After seeing Finn's thoughts of Poe Rey felt uncomfortable looking him in the eye that day. Finn seemed pretty relaxed about what she had seen in some ways, which Rey was grateful for, but it highlighted a problem. If the new Order were going to be allowed romantic attachments then it was going to be a weakness that could be used against them. She knew the story of Anakin Skywalker's fall being precipitated by the loss of Padme and that the fear of losing her had been all consuming for him. He was willing to go to any lengths to save her. But would it have turned out so badly if the relationship had been permitted she wondered. There was no way that she could have severed her connection to Ben even if she had wanted to. She might have been able to right at the beginning but then her fascination with him had become too strong to ignore. Plus the Force had been connecting them for a reason, it sought balance through a pair, half Light and half Dark. Both she and Ben had a little of both. She was Light but had a current of Dark abilities like the Force Lightning and he had given up his life to save her, hardly the action of a selfish, Dark Sith Lord. Although he wasn't a Sith of course, not truly, she reminded herself. 

Craving solitude she turned down an invitation to the bar that evening and went for a walk instead. She ended up back on the hillside that she had visited the first night back on Ajan Kloss. From the top she could see miles of forest ahead of her, shades of green stretching in every direction. She didn't think she would ever get used to so much vegetation after the endless sand of Jakkuu. The wind sighed in the trees and the rustling soothed her, reminding her of the noise of running water. The sun had already set but there was still a little light on the horizon, highlighting small pink and grey clouds. 

She let her thoughts stray to Ben. She imagined his dark hair and his strong masculine face. She saw his generous mouth and the deep eyes she loved so much and imagined his arms around her. She had to try, even if it risked bringing Kylo back instead of Ben. She stopped herself. What was she thinking? What would happen if she bought Kylo Ren back in all his rage just as the Galaxy was trying to sort itself out. But she was struggling and she knew it. More than she cared to admit to herself or anyone else. 

Things that normally would not bother her were causing flickers of annoyance that she wasn't used to. She was having to bite her tongue around other people and fight impulses that did not seem like her own. She was starting to wonder whether containing someone else's life force within her was a good thing. Something was off but she could not quite get a handle on it. More questions for her that would be impossible to answer. Her anger flared suddenly and intensely.  Why was it that there were no answers? She hit the ground with her fist, leaving a sizeable dent in her frustration. She wanted to scream at what seemed like the unfairness of the situation, finding Ben and then having him disappear almost immediately. After all she had done! She Force lifted a boulder from beside her on the hillside and hurled it into the valley in front of her, but the crash of breaking branches and small cloud of birds that flew up in surprise did nothing to alleviate her feelings. 

She jumped to her feet and stomped back through the trees, throwing things out of her way to try and relieve some of the tension. She knew that if Luke could see her now he would tell her off for letting her emotions control her but it felt like a dam had burst that she had been holding in for days. She changed course, realising that arriving back at the base in a towering rage would not be a good idea, she might hurt someone. 

A tiny voice at the back of her mind said 'Would it be that bad?.' 

It was so unexpected that it pulled her up short and she froze mid-step. Of course it would be bad, why on earth would she want to hurt her friends?

 'Are they really your friends? 'the voice said. 'Or do they just want you because of your power? 

*********************************************

A week had passed when Luke finally reappeared, and this time he bought someone else with him. Master Yoda was standing next to him, small and wizened, with his usual calm demeanour. 

Rey had been meditating on the floor of her room, trying to stabilise her swirling emotions. She felt them as soon as they arrived and opened her eyes immediately. 

"Troubled you are, young Rey," Yoda said, looking at her intently. 

She knew there was no point arguing as they would both see through it. She let a heavy sigh escape her lips and her shoulders dropped. 

"I need Ben," she told them plainly. 

Luke frowned, "Attachments are forbidden for Jedi." He looked at her, closely watching her expression. Almost immediately he spoke her face darkened. 

"Why should I listen to you? Until you have experienced what a Dyad bond feels like and then had it ripped away then you don't know what you're talking about," Rey retorted angrily. 

"When you arrived on Ach-To it reminded me of how solitary my life had become, what it might have been if I had chosen a different path . . ." Luke seemed sad. "I can see the folly in that particular rule in hindsight, through my father if nothing else." 

Rey mentally kicked herself. "I'm sorry, I should have thought," she replied. "I'm finding it very difficult to control my emotions," she admitted, looking down at the floor so she would not have to meet their eyes. 

There was a long pause, and Rey could feel the two Masters before her scrutinising her. She took a deep breath. "Master Yoda, can you tell me anything about the Heart of the Galaxy?" she asked, her longing for knowledge obvious. 

"Why do you seek that place?" Yoda asked her, tilting his head to one side. 

"Maz Kanata mentioned it, in connection with bringing Ben back . . . " Rey's words caught in her throat. She looked up at them both with tears in her eyes. "But I don't know where it is, or what I will find there."

Yoda spoke again. "Better known, it is, as the Wellspring of Life. The heart of the Force it is." 

"And if I go can I bring Ben back?" she asked eagerly. Her heart swelled at the idea that she might really have him again. 

"Know, I do not. The Priestesses will decide. Help, they may not," he warned her. 

"Why wouldn't they help?" Rey was surprised at his words and her face fell. It felt like a puncture wound in her potential happiness and stung her deeply.  

Luke looked at her in empathy. "What you are asking is against the natural order of things. It has not been done that we know of. We need time to consider."

"Then know this: Ben is looking for a Sith Holocron," she fired at them as a parting shot. 

Yoda's face remained impassive but Luke immediately looked concerned. "How do you know this?" he asked her, eyebrows knotting together. 

"I've spoken to him in dreams" she answered, "although they seem more real than dreams." 

The two Force ghosts exchanged a worried look and then disappeared without another word. 

Rey flung herself onto her bunk. She didn't feel like she had explained well at all. It was so difficult to convey what the bond felt like to others. She wasn't any further in knowing where to go and it sounded like they might decide not to give her information she craved.