I just read your letter, Theo. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me blush. I'm sorry for the worry I caused you. My absence the last day and a half was unavoidable. I didn't get a chance to tell you what happened—our meeting was so brief, we could only exchange a few words before I had to leave again.

If not for Jeffers, I would have been outside your door before one in the morning on the 30th, just like always.  Every night, I cross the canal that borders the Tower District before heading through Abundance Park and down to the shore where the entrance to the passageway is hidden.  Jeffers caught me just as I had reached the canal's narrow footbridge.

"I told Graden you've been shaking your guards." He grabbed my arm and started dragging me back along the bank of the canal.  "He underestimates your craftiness, little spy."

"Let me go, Jeffers."  I struggled to release myself from his grip.  "I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?"  He pulled me along until we came to an alley.  "What would happen if you were caught?  You'd be recognized—you know that don't you?  You don't belong there, especially creeping around the Heir's bedroom in the middle of the night.  Do you want the Dissent to succeed in taking down the Leader?"  He hissed this last part; I imagined that's how he sounded right after his throat had been slashed.

"Of course I do.  I also know I'm doing the right thing.  Haven't you always lived that way yourself, Jeffers?  Aren't you your own moral compass?"

Jeffers snorted.  "Hardly."

"I think you are and I think you know I'm right.  We need to save Theo.  His father can fall, his father's advisors, the rest of the Loyalists, they can all go down, but Theo?  No." I shook my head and again tried to break away from him.  It was hopeless; Jeffers stood like a colossus blocking the only exit from the alley.  I gave up, sank to the ground, my head lowered onto my knees.

 "I'm sorry, kid, I really am, but Graden's right on this one.  Plus, if something happens to you on my watch, he'll have my ass." He offered me his hand.  "Come on, let's go."

Instead of picking up your letter and leaving you my own, I found myself back in my dorm room at school, faced with double the usual number of babysitters in addition to the ever vigilant Jeffers.

Graden's extra men weren't really the problem. They were all stationed remotely—one on the roof, another under the tree outside my window, one at each of the school's three exits, and two more across the street. I could handle all of them, but Jeffers wasn't going to let me out of his sight.

"Lucky for you, this is my day off."  He folded his hands behind his head and leaned his chair against the wall.  "I told your headmistress that the Leader ordered a bodyguard for you.  Guess I get to be your study buddy today."

There was nothing I could do but spend the rest of that night and following day fretting over my broken promise to you—what did you think when you realized I hadn't shown up?  Did you assume I'd been caught?  Did you wonder if I'd abandoned you?

The day moved at an infuriatingly slow pace.  After school, I ate dinner with Jeffers staring quietly at me from the corner of my room.  As irritating as his presence was, it did afford me the opportunity to ask him about the odd statement I'd overheard the Tower guard say the other night.

"Jeffers, do you think the Leader knows what we're planning?  Has he, I don't know...changed the guards around or increased their patrols or anything?"

 Jeffers set his bowl of half-finished potato stew down on my bedside table.  "The Leader?  He's too deluded to acknowledge that the Dissent might still pose a threat.  But yeah, he has been changing the guards' schedules.  There's no logic to the way he's been going about it that I can tell.  Having their shifts changed around has been pissing off the guards, not that any of them will outright say so.  He snaps at us, too, even more than usual.  He keeps threatening to turn us out into the street—minus our heads."

"You don't think that's a sign that he knows something?"

Jeffers picked up his bowl again, spooned stew into his mouth, and chewed slowly before responding.  "What's it matter to you?  I don't wanna hear about your boyfriend, so don't say it's all on account of him.  Eddie will collect you after school ends tomorrow and he'll take you out of the city.  You'll be gone way before the attack."  He lowered his eyes and dipped his spoon into the stew.  "Just let it happen, Merryn.  There's nothing you can do."

As darkness fell, Graden's men again resumed their positions.  Jeffers, stoic as ever, sat in his chair across from my bed, remaining as still as a statue as the night slid away.  Both of us refused to sleep.  I glanced at the time, taking note whenever a critical hour had past. 

1:00 a.m.—Missed my usual pick-up time (again). 

3:00 a.m.—Not there to deliver my letter to you.

3:45 a.m.—Still stuck with Jeffers. 

He stared at the face of his watch and then let out a long sigh.

