Nakarugi's past - The next day

Nakarugi's POV:

I felt....so detached.

I wanted to hate this world.

No one came.

Not one single soul came to her funeral....

*****

I woke up to a start, feeling the morning sun's rays on my eyes as I put my hands up to my face to mask the intensity.

" Good morning, me" I mumbled to myself as I woke up, finding that the Sakura Cherry trees shed their greens and shone bright baby pink all over Japan.

Or wherever there were Cherry trees....

I stretched and looked at her at the corner of my eye, Sleeping ever so peacefully. I threw a blanket over her, not noticing how unusually cold she was.

And while fleshing up, I started to notice something new. There was a note at the corner of the cupboard as I took it in my hands.

It was a reciept.

A receipt for a coffee.

Totally confused, I wiped my face and looked at it again.

It was a receipt for a coffin....

My eyes didn't believe what they were seeing. I put it back down where I found it and went about doing the daily chores you would normally do at the weekened, to take my mind off it.

Brushing up.

Wiping the floor.

Watering the plants.

Unclogging the toilet.

W-what did I do?!

Nevermind the chores then....

I ran around the house at couple times before noticing she hadn't woken up. A bit unusual for her to sleep for that long.

She was an early bird. She wakes up mostly before I leave for class.

" Oi, wake up, you lazy sloth! It's afternoon!"

I nudged her, suddenly feeling she was cold.

Cold as ice.

I shook her a bit, hoping she doesn't get a cold.

" You slept without a blanket again? You're gonna catch a cold, grandma."

Still no movement.....

" Grandma, wake up. Wake up! GRANDMA? GRANDMA?! GRANDMA!!!" I felt panicky as I shook her more vigorously, to which she didn't yell or groan as usual.

" Get up! What are you? In a coma?!" And when I went frantic in a frenzy manner and put the underside of my palm to her nose, desperate to cling onto the thought of hope, I froze.

*****

A few hours later, I found myself still bawling my eyes out, her on my lap, lifeless when I was sound sleeping.

I had lost the only other will to live as I felt something on her palm, still clutched tight.

There was something written on a parchment of paper.

I took it up as the sound of a vehicle reached out to my ears, barely hyping me enough to get up.

But I got enough energy to answer the door as a very concerned delivery guy asked me for my Matsuki.

I signed it, tears still flowing from my face.

He uttered something. But my ears wouldn't pick it up.

All they heard was her voice.

Her words, the night before this.

I closed the door as I looked at the piece of paper.

LULLABY

It seemed to say.

I pressed it against my chest, which I barely heard beating and wondered if I should stay in this world any longer.

It had no one left to love, no one left to care for and no one left to love me.

Why should I have any reason to stay? Was all I could think of then.

I wasn't ready for what I was to go through.

I was naive. Should have taken the blade the first time, right against my chest, right next to my Angel.

*****

Third person's POV:

~Close your eyes
And hear this voice.
I'm right here, singing in the dark
Lullaby; cause you lids are drooping
Close your eyes
And let you smile...~

He sang, his voice choking as he lifted another handful of dirt and dropped it on her coffin, at the cemetery.

His eyes were dry, deficit of tears to fall down.

The one who shoveled up the space felt pity for the kid.

" It's free. I'll take my leave, kid." The man said with a smile.

He had seen people bawling their eyes but this....

Looked grim.

Matsuki took up another palm of dirt, letting himself loose.

~Without life
We can't be living.
So, make you smile another one
Lullaby; let me soothe you goodnight
Close your eyes
Siphon out your sight...~

Another handful as no one even looked at him, a probable orphan by now.

The parents who left didn't come back, the mother never rejoined.

Yet he didn't feel anger. He felt solace amongst the pain he had.

She was atleast free. Free from this cruel reality.

Free from the world of ugly truths and painful lies.

~As I call, your name
Sink in deeper to sleep
As I leave you, not alone tonight.
Lullaby; I sing to you
Make you smile another one
Lullaby, lullaby, close your eyes
Lullaby, lullaby this is a kiss goodnight...~

He stood up, happy for her.

