ECCEDENTESIAST; someone who hides pain behind a smile

Zill terdiam. Ditinggalkan Allan seorang diri. Zill bangun dan terus menuju ke biliknya di coastal cottage milik Allan ini. Zill tak tahu dia rasa apa. Yang paling kuat menyerang, adalah perasaan terkejut.

"Yarh farfer an' yarh movver married... yes 'cause ov business, 'cause ov ti'le, 'cause ov shareholder value. To grip the company, to show power ov Zills. But wahn fin' maybe yew not know, they're deeply in love. And... Hessa Lily, important ter yarh farfer, as well as yarh movver. Zill Seth looked at 'er as human bein', as summit that importan', that need ter be cherished, an' be treasured. Hessa Lily.. daan't ave any wahn. She's just common women, at a dirty virgin club. Her movver died, left nuffin' ter 'er, except her body ter be polished ter set'le debt. She's alone, an' she's only got Zill Seth and Wan Zila... as 'er companion; friends; faimly. I knew her. She's jus' wahn ov commoner, friend ter my wife, a prostitute."

(your father and your mother married... yes because of business, because of title, because of shareholder value. To grip the company, to show power of Zills. But one thing maybe you not know, they're deeply in love. And... Hessa Lily, important to your father, as well as your mother. Zill Seth looked at her as human being, as something that important, that need to be cherished, and be treasured. Hessa Lily.. don't have anyone. She's just common women, at a dirty virgin club. Her mother died, left nothing to her, except her body to be polished to settle debt. She's alone, and she's only got Zill Seth and Wan Zila... as her companion; friends; faimly. I knew her. She's just one of commoner, friend to my wife, a prostitute)

Zill tunduk. Kini baru dia teringat di mana dia pernah mendengar nama Hessa. Bila diketahui perkara awal ini, serta-merta ingatan itu samar-samar menjengah kepala.

"Hessa pregnant. Some guy left 'er rotten fer bad!"

Zill pejam mata bila teringat kata-kata mom and dad. Zill terdengar percakapan itu, dan malam itu mom and dad dah meninggalkan dia buat selama-lamanya.

"Hessa Lily bears god-know-o's daughter in her womb. Zill Seth wanna help, but bad luck always on the poor woman. Because of their loife that is unbearable difficult, bad-mouthed by people, toss aside by lowest society. The daughter grew up in dir'y narrow ov loife,only that much Hessa can gave her to. Hessa Lily's dead, fifteen years ago. She met me, she said that she loves yarh farfer, mawer than anyfin'. She's happy enuff by seeing Seth wif Zila.. While she? Molested but still got yarh parents' attenshun. That's good enough fer 'er. She truly loves Zill Seth. Wifaht yarh farfer kna. I'm the wahn 'o knew it."

(Hessa Lily bears god-know-who's daughter in her womb. Zill Seth wanna help, but bad luck always on the poor woman. Because of their life that is unbearable difficult, bad-mouthed by people, toss aside by lowest society. The daughter grew up in dirty narrow of life, only that much Hessa can gave her to. Hessa Lily's dead, fifteen years ago. She met me, she said that she loves your father, more than anything. She's happy enough by seeing Seth with Zila. While she? Molested but still got your parents' attention. That's good enough for her. She truly loves Zill Seth. Without your father know. I'm the one who knew it)

Zill tunduk. Teringat cerita Allan, dicengkam kedua tangan, memohon rasional dalam kepala.

"She loved yarh farfer, full ov 'er heart. Only yarh farfer's name carved in her heart. She's just a lowlife commoner, that went absurd in love wif yarh farfer. I'm the wahn 'o knew. I daan't wan' ter see Zill Seth fail, falls at his feet 'cause love ov sum lowlife. I daan't wan' Zill Seth, becomin' loike me! I deny her loves ter yarh farfer, I threw 'er away."

(She loved your father, full of her heart. Only your father's name carved in her heart. She's just a lowlife commoner, that went absurd in love with your father. I'm the one who knew. I don't want to see Zill Seth fail, falls at his feet because love of sum lowlife. I don't want Zill Seth, becoming like me! I deny her loves to your father, I threw her away)

Zill pejam mata makin kuat. Bibir diketap,kedua tangan saling memicit geram, marah. Tapi pada siapa?

