"Nafratein bebuniyaad nahi hoti"

~ Kabir ~

Mumbai, India

I had a rather monotonous breakfast with Meher. Every time, I heard the clock ticking, my heartbeat increased over the anxiousness of waiting to know what more would happen. Living with Meher was like walking on thin ice every day, waiting to see which side would break down first.

I looked over some files in my room, not daring to go out and face her in my house, which was now hers as well.

The government project bidding was next week, so I had to gear up and get the team ready to do mock propositions and run over the ideas. This bid was going to be the first step in making the AV Group stronger than before, and if I bag it, my position will become stronger on the board, increasing my chances go higher to becoming the CEO.

But still, my main clause was being married and having a happy family. Due to Vikas Uncle's past mistakes, we were the ones bearing the repercussions of this added clause. I had no intention of staying under the same roof as her, I had seen so much of her in the last few weeks that it had become a little too much for me.

Last night I did not go over to the office as it would raise too many eyes. Instead, I stayed over at Maan's and came back early in the morning because I couldn't sleep at his place.

I took a deep breath and read over the draft copy of the presentation, commenting on whatever I felt was necessary to change and to be discussed. I still had three days off.

Thankfully, due to this project and Meher's training, we could put a halt to our honeymoon, which would have been a bit too much given that our case wasn't that normal.

I picked up my phone and checked the time. It was already one in the afternoon. How long was I cooped up in this room? I got up from the chair and stretched myself, feeling the bones crack in my body gave me a bit of relaxation.

I walked out of the room to be welcomed into an empty living area like it used to be. I stepped into the dining area, to see a plate and the cutleries neatly arranged over the table on the side where I sat this morning and the dishes were kept in front of it in a straight line.

I walked near the table and I found a sticky note.

I have eaten.

Meher didn't have to do this. She didn't have to arrange the table for me. Nobody ever did, not even the maid. I was capable enough to do it.

I sat at the table and served myself. Nayab, the maid, had gone festive with the food. She had made peas pulao, paneer kadhai, mushroom tawa, dal tadka and dahi raita. It was a lot for two people.

I took a little bit of each and at— it was the usual acquired taste I had for eating her food but it was nothing like what Meher had made this morning.

The parathas were savoury. The burst of flavour after I ate the morsel was so evident, I could taste every little thing that was put in it, I hadn't had those in a while.

As I was eating, the door opened and Meher walked out. She was still in her home clothes and her hair was tied up in a bun.

I think she felt my presence in the dining area and she instinctively looked at me and then at the food, and then went to the kitchen. I resumed eating when I heard her voice. "We need to go over to the house for dinner tonight. Be ready by six."

I hummed. I wasn't excited to go to another gathering and act out our lives. There were still three days left for us to join the office given that we had a lot of pending stuff to do.

"Even I am not thrilled," I heard her voice and looked up, she was watching me from the kitchen, the marble counter separating us. "But this is what we have signed up for, right?"

I nodded. We had bigger goals to achieve and for that, we had to move forward.

"Wear lavender," I heard her say. I blinked in confusion. "Lavender—" she paused midway, thinking something, "well, it's my favourite colour. So, since we are now married and you supposedly like me a lot, wear that colour. It will be like you are making efforts for me like wearing my favourite colour."

She kept on ranting about why I should wear it and went on and on about it. I zoned out of the conversation midway as I already knew Meher was so fond of that colour that almost everything she owned at least had a piece of that colour and everyone was aware of her obsession with that colour.

A snap of fingers brought me back from that zone. "Are you even listening to me?"

She sounded frustrated and I didn't want to trigger her on the very first day to not snap back at me in anger. We cannot be fighting on the very first day.

"Lavender colour, yes I heard it," I stated arranging plates and taking them to the sinking. I washed my hands when I saw her turning to me from the rearview. "Kabir, you cannot be ignoring me like this," she sighed, leaning her hip over the kitchen counter, getting a view of my face.

"When have I ignored you?" I could feel that she had been feeling frustrated with me, I couldn't do anything about it.

"We," she wagged her finger between us, "need to talk to make things work, Kabir. You are not helping."

"There's nothing to work on, Meher, you know that. We have pretty much agreed not to intrude in each other's lives when we are in this confined space," I wiped my hands with the towel and turned to face her.

Meher scoffed. "I am not even interested in making things work with you. But we live together and sadly, the day before yesterday we did get married to each other and have to be the perfect couple in front of the world, including our parents. Do you think this is easy for me?"