"It will look suspicious if I'm late for my usual shift."  He climbed out of his chair and stood over me.  "Do not leave this room."

"It's too late now anyways."  I tried to hide the excitement in my voice as I realized he was actually going to leave.  "It will be light soon."

"That's right."  He smiled sadly.  "It's too late.  I am sorry, Merryn."

I watched from the window as he made his way across the street and turned in the direction of the Tower, his dim figure keeping a steady pace under the glow of the streetlamps.  When I was sure he was gone, I closed the blinds, shouldered my backpack and crept out of my room.

There's always a way, Theo.  No place is impenetrable, no prison inescapable. 

In the basement of my school, there's a window missing some bars that had been pried loose years ago.  The boarders at the school have been using this window ever since in order to sneak out after curfew.  The other girls assumed, whenever their escape plans happened to coincide with my own, that I was using the window in order meet a boy.  I suppose that was true enough.

The window leads out into a needle of an alleyway shared with a neighboring apartment complex.  If I were to have taken the alley out into the street, I'd have been immediately spotted by Graden's men.  Instead, I headed to the unoccupied basement studio just across the way from the broken window.  Left unlocked by the careless landlord, I went through that apartment and out the other side into a street free of guards.

It was that easy.  I'd been doing this every night for a month and no one had discovered my escape route. 

Just in case Jeffers was waiting for me by the canal, I took a more circuitous path to the shore.  This wasted time, those precious minutes of darkness, but it couldn't be helped.  I had a fleeting moment of panic, my heart set fluttering as I speculated that Jeffers knew where the entrance to the passage was—after all, I hadn't been too far from it when he'd caught me.  I reached the back of the cavern, and with anticipation, opened the hatch hidden in its ceiling, half expecting Jeffers to tumble out of the darkness along with the rope ladder.  I climbed up onto a landing, pulled the ladder back inside, and closed the hatch.  No Jeffers.  No Tower guards.  Only murkiness and a staircase stretching endlessly upwards.

You were surprised to find me at your door.  You looked shocked...then relieved...then worried. 

"How are you here?  Did anyone find you?  Are you okay?  Where have you been?"  The questions poured out of you.  I was out of breath, terrified.  You pulled me into your room.

"I don't have time." It was nearly dawn.  The servants would be in the halls preparing the Tower for the day before much longer. The guards—when did they patrol this area at this time of the morning?  I couldn't think.  "Stay put.  Get through the day, Theo."

"What?" You took in a sharp breath.  "No, I'm coming with you.  Now."

"You can't.  Your mother is set to head out of the city in five hours.  If you go missing before then, she'll refuse to leave the Tower, not that your father would let her go under those circumstances.  Do you seriously want her to be here when my brother shows up?"

"No, but—"

"Look, just do what I'm telling you to do, okay?"  I put my hand over yours and squeezed.  "You remember where I told you the hidden passage is, right?"

"Of course."

I nodded.  "Good. Wait until five past midnight and then go.  The guards will be on the floor below us and you'll have eight minutes before their path crosses yours.  Hopefully.  It should be plenty of time."

"Hopefully?"  You shook your head as if to dismiss whatever that word might imply. "What about you?"

 "What about me?"  I smiled, then I leaned in to kiss you.  It wasn't the long passionate kiss I'd dreamed of, but it was all we had time for, and it was meant as a promise of something more.  "I'll be waiting for you there." 

You grabbed my shoulders, meaning to pull me to you, but I backed away.  "I have to go, Theo.  It's not safe for me to stay here."

You nodded in agreement.  "Go then.  But Merryn—" You placed a letter in my hand.  "I wrote this yesterday morning when you didn't show up."

I smiled, shoving the paper into my pocket, and then left, my heart still pounding at the realization that I had actually seen you, touched you, kissed you.

When I reached the door to the stairwell, I grabbed the handle to pull it towards me, only to have the door swing open with no effort on my part.  A guard stood before me, his eyebrows raised in surprise.  I backed away, but not fast enough to escape the hand that clamped down onto my shoulder.

"What are you doing here?"  Did he recognize me?  I couldn't tell for sure.  He did look vaguely familiar.

"I came in early this morning.  I-I'm a servant."

He took in my boots and cuffed up cargo pants—not exactly servant attire.  "You're a bad liar is what you are.  Servants aren't permitted here at this hour."

