when, five minutes after the ring of the bell signalling the end of the day, Toby bounds up to her locker with unbridled enthusiasm and asks her is she has an outfit for the night.

"A what?" Allison replies slowly, hand hovering between her bag and her locker.

"An outfit," Toby repeats cheerily, and there it is yet again, his complete obliviousness to the dread pooling in her stomach and, no doubt, seeping into her facial expression. How can someone be so perceptive but so not at the same time?

"For tonight," he clarifies again as she sorts through both her thoughts and her locker and comes to the conclusion that Toby Martin is a living oxymoron. "I mean, you don't have to..."

"Toby," Allison begins rather calmly, punctuating the word with a slam of her locker door. She sees him flinch at the sound and feels a surge of satisfaction. "Has anyone told you how insufferable you are?"

"Well, they have now – "

"Where am I meant to find a decent outfit right now?" she questions shrilly, giving up all pretenses of being cool calm and collected. "What am I suppose to do? Conjure one out of thin air?"

"Well..." Toby checks his watch. "We still have a couple hours...?" his tone is hesitant and utterly apologetic, matching his expression. Allison curses herself for being unable to stop her anger melt away steadily by the second. She's never seen someone with such a talent for...persuading her. She knows that it's ridiculous, because even Lydia couldn't change her mine with such ease, and Daniel certainly couldn't.

She doesn't like it.

"Fine," she huffs, a poor attempt at retaining her now all but vanished annoyance. "But you're coming with me. And you're carrying everything."

"Of course!"

Is there nothing that can annoy this boy?

"I can pay, too," he offers.

"What?" Allison frowns. "No."

"But I – "

"No."

"Allison – "

"Toby. Much as I love taking advantage of your wealth, no way am I letting you pay for my entire outfit." I still have some shreds of self-respect embedded into my soul, she thinks.

"Fine," Toby relents. "But we should probably get going. Any idea where you wanna go?"

Allison grins. Oh, does she have an idea.

✦

Allison is no stranger to the Macy's in Herald Square – it's her and Lydia's shopping centre of choice – but it seems Toby is.

"Whoa," he gapes when they step inside. "This is huge."

Allison raises an eyebrow, but Toby doesn't catch it, too entranced with his surroundings. "It's like you've never been in here before," she says lightly. When Toby remains silent, she turns on her heel to face him. "You have been in here, right?"

"Uh..."

"Where do you even buy your clothes from?" she asks, mostly curious.

"I don't know? Just kinda different stores, I guess – "

"And you've never been in here before? Ever?"

"Not any time that I can remember..."

"Oh my God," Allison groans. "Toby – "

"I know, I know, this is practically a national landmark, everyone's been to Macy's, this is crazy, blah blah blah," he cuts her off before she can finish. "You can yell at me later, I promise. But right now we kinda need to find you something to wear."

"Fine," Allison huffs. "But we are having a long serious talk about this later. And by we, I mean you, me, and Lydia."

Toby smirks. "I'm quaking in my boots."

"Oh, you should be," she informs him sombrely. "Lydia takes Macy's very seriously."

"I never would've guessed."

✦

"Okay," Allison says with a tone of finality in her voice that makes Toby look up eagerly.

"You're done?" he queries, maybe a little too hopefully.

"No," Allison rolls her eyes. "I still have to try them on."

Toby lets out a tiny sigh, but doesn't protest. His patience, she notes, far exceeds Daniel's, who couldn't stand being in Macy's for more than ten minutes. Her and Toby have been here for an hour and a half already, and he hasn't made one snide comments.

(Not that Daniel ever made snide comments. He just asked one day, very politely, if Allison could possibly make these trips with Lydia rather than him.)

"Okay," Toby looks at the clothing in his arms with an almost woeful expression. She's carrying two dresses, and he's carrying five. "Where are the changing rooms?"

Allison nods in the vague direction of the aforementioned rooms, and they make their way over.

"Wait here," she orders once they reach their destination. "But be on hand if I need you to give an opinion."

