Karishma didn't expect to find a dazed Santosh at the threshold of their work place when she came back to the station. "Santu?" she questioned with a worried frown. Did this jharbudhi overexert herself already? The younger woman didn't even bat an eyelid. "santu." she called out a little louder in hopes of gaining her attention.

Santosh flinched at the call and looked at Karishma like a deer caught in headlights. She shook her head a little to rid herself of those dark thoughts and cleared her throat. "Karishma madam." She made a sloppy attempt to get to her feet in order to greet her senior. Unfortunately having overestimated her strength, she swayed unsteadily.

"Careful," Karishma chided, coming over quickly to keep her from falling over. The senior carefully dragged her junior in and made her sit on the chair closest to the door. "This is why I said, don't try to be a hero." She taunted, handing Santosh a glass of water.

"But I am a female," the cyber ardent cop said once she finished gulping down the refreshing liquid. "I can't be a hero either way. I could be a heroine, however."

Karishma rolled her eyes in spite of the jolt of familiarity sparking in her. This was what she had missed in the last two days. Off! yeh masoomiyat, as cheetah calls it, wasn't there to ameliorate their tedium days. "I highly doubt filmmakers would cast someone as smart as you in a movie." She emphasized the adjective.

"Thank you, madam," Santosh gloated, the sarcasm having flown right above her head. Karishma bit her lip to stifle the fond smile spreading across her face. "What are you doing here by the way? It's," she took a quick glance at her wristwatch. "Five am." She finished quietly. The way her voice dropped to a mere whisper wasn't lost on Karishma.

They shared a look, both having understood that this was the time the accident took place two days ago. The feelings regarding it were anything but in the same vein.

Santosh swallowed her saliva. Fear. She didn't want to think about it- didn't want to be reminded of a pit that held nothing but emptiness. You are fine. You are safe. You are fine. She curled her fingers around the chair's armrest until the splinters started tickling her skin. The darkness was waving its claws like a rookie magician around her mind and soul, stealing her very form. Barely touching but present. She knows- I am slipping.

When the darkness became the destructive inner dragon who is the servant of terror, adamant to rebel against the light, the darkness becomes the darkest of black velvets that were powerless in opposition to heaven-spun stars.

The guilt and disappointment crept in through her feet and spread its wings rapidly. Karishma felt her shoulders getting heavier as they slumped with the weight of her failures pressed down on them. She averted her gaze from Santosh. How can I look her in the eye and pretend that I am not dying from regret inside?

The fragile hand that had caught her arm gave her the answer. Tearing her gaze from the entrance she gave Santosh her attention. It was then she realized why her little sister had a vice-like grip on her arm. Karishma took in her glassed over eyes and lost appearance. "Santu?" She questioned, kneeling in front of her.

"D-dark," Santosh mumbled. "So dark."

Karishma took a glance around the well-lit room and raised an eyebrow. "But its..." she was cut off with a loud abrupt scream which caused her to wince.

Santosh frantically pushed out of her chair and waddled around the area blindly. "Pushpa Ji! Cheete!" She felt a pair of arms engulf her. She couldn't see who or what that was as darkness prevailed around her. During training, they were thought to counter flight with fight. The instinct of a government official kicked and she tried to fight - pushing, kicking, punching, screaming- in vain. The grip around her only got tighter.

"You are safe. It's not dark." a soft reassurance echoed in her hazy mind. "It's me. Karishma madam."

"Karishma madam?" she asked uncertainly with eyes squeezed shut./

The kind person rubbed her back in order to calm her down. The constable immediately knew this was Karishma madam because Pushpa Ji and her were the only ones who did that. "Yea it is me." she stopped fighting, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion blanketing her.

In the fog of her mind, even the incessant ticking of her wristwatch had a relaxed feeling, as if it was a heartbeat at rest. Santosh felt as if the air moved like cool water and the aroma of her senior's vanilla perfume infused the truth of her safety.

She opened her eyelids and the light attacked them mercilessly. She allowed it to enshrine her spirit.

It was salvation.

Pulling away, she looked at her sister. "I am safe." she parroted. Karishma nodded and they retreated to the gym room.

Karishma was aware of what the possible effect could have been after such an event. Confusion, difficulty concentrating, irritability, withdrawal and worst-case scenario, numbness. Anxiety was something that had clandestinely escaped from her radar. The moment of calmness was furtive and the guilt grew bigger if that was even possible at this point. She waited for Santosh to regain her composure, never for a second leaving her hand.

"What was that?" the older two asked once they were comfortable on the bed.

