May 25th

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Theo, you have to understand, I only wanted to protect you.  If Graden didn't know you existed, I thought you'd end up getting killed during the attack—that was my rationale at the time.  I felt desperate and sick to my stomach at the thought of you becoming collateral damage.

So it just slipped out.  Graden's head whipped around when I told him.  Thankfully, we were alone at the time.

"The Leader has an Heir!" He ran his fingers through his hair.  "How long have you known this?"

"Since... It's been seven years.  Francesca told me.  I've seen him myself.  Twice."

"He knows you?" Graden walked in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders.  "You've met him, Merryn?"

"Not exactly." I pushed his hands away.  "I've seen him.  He hasn't really seen me."

"So you haven't an in with this guy, no relationship?"  I couldn't tell whether he was relieved or disappointed.

"Theo's a good person, Graden.  Francesca told me all about him.  You would like him.  Mother and Father would too."

"An Heir." He wasn't even listening to me. "All this time, he's had an Heir. That changes things."

"What?  What changes?" I was beginning to panic at this point. Already I knew I'd made a huge mistake.  "It doesn't have to change anything.  I can take care of this."

Graden put on his jacket. "I need to call a meeting with Jeffers and Sukie. And no, you cannot take care of this, Merryn."

"Graden, you can't tell anyone else about Theo.  It will put him in danger!"

I followed him outside and around to the back of the factory where the dorms are situated. "All of us are constantly in danger."  He shook his head.  "Why should he be any different?"

"Because I want him to be safe.  Because he is different, Graden." I grabbed his shoulder, pulling him toward me so that he was forced to look me in the eye.  "Give me a chance...I don't know...to make him one of us.  I know I can convince him."

Graden turned away and kept walking.  "How are you going to do that?  You haven't been able to go back to the Tower in over a year."

"I know a way in."  This stopped him.  He took in a sharp breath, staring up at the overcast sky with gritted teeth before lowering his gaze to mine.

"Please tell me I didn't just hear you say you've known a way into the Tower all this time and you haven't told me."

"Francesca showed me a hidden passage.  But it was our secret.  I didn't want to betray her trust."

"You didn't want to...." He slapped his hand against his forehead.  "Just what is it about that family, Merryn, that makes you keep things from your own family?  We could have used this intel."

"That's just it—it's nothing but intel to you.  But they are people to me—people I love.  You said you'd protect Francesca and I'm grateful to you for that.  You can't touch him either, Graden, you just can't.  And I'm not telling you where the passage is either, not until I know for sure you won't touch Theo."

By now, we'd attracted a small audience who, not knowing the true gravity of what we were discussing, stood around snickering and rolling their eyes, amusement plastered on more than a few of their faces.  As for Graden's face—His eyes burning, his cheeks reddening—I'd never seen him angrier.  He stood silently for a moment, struggling to regain his composure.

"Here's the deal then." He lowered his voice so that only I could hear him.  The fight was gone, but his words still maintained a tremendous gravity. "How safe is this passage of Francesca's?"

"It's very safe," I lied.  "I'll be fine."

Graden didn't look convinced, but at the same time, he wasn't willing to give up on the opportunity I'd inadvertently presented to him.  "Work him then—take your secret passage and find a way to convince him of our cause.  I know you're not foolish enough to tell him too much—just give him enough to win him over."  He crossed his arms, observing me with narrowed eyes for a moment.  "You have a month, beginning tomorrow.  When the month's over, we proceed with our plans, and I'm telling you now, Merryn, whatever I decide to do with the Heir then will be none of your concern.  We'll take your opinion into account, but this decision belongs to the Upper Council, not the whole voting body of Dissenters—and not to you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means whatever the Council and I decide to do, you'll have to live with."

I can't do what he wants, Theo.  I can't live with whatever the "Upper Council decides to do with you."  That's why I'm confessing all of this. 

That's why I'm asking you to forgive me.

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