"Yes, ma'am," he salutes her, handing over the dresses he's holding. "I am here for you in your time of need."

"Boyfriend?" the woman at the curtain asks with a knowing smile as Allison hands her the garments to count.

"Ah, no," Allison shakes her head and frowns. "He's just a friend."

The woman smiles in a way that makes Allison narrow her eyes, but says nothing, handing her the corresponding tag for the amount of clothing. Allison thanks her (maybe a little sarcastically, but whatever) and finds an empty cubicle near the entrance, pursing her lips thoughtfully at the dresses in hand. Mentally, she's already decided against two. Is it worth trying those ones on anyway just to see Toby squirm of boredom?

No, she decides, glancing at the watch on her wrist. If they end up running late, the only person who'll really be squirming is her. Best narrow down her options. There were only three she really liked anyway. 

Two outfits later, and the green floaty one is the only dress left on the cards. A good thing it is too, Allison thinks as she purses her lips at her reflection. Totally brings out your eyes, Lydia tells her in her head.

Time for a second opinion?

"Toby," she calls, poking her head outside the curtain. Predictable, Toby is immediate in his approach, standing up as though he was just tasered.

"Yeah?"

"I need an opinion," Allison says, suppressing a grin at his quickness.

"Uh – sure," he nods. "I mean, if that's what you – "

He falls silent suddenly, and Allison, who has stepped out from behind the curtain, frowns, looking down at the dress.

"Is there something wrong?" she asks confusedly.

 "Wrong?" Toby blinks. "No, of course not! Totally fine, nothing is – "

"Then, what?"

"What?"

Allison huffs. "Why are you looking at me like I just came off Mars or something?"

"Uh, nothing, sorry," Toby shakes his head, then looks away, studying the floor and bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck, shifting his weight slightly. "I just – uh, I mean, you..." he stops and sighs, letting his hand fall back to his side but still staring steadfastly at the floor.

"You look beautiful," he says in a barely audible mumble, still not looking at her.

Allison remains silent for a long few seconds, mouth slightly open and unsure of what to say. She swallows slightly and suddenly becomes aware of the warmth that has spread quickly to her cheeks. "Thanks," she manages to say after some time, and the softness of the phrase makes Toby look back up at her, a smile playing on his lips.

"You getting that one, then?"

"I think so," she replies thoughtfully, pushing all thoughts of what just occurred from her mind, because – well, that was kinda weird.

 Sure enough, some time later, the two of them are stepping outside of Macy's, Allison bearing a plastic bag with the store's logo emblazoned on it and Toby bearing an expression that is more than a little relieved.

"Back to mine?" he suggests as they walk to the subway.

"Nuh-uh," Allison shakes her head. "I need to actually look decent if we're going to some high-end theatre."                                                                                                                                                                      

 Toby frowns. "But– "

"Toby," she cuts him off before he can do something ridiculous like say she already looks more than decent. "I need my prep time."

Toby sighs, defeated. "Okay. But let's go back to my car and I can at least drop you home?"

Allison agrees readily, glad that Toby offered before she was forced to ask (Lydia had picked her up that morning). The two of them board the subway back to a diner near school where Toby parked his car earlier. They pile into the vehicle, which is, as ever, impeccably clean.

"So, I know vaguely where your house is," Toby says as he veers out onto the road. "But I'll probably need directions at some point."

"You know where I live?" Allison raises a brow.

Toby laughs. "Don't worry, I'm not a stalker," he assures her. "But sometimes Daniel would want to hang out with you and then with me, or the other way round, so we'd meet up halfway, or something."

"Oh," she says, trying desperately to ignore the pang in her chest at the mention of Daniel.

Toby purses his lips. Even with his eyes fixed on the road, she can tell he's picked up on her discomfort, and is thinking of topics to bring up – ones that are blissfully far away from ex-boyfriends, anyway.

"So. Once."

"Once?"

"The musical," Toby says amusedly. "That we're watching. Tonight."

"Oh. Right. Once."