"I am asking you, Meher," I crossed my arms and looked straight at her in the eye. "Do you think it is easy for me to stay with the person who had almost ruined my life and ruined my relationship with my family?"

Immediately her face fell, and I had no regrets. We had this coming. She knew the confrontation would happen one day or the other, and I wouldn't stay silent forever.

"It wasn't my intention," she mumbled. I inched closer, closing the distance. Meher averted her eye from me and looked away. "That was your intention, wasn't it? You were vengeful that day, I still remember those eyes," I spitted those words as the anger slowly consumed me.

"You told me— no scratch that, you promised me you wouldn't say a word. You were supposed to stay silent and things would have been swept under the rug. But you wanted revenge. You couldn't bear that how could I, Kabir Raizada had the nerves to blame Meher Mathur for how he felt she was responsible for his Dad not paying too much attention to his family because Vikas Mathur took the liberty to move to Delhi to fix his damaged relationship and all the burden fell on Akash Raizada who spent more than half of the time in his office. But later that day, I did come to you, and genuinely apologised for those words, I did say it was childish of me to still think that. But somehow that altercation bruised your ego. And you went ahead to make that assumption turn real, right?"

Tears sprang in her eyes and she bit her lips, I wanted to stop. But I couldn't— I was too pained and hurt by it.

"But it was the truth, right?" she said meekly, but we both knew better.

"That I was holding drugs or you just saw it in my room?"

Her jaw clenched. "I told Uncle that I saw you holding drugs."

"Did you ever see me sniff it?"

She shook her head.

"Did you ever see me holding it?"

She shook her head.

"Did you know that Maan was spiralling out of control?"

This time, she nodded. I scoffed. "You knew Maan was struggling mentally. He had resorted to drugs due to a family crisis, I had told you!" She flinched at my harshness and I stepped back, not realising how close I was standing. "Yet in the middle of the night, you go to my Dad and say that you saw me holding drugs. And my Dad, being the law-abiding citizen, went ahead and confessed to the police that his son may be the one doing drugs."

Years ago, there was a case during my twelfth grade of students dealing with drugs. The trustees had to get involved and so did the parents for investigation. Parents were actively searching and looking out for their children.

And then one day, I saw Maan taking one of them. We had a huge fight. I brought those to my house to stop him from taking more, Meher saw it and we discussed it. She had promised to not tell anyone, as both I and Maan could fall in trouble.

Meher's one complaint led me to the police and I felt everything was spiralling out of control. Thanks to the narcotics test, I had no trace of drugs in my body and due to the amount of drugs that were found in my bag, they couldn't deem me as a dealer.

"I regret it, Kabir. I still regret it. It was petty of me back then. I just wanted to spite you, just as you did to me."

"By ruining my life and relationships?" I whispered, my throat feeling heavy with all the suppressed emotions that were emerging with this altercation. "Do you see the repercussions of your one deed, Meher? I had lent a hand of friendship, a chance to be cordial and friendly with each other, but you blew it out! Have I been the villain of this story or are you?"

Meher fell on her knees, crying aloud. Her cries amplified in the empty house. My heart pinched a little when I saw her cry but I did nothing. "For years, I have been guilty of this, Kabir. I can't take it anymore. I have wronged you in so many ways. I had no qualms to hate you but now, you have every reason to hate me. I beg for your forgiveness, Kabir. I have been your sinner, but I never gained the courage to do so, please, I am sorry," she joined her hands in front of me.

I crouched down on her level and held her by her shoulders, making her stand up. "I don't want you to kneel and beg for my forgiveness," With trembling hands I wiped her tears softly, making her steady. "What happened was in the past and I have no intention of remembering it over and over again. You have had your fair share of tragedy and I have mine. But some things are difficult to forget, I won't be able to do that, at least for now. You need to understand Meher, I need a lot of time to come to terms with everything. Please don't expect something from me, I can give you nothing. This marriage is equally important to me as it is to you, I would never do something that would jeopardise this wedding, you have to believe that. But don't expect to sit and talk about everything."

No matter how much I felt like I should be cordial with her, my heart would always remind me of the past. All those moments, where I subtly acted and flirted with her, even if all those actions were fake, there was the bitter reminder of the past that always nagged me and I always regretted pushing my limits and treading somewhere I wasn't supposed to.