Santosh sighed. She wasn't a stranger to trauma. Experiencing sexual harassment at such a young age had already plundered her teenagehood of the chance to live it insouciantly. Her parents never found out and she lived with the consequences of it on her own. There wasn't animus towards them but their orthodox mentality did little to help the situation. After bottling up for so long she learned that this was the part she hated the most. Explaining. Neither was she agreeable to announcing it to Haseena, Pushpa and cheetah nor is she to Karishma. The station inspector wasn't giving her a choice in the matter with her intense peering.

"PTSD," she confessed "It happens when..."

"Someone has experienced a traumatic event. The accident?"

"Not the accident itself but," Santosh made a move to stand up and Karishma reluctantly left her hand. She went towards the window and looked at the empty road ahead of them. The respective shop owners of the police station had called it a night and were off in their homes. "The place I was in. Not literally but where I thought I was."

"I am confused," Karishma stated.

"So am i. But basically, I hate the dark and would like to avoid it at all cost."

Karishma nodded understanding her predicament. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," she said earnestly. She didn't want to force Santosh into doing anything she wasn't ready for. No matter how fine she appeared to be, the accident had had debilitating effects on her mental and physical health. It couldn't afford to take another blow.

Who am I kidding? It was quack science. I am a coward that doesn't want to face the repercussions of her decisions. She was drowning in a pool of guilt- barely above the surface to catch a breath. Listening to this would shove her head underwater as it warped its brine around her limbs snuggly as if it owned her anatomy.

Santosh let out a surprised chuckle in response to her statement. She studied Karishma's face to see if she was kidding. To her relief, there was nothing but a sincere smile that bled compassion. It quickly dissolved into that look. The cyber expert discerned that this was the time to speak about it. "It's not your fault." she declared bringing the station inspector out of her reverie.

She debated whether to play dumb or just bite the bullet.

"I ate singhade just now."

The former it is. "It is my fault," she lamented. "First I decided to leave the force and to live a normal life. As if that wasn't enough, I left you there that night. If I was there, none of this would have happened. I can't run away from the fact that I am liable in one way or another."

"It's commendable that you want to give your married life more time. That's what inspector Vikram's case was all about, wasn't it? Balancing our personal and professional lives," Haseena had a habit of taking the long haul when it comes to solving cases. There was always a motive, a reason, a lesson to be taught for the greater good of society. So then why shouldn't we practice what we preach? "Why is it suddenly wrong that you want to invest a little more time in your personal life?"

"It's because I was giving up my job and leaving my family behind."

Santosh walked back to the bed and sat beside Karishma. She held her shoulders and made sure that she was listening to her haranguing. "Station House Officer Haseena Malik can survive without Station inspector Karishma Singh but not without her confidant Karishma. Pushpa Ji can survive without SI Karishma Singh but not without her daughter in law and daughter Karishma. Cheeta and I can survive without Karishma madam but not without our elder sister Karishma," she took Karishma's trembling hand in her own firm one. Her resolve was breaking. She needed an anchor and someone to perpetuate her confidence. Santosh stayed through the course, providing unspoken support.

"I-i don't..." she tried off.

"Station Inspector Karishma Singh is a force to be reckoned with. But the person sitting here with me right now," she pointed to her using her index finger. "Is the one we love. She is the one we can't live without. Choosing to save your marriage isn't selfish. It's human. I would be lying if i said that it didn't upset me," Karishma scrunched her eyebrows. This conversation was about consoling her as far as she could tell. "I did understand it though. In fact, I respect you for being able to stand up for yourself."

"At what cost, santu? I knew a hair thief was still on the loose and I left you there to patrol all on your own. How stupid could I have been?! I undermined your safety for a nine to five desk job that I didn't even like. I mean you almost died for heaven's sake!" The older woman had never been good with words. There was so much more she wanted to say, to tell Santosh just how guilty she was, how much it pained her to see the younger girl in that condition, how sorry he was for letting her down. she just didn't know how to do so.

"That danger comes with the job we do. How many times have you or madam sir been there? Mission jeet, the builder case and others which I'm too tired to remember right now."

"But I am your senior. I was with you that night and it was my responsibility." the officer protested, never one to be in tandem with a different party.

"Why? Just because you hold a higher rank than me. Sorry to break your bubble, that's not how this works," Santosh stated bluntly. Maybe it was the medication or the rank and file notion causing her patience to wear thin. She tried to clench her first but realized that Karishma's hand was still being held. It turned out to be a valuable action because the usually restrained cop had finally let her walls down. The tears she had held onto so desperately was marking pathways down her cheek.