"I think that as far as musicals go, this one is actually really your type," he muses.

"Is that so?" Allison responds dubiously, biting back a snippy retort about how it's a musical, and therefore automatically not her type.

"It is," he glances over at her, smirking at her doubtful expression. "You don't believe me?"

"Not really," she sighs.

"Okay, well, you can change your mind."

"Sure. Turn left here."

"You know," Toby starts, a smile still playing at his lips as he follows her directions, "you're not fooling anyone."

"Fooling?" Allison inquires. "Left again."

"You liked Annie."

"Oh, believe me, that was the exception, not the rule. Right."

"Isn't there room for another exception?"

"Nope. Another right, and you're there."

Toby turns into her road, and Allison doesn't even want to know how he knows which house to stop in front of, so she just opens the door and hops out, moving onto the sidewalk. Toby rolls down the window and pokes his head out, still wearing that frustratingly stupid smile like he knows something she doesn't.

"Show starts at eight, reckon I should pick you up at seven? We can take the subway into town."

"Sounds good."

"Alright," he gives her another smile, and Allison suddenly becomes acutely aware of how close together their faces are, taking a step back. "See ya."

"Yeah," she agrees, and this is already too much like a date for her liking.

✦

"Who's that?" her mother inquires as soon as Allison sets foot in the doorway, nodding at Toby's car, which is still parked at the driveway. Allison has to keep herself from letting out a sigh. Of course Toby would wait till she's inside before driving off.

"Oh, that's Toby," she says, attempting to brush it off. "He just gave me a lift home."

"And you didn't invite him in? God, Allison, I thought I raised you better than this – "

"Alright, alright, calm down, I'll go invite him in," Allison holds up both her hands in surrender, depositing the Macy's bag further in the hallway before heading back outside to Toby, who is just about to drive away, and tapping on the window. He rolls it down, confused.

"Mom wants you to come in," Allison sighs, almost apologetically.

Toby's eyes widen. "Oh."

"You don't have to," she says quickly.

"No, no," he shakes his head, then gives her a wide smile. "I want to."

And that is how Allison ends up having dinner with her mother and Toby Martin.

✦

"So, Toby," Allison's mother begins. "I've heard a lot about you."

"You have?" Toby's eyes widen and he glances at Allison, who is staring steadfastly at her lasagne and wishing very much she could sink into the ground and never resurface.

"Oh, yeah," Allison can practically hear the knowing smile in her mother's voice, and it makes her want to punch something. "A lot."

"Only good things, I hope," Allison looks up to see Toby wearing a curious smile aimed in her direction, and ugh, he is never going to let her hear the end of it.

"Trust me, if Allison even breathed a bad word about you, it would probably be a sign of an impending apocalypse," her mother laughs, and Allison hates everything.

"Aw, Allison," Toby teases, but his eyes are soft. "I'm flattered."

"Don't be," she mutters into her dinner in response. "Really. Please don't be."

Sensing her discomfort, Toby has enough tact to change the subject. "This is delicious, Mrs Reed," he compliments smoothly, offering her a smile over his plate.

"Well, thank you very much, Toby," she returns. "From what Allison tells me, you're quite the cook yourself – "

"Jesus Christ," Allison mutters, letting her fork fall from her fingers to the table with a clatter, and resting one hand over her eyes.

"Allison," her mother begins in an affronted tone.

"Yeah, yeah, thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, blah blah blah," Allison rolls her eyes.

"Allison Reed – "

The rest of dinner continues in much the same fashion – that is, Allison and her mother constantly bickering over subjects ranging from the colour of the curtains to the New Testament of the Bible, and Toby observing, a little bemused, but mostly very entertained.

"Toby's finished eating, we're going upstairs," Allison finally says, getting up and taking both her and Toby's plate (which, as a matter of fact, still has a portion of his lasagne on it) with her and depositing them in the sink.

"You better clean those two plates up."

"I will, later," Allison replies, already moving to leave the room and grabbing Toby's wrist to drag him along with her.