I left Meher and went back to my room. After shutting the door behind me, I ate my medicines and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I wore a lavender coat and pants, with a white V-neck T-shirt underneath. I was adjusting my watch when I stepped out. I saw Meher in a similar colour salwar suit, the dupatta neatly pinned over her shoulder.

Hearing my footsteps, she looked up. Our eyes met, and I noticed that she had bags underneath, possibly due to crying for a long time. My heart pinched a little but decided to forgo whatever I was feeling for her.

We went to the parking lot together and I opened the car. Soon, we hit the road, we had almost half an hour to kill.

The silence was awkward, it was gnawing. We could hear each other's breaths, slow, mellow and steady— not wanting to disturb each other's peace. I turned on the music, and an old Bollywood classic started playing in the background and it felt like going into a myriad of emotions as Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam played.

From the corner of my eyes, I watched Meher silently looking at the skies, staring into oblivion. I felt bad.

"Are you," I gulped, "doing okay?"

From the window's reflection, I saw her blink upon hearing my voice and she turned to look at me. She smiled ruefully, "Well, after your outburst, not great."

I cleared my throat, looking away, focusing on the road.

"Look, Kabir," I heard her say, "Don't feel bad about me being sad and upset about this. I had it coming. You shouldn't feel anything remotely bad at all, it should be me. I have wronged you and I will be forever guilty for it. I have been repenting for it and maybe it's all karma that I suffered—" I pulled the brakes immediately, stopping the car on the side of the road.

"Meher!" I bellowed, hearing her blame herself. "Never blame yourself for the tragedies that have happened in your life. Don't ruin your beautiful memories by tainting them with these thoughts. Don't disrespect it."

I would never want someone to go through what we went through. Losing people you love is like entering a black hole, there's no way out of it. We can never move on, all we want in that moment is to love them a little more, want their memories to stay intact and not let the faces become a fog in the memory.

That day when I saw her outburst after the accident, something did break in me— for her. In the past, there were days where I had wished Meher to have the same fate as mine— dark, heartbreak and full of pain. How I wished that I could turn back in time and take all those words back, I never wanted my curses to turn real.

The engine revved again and I started driving. This time, the air was calm and a lot peaceful, even without music.

"When I was in Delhi, I really enjoyed eating chole kulche," I frowned at the sudden change in the topic and I noticed her looking at the street food stalls in awe.

I slowed the car and turned to her. "You want to eat something?"

She looked at me in surprise. Her expression softened, and she looked away, shaking her head.

"Radhika liked street food, she would try anything and everything," I kept the conversation going, trying not to sound awkward.

"Abhimanyu and I loved cutting chai, it was our thing," I could hear her smile. It was the first time I had heard her speak about him. "He must have been a good man."

"He was a good man," she emphasised, "that's why God took him away."

Sensing the sadness in her tone, I stopped the conversation and kept on driving until we reached the place.

Meher and I may have a similar tragedy, but we could never be the same. Often, I have wondered if we could have become friends over time and just hung around with each other.

Before she came back, I thought that would be impossible, but now, I just didn't know what would happen next.

Deep down, I knew there was a possibility of friendship lingering down there, which could surface over time. I was just not ready to think how we would be then.

I was sure of one thing now.

No matter what, I could never hate Meher Mathur. I resented her, but I could never hate her. I was angry at her, but I could never hate her.

Because deep down we both knew what kind of people we were, over this mask of hatred and ignorance.

Sure, it may take time, but I could see a friendship blossoming in the near future.

And maybe then we could be something more than sworn enemies.

And maybe then, we could finally break the ice.

If Meher and Kabir have to move towards their love story, they have to have this confrontation. There were so many unresolved things that no matter how much they liked each other, the past always came crawling back to them, it soured the relationship even more. To be very honest, I love Kabir more than I have loved Meher because I could relate to him a lot more than her.

Kabir is more reserved than Meher. He doesn't share that much, he always has things going inside of his head and hence I could relate to him. An outburst happens only when you're not able to share. What happened between the two in this chapter because Kabir's intrusive thoughts got the best of him, reminding him over and over what he went through.

I hope you all be a little kind to my Kabir. He's a sweetheart.

Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter.

I finished this chapter on the train while going to college. Hope you all enjoy reading.

Please, VOTE, SHARE AND COMMENT. Comment a heart if you loved reading this chapter.

With Love,

Akii.