"We do a job that demands our blood, sweat, tears and above all; time. I am not asking you to go back to that desk job. That's not my call to make. All I am asking is for you to think about what you really want and go for it. If serving the nation is it then find a way to balance out your personal and professional life. If you can't and choose the desk job, we will all support you."

Karishma gawked at her junior- I was right. this isn't that girl who took that dollhouse. That child has grown up. That was precisely the point she realized. Their lives were always endangered because of the various enemies they made in their line of work. Not every one of them could have a bodyguard attached at every waking moment. Yet, it was a virtue. It's something that can't be lived through vicariously. It sounded pleasing to the ears of adventure junkies like herself. She loved serving her nation and thus decided to come back. Santu might have played a part too.

Then there comes a moment, she questions the worth of it. Is the agony of watching your teammates succumb to death worth it? Is the survivor's guilt that dictates your every move, later on, worth it? Was the perilous state her marriage was in worth it?

Karishma didn't want to break in front of Santosh but these damn tears won't stop. The reason her cheeks were doused with tears was unknown to her own self. "How do you know this won't happen again?"

Santosh allowed the silence to draw between them as Karishma released her bottled up feeling through in the form of tears. "I don't. But you just have to trust me as I trust you."

"You don't." She let out a watery scoff.

"What do you mean? Of course, I do. I trust my Karishma madam with my life."

"Even after letting you down twice."

"Madam, you should start eating almonds," Santosh said, earning a giggle. "How many times do I have to say this? It wasn't your fault. None of those instances has caused my faith in you to corrode. I failed to take care of myself and accidents happen. We can't simply stop doing the things we love because of that. Remember the dowry case. You almost died along with billu Ji in that car. But it didn't stop you from driving after that, did it?"

"No."

"Exactly."

It felt oddly peaceful save for the occasional sniffs that the station inspector did. There was a lot going on in her head and this wasn't the place to unpack and analyze. That was for another time. After finding her words, the married woman spoke.

"I almost resented you. for the state you were in. There you were, on that pristine mattress lying seemingly unbothered by what was happening outside while we longed to hear your innocent statements and unfiltered comments about madam sir's marriage."

Santosh snorted a little, teary-eyed. "That couldn't have been further from the truth."

"What do you mean?" Karishma asked, taking a look at her curiously.

The constable retracted her hand from where she was drawing patterns on the older woman's hand. "When I was in that coma, I could hear all of you."

Karishma gasped silently in surprise. "you... you could? "

Santosh Bobbed her head up and down. "It was dark and empty. Nothing to touch. Nothing to feel or taste. Only your voices and myself for company. Everything was clear and I could hear every single one of your sobs and god. I almost got a heart attack when madam sir was marrying Billu Ji."

They both let out a peal of hearty laughter after the air had turned sombre. "Even I had a culture shock."

"At one point, it felt like I was floating in the air and suddenly sinking. I thought I died."

Karishma couldn't help but flinch at that mention. No one had mentioned that point to her after waking up. Thankfully, the reaction went unnoticed as the cyber expert went on to explain the happenings in malivore's pit of doom as she called it.

"I felt so...helpless. I couldn't do anything. Everyone was crying. I just kept walking trying to find an exit but there wasn't any. It was only after I heard madam sir announcing that idiot Shyam that I saw it."

"Saw what?"

Santosh smiled looking at the light bulb above them. "Light."

"What?" Karishma raised an eyebrow. "Light."

"Yep, but anyways I am so pissed at Pushpa Ji, " she added quickly, wanting to end this conversation. It was the time to awaken the innocent Santosh everyone knew and loved. "She posted a selfie of me sleeping and I actually lost followers! Can you believe it?" Santosh continued to ramble on and Karishma listened with an intensity like never before. She didn't want this voice to stop making itself known. "Wait, why are you here ?"

"To check up on my jarbudhi."

The guilt was abating towards the banks of the sea. The water dwindled in-depth and breathing became easier for Karishma. The disappointment faded beneath the lurking shadows of the hushed morning. She knows there won't be a 'next time'. She would let it come to that.

Santosh knew the trauma wasn't going to disappear in a day. When one's self-image has been barbecued in a chimney of pain every single time they attempt to do something good, it becomes impossible to live with themselves, let alone bearing the scars in front of anyone else. And after all, three feet of cold ice did not form in a day's hard work, it took time and nurturing.

There were going to be tough days ahead. But Karishma Singh had a little sister to rely on and Santosh Sharma had an elder sister to rely on. With the coalition between them, the onerous period would become endurable.