"When?"

"Later," she rolls her eyes.

"I certainly hope so, young lady."

"Okay, thanks for the dinner, Mom" Allison sighs, beginning to move down the hallway to the staircase, Toby in tow.

"Leave the bedroom door open!" her mother shouts from the kitchen.

"Mom, really? Toby?"

"Open!"

✦

"You don't need to go back home and change, do you?" Allison asks as she carefully applies her mascara.

"Nope," Toby shakes his head. Eyeing him in the mirror, she can tell that he dressed for school that morning in anticipation of the event (well, yeah, since he knew about it, and she didn't, but whatever, she's over it now. Kind of.), in a forest green button down and dark jeans.

"At least we match," she mutters, trying not to poke her eye out with the wand. "But brush your hair." She finishes off her eye and then grabs a brush from the table, tossing it at him over her shoulder.

"I don't need to brush my – "

"You do," she cuts him off, turning to face him. "Trust me."

Toby looks a little affronted, but does as she says, beginning to bring the brush over his hair. Not two seconds later, Allison is letting out a frustrated sigh and taking the brush from him.

"God, you're ridiculous," she rolls her eyes, yanking his chin down so she can brush his hair herself.

"I was brushing it!" he protests, head still bowed.

"Yeah, more like making it worse than it already was," Allison retorts, ignoring his wince when she hits a particularly nasty knot. "Remind me again how old you are?"

"Seventeen. And three fourths."

She has to clench her jaw in order to keep a smile from slipping onto her lips, and says nothing. The two of them stand in silence as she finishes brushing his hair.

"There," she draws back, returning to the dresser. "You already look at least fifteen times more presentable."

"Thanks, Allison," he says dryly.

"Now get out so I can finish getting ready," she nods in the direction of the door.

"But – " Toby's eyes widen to puppy-dog size. "What am I meant to do?"

"Go talk to my mom or something," Allison replies. "She loves you."

Toby's eyes widen even more, but a smile starts to grace his expression. "She does?" he asks eagerly.

"Yep," she agrees, busy rooting around for her lip gloss and wondering absently if she's lent it to Lydia.

"What if she's busy?"

"Oh, she'll make time for you," Allison assures him, finally bringing out the lip gloss with triumphant satisfaction.

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

"Okay. I'll, uh, I'll just – "

"Yep."

"Right. I'll be waiting downstairs – "

"I should be down soon."

"Uh, okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go now – "

"Uh-huh."

"Bye – "

"Toby. You're going downstairs."

"Right. Sorry."

He leaves after that, knocking over a lamp and tripping across the doorway on his way out. This time, Allison can't suppress the grin that breaks out, and is glad Toby isn't there to see it.

✦

"Okay, let's go," Allison is standing at the door, rolling her eyes at the sound of the riotous laughter coming from the living room. "Toby..."

"He's just coming, Allison," her mother's voice says, and soon the two of them are stepping out into the hallway.

"Thank you so much for the dinner, Mrs. Reed," Toby says warmly, joining Allison at the door.

"Jackie," her mother corrects, and one of Allison's brows shoots up. It took Lydia several months to get to the first-name basis.

"Jackie," Toby amends. "Thank you, honestly."

"My pleasure, Toby," her mother smiles. "I hope Allison brings you again sometime – "

"Mom – "

"What? I do!"

"Okay, well, we're gonna be late," Allison presses a hand to the small of Toby's back and pushes him forward as she opens the front door, and they both step out into the chilly November air.

"Have fun, kids! Don't forget to text me, Allison!"

"Yeah, yeah," Allison affirms, continuing to push Toby down the drive to his car. 

"Your mom is nice," Toby comments as they get in.

"That's what you think," she mutters.

"She's really funny," Toby beams as they turn out of the road.

"Well, I'm glad someone thinks so."

"I bet loads of people think so!"

"Right."

"Seriously, though, your mom is awesome," Toby tells her seriously. "I hope you appreciate her."

"Of course I do," Allison frowns.

