I don't have anywhere to put this, so here it goes. There's a chance none of this makes any sense. Apologies in advance.

There's this new movie coming out called 8th grade, written by Bo Burnham. Which means that I'll find a way to see it no matter what. That guy is seriously amazing if you haven't seen anything he's done before (fair warning: a lot of it is kind of nsfw). 

The trailer (above, if you want to see it) got me thinking. 

It's all about this girl who's on her phone all the time, and reports being quiet despite not usually being quiet. She's anxious, and quite frankly scared of her peers.

That was, and still kind of is, me this past year. Lots of others would probably say they feel similarly. At least, a lot of my online friends do.

Online friends. Emphasis on that. I think these feelings, while natural in 8th grade, don't end if you don't make them. In the movie the MC goes outside her bubble. Those who don't are stuck in 8th grade, unable to break free.

It's so easy to turn to the internet when you feel disconnected from your peers. Online you have access to people with similar interests at the tap of a button, and without the face-to-face, anxiety is minimal. I have absolutely no social skills, and I have many friends online. 

At the beginning of this last year I had just gotten on a discord server with some people whom I hold very dear. It was absolutely amazing, talking to them. They weren't an absolute pain to talk to, and held similar interests. Pathetically, too, they don't tease. That was nice. I was never afraid of being given shit about developing an interest in romance, or in girls, either. I could like whatever I wanted without fear of teasing that made me feel bad. My feelings were unwarranted, of course. I hope I don't have to say that teasing is a part of being friends with someone.

Point is, online interaction is easy and safe, and when you participate in it you're doing it with the full knowledge that real life isn't anything like it. 

I wonder rather often if the anxiety I felt almost constantly when apart from my phone, and sometimes still feel, is what others feel when apart from their friends. 

This really isn't making any sense, I'm sorry. 

I'm looking forward to what this movie is going to say. I hope it says what I've tried to tell others (entirely unsuccessfully), and I hope that if it does, they will listen.