"I done big sin, massive fuckin' hole past ter 'er. Her daughter... she told me abaht 'er, when Hessa said her bad epitaf on me. Hessa Sophia. The daughter... she was pregnant wif seed ov unknown guy. She was in Malaysia. 20 years ago. Now? Only God knows where. Sophia hated Hessa,'cause the shit'y loife they've been into. She's gone ter Malaysia, ter abandon the illegitimate kid, that she bear. Hessa can't done anyfin', wif 'er bad condishun, wif er bad health. Gone ter Malaysia, solely fer toss the kid! Because ov wot? Because Zill Faimly there! Sophia put aw the blames onto the Zills. When actually, I'm the wahn 'o stop 'er movver's love. I daan't kna wot now, Zill. She's done herself, she feels so fucked up. From Hessa, ter Sophia and now maybe her great-child. They smiled behind their pain. Hessa... she's tired 'cause ov waitin', assumin', hearin' lies, sayin' sorry, deep hurtin' 'cause ov wot I denied 'er. I'm sorry, behalf ov me. Ter yew and yarh farfer. If Seth stil alive, I must lost ter hell ter see his fury. He damn sure want Hessa Lily life to be customly assured. Her daughter... yew try find her Zill. Maybe...the sin can be repay, by savin' her grand-child. I'm sorry. I'm just fuckin' retarded old-man. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

(I done big sin, massive fucking hole past to her. Her daughter... she told me about her, when Hessa said her bad epitaph on me. Hessa Sophia. The daughter... she was pregnant with seed of unknown guy. She was in Malaysia. 15 years ago. Now? Only God knows where. Sophia hated Hessa,because the shitty life they've been into. She's gone to Malaysia, to abandon the illegitimate kid, that she bear. Hessa can't done anything, with her bad condition, with her bad health. Gone to Malaysia, solely to toss the kid! Because of what? Because Zill Family there! Sophia put aw the blames onto the Zills. When actually, I'm the one who stop her mother's love. I don't know what now, Zill. She's done herself, she feels so fucked up. From Hessa, to Sophia and now maybe her great-child. They smiled behind their pain. Hessa... she's tired because of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry, deep hurting because of what I denied her. I'm sorry, behalf of me. To you and your father. If Seth still alive, I must lost to hell to see his fury. He damn sure want Hessa Lily life to be customly assured. Her daughter... you try find her Zill. Maybe...the sin can be repay, by saving her grand-child. I'm sorry. I'm just fucking retarded old-man. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry)

Zill pejam mata kuat. Salah siapa? Clearly akan ditujukan pada Allan. Dan lagi? Ini kisah silam Zill Family.

Daddy... wot 'ave yew done? Wot 'ave yew put me into? (Daddy... what have you done? What have you put me into?)

Rania Hessa... that girl... bagaimana keadaan dia? Kalau tahu latar belakang kisah sendiri? Ingatkan ada sejarah keluarga biasa seperti lainnya, melainkan sejarah yang patut dibuang ke dasar laut hitam mati sahaja. Ya Allah... Ya Tuhan...

Zill tekan pelupuk mata yang pejam dengan dua tumit tangan, cuba ditahan air mata. Rania Hessa... dibuang kerana ibunya dendam dengan Zill Family. Kerana kisah neneknya yang tak dibela, angkara harta, angkara kisah dua darjat macam ini, cucu dibuang ke dalam semak, tanpa apa-apa maklumat, tanpa apa-apa pengesahan kelahiran,tanpa apa-apa nama selain hanya Rania Hessa. Oh Tuhan... poor that child. Apa yang Zill Family dah bagi pada dia?

Zill took iPhone, dihubungi Sham. "Sham. Hessa Sophia. UK-Malaysia link."

Aaliya.... Zill pejam mata. Zill perlukan isterinya. Lantak Allan nak cakap apa. Zill bangun, dan dipanggil Ardiaz. "Ring the jet. Now."

❋❋❋

Rania menguit, mata masih pejam. Rasa berat, rasa pening, tapi rasa terbukanya diri sendiri. Rania menggeliat, tangan kanan pada kepala. Digerakkan badan, dibuka mata. Rania bangun duduk, melihat sekeliling. Hm? Masih mamai.

Bila matanya pada pintu bilik, ternampak Eshan. Tanpa baju, hanya berseluar, berdiri tegak memandangnya dengan tuala kecil di kepala.

Rania bulat mata terkejut, baru terasa keadaan tubuh. Segera tunduk. Makin terkeluar rasa biji matanya bila melihatkan keadaan diri. Terus dicapai comforter, gesa-gesa diselimuti seluruh sampai menutup bahu.

Eshan berdehem, masuk tanpa menghiraukan pandangan tajam dari Rania.

"Kau! Kau buat apa, Eshan?!"

Eshan hanya berdiri, Rania hanya nampak belakangnya sahaja. Eshan menunduk, kedua lengan tegak menahan di meja solek. Dari cermin, Eshan perhati keadaan Rania yang mula nak menangis di belakangnya.