"Oh, I know," Toby switches from serious back to full-on smiles and rainbows in record time. "I can tell. I was just saying."

"You can tell?"

"Uh-huh," he nods.

"How?"

Toby shrugs. "I just...can. It's kinda obvious, even with all the squabbling."

"Okay," Allison says, for lack of anything else to say,  sinking further down into the seat.

"You look tired," Toby comments. She hums in response, hoping Toby takes the sound for one of affirmation.

"You can sleep on the subway," he says as he parks the car. A few minutes later, Allison's being greeted with a strong gust of freezing wind as he opens the passenger door.

"Unf," she mumbles in discomfort, turning her body away from him. "Can't we just drive to the theatre?"

"Sorry, but no can do," Toby says, a hint of amusement in his voice. "C'mon. The subway's only five minutes away, and I promise you can sleep then. I'll make sure we don't miss the stop."

Only the prospect of being able to sleep somewhere warm without risking getting lost is what lures Allison from the car, and, true to his word, Toby gestures for Allison to sleep as soon as they're seated.

"I won't fall asleep too, I promise," he says jokingly when she eyes him with some doubt.

"And no funny business while I'm out."

"Funny business?" he looks at her confusedly. "Like what?"

"I...don't know," she huffs. "Just. Funny business."

"Okay. No funny business. Scout's honour."

"Were you even a Scout?"

"For like, a week," Toby says lightly. "But I dropped out after – " he stops suddenly, for some reason looking bemused at himself, as though wondering why his mouth felt the compulsion to say the words.

"After?" Allison presses curiously.

"After I was...cast in my first musical," Toby says, although he seems a little unsure. "Middle school. I realised it was my true passion."

"Right," she says, and she has no doubt that the disbelief has seeped into her tone, because Toby changes the subject immediately.

"Anyway. Sleep. I'll wake you up when we need to get off."

So she does.

✦

"Hey,  Allison."

A pair of warm hands shake her gently, and Allison blinks her eyes open, immediately letting out a yawn.

"We're getting off at the next stop," Toby looks down at her. "Sleep okay?"

She blinks a few times more, only to realise her cheek is squashed up against Toby's chest, and most of her body is leaning against his. She sits up quickly, hands flying immediately to her hair.

"Do I look okay?" she checks.

"Fine," he assures her, then, at her doubtful look, he adds: "honestly. I'm not just saying that."

"Do I look good fine or I just woke up fine, Toby?" Allison huffs. "Because the two are very different types of fine."

"You look good fine," Toby stands up as the subway begins to slow. "Scout's honour."

"You weren't even a Scout."

"I was!"

"For a week."

"Fine. Martin honour. Happy?"

She doesn't reply, only steps off as soon as the subway doors open and pulling her coat tighter around herself as another gust of wind blows.

"This way!" Toby chirps, already heading to the exit with an unmistakable spring in his step. She rolls his eyes at his enthusiasm, but follows.

✦

"So, how'd you like it so far?" Toby asks eagerly at the interval as they both head out to the bar to grab drinks.

"I guess it's okay," she replies.

Secretly, Allison likes it. A lot. Toby hadn't really given her much detail about the musical at all, but even so, she'd been expecting flashy big band numbers and blaringly bright costumes and unfunny jokes. Instead, she got simple, honest songs and a plot she could actually understand and an admittedly super-cute lead male. Most of all, she feels like Once is a musical that's not really all that...musical-ish. Understated and uncomplicated. And Toby, she thinks as she watches him shake his head and take a sip of his Diet Coke, probably chose it specially for her.

"Just okay," he repeats resignedly.

There's something about the disappointment in his face – it's not new, but that's the thing. It's like Toby was expecting her to say something considerably lukewarm and mildly unimpressed. Even though he booked them tickets and went shopping with her today and probably picked this musical after thinking long and hard about it. He still expected  her to be, well...a bitch. Allison feels guilt tug at the pit of her stomach.

"So maybe it's better than okay," she amends, and Toby's entire expression brightens at a ridiculous speed.

