this is not a poem
it's just me ranting
with pretty spacing
and maybe a few rhymes

just me spilling out my guts
because i guess that's fun

let's get straight to the point
you say i am brushing you off

i'm glad you noticed

but it's not because you did something wrong
or because you're too direct

it's because of the way i feel
i can't pour out my emotions to you
because with it comes me heart
and i'm terrified that the moment i let go of my heart
you'll snatch it up again and i'll let you

that is not what i want
and you claim it's not what you want either
but i'm still weary

i cause problems
i say things i don't mean
i push people away
unless they hold on tight
if they're not holding on
they're pushed further than i mean
that's what i do
don't take it personally

i don't tell people my problems
but i'm all ears for theirs
i don't want to
i usually don't need to

and that sounds incredibly stupid
everyone needs to rant to someone else eventually
but i have my people
and i'm sorry they're not you

i'm sorry i've grown weary because of our past
no matter what i say
no matter what hurtful things spew from my mouth
about you, about us, about myself

i want you in my life
by my side
but i need to give myself room to breathe
because being friends with someone you know
(truly know)
can be really fucking hard
especially when you don't know them anymore
not as well as you did

but i want us to have each other
through thick and thin
even if it doesn't seem like it
i'm sorry

i told you
this is not a poem
it's just a rant
my feelings in classic or fancy fonts
typed quickly and without thought
not re-read or double checked
just here
offered up for everyone

this is
not a poem