Rania bermuka sebek, matanya mengecil menangis. Eshan hanya pandang bila Rania mula memeluk kedua lutut. Matanya marah, sedih pada Eshan. "Awak jahat, Eshan. Awak jahat."

Rania mencengkam comforter rapat pada badan. Tangan kiri menahan comforter menutup dada, tangan kanan dah ambil bantal-bantal di sisi dan dicampak mengena belakang Eshan. Tangisan Rania terang dengan ngongoian mendayu, betapa hancur hatinya mengutuk Eshan. Eshan dengar ketakutan, Eshan dengar kekecewaan dalam suara sayu Rania.

Rania turun katil, duduk bersandar di dinding dengan comforter dicengkam rapat. "Awak jahat.. tsk.. tsk.. Saya benci awak! Awak sama je dengan Hariz! Awak jahat... awak jahat.. tsk tsk..." Rania makin menangis, makin mengarut.

Eshan tunduk dan dilepaskan keluhannya. Tengok? Hailah Rania.

Eshan mendekati Rania. Rania geleng-geleng kepala. Eshan cuma duduk dibirai katil, memandang pada Rania yang bersandar di dinding, berhadapannya. Rania pandang marah pada Eshan yang tidak berbaju, hanya berseluar jeans. Dan dia? Bogel! Hanya di bawah comforter tanpa seurat benang.

Eshan cuba mendekat. Niatnya mahu mencempung Rania, didudukkan di atas katil balik. Rania terus menampar-nampar dada Eshan. Mukanya marah tapi air matanya makin laju bercucuran.

"Awak jahat! Pergi! Benci! Saya ingat awak baik! Tapi awak sama je jahat!! Saya dah percayakan awak! Awak buat saya macam ni! Tsk tsk awak kejam!"

"Rania... Shh shh... Rania!"

Eshan terus pegang kedua pergelangan tangan Rania. Rania tunduk dan menangis. Eshan mengeluh, disentuh kedua tangan Rania sekali gus menghentikan perbuatan Rania yang agak kasar dan a bit out of mind tadi.

"Rania... before you justify anything, before you get it firm in your head. Try to ask yourself. Where were you last night? Wot am I telling you, about not take those pints again?" Eshan bersuara lembut, matanya tenang pada Rania.

Rania masih sebek. Bibirnya masih tercebik, hidung masih merah menangis, mata masih basah dan tajam pada Eshan.Tapi kepala mula mencerna, mula mengingat kembali. Ed!

Eshan nampak muka Rania yang terang-terang berubah. Tadinya sebek menangis, sekarang terang-terang muka gadis itu terlopong like ting! baru mengingat, then terus eeiii, diketap gigi menahan marah.

Eshan terlepas ketawa lucu. Sekaligus menjatuhkan cengkaman lembutnya pada tangan Rania. Eshan duduk di hadapan Rania, sat on his left knee dengan lutut kanan Eshan naik menahan komposisi badan. Rania terus memandang Eshan bila lelaki itu ketawa. Eshan diam dan cuma senyum.

Eshan bergerak. Ditutup seluruh tubuh Rania dengan comforter. Rania merengek menolak. Eshan ketap rahang, cuba menahan gelora dalam hati. "Shh.. saya nak letak awak atas katil balik. Bukan buat apa."

Rania diam. Dirinya bogel seluruh,dan hanya ada comforter ini sahaja. Eshan mencempung dan disandarkan Rania di kepala katil. Eshan duduk di birai katil, memandang pada Rania yang berkerut muka. Entah apa ada dalam kepala Rania. Malu, marah, kecewa atau apa?

"Saya cakap, jangan minum. Bukan saja haram, tapi sebab saya sayangkan awak.Tempat macam itu, minuman itu... awak yang kena. Nasib baik saya cepat sampai, before lelaki tu buat apa-apa." Rania diam, tunduk bila dilihat Eshan macam bapa memarahinya. Eshan mengeluh, Rania makin diam.

"Saya bawak awak balik. Tapi awak yang..." Rania segera pandang Eshan. Eshan lihat muka gadis itu kembali sedih, kembali sebek menangis. "Kita... kita tidur ke? Saya...saya dengan awak... terlepas ke?"

Eshan rasa macam nak mengusik. "Kita bang?" Rania makin berkerut muka, tekur menunggu balasan Eshan. Eshan rasa tidak patut diusik budak ini. Eshan hela nafas. "Awrigh I'm sorry. We didn't do anything. Not until that line, at least."