"Really?" he says in awe.

Allison can't help but laugh, taking a sip of her own lemonade. "Yeah, really," she admits. "I actually really like it."

"You like it?"

"This is the exception, not the rule," she warns him. "But yeah. I do."

"Well, good," Toby grins, digging into his back pocket and bringing out two slips of paper with BACKSTAGE PASS printed onto them. "Otherwise these would've gone to waste."

"Seriously?" Allison arches an eyebrow. "Backstage passes?"

Toby shrugs. "I'm friends with...people."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"Anyway, c'mon, they're probably starting again soon," he nods in the direction of the entrance back to the main hall. "I think you're going to like the ending."

"By like, do you mean I'm going to get really depressed about the ending and stay upset about it for days afterwards?"

"Maybe."

✦

"So me and Allison are doing – "

"Allison and I – "

"Right, sorry – Allison and I are doing our log from backstage of the theatre production Once!" Toby informs the video camera which Allison is holding in a bright tone of voice. "We're gonna go in and say hi to the cast in a moment, as soon as Allison stops looking like someone just died."

"Someone might as well have died!" Allison declares mournfully from behind the camera. "I can't believe you didn't tell me it would end like that!"

"Of course I didn't," Toby frowns as they walk down a hallway. "That would ruin it."

"I hate you," she tells him with conviction.

"I know you do," he agrees, pushing open a door.

"Woah, woah woah!" a man declares as soon as they enter the room, sprawled on a couch in the corner with a guitar in his lap. Allison recognises him almost immediately as the cute lead, and fights back a blush. "You guys aren't journalists or shit, are you?"

"Nope," Toby says cheerily, holding up both his and Allison's backstage passes. "We loved the show, by the way."

The man is silent for a few seconds, studying the two of them carefully, before saying unsurely: "Toby?"

Toby's smile widens even further, and he crosses the room to heave the man up from the couch and tug him into a hug. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't recognise me," he teases when they both pull away.

"Yeah, well, you've grown up, I'll give you that," the man arches a brow, running a hand through his hair. "Jesus, you're even taller than me now."

Allison can only gape at the two of them and think to herself how Toby is so explaining this later. The boy in question chances a glance back at her, and blinks.

"Oh, sorry, Allison! That was so rude of me, I'm sorry – Steve, this is Allison! She's my friend from school. Allison, Steve. My, uh...friend."

Uh friend?

Allison thinks to herself. Hm. Nevertheless, she presses the stop button on the video camera and steps forward, grasping Steve's hand. "You were amazing out there," she informs him. "Seriously."

"Thank you very much," Steve beams at her, and he reminds her so much of Toby that looking at the two of them standing side by side is almost like seeing double.

"That's a high compliment, by the way," Toby informs Steve, elbowing him. "Allison hates musicals."

"Does she, now?" Steve arches an eyebrow at her, and she flushes slightly. "Well, I used to hate musicals, too," he tells her.

Her eyes widen. "But you're – "

"Yeah," Steve laughs. "I always thought they were way too flashy for my taste. I actually just wanted to go into music when I was younger. I played acoustic stuff, indie pop, all that jazz. But my mom thought I was too lazy, and my English teacher was always saying that I was good at reading aloud and understanding texts, so she enrolled me at a stage school on Saturdays. That was where I met this idiot," he nods at Toby, who grins, "and for some reason, he made me really love theatre. Actually," he adds, "Toby's the one who made me audition for this. Said it was just my kind of musical."

"It's Allison's kind of musical too," Toby says eagerly. "That's why I thought you'd like to meet him Allie – uh, Allison. You guys are kind of...similar."

Allison hesitates for a moment, glancing from Steve to Toby and back to Steve, then nods. "Sure," she says softly. There's something about Toby and Steve's interaction that makes her curious. They're close, she can see that. But everything they do seems to have some kind of weird undertone in it – an unspoken message, or something. Steve gravitates automatically towards Toby – but Toby seems careful around him, like he's walking on eggshells.  It's a stark contrast from what she's seen of Toby's rapport with Daniel, and it sparks her interest.