I squirmed as much as I could, he responded by grabbing my braid and twisting it in his hand while the other moved from my shoulder to clasp my arm.  I cried out as he backed me towards the stairs. 

"The Leader will be interested to see you again, after all this time.  I always told him there was something that didn't add up about you."

 "No!  Please, I just—"

Still with a firm grip on my hair he released my arm and raised his hand.  I winced as I anticipated a sharp sting across my face.  Instead a flash of movement jerked his head to the side and he collapsed in front of me.  Jeffers stood in his place, a metal baton dangling from his hand. 

He narrowed his eyes.  "Why am I not surprised to see you here."

"Jeffers?  What are you doing on Theo's floor? Are you following me?"

Placing the baton on the ground, he bent over the prone guard and began dragging him further into the stairwell.  "In case you haven't noticed, little spy, I'm a bit too busy cleaning up your mess at the moment to answer your questions."  He grunted under the guards' weight.  "You'd better get wherever it is you're going.  I don't wanna hear that you got caught after I went to the trouble of killing poor Anthony here for your sake."

"You're letting me go?  But—wait is he dead?"

Jeffers patted Anthony's head.  "Soon enough, he will be.  I wouldn't shed too many tears for him though—this one's a Loyalist through and through.  If you knew half the stuff he did..."  I stared at Anthony, not knowing how to feel about his fate.  "Look Merryn, at the moment, I'm setting my compass to true north on your account, but it might not stay set that way if you stand here second-guessing me any longer.  Now go!"

Jeffers' bark sent a jolt through my body.  I did as he commanded, scrambling up the flight of stairs and back to my hiding spot as fast as I could.

Now I'm camped out in the passage for the day, biding my time writing a letter that for once, I can hand to you in person.  I'm trying not to fret that something or someone will prevent you from reaching me.  Once you're here, and my letter is in your hands, we'll have several hours to make our escape before Graden and his forces show up.

Then what?  Then I don't know.  We'll decide that together, but I feel we should get as far away from the Land as possible.  I'm not saying we leave and never look back—I need to find my parents, if they're still alive, and you finally need to see the Land before you can decide what your place in its future will be. 

I want us to help rebuild the Land, I do, but this isn't possible right now.  Right now, we are in the midst of turmoil.  All of this madness—the fighting, the violence, the destruction—needs to take place.  The Leader must die, the Tower must fall, and this must happen before we can rebuild.  Still, I refuse to participate any more than I already have.

It's no longer necessary for me to ask you the question I'd been preparing to ask since the first of May. You knew the answer I needed to hear without me having to say a word.  Neither of us can predict exactly what will happen in the Tower tomorrow, but we are certain of our own course now.

When you join me here tonight, we will take this tunnel out to the base of the cliffs, and then follow the winding path down to the shore.  There we will walk over rocky beaches, through saltmarshes and egret-filled mudflats.  We will walk until we find a boat setting sail for the horizon.  Nothing will stand between us and the sun.  If there is a poppy field anywhere in the unknown lands, it will be only one of the marvelous things we discover together.

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

A/N: Thank you so much for reading the 31 letters comprising Every Day in May.  We're not quite finished, however!  Merryn left certain details out of her letters and of course, they end all together on May 31st.  What happens after that?  Do Graden's plans succeed?  Are Merryn and Theo able to escape? 

Thankfully, this story has an epilogue, consisting of a Timeline of Events.  This timeline extends back to the days of Theo's grandfather.  If you aren't interested in reading the early bits of the Land's history, skip right to the entry for FP21, June 1 to pick up where Merryn's letters leave off.

If you're curious as to what Theo asked Merryn each day—good!  After the epilogue, I've posted a list of his questions.  Feel free to go back and compare them to what you imagined he asked on any given day.  Let me know how close you were to guessing correctly!

Given the fact that I had little time to prepare for this project (all of it written in about ten days with next to no  plotting), it's safe to say that this is a story that very nearly didn't happen.  In the end, I'm so incredibly glad that it did.  It has been a wonderful and enriching experience to interact with you all as you followed along with Merryn and Theo's story.  Your comments may have even influenced a few details in some of the later entries. 

Thank you for making this month the best May ever and for loving Merryn and Theo as much as I do.

With love and gratitude,

Amber K Bryant