Rania makin terang teresak-esak. Eshan tak tahu nak buat apa. Digaru belakang kepala sikit. "Err... awak naked, sebab awak sendiri yang cabut baju. Baju saya off..." Rania segera pandang Eshan, dengan mata basah dan riak kecewa. "...you off my shirt. Kita tidur sama, but just hug. And... err.."

Rania makin berkerut kening, makin menunggu. Eshan gosok belakang leher. "Kenapa awak gosok belakang leher? Awak ragu-ragu. Kita buat apa?" Eshan pandang Rania, bila didengar getaran pada suara sayu dan lembut itu.

Rania diam. Hanya mengemam bibir bila Eshan memandangnya tenang. Tapi nampak Eshan sedikit resah, menahan sesuatu.

"Rania... I'm a man. Common man with lust, common man with deep love for you. I love you. You straddled me, I see you naked yourself in front of me. You whining, you whimpering... ask me to bang you. But I hold meself from do it. I love you. Awak cakap, awak tak tahan."

Eshan hela nafas. "Awak cakap awak tak tahan. Tapi saya yang tak tahan tengok awak. I really want to do...."

Eshan diam. Rania pandang Eshan yang tunduk yang memejam mata, tidak memandangnya. "God, Rania. If you had any idea what I wanna done to you last night."

Eshan memandang Rania. Mata Eshan agak menggetarkan Rania. Rania mula diserang rasa malu. Bibirnya masih tercebik, matanya mula malu tapi masih terus memandang Eshan. Rania tunduk. Melihat dada yang lebam, melihat bahu yang lebam, melihat celah kelangkang yang terlekat dengan cadar yang lembab sikit.

"I ate you. Once. Sebab awak nak sangat. Tu je."

Eshan pandang lain. Eshan bukan malu, Eshan bukan segan. Cuma, Eshan risau geloranya tidak dapat ditahan lagi.

Rania tunduk. Baru kembali teringat samar-samar apa yang dia mamaikan malam semalam. Eshan tengok dari ekor mata. Eshan senyum bila perasankan muka Rania yang kesal, yang malu, yang segan dengan kenyataan dan ingatan yang mula masuk ke dalam kepala.

Eshan tidak memandang Rania terus, hanya ekor mata yang mengintai. "Awak... cintakan saya?" Eshan bertanya perlahan.

Matanya nampak Rania tunduk, nampak jemarinya di keluaran birai comforter di dada bergerak-gerak, saling menguis-nguis. Eshan senyum. "Sebab semalam... awak high, awak cakap banyak kali awak cintakan saya. Merayu suruh saya take you down completely."

Rania makin gelisah. Mukanya makin merah berbahang tanpa sedar, dirinya rasa makin terbakar, dadanya makin berombak berdebar. "Ja—jangan cakap fasal ni lah, Eshan." Eshan ketawa perlahan. Rania gigit bibir, menjeling sisi wajah Eshan yang ketawa kecil. Mereka diam seketika. Eshan masih diam, tunduk. Rania masih diam, bermain dengan jemari sendiri.

"Rania Hessa..." Suara Eshan lembut, lain dari biasa. Dan macam ada sesuatu yang penting, yang ikhlas mahu dinyatakan. Membuatkan Rania mengangkat kepala memandang Eshan.

"Saya cintakan awak. Saya nak menjaga awak dalam erti kata sebenar. Saya nak bimbing awak dalam keadaan yang dihalalkan. Saya nak menyayangi awak dalam sehalal cara. Saya nak jadi Gabriel pada awak."

Eshan hela nafas. Rania hanya memandang. Eshan senyum, Rania terkebil-kebil memandang.

"Saya nak jadikan awak isteri saya. Saya boleh jaga awak... setiap masa, sepenuhnya. Saya cuma nak tengok awak senyum kerana benar-benar gembira. Saya taknak lagi tengok awak senyum semata-mata nak tutup rasa sakit awak."

Rania serentak merah pipi. Eshan makin senyum, matanya redup memandang Rania. "Will you marry me?"

____________

SIAP. hehe. first of all sorry. Second; saya student dan saya ada kerja. so sekarang ni busy sikit ;) :"(

1.okay tak chapter ni? sorry kalau macam mood tak masuk ke haha

2.kalau lama takde update, mohon tengok dekat mb saya tau. saya akan bagitau situ if ada apa-apa. saya taknak awak semua risau dan komen banyak-banyak dan saya tak sempat nak balas

Next update:450 votes

450 stars tu for give me some time to rest actually.when it hits, saya akan curi masa untuk update. Mcm sekarang ni ha haha.saya curi-curi untuk update. hope saya dimaafkan HAHAHA