"Actually, we're kind of also here because we have an English project," Toby explains, almost apologetically. "Which is why we have the video camera. We just need to talk about the musical and stuff, and we thought it would be great if we got your thoughts on it too."

"Sure," Steve smiles, but she thinks she catches a hint of disappointment in it. "Let me just get the others in..."

He does, and maybe Allison's a little starstruck, because she doesn't say a word for the next half an hour they spend with the cast, except for a few hellos and nice to meet yous and you were absolutely amazings, perfectly content to let Toby do all the talking while she just holds the camera and tries her best not to stare too much at Steve. Also at Cristin, who made out with Steve onstage (Allison has a lot of respect and a little jealousy for her). Occasionally she makes a few comments, mainly observations she had made whilst watching the musical, but it's mostly a Toby-featuring-the-cast-of-Once video log, and she's pretty happy with that.

Once they're done, Toby's thanking them and she finds herself echoing the words, before allowing him to loop an arm around her waist and steer them out of the building, back towards the subway. She only notices the warm pressure of his hand once they're at the entrance of the station.

"Why are you...?"

"You looked close to collapsing from tiredness in there," Toby explains, removing his arm and casting her a curious look. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she murmurs, and she realises with a jolt that she hasn't really gotten very much sleep since the start of the month.

"You been sleeping okay?" he checks as they board.

"I...yeah," she repeats. November was the month her parents first separated. As such, Allison can never really sleep well until around halfway through December, kept awake by echoes of shouting and breaking vases and front doors being slammed. It's kind of stupid, she thinks – they'd been divorced for years now, but she can't help being rendered an insomniac for this one month of the year, and she can tell it's beginning to show. She's not sure she wants to tell Toby this, so she settles for a, "been getting lots of assignments and stuff, is all."

He looks dubious, but changes the subject, choosing instead to begin a recount of musical in minute detail, interspersing it with regular exclamations on how great the entire cast was. She fights to keep awake, using Toby's bright tone of voice to prop her eyes open. By the time they've walked back to the car, she's even contributing to the conversation, pointing out parts that she thought particularly interesting.

"I liked how the – what's it called?"

"The ensemble?"

"Yeah, them. It was cool how they were the orchestra too."

"I know, right! And it was awesome how they..."

She doesn't mean to tune him out, but moving vehicles have always had a way of lulling her into a trance, if not a full-out doze, and she wonders absently how Toby can be this enthusiastic about a musical he's already seen before.

She hears him mention Steve, and blinks awake suddenly, remembering her plethora of unanswered questions from earlier.

"So you met him at stage school?" she queries, her voice sleep-sodden.

He glances over at her briefly, probably surprised that she's even speaking. "Yeah," he says, smiling a little. "I was like, fourteen, and he was eighteen, but I knew my way around and he didn't, so I guess that's why he hang around with me at first. I don't know why he stuck around after that though," he laughs, "considering how dorky I am."

Dork isn't a bad thing

, Allison bites back. Instead, she says bluntly: "He seems to like you."

"Well, yeah. I mean, we've been friends for years – "

"I mean, like you."

Just as Allison predicted, Toby turns a faint shade of pink and fixes his eyes on the roads ahead, which are growing increasingly familiar as they draw nearer to her house.

"Uh, I don't think so," he mumbles almost incoherently. "I mean, he's always been really popular with girls and stuff and I'm just – "

"Toby."

There's a long stretch of silence, then Toby sighs. "Okay. Like, a year ago, just after he got his gig at Once, Steve told me that he, you know, liked me. A lot. And he said he'd liked me since we'd first met but that was first time he'd actually grown the balls to tell me, unquote. And I was just, kind of...confused. Y'know? Like, I've always pretty much looked up to Steve. I've always thought he's so amazing and great and...to think he was crushing on me seemed so...ridiculous. Like, out of all the people? Me? It was like Matt Lanter telling you that he'd liked you since third grade, or something," he teases, shifting his eyes from the road to glance at her. "Plus, I knew he liked girls."

