sandstorm angst

author's note: in which sandpaw finds solace in a weasel. sorry it's kinda terrible. and i got tired of editing it.

Sandpaw had snuck out of camp just before twilight, anger pulsing through her veins. Whitestorm was on guard duty, so Sandpaw was forced to leave through the dirt place. She did not want to underestimate her mentor's tracking skills. Carefully, she rubbed her paws in toadstools and tip-toed the first three tree-lengths from camp. Stomping furiously the rest of the way to the Owl Tree, Sandpaw carelessly scared off all the creatures in her path.

Only when she actually reached the Owl Tree, she realized she meant to go hunting to take her mind off of her worries. The sandy she-cat let out a frustrated hiss.

"Does everyone hate me? Is that why my life is a pile of mouse-dung?" she meowed aloud grumpily, scaring away yet another squirrel. Sandpaw was so frustrated, she couldn't decide who to blame for her problems. It felt as though her life had changed so drastically, so quickly, and certainly not in a good way.

Subconsciously, she began to claw at the dirt beneath. "First that-that kittypet joins the clan! Then Dustpaw is more interested in stupid Fernpaw than me. What in StarClan did I do wrong?" Her voice cracked a little. She couldn't imagine what the other apprentices would think if they saw her now. Never had she felt so defeated.

The sun had begun set as Sandpaw continued to whine to the trees. Once she got started, her feelings flowed out in an endless stream. Negativity and frustration bubbled to the surface. She was too angry to admit it then, but many of the things she said she would've deeply regret had she not been alone. Finally, Sandpaw forced her mouth to close while her unhappy thoughts were roughly thrown aside.

Now it was time to focus on she did what she did best. Hunting.

It took Sandpaw only three heartbeats to realize she had scared off almost all the prey in the nearby territory. Cursing under her breath, she left the Owl Tree behind. The apprentice headed off in search of the scent of prey.

Apparently, Sandpaw had not scared away every creature in the forest. Not very far from where she threw her "tantrum," she caught a whiff of something new. Adrenaline lit up her senses as she stalked closer to her prey. Her paws were silent, her breath trapped in her throat. Finally, she could see it. What it was exactly, she didn't know.

In the blink of an eye, Sandpaw pounced on top of the odd creature. It appeared to be a longer version of a mouse. She scrunched her nose in confusion, but quickly shook her head. It really didn't matter what it was as long as it was edible.

Before she was able to begin the journey back to camp, her frustrations came tumbling back. This time, they were even more persistent than the first episode. Unsure what to do with her bottled up anger, she began to complain to the odd mouse thing.

"I-I don't know how I feel!" she growled at the elongated mouse, stuttering a bit. "Firepaw is nice to me even though he's a kittypet. It's so weird. Dustpaw said he doesn't deserve to be a warrior, and I used to think he was right..." her voice trailed off, suddenly embarrassed to be talking to something that didn't understand her.

Sandpaw looked off into the trees. A guilty feeling washed over her. She shouldn't have kept the poor thing this long. This entire charade was practically against the warrior code, and she didn't need to add to it by tormenting another living thing. She didn't care if it was mindless or not.

She glanced around guiltily before quickly biting the odd mouse's neck. Her emotional outburst, however, was far from over. It was hard to stop once she started, especially when she was alone.

She tried to push away the awkward feeling as she continued to talk to the now dead creature.

"It's possible I have a tiny crush on him. He obviously admires Spottedleaf. A lot. I don't really have a chance. Is there any way I could redeem myself?" Sandpaw shook her head. She groaned loudly, a disheartened look in her eyes. "My life is useless. I'm useless. The only toms I happen to be attracted to are head over paws for someone else."

After all her tears had fallen, Sandpaw had dispersed all of her thoughts and worries. She glanced of her shoulder while leaving the small clearing. It would not surprise her to find herself returning in the near future, another near breakdown hidden away in the dark of night.

Worn out from the jumbled feelings, Sandpaw trotted back to camp with her odd prey hanging from her mouth.