Yet sad she betrayed him, when she promised she would stay with him for ever.

He knew what she said but refused to believe it.

She promised him she'd stay.

" Goodnight, mother" He placed a daisy, supported to a portrait of her blinding smile.

*****

He returned to a silent home, insidious silence ominating around the empty household.

Nakarugi couldn't muster the courage to live here anymore, as he entered the kitchen and opened the cutting board.

" Maybe I. Maybe I can't bear this. Maybe I would be sinned" He muttered, pressing a knife to his veins. He slowly pressed them inside as he saw his skin slowly gouge off.

"But. I don't c-care" He winced from the pain, almost driving it straight in from reflex.

Scarlet blood oozed from the cut as he got to vein boundaries. And then, he remembered her words.

" Promise me, you won't ever give up." Her words ringed in his ears, as he froze.

" Fight."

He slowly took the blade away from his hands as he started to whimper.

" Fight for the ones you love and fight them if they turn to the dark side."

He lifted the knife up high, and brought it down with such force it dug a hole through the wood and into the table.

He let out a roar of angst and yelled.

Yelled till his throat couldn't handle any more. He felt exhausted, no one left to love, nothing left to feel.

After a few minutes of pure, utter silence, he decided and undersood he didn't give a crap about anything anymore.

He just needed to live, till the point he gets used to it and finds peace in something.

*****

Nakarugi's POV:

I remembered not wanting to do anything that needed effort.

So, I didn't do th logical thing.

Instead, I started losing fights...

Day after day, day after day, people slammed me at the wall, cracking my bones ever so more and hit me till their hands pained.

Or until I bled.

They gave up in the end, after all.

" WHY WON'T YOU GIVE UP!?" One asked as he threw a uppercut right to my chest.

I backed up, feeling pangs of pain up my heart. I wanted it to stop, to help me a bit here to die faster.

The pain and the hole she left me with just feeds like a blackhole.

Ever so hungry, sucking everything else in and continually expanding.....

But it didn't hurt.

I spat blood out to the side.

" Satisfied?" I asked as I picked up my bag and started to leave, shaking off his hand off my neck which was a good inch higher than his. He grabbed me by the collar as he yelled again, nobody daring to collide with yet another fight.

" W-why?" His voice broke as I noticed the familiarity of his face. It was someone I knew.

A face I used to know a few years ago.

Tomura Kitsuo...

My face showed the slightest expression of a smile, which I thought I was incapable of these days.

" Fight back, dammit! What happened to you!?" Tears started to form on the corner of his eyes. I tried to smile but my face forgot how to do that.

I tried to cry but I forgot how to do that.

I forgot how to be human.

I forgot there was someone who - no. I didn't care if there was anyone left to call close.

Yet there he was, my childhood friend, fighting me, making me bleed while he was crying.

Still the same crybaby who cared the world about others.

Still the same one who I grew up with.

" Tomu-kun?" I called out, surprised he was fighting me. He didn't know crap about fighting, as far as I knew.

Why was he then fighting me?

Why was I then bleeding?

Did he turn as well? Did my story have no happy ending?

" You gave me a reason to smile." He mouthed, eyes red from crying out feelings. he tugged me into a hug as I felt his warm embrace.

I wanted to grab him tight, and get lost in the embrace of love.

" Figured it was time I did the same, although I dont think I'll do a job as good as you" he hugged me tighter as I felt the urge to show my happiness out another time.

Yet, tears didn't form.

I felt numb to the point I felt that nothing could cure me. Just make the pain subside for a few moments.

But I let out a smile, seeing his face light up. I wiped the tears off him as he kissed my cheek gently.

Yes, he was homosexual.

But that didn't let him hinder himself.

He gave me a small reason to smile.

But I let that candle burn out....

Snuffed out by the ugly winds, tainted with corrupted thoughts.....

*****

End Of Part - II