"So what did you do?" Allison queries quietly.

"Oh, jeez," Toby shifts one hand from the steering wheel and runs it through his hair. "I'm gonna sound like such a jerk, but...I, well, I kissed him."

Allison blinks in surprise. "You kissed – "

"It's hard to explain," he cuts her off quickly. "But I loved Steve, honest to God, I did. More in the way that I love Daniel, but at the time I figured – love is love, right? I could at least try and love – or even like – Steve in the way he liked me. So I kissed him – but it didn't feel – I just, I don't know. It didn't feel..."

"Right," Allison supplies.

"Yeah," he nods. "And I went home and I realised how stupid it was, to try and make myself like him – like, you can't just make yourself like someone, and it's so unfair to both you and the other person – so the next time I saw him, I just told him," Toby is staring steadfastly at the road ahead, and Allison can just see through the darkness to make out her house at the end of it. "I told him – I said I shouldn't have kissed him, and that I was flattered, but I didn't like him like that, and that I really wanted to stay friends," She glances over sharply at the tone in Toby's voice, bitter and mocking and completely different  from what she's used to hearing come out of his mouth.

"Toby..." she starts softly.

Toby shakes his head, continuing in a slightly steadier tone of voice; "Steve's a good guy. Honestly, I expected him to scream at me and say he never wanted to see me again, but he just...he just smiled and said I was still one of his best friends. Which is why," he parks the car in front of her house, switching straight back to Bright and Bubbly Toby Martin in a matter of milliseconds, "you should never trust me around gay men. Or bisexual ones."

Allison laughs softly, mostly for his benefit, and he gives her a smile, but she can see the tiny sliver of guilt behind it.

"Stop looking at me like that," he teases.

"Like what?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Like, a total Mom look."

"A Mom look," Allison repeats flatly.

"Yeah!" Toby nods. "C'mon, you know what I mean – your mom totally does it. Every mom does."

She has to admit that she knows what he's talking about, but, seeing an opportunity to pry and shamelessly prodding at it, she says: "I'm guessing that's a look that your Mom uses pretty often."

There's a long pause, and she can make out Toby swallowing thickly through the dim light of the illuminated dashboard. "Uh-huh," he agrees weakly. "All the time."

Allison looks at him. "You know..." she begins carefully. "When you came round for dinner."

"Yeah?"

"You, uh – you never asked."

"Asked about what?"

She studies her hands, unwilling to look at him. "About my dad."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, I..." Toby clears his throat. "It doesn't really matter to me. I mean – not that I don't care, I do – I just. Thought it would be better not to."

"Okay. Well, they're divorced, for the record. He's not dead, or anything."

"Okay."

"And he lives in California. So I only see him like, twice a year."

"Okay."

"And sometimes he's a dick, but I still..." she pauses, exhaling. "I still love him."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Thanks. For, you know, tonight."

Toby beams. "Thank you for coming! You know, Lydia said if I asked you earlier, you'd find a way to get out of it. I said that you wouldn't do that, but she made me save it till today, so..."

I knew it,

Allison thinks darkly.

"Anyway," he continues, oblivious to her grim thoughts about Lydia and what she was going to do to Lydia later. "Thanks a lot. For, you know, not ditching me. And I'm so glad you liked it! I knew you would!"

"Yeah, well, this isn't going to apply to every musical," she informs him.

"We'll see," he sings.

"Toby – "

_________________________________________________________________________

a/n: THIS IS LITERALLY THE LONGEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN IN ONE GO WHAT TO HECK

but hey long chapter because it's been a long wait am i right ladies

this got a lot more feelsy than i originally intended, especially towards the end, but i hope you appreciate the glance into both allison and toby's backstories, and their friendship blah blah blah and yeah

there's like no lydia/emmett/daniel in this chap but i think they're turning up in the next one so!!! vote and comment and i will love you forever

(well more than